I Hate You Ch. 12 - Some Time Alone

Chapter 12 Some Time, Alone, Alone

"So, Megan, last we left off, we talked about your parents; how soon did they divorce themselves?"

"It was almost a year; my mom dragged it out as long as she possibly could for some reason; perhaps she regretted her decision, or maybe smite."

"Your father, did he come to visit you at all through this process."

"No, I avoided him too; I just couldn't face him. I feared he wouldn't forgive me, so I avoided him, and he did the same."

"Did this affect you in school or on the court?"

"No, it made me zone in on basketball even more because I didn't want to be home with my mother. I became even better, winning the state championship three years back-to-back. A lot of college recommendations came in the mail for me. She. My mom would always have them stacked on the dining room table."

"Was she proud?"

"I didn't care if she was at that point; we barely talked?"

"What made you pick the University of Georgia?"

"It was close to home but far enough to be away from everything. As much talk as I had about not wanting to be home, I didn't move too far. The one thing that made me want to go to the school was the coach. Coach Rebecca Free was the best coach I have ever had. She made me a better player and a better person. She was the mother I always wished I had, so my mom hated her, and I think my coach also hated her. She got me to talk with my father again. She was someone I wanted to make proud; she never won a championship as a player or coach, always getting close but getting over the hump. We made it to my freshman and sophomore year's finals but lost both times."

"That is heartbreaking."

"It was, so I worked harder than ever the following year. I got in the best shape I ever had. I had a boyfriend for about two weeks and broke up with him to focus on this goal. It was the best season I had ever played basketball. There were even talks that I was the consensus number-one pick in the WNBA draft. It just so happened that this was my last basketball season. Perhaps I pushed my body too far. It was the tournament's finals; we made it again, and the game was close. I already had a triple-double and was working on a quadruple-double with blocks. Then it happened; I have nightmares about this moment, doc. I was going for my 16th rebound when two opposing team members collided with each of my legs. If I didn't try to recover, I would probably have a concussion. I know that sounds grim, but that's where I'm at. I would rather possibly have brain damage than lose this game and my career.

"Megan."

"But alas, I damaged my knee and landed all my weight on this leg," Megan says, pointing at her leg repeatedly.

"You don't have to explain the injury."

"Thank you. My career was effectively over, but I still fought for a small glimmer of hope of playing again. The doctors said Hey, if it heals this way, you may play again, but the chances are very, very slim."

"There is nothing wrong with hoping."

"I wasn't my best self during this time because basketball was my identity, my life, and I could feel it slipping away. I could hear the doctors talking in the hallway, saying that it didn't look like it would heal any better that my parents needed to prepare me for...My parents were together for the first time in a while, bickering while I sat in a hospital bed. Keisha, my best friend who I left to go several miles away to a school, came up to see me, trying to cheer me up."

"Coach Free came to visit me, but I couldn't. I just didn't want to face her. I felt like. No, I did let her down."

"It was out of your control, Megan."

"I couldn't be at school anymore, so I returned home to Key City. I finished my degree online, and the school paid for my rehab out of goodwill. My dad said mainly because Coach Free made a ruckus over them planning on not to."

"So, you started physical therapy back in Key City while living with your mother?"

"Yes, my parents and Keisha would come to my session with me. Separately, sometimes together, I wasn't progressing as fast as I wanted to. I wanted to prove them wrong, but between my parents' constant bickering and Keisha's optimism, I was pushed over the edge and said they all should get the fuck out of here. I can never apologize enough to Keisha for how I reacted. She didn't deserve that, but." Megans pauses on the couch

"What happened?"

"It had been a while since I saw Craig. I was away in college, and he was a junior in high school or a senior; it doesn't matter. He came into my room to talk to me."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you; I waited for after school, but how are you?" He closed his eyes after saying I could see the regret on his face. I replied in anger.

"Not good if you couldn't tell. "

"Yeah, stupid question; I got you something," Craig says, reaching into his bag to grab a gift.

"Really," I said. "Are you dumb?"

"What?"

"I'm trying to get back on the floor to play; I don't need freaking candy to make me fat and..."

"It's only one box, Meg." I shake my head at him.

"You don't get it, just give it here," I tell him, making him smile and giving me déjà vu about that Valentine's Day. I opened it and ate it. It was my favorite candy, the same one from all those years ago, but this time, I got to eat it. "So, Craig Turner decided to grace me with his presence."

