I Don't Do April Fools

"Between the US and Canada?"

"US and England," he said. "I served a term in the RAF, then returned to New York which had gotten quite stuffy, so I took my savings to Colorado and became a ski bum. I saw a few investment opportunities and cleaned up a few creeks and Bob's your Uncle, this house is mine."

"Self-made man," said Honey. "I like it."

"Well, there is a matter of a trust fund, but I never touched it. It's still collecting interest. But I always saw it as a safety net, so I made some outrageous investments knowing that the trust fund was there to catch me if I failed. And I did fail a few times but other times it paid off handsomely."

Honey was amazed. "How come you're just telling this to me now? I've asked you before about your past but you deflected the questions back to me."

"I wanted more than anything to learn about you, and it was worth it. Now I know why you cried all day long on Veterans day. We call it Remembrance day, similar to your memorial day."

"Thank you for the poppies, and by the way you're deflecting again."

"I hadn't noticed."

He showed her the ski togs in her size that waited in the main closet. Soon he had her dressed in ski pants, sweater, and jacket and he led her downstairs to the house's lower level into a wide open room. Weights and other body building equipment were in one corner and the walls were lined with cushions and the floor was covered with 'puzzle mat.' "This is a dojo!" Honey gasped.

"Dojang really. I let them hold Taekwondo classes in here on Wednesdays."

"Are you..." Honey let the question hang.

"Red belt with black tip... it's kind of like a brown belt."

"Hiyaa!" Honey sprang to a fighting stance. They playfully sparred for a short time. When they were done catching their breath, Arnold led her to a side room where there were several pairs of skis and several snowboards.

"Grab whichever one you want, they've all been waxed and are in good shape." Honey selected a snow board that had a simple black and white design. Arnold picked one with bright colors. "I'm still new at snowboarding, you'll be able to find me in the snowdrift by the bright colors." They stepped from the dojo to the garage and they climbed into his old Jeep Renegade, the vehicle she's used to seeing him driving.

"There's an open space in the garage, what are you going to put there?" she asked as he backed out of the basement garage.

"Your car."

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Snowboarding was incredible. They started with the Frontier run on Peak 9 as a warm-up. Frontier was a hidden gem and most beginners don't know it's there, but it's a smooth, shallow run. It's perfect for beginners and for folks who haven't ridden in ages and need a warm-up. Arnold fell about five times, but Honey was incredible. She almost looked like a hula dancer the way she worked the board from side to side with her hips.

Toward the bottom, she sped ahead, leaving Arnold far behind. He fell twice, trying to catch up with her, and he eventually found her at the base of the run by the ski lift, surrounded by several young men with skis and boards. "There you are!" he gasped as he slid to a stop by Honey and kicked off his board.

"Hey Arnie!" cried one of the young men who fist bumped with Arnold. "What gives? You give up on skiing?"

"Hey Nitro, how ya doing? Honey likes to snow board so she's giving me lessons."

"You got a girlfriend? Did ya give up on guys?" one of the other skiers asked.

Honey wasn't sure if that was a nasty comment or not, but Arnold just said, "I like what I like. Is there a problem?"

"Hell no, I'm actually more shocked to see you on a snow board." There was more fist bumping, and the guys started teasing Arnold about his brightly colored board.

"See ya on Peak 7!" Nitro and his buddies headed over to the lift and got in line.

"I don't think you're ready for Peak 7 yet," said Honey as they headed back to the lift for Peak 9. Honey normally did most of her riding at Keystone, but she's familiar with the peaks at Breckenridge.

"Not on a snowboard, I need some more practice."

"You know those guys?"

"Yeah, friendly lads. Nitro is in a Taekwondo class at my house and we occasionally ski together. I taught Hooligan how to ski."

The second time down Frontier Arnold was much better, and they rode their snowboards until the lifts closed, not even breaking for lunch. They caught the last lift to the top of Peak 7 and rode that hill in the gathering gloom. It was rated for expert and Honey rode it like a champion. Arnold rode it like a wuss, avoiding the moguls, stopping when he got going over 20 MPH, but he rode it with only one fall and Honey was incredibly proud that he tried. They veered on to a run called the Four O'clock, the longest run on the mountain and it carried them all the way to the parking area.

