All Comments on 'I Hate Valentine's Day'

Good read.

John and Sandy have finally cleared all the hurdles and "found" each other waiting and willing. I love your descriptions of them -- John's chest hair that she tangles her fingers in, the skin brushing against skin, his huge cock, and their lovemaking. They should be together as a loving couple. They have much to give each other!

Hello QuietBedlam21

What a great first story. You developed solid characters that I liked as people. The flow was smooth from the restaurant to the bedroom. Your grammar is excellent.

I hope to see more of your work. It will be fun to watch you develop as a storyteller.

Thank you for sharing your talent.

Thank you QuietBedlam21, THAT was a great story!

Hey; that was a lovely cute story, and I really enjoyed the characters and interaction.

It feels like...for the actual sex itself, your narration changed a bit? Starting around: "Sandy said some very impolite things..."; like, before that you've actually had the characters talking, and then suddenly you switch to "she said impolite things", and leave it to the reader to fill in the blanks. That and like... the next three paragraphs feel like that, sort of... one step removed?

I can't tell you how to fix that, or whatever, because writing sex scenes is bloody hard, but like.... so much of the story is so excellent, and then there's just this moment at the climax that feels off, just... like it doesn't match of flow right?

of course... the overall thing is still fabulous, so I'll still favourite it.

QuiteBedlam21, I really liked your style of writing. The way you presented the personalities was easily on of the best I ever red. Thanks a lot and I am hoping to hear a lot more from you!

Great first story! Looking forward to much more from you. Thanks for this!

A wonderful tale.

Thank you all for your kind words.

AllTheBetterNamesWereTaken: I can see exactly what you mean. The story is a lot of dialogue up to that point, with the character interactions and their feelings explained through what they say rather than the narrator describing things. That was intentional, but when you get to those three paragraphs I'm suddenly describing the words rather than putting them to paper, and the end result is something that pulls (you and probably others) out of the flow.

That's something I'm struggling with on another bit I'm trying to write, avoiding that screeching halt of "here have some description" when the dialogue is flowing along so nicely. Having someone else point it out too is helpful.

Loved the way it panned out for them. Can understand why they hated Valentine's Day.

5 stars.

Delightful story, and well written. Thanks!

Fantastic story!! 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐. I read your story The Ghost of East Hill Bridge and decided to check out your Valentine's story. So cool that the Ghost was a prequel to this story after the fact. Great writing, great dialogue and bringing the characters to life. Thank you for sharing! Am going to add to my favorite authors.

Enjoyed this, thank you.

Ithink the dialogue to description issue is due to the short, sharp sentences and slight repetition:

“Sandy said some very impolite things. I kissed her. I liked the impolite things, but I liked the feel of her lips on mine more. She kissed back, hard. I bit her lip. She sucked mine.”

Could have been Sandy actually starting to say something then you cutting her off with the kiss and then describing why. Followed by more thoughts on why you bit her lip after she kissed you hard (hoping to elicit another moan or gasp) and her smiling playfully (or some such reaction) before sucking back on your lip. I feel a little bit more mood in between the actual happenings could have helped.

Just a though!

Loved the story premise of a miscommunication mutual attraction finally fulfilled.

Simpy enjoyed this. Thank you

Really like your style and the characters you create. 5*

Read two of your stories in one day. Don’t know if another writer here who renders better characters or writes better dialogue. I also like the mundane world your characters exist in. Makes it feel more authentic. You should try your hand at screenwriting if you haven’t already.