All Comments on 'I Love New York Ch. 04'

Just wanted to encourage you to keep going. Like the setting, the characters, the action. If you could put in a * or something to show you're changing scene, that would make it easier to read :)

I love the depth of this story. There's so much going on with the characters it's really interesting. You're doing a great job with this. Keep up the good work.

I do agree with the last commenter though. Using something to indicate that you've changed scenes or perspectives would be great. It's a little confusing to be reading a paragraph and all of a sudden it's not relevant to what was happening a sentence a ago.

Happy Writing and i'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Another vote for something to indicate change of scene. even 3 *'s in the middle of the page or some such thing.

Now, I have to say this story, and most of all, this chapter affected me probably more than any story I've read in a long time.

The emotions you brought out were every bit as complicated and strong as the characters were experiencing. It made me think to that time in my life that still frustrates me, makes me shake my head at myself asking 'what were you thinking?' and 'why'd you do that?' today. It brought up memories of thoughts back then like 'you know this relationship is poison but you want it anyway like a drug' and 'this probably won't end well but I can't turn away' and the war in my mind between the belief I was someone good and deserving and at the same time the feeling I was on a train wreck and didn't care enough or feel worth enough to pull myself off.

You did such a great job of creating characters that can become real enough to pull the reader in. I was so impressed with how you wrung the emotions out of your characters and made it so poignant. You also made it flow so well as you let us understand more about their internal struggle better.

You have alot of talent and I hope that you keep writing this story and many more. Thanks!

This is the best chapter

i wanted devon to be with gavin so baddddddddddddd

Again I'm wowed by you, Lover. You've continued Dev's story with such passion. I do hope you milk each of these angles for all they're worth. Relationships are not like triangles - the angles do not always add up - sometimes you get far more.

Best of luck, and I'll be watching!

~Wick

Cliche I know, but it brought tears to my eyes by the end. Actually, that might not have been helped by Red - Pieces playing in the background! (I have a habit of playing music that is mentioned in stories...) But all the emotions came across as so heart-felt, it made me feel deeply too.

You really are such a good writer - Wendy is so right about her comments as far as I'm concerned. There are some stories on here that feel like they are filling in the standard jigsaw pieces, maybe in different orders, but still pretty much the same story.

This somehow feels like it's apart from those and with your talented writing I wish you much continued success with your story. I can't wait to see where next you take it.

great story! (and i also wanted to comment to the anonymous person below...pieces by red is SUCH A GOOD SONG!) anyways, good taste. that's all i'm saying. ANYWAYS, back to the story, very good dynamic and I love the struggle. it's so interesting. Only issue I have and it may just be me because i do have a tendancy to unintentionally skim read things but i felt like some things were really fragmented like when he was at the piano talking to his prof and then suddenly to cassi and then to luke or something and i was thinking HUH? who's he talking to? is this all in his head or is this real and what's going on...but OTHER THAN THAT, this story is fantastic! good work! :)

Thank you for explaining Dev more thoroughly as i was getting a little lost with all his feelings.I dint know were you where going with this story. I can feel your excitement when the story is flowing out of you, but sometimes i get a little lost with the skipping thoughts/scenes and i have to re-read the paragraphs again to see who is talking.

Im so glad you got Ms.C2BK to help out with the editing as the story is flowing much better and this has been the best chapter by far. I just hope she still has time to finish her Zombie story, shes got me hooked on and waiting..LOL! I got my good eye on you Cruel! Don't make us wait too long.

This is a good story MS.Peterpanics. and your potential is awesome. I'm so glad youre sharing yourself with us. Thank you again.