"Yeah, sorry, I would have come sooner. I just didn't know if you wanted to see me, and I didn't want to get in the way or anything. So, I brought a gift just in case."

"The same gift you gave me for Valentine's Day."

"You..remembered."

"Of course," I say to him, smiling like I didn't do anything innocent.

"Did you ever read my letter?" He asked me. I looked down on the floor and put the candy on the table beside me.

"No, I didn't get a chance to."

"Oh, is it still in your room unopened?"

"No, Craig, it's in the trash."

"Oh." I could hear the soul and joy leave his body.

"Besides my father, you're the only person ever to give me a Valentine's Day card," I said, laughing. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yeah, why would you do that?" The answer was obvious, but I never actually got a confirmation of his feelings towards me. I mean maybe if I read that letter.

"Because I love..like you, you're amazing, beautiful, your.."

"Oh, shut up, I'm none of those things, God, Craig. When will you grow up and get over this stupid crush?"

"I'm freaking twenty, and you're like what 16? Get a hint already. Date girls your age." I couldn't even look at him while saying these things. Knowing someone out there who found me attractive enough to fawn over me gave me power; it lifted me.

"I..Look, I know you are out of my league, and honestly, I have no chance. I don't know why I have a crush on you, and it's not like I haven't tried dating a girl at my school. They just, and I'm not good at anything; you remember when I tried out for basketball. Jesus, my dad cried. But I get it. I'm fat, ugly, and I." He started to laugh as he talked down about himself.

"But I do worry about you; I know you can't play basketball anymore, and I worry about what you will do now. And I want you to know I'm here for you for whatever happens and..."

Hearing Craig say those words made something snap in me. It felt like he was giving up on me, writing me off, pitying me.

"I'm not fucking done, you think I can't do this, get better?!"

"No, I know you can do anything; you're amazing. You will conquer every challenge in front of you. But what if you can't heal and..."

"God, your so fucking pessimistic, and fuck you, dude. You don't believe in me; if I don't get better, my life is over, right? I have fucking nothing besides basketball in my life. I mind well just fucking end it, I'm fighting for my life, and now you, of all people, are writing me off."

"That's not true, and you got me and."

"Oh god, yes, I have fucking Craig. Wooo, I guess I don't have anything else in fucking my life now. I don't even want you here, dude. The only reason you're in my presence right now is because of Keisha, who is my best friend. I don't need you or your fucking candy. I threw the candy box at him, which exploded on the floor. He looked down at it, and he balled his fist up. I had never seen him do that despite everything.

"Damn..." He says, then turns around to face the door. "Alright." He laughs. "I can take a hint, and it was a big fucking hint. Look, you're right; I won't fuck with you anymore. Have a nice fucking life, Megan." He says as he walks out the door. I slump down to the floor and burst into tears, slamming my hands into my injured leg, feeling the pain ring me through my body.

"That was a bad time for you in your life. Did you ever apologize to him for that moment?"

"I didn't get a chance to in the following year. He was rarely around from then on; my injury healed but not how I wanted it to. My playing career was over, and I needed to accept it. I finished my degree online and started working at a high-end clothing store in the Key City Mall. Keisha and I moved into an apartment together, which helped me get over my situation. Whenever there would be a get-together or anything for the Turner I went to, Craig was always there or off on some side quest or at work. I thought about visiting him at work but didn't know what to say. I mean, of course, and yeah, I apologize, but what else can I confess my feelings for him? Tell him how I feel?"

"How do you feel about Craig?" Megans pauses, then shakes her head in agreement.

"I Love him so much. But I struggle to come to terms with it. You know, of course, there is the age gap, but also, there is the way I treated him for such a long time, and just everything about it made me feel dirty, and I just wanted to move on, and he didn't want to see me anymore, which I don't blame him for; I was a bitch."

"So, you, too, didn't see each other till recently, a couple of months ago?"

"No, I saw him one last time before he left for college, so it was almost a year and a half later. His parents were throwing his party; all his cousins were there, and he was their favorite person in the world. I managed to get off work to go and see him. He was 18 at the time, and God, I sound a predator when I say this, but yeah. I brought him some sweet and sour Twizzlers, his favorite candy, and wrote him a letter."

