I"M Not, Really, I'm Not

I really don't want to do it but I also don't want Troy to think that I'm no fun to be with, so I take the pill and swallow it.

'That's a good boy Stevie. I knew you weren't afraid of having a good time. Let's get another beer.'

We sit and drink and a couple more guys come over to talk to Troy and he introduces them to me. They seem to be nice guys and they are all very attractive guys. I talk to them a little but mainly I'm watching the people dancing. Lots of good-looking ladies but a lot of them are dancing with other girls. I start feeling strange. The music seems louder and the lights brighter. Have to concentrate when Troy asks me if I'm feeling ok.'

'Well, I'm feeling a little strange. Ok, but things seem a little different,' I tell Troy as he leans over and puts his arm around my shoulder.

'It's the ecstasy Steve. Just relax and enjoy the feeling.'

I lean back against the bar and look out into the crowd. I look over in a corner to the left and I see two men making out. One guy is leaning against the wall and has his hands on the other guys ass as they kiss. It all seems so strange, but I can't look away.

'Does it turn you off, watching that?' Troy asks.

I wasn't aware that he was watching me look at them. 'No, I guess not. I just have never seen that before. I turn away from them and look at the people dancing.

'It's ok to look Stevie. Watching two guys make out isn't going to turn you gay.'

'I know. Sorry.' I was feeling really high now and wasn't very comfortable. 'I really feel the ecstasy Troy. Maybe we should go.'

'No, just relax,' he says as he hands me my beer. 'Just relax and do some people watching. Look at those two blondes dancing. They are both gorgeous.'

When I look at them, they are moving to the music and rubbing against each other. One girl leans over and kisses the neck of the other girl. It is really quite an erotic scene and I can't stop staring at them. One of them sees me staring and leans up and kisses the other girl. Fuck, that is so hot.

'Feeling better Steve?' he asks. 'I bet you liked that scene, didn't you?' he says as his hand moves down and rests on my thigh.

I tense up when I feel his touch but don't want to say anything about it, so I just tell him that I thought the two ladies were so hot. I can't help from looking back at that corner and the two guys are still making out. 'Where's the men's room? I need to take a piss.'

'It's right pass those two guys you can't keep your eyes off,' he says laughing. 'Right down the hall past them. Don't get lost.'

I get up and I have to concentrate to keep my balance as I make my way through the people. As I get near the two guys, the one with his back to me turns around and they stand side by side holding hands. As I pass, one of them smiles, 'Hello pretty boy.' I do my best to ignore them, but I can feel my face heat up. I hurry by them and find the men's room and go in.

I go to the urinal and start taking a piss when I hear something in one of the stalls. It doesn't take me long to realize that somebody is sucking cock in there. Fucking unbelievable. I hurry to finish pissing and go to wash my hands and when I'm standing there, the guy who said hello to me comes into the room and stands next to me.

'Hello. I haven't seen you here before. I'm Stacy.'

'Hello,' I answer quickly, finishing washing my hands and start drying them off trying to get out of there.

'What's your hurry babe? I won't bite, unless you want me to.'

'I got to go. Sorry.'

'I'm sorry too. I saw you watching us. I thought maybe you would like to join us. Two is fun, three is better,' he says moving in front of me.

'I got to get back to my friend. I have to go.'

'He's a lucky guy. He's very cute too. Maybe you want to talk to him and see if the two of you want to come over to our place. It will be fun.'

'Look, I'm not gay. I have to go.'

'Are you sure? I saw the way you watched us. I know you liked it. Maybe one kiss before you go?'

I try to move around him but he stays in front of me. His hand moves to the back of my neck and he suddenly pulls me to him, and kisses me. I try to move away but he holds me tightly and I feel him try to push his tongue into my mouth. Suddenly, he moves back quickly and I see Troy's hand on his shoulder pulling him away. He pushes the guy towards the door and the guy leaves.