Soon they were sitting naked in front of his fireplace, glowing from the steam bath and eating takeout Chinese that they picked up on the way home. As the gentle jazz music played in the background, they sipped their wine and made plans for tomorrow's skiing. "You sure you want to do that?" asked Arnold.

"I can ski, it's just that snow boarding is so much easier," insisted Honey.

"I just want to make sure that you're comfortable," said Arnold. "Why don't you ride your board and... whoa!"

"Here, you get comfortable," said Honey and she pushed him back and crawled over him. "I've been aching to do this all week." She kissed her way from his lips to his nipples and she sucked and nipped at his sensitive spots, then continued kissing her way lower and lower. When she reached his cock, she gave it some broad licks with the flat of her tongue on the sensitive underside of his cock, then she began to mouth and suckle on his balls while her hand stroked up and down his length.

"Oh jeezus girl!"

"You like?"

"You're going to make me cum like that."

"I know." Honey smiled and dribbled saliva on his cock, which allowed her hand to slide up and down smoothly and quickly. "What's the matter, are you afraid to cum in my mouth?"

"No, I..." Actually, he was. He was terrified that she would make a face and leave.

"Shut up and cum," she said with a wink, and she lowered her mouth onto his cock. Her lips and tongue were quickly driving Arnold out of his mind, and she couldn't wait for her reward. Deeper and deeper she took him, one hand gently caressing his balls and the other stroking his cock as she sucked and slobbered on his pole. He groaned and arched his back, driving his iron hard cock into her mouth. She felt his balls clench up. It was going to be soon.

"Cumming!" came his strangled cry and Honey got her reward. Spurt after spurt filled her mouth, and she swallowed hard to keep up with the flow. He continued to fill her mouth, and he collapsed on the lion skin rug. Soon he groaned, "too much," as the sensations she was creating became unbearable. Her hands stopped and her suckling on his cock became gentle.

Now came the real test, as far as Honey was concerned. She crawled over him and smiled down at him. "You like? Was it everything you want?"

His arm curled up, and he pulled her to him for a long, passionate kiss. Her lips were hot and swollen and he kissed her with all the passion he held. As for Honey, she's run into far too many guys who loved to cum in her mouth, but refused to kiss her after. "You don't mind kissing me after you came in my mouth?"

"Why? Should I? I can if you want, but I love kissing you after a blowjob. What are you smiling about."

"You're almost perfect! If we can just get you past this April Fool's Day phobia of yours."

"It's not a phobia, I just don't do April Fool's day." He smiled up at her and said, "come here Honey," and he began tugging her hips pulling her pussy closer.

She caught on quickly and knelt over Arnold's face. Knowing how much he loves to go down on her, she nestled her pussy on his mouth and said, "You need a mustache."

"Why?" he asked between licks.

"So I have something to ride... ooooo, that's very good," she added dreamily. Arnold began making love to her with his lips and tongue and, as she found a comfortable position, he reached up and began pinching and twisting her nipples. The fire crackled and snapped as the lovers gently caressed each other, Arnolds hands gently explored Honey's exquisite body, and Honey held his head to his task.

"Baby," she sighed, "don't stop... don't ever stop."

He got to her quickly. The sexual tension built up fast as she perched her pussy on his mouth, and he ate her to a mind warping peak. Whimpering in excitement, she fell forward onto her hands, and he clutched her sweet round buns. His lips and tongue continued to drive her insane. "I'm cumming baby, I'm cumming!" she screamed. Enormous waves of relief crashed over her, and she squealed with delight. She pushed her pussy into his face, trapping him as ecstasy took over her body and caused her to shake and quiver. Then everything went dark, and she slumped to the floor.

She woke up about five minutes later, completely befuddled. She was using Arnold's shoulder as a pillow, and he was running his fingers through her hair. He had pulled an afghan over them, and they snuggled together; the fire keeping them warm. "That was amazing," she gasped.

"As long as I have a smile on my face, you'll always have a place to sit."

"You're so silly," said Honey. "But seriously, that was..." just then Arnold's phone started blaring. It was the sound of the president's phone from the old In Like Flynn movies, a sound guaranteed to wake you up.