"A Letter?"

"Yeah, it was the same thing he did to me. In the letter, I wrote that I always liked him and he always made me believe in myself. He was always there for me, and I'm sorry for everything I said and how I treated him. I wanted to wish him good luck in college and give him my number to call if he needed anything. I don't know what I hoped for with it, but I wrote that I followed behind Keisha in my car. We could see him talking to his father and cousin outside as he carried a bag of ice inside.

"Damn, it's a lot of people in here...I don't even know some of these people. "He says, hugging his mother.

"Yes, you do! Keisha yells, walking towards the kitchen with me flanking her.

"Look, Craig, it's the girl of your dreams." Mrs. Turner said, pointing in my direction and smiling to hug us. She was unaware of the tension between us; she latched on to me and turned towards Craig. All the focus was on us." I remember when you begged me to go to the store so you can spend your "hard-earned money" on a Valentine's Day gift for Megan."

"Oh, that's so cute." One of his aunties said.

"Nephew got a thing for the snow bunnies or gazelle." His creepy uncle said while immediately getting hit over the head by his wife.

"I was like, who is this Megan? But now I can't picture you not in our lives. She says, placing her hand on my shoulder, Mrs. Turner was always so freaking nice to me."

"I remember that." Keisha said, pondering for a second." He was supposed to get me one, but he never did." Craig shakes his head at Keisha and walks in our direction.

"You'll get your card when I get my PlayStation fixed."

"That was an accident!"

"An expensive one." Mrs. Turner says to her daughter. "Craig, your dad said he needed the lighter inside his car before you go.

"Jesus, he left it in the car; he's gonna blow us the hell up," Craig says, walking outside.

"Watch your mouth, boy." She says as Keisha starts talking to her in the kitchen. I slip off and go outside to follow Craig.

"Craig, Wait!" I scream. He turned around and looked at me, annoyed. "You need some help?"

"Nah, not really. Thanks anyway, though."

"Oh, okay. So, how have you been? It's been a while."

"Yeah, just ready to get the hell out of here."

"You wanna leave all this," I say.

"Yup, don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly, but I need to grow up, and I don't think I will do that."

"Right, I've got you something," I say to him, gripping the wrapper and envelope tight before presenting it.

"Wow?" He says with zero emotion. Something in him had changed since I last talked to him. Craig was bullied a lot at school and didn't have many friends. Keisha would talk about how cold he had become in those last two years of school. Even getting into fights with someone in a mall parking lot over football. "FUCK THE SAINTS he would yell."

"It's a card and your favorite candy."

"Damn, I haven't had this in over a year, stop eating candy a while back."

"Oh, I didn't know."

"Nah, it's cool. It's the thought that counts right." He smiled at me for the first time in years; it knocked my breath away, and I couldn't make eye contact with him.

"I hope you have a good time in college."

"Me too; maybe I can finally find a girl who likes me, right." He jokes, but it rips me to hear him say that.

"Well, maybe..."

"CRAIG!!!!!!!!"

Before I could finish saying anything, a group of his younger cousins rushed to the car to hug him. A tall girl with dreads came up to Craig's waist, and a shorter boy with a buzz cut came up to his thigh.

"Why are you leaving us?" The girl says, wrapping him in a hug.

"Can I help with that?" The shorter boy says, looking at Craig's hands. "Do you have games on your phone?"

"Reggie, get your hand outta my pocket." He says, smiling at the boy.

"How long are you gonna be gone for." The girl says, pulling away from the hug. "Are you gonna visit us?"

"Is she your girlfriend?" Reggie says while looking up at me like I was a billboard on the side of the road.

"No, she is not my girlfriend," Craig says, looking at me with a side-eye."But she is looking down at you, like it. My momma said if a girl looks at you like that, she wants to smash," Reggie says, smiling at me. "Jesus, Trina needs to chill the fuck out," He says, looking at me with a raised eyebrow."Besides, I'm not Megan's type anyway."

"Is that true? Are you only attracted to other Giants?" Reggie says, placing his hands on his mouth.

"What did you say?" I said to the little boy, astonished at the comment.

"It's a valid question." The girl says, looking at me.

"No, it's not," I say back.

"See, she doesn't know she's confused," Craig says, grabbing the lighter from the car and placing it in his pocket.

