All Comments on 'Hypno Haunted House'

Make the three boys caught ans turned to sissy sluts please.

A few criticisms:

1. Why does this carnival/attraction have "several haunted houses"? It seems a bit excessive.

2. You seem to have accidentally repeated the paragraph where she's entranced.

3. The whole "special gene" thing feels unnecessary. You can just leave it at "she's highly susceptible to hypnosis".

4. You said that she is "unable to move or think", but she is definitely still thinking. Like, a lot.

Also, might be worth adding a little break between scene changes like the "three months later" thing.

Just curious, did you use chatgpt to help write this? Some of the language looks likes the things it generates.

Best advice, keep writing. You’ll improve with every story, this was a fun read

Hmm, it is a bit repetitive in certain parts. I think you're using repetition to fill for detail. Trying going more in depth with what you're writing and feel "in the moment."