"I have to take this," said Arnold. "It's work." He held the phone to his ear and said "Morse." He listened to something, then said "Stormchester" then he waited a few moments more, glanced at his smartwatch, then said, "Seven, seven, five, eight, four." He rolled his eyes, obviously tired of the security hoops he was forced to jump through, then finally said, "What's up sir?... uh huh... yeah, that's next Tuesday... what? ... Who did that? Aww shit." He looked at his watch and said, "Yeah, I can be there. Let me get my pants on, I'll call you when I get out of the tunnel."

"Gotta work?"

"Yeah. The ambassador moved a big meeting up to very, very early tomorrow morning." He looked at his watch, "like in eight hours. So, I have to get going and I don't know when I'll be free. Let's get your stuff together and I'll drop you off at home, unless you want to spend the night and drive my jeep home and I will make it up to you on Monday."

Honey understood, she worked for a company that had no problem screwing up a person's personal life with useless meetings and upgrades to systems that didn't need upgrades. "I'll get dressed and ride down with you."

"I'm so sorry honey," he said, and he closed the glass door over the fireplace, gathered up the leftover Chinese, and said, "I need to take a real quick shower."

"I'll help," she said, and Honey really was a help. He was in the shower, lathered, rinsed and dried off in three minutes. The hardest part was being naked with Honey and not having the time to enjoy the situation. In the bedroom, she pulled on her emerald dress and Arnold selected a charcoal gray suit with a vest. As he buttoned himself up, Honey brushed his hair into perfect alignment, and they pulled on their overcoats and headed down to the basement garage.

"Leaving your makeup kit behind?" asked Arnold.

"Yes, and my snowboard boots. That way when the realtor tells me to come get my stuff I know that you really rented this place as an April Fools prank."

"I don't do April Fools."

"I heard that rumor."

They made their way down the snow covered gravel road and finally out onto the highway. Arnold pointed the Maserati north and opened it up. He was doing over 150 as they sped toward Frisco. To take her mind off the telephone poles flashing past them like a picket fence, she opened up a carton of leftover Chinese and grabbed a pair of chopsticks. "That's my lo mein," said Arnold.

"I don't care, I don't want to die on an empty stomach," said Honey as she took another mouth full of noodles. "This isn't bad, I thought you didn't trust their shrimp."

"I like to live dangerously." Arnold took his foot off the gas and let it coast through Frisco, the tuned exhaust rumbling as they neared the I-70 on-ramp. He pulled over and eased into a gas station first and got out to gas it up before making the dash down to the Airport. It was the first time he ever put fuel in the Maserati, and it took him a while to figure out where the gas cap was and how to open it. Even Honey had to help find it. Finally, he could top off the tank to a full 16 gallons. Getting back in the car, he hit the start button and on the center display, the Maserati disclaimer came up and he had to agree to their dire warning of roadway death.

Finally running, he selected the Sport mode and aimed for I-70. The Maserati has very little in the way of computer assist, the Italian manufacturer doesn't want interference between the driver and the road, but he had it on the Wet Road setting which throttled back the Nettuno engine. Now he had all 621 horses of the Formula 1 inspired engine at his beck and call. They pulled onto I-70 and he pressed the gas to the floor and the MC20 Cielo shot out into traffic.

Traffic was heavy for being ten PM, and Arnold had to weave in and out of the traffic, and they climbed up the steep grade to the Eisenhower tunnel. "Oh damn," muttered Arnold.

"It's snowing," said Honey. The higher they got, the heavier the snow got, and as they neared the tunnel, traffic stopped.

"Crap," spat Arnold. "Cielo, find a traffic report."

"Searching..." said his car.

"You named your car Cielo?" asked Honey.

"She likes the name," said Arnold.

The radio sprang to life, and a far too cheerful announcer said, "Up on Loveland Pass traffic is being brought to a standstill after US six was closed because of a jack knifed tractor trailer on the eastern side of the pass. HAZMAT traffic is being routed through the Eisenhower tunnels, causing the closure of the tunnels to passenger traffic for twenty minutes every hour to allow HAZMAT traffic through. Next update in..."

"Bloody hell," muttered Arnold. "Cielo, call work."

"Dialing." Soon a clearly electronic voice said, "Concierge's office, please state your last name."

"Morse."

"Thank you, please say your password."

"Stormchester."

"Thank you, please enter your code."

Arnold glanced at his watch, then read the digits that appeared. "Three zero five five three eight."

"Thank you Director Morse. Please wait."

"Director?" asked Honey.

"Job title, it sounds more fun than it is. Concierge is the one word job description. If we had a gym I'd be handing out towels."