"Craig Turner," I say back to him, getting flustered. "I'm going back inside. I can see you have enough help."

"Ah, you scared her away." The girl says. "Do you think I will be as tall as her when I get your age?"

"Potentially, alright, you little assholes, you going to help me or not. Uncle Cedric needs my help at the grill."

"You cursed."

"Hey, didn't you almost burn the house down that one time?"

"No, no, that was Greg, not me."

I watched from inside the kitchen as they helped bring groceries inside the house. He places his candy box and envelope on the kitchen table. He goes outside to see his father and other family members. They were drinking and grilling outdoors, a dangerous combination I'm sure he wanted in on desperately. Mrs. Turner started asking me about my life and what I am doing now. I can't even answer her straight because I don't know what I am doing with my life right now. The kitchen window opens, and I can hear the conversation from outside.

"Nephew, what up! You bout to get the hell up outta here, huh? Tryna gets away from my brother-in-law... I told you he had enough of you and Ruth up in here doing all types of what. Not why he tryna sleep."

"Well, you know, sometimes you gotta put in that work; let her know ain't nobody stroking like me now."

"Okay, you'll old niggaz doing way too much right now. What up, Cuzo." Greg says, getting up from her porch chair and dapping his cousin.

"What up, Greg."

"Can I," Craig says, looking at the cooler.

"I don't know, youngblood. Last time you were out here drinking, you almost burned the house down. You almost had us out here living on the Key City Streets. Good lord.

"I mean, we could live with Uncle Keith, I guess."

"Oh, nah. I already got this young joker right here taking up all my power."

"And you know you got to play it safe around, electricity."

"Damn what ever happen to Louie the Lighting Bug."

"Probably dead." His uncle says, taking a sip of his beer.

"Aye, Craig, I see your girl here; what's up?" Greg says

"She's not my girl."

"Man, come on, son, you know that girl ain't give that boy no play. She's out here swattin' down his shots like she's in the state championship." Uncle says, making a swatting motion.

"Damn, I'm just saying every time she shows up to these functions, he disappears. All the little niglets, like were Craig at, I'm like I don't know. Greg says. "I hate to say this cuz you know I love you, but you weren't getting that anyway."

"Damn, Greg. Come on, son, we are guessing in this house, and we ain't even got no sweet potato cheesecake yet, so don't start fights that you may or may not win."

"Man, I'm just saying she ain't tryna be with you cuz you should branch out. I got some girls who can hook you up if you're down. Here, look at this one." Greg pulls his phone out and walks towards Craig and his dad.

"Good Lord!" Mr. Turner says, placing the grill tongues down on the outside table.

"Oh,..damn. Nah, that girl is not my type." Craig says, shaking his head.

"Not your type; what? You just, like, white girls?" Greg says

"No, I like all types of girls."

"Yeah, he got a nice little Puerto Rican girl he friends with." Mr. Turner says, pointing at Craig as Craig shakes his head at him.

"Okay, I got one of them, hold up. Oh, wait, not that one, that's my girl. Greg says, looking up at Craig, smiling. "Here we go."

"Jesus!" Criag's father and uncle scream in unison. Causing a stir in the kitchen.

"What's going on out there?" One of his aunts screams.

"Nothing, Pam. Greg was showing us his..."

"Whatever he is showing, you'll need to keep it down."

"Alright, Pam, calm down."

"You calm down. Don't make me come out there."

"Alright, that's enough; we ain't gonna have a repeat of last time with you too." Says Keisha, looking out the window.

"She better calm down then, Keis, I'm telling ya. I ain't no killer, heh."

"Okay, uncle, Keith."

As the party dies down, I help clean up with Keis. Then I noticed it in the trash: the candy was half opened, and the envelope was utterly soaked in some liquid next to it. Keisha sees me glancing over at it and comments.

"Oh yeah, one of our cousins saw the candy and opened it, then threw a fit and knocked over some drinks while we were in my room. In case you are wondering why it looked so soupy in there, it knocked over all the downhome punch my aunt Pam made." She says, clapping her hands together in frustration.

"So, Craig never got to read the letter you wrote for him in a sad twist of irony?" Doctor says, looking up from her notepad at Megan.

"Yeah, he didn't."

"If you don't mind me asking, what did you write in the letter to him?"