Finally, a British sounding voice came on, "Arnie, how are you doing?"

"Not good Nigel, traffic at the tunnel is slowed down and it's really snowing up here. I probably should have grabbed the jeep. How is the recall coming."

"We're doing good," said the other voice that Arnold called Nigel. "We have sixty percent of the folks in."

"Good. Listen, Nigel, when you hit seventy five percent go ahead and kick off checklist mmmm... Delta. Let's use that one. Don't wait for me, I'll be there eventually."

"Ok, thanks for the call. See you when you get here."

After the call was disconnected, Honey asked, "What was that all about?"

"I need you to understand that nothing you heard was classified but it was for official use only. I merely told my staff what to do until I get there."

"It's ok, I understand what you mean. I heard nothing."

"What's my password?" asked Arnold.

"Cielo."

"Wrong. Perfect."

They ended up waiting nearly two hours for the traffic to allow him to go. He was second in line to enter the tunnel when they closed it back down last time and he got to watch a long string of semi tractor trailers lumber through the tunnel ahead of him. Chances were good that they were going to catch up to those trucks on the steep downgrades ahead of them, and the trucks will block traffic at 35 mph.

Finally, he got to enter the tunnel. The snow scraping the low slung underbelly of the car almost woke Honey, but when they got into the tunnel, the road was wide open. He got around the SUV that was ahead of him in line and poured on the coal. Cielo roared to life, its exhaust bellow echoed off the tunnel walls which woke Honey. One point seven miles later, he shot out of the east tunnel portal at almost two hundred miles per hour and the weather was clear. Not a flake of snow in the air.

Now it was a matter of eating up the miles. He was right; the semis were hogging the road, but CDOT had put an express lane on the left for skiers with a few bucks left in their pocket and he was able to get past the trucks for the price of $14.67.

The smell of burning brakes let them know they were near Georgetown, where unexperienced truckers occasionally burn off their brakes and sometimes set their loads on fire. He was doing 100 mph as he flew past Idaho Springs and ducked into the twin tunnels.

Honey woke up in time to see the whole of Denver sprawling out ahead of them as they came down the mountain through Genesee Park. "How are you doing?"

"Honey, I don't have time to drop you off. I hate to do this but I'm going to escort you into my work and swear you to secrecy."

Honey perked up, "Cool! What do I have to do?" She was excited. She could see what Arnold did for a living! Before long, they were purring along Peña Boulevard and exited toward the FedEx UPS complex. Arnold parked at a covered parking spot simply marked as "Reserved" behind the FedEx building and turned to Honey. "Leave your purse in the car but bring just your driver's license. Nothing else."

"Ok," said Honey and she dug out her driver's license and held it tight. She's lost it twice in the past and it was a real pain in the ass to replace. She noticed he dug his license out of his wallet and stowed his wallet in her purse.

"Let's go." He led her into the FedEx building using a door that said, "Drivers Only" in faded letters and they stepped into a large warehouse. He led her up to an office near the door and a glass window slid back. "Hello James," he said to the incredibly large black man inside.

James smiled, "Hey Arnie. I thought you were skiing with the little lady this weekend." He handed Arnold a large clipboard.

"What is it that you Americans are so fond of saying? 'Shit happens?'" said Arnold as he signed the clipboard. "I need an escort badge for Miss Allen," and he reached out for her license, which he attached to the clipboard along with his own, and he handed the clipboard back to James.

James studied their licenses and said, "Miss Allen, could you stand in that box on the floor and try to look natural?"

"This box?"

"That's fine, smile for the birdie," said James. There was a bright flash and moments later Nancy was wearing a badge with her picture, name, and the title 'Under Escort,' and her escort's name was 'Director Morse.' "You will get your license back when you return your badge at the end of your visit," said James and he slid the window closed.

"Ready?" Arnold asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Don't be scared," said Arnold as a large golf cart pulled up and Arnold guided Honey to sit in the back seat and he sat down next to her.

"Good morning Mister Morse," said the driver, and he handed Arnold a stack of papers.

"Good morning Nigel, is everyone here?" Arnold looked through the papers. He pulled one out and handed it to Honey.

"Everyone but you," said Nigel as he wheeled the golf cart on to a freight elevator.

"Good. I hope too many plans weren't ruined."