'You alright Steve?'

'The guy made me do that. l didn't want that to happen,' I tell Troy in a pleading voice trying to make sure he didn't think I wanted that to happen.

'I saw him follow you in here so I thought you might need rescued. I shouldn't have let you come here alone. Just then, the noise in the stall left no doubt that someone had just got off. 'At least, he didn't force you into a stall. Some guys have trouble taking no for an answer.'

I can't believe what just happened. My mind is racing and I'm feeling so confused. I look up at Troy and he pulls me against him.

'I know you are high and probably curious about it all. Maybe this will help he says as he lifts my head and leans down and kisses me. I try to pull away, but he holds me tight. I feel his tongue slide into my mouth, and I know it's all wrong, but I find myself sucking on his tongue. It seems to last forever but finally he stops the kiss. I don't know what to think, what to do, I just stand there, so high, so confused.

'I know you wanted to know what it was like, kissing another man. Now you know. Let's go back to the bar Steve.'

I follow him back to the bar. I don't know how that happened. God, Troy must be gay. I bet the people here know he's gay and when they saw me with him, figured I must be gay too. I don't know what to think, what to do. I just want to get out of there. We sit back down at the bar and I lean forward, my elbows on the bar. I can't even look at Troy. 'I want to leave.'

'Sure Steve, I'm sorry I did that. I really thought you were curious about what it was like after watching you watch the two guys and then I come into the restroom and you are kissing that guy. I'm sorry if I was out of line.'

'It's ok, can we just go.'

'Yea, let's go.' We don't talk on the way back to the apartment complex. I can't stop thinking about how it felt when he kissed me. I know that I kissed him back. Why did I do that? I know I should be pissed at him but all I can think about is how it felt kissing him. Do I want him to do it again? I know it's wrong, but it didn't seem wrong. Maybe it's the drugs.

We get there and he walks me to my door. I open the door and go in and look back at him. I leave the door open and walk into the living room and stand there. I hear the door close and then hear his footsteps. He comes up behind me and turns me to face him. I feel his fingers lift my face and then his lips on mine. He kisses me and I can't stop myself from putting my arms around his shoulders and kissing him back. The kiss is long and passionate. When he breaks the kiss, it feels like he has taken my breath away. He doesn't say anything but turns and leaves my apartment. I stand there in shock not understanding why I let that happen. I didn't just let it happen, I wanted it to happen. Oh god, what did I do?

I go sit down in my recliner. I'm still really high. I can't sit still so I get up and go roll a joint and smoke some of it as I pace around the room thinking about everything that happened. I realize that we had gone to a gay bar and probably everyone who saw me with Troy figured I was gay. A guy had come onto me in the men's room and tried to kiss me. Troy had stopped him and then he kissed me. If that wasn't bad enough, when we got to my apartment, I gave Troy the impression that I wanted him to come in and kiss me again and I had kissed him back like I really liked it. Fuck, fuck.

I iet down at my computer and figure I would watch some porn till the ecstasy wears off. I watch some straight porn and then some lesbian porn. Who doesn't like watching two girls getting it on? I went to click on some more straight porn when I accidentally hit gay porn instead. The video that came up showed a boy on his knees sucking on a big cock. I went to click out of it but stopped myself. I watch the boy sucking that big cock and it looked like he loved doing it. The man would pull his cock from the boy's mouth and smear the juices all over the boy's face as the boy tried to get the cock back in his mouth. The boy started taking the man's cock deeper and deeper when he finally got it back in his mouth. The man held the boy's head in both hands and slide his cock back and forth into the boy's mouth making him take it over and over. Then suddenly, the man pulled the boy's head back, took his cock in his hand, stroked it several times and then sprayed cum all over the boy's face. I couldn't take my eyes off it all. Fuck. That's so crazy.

I click out of the gay porn section back to straight porn but just sit there thinking about what I just watched. I should have stopped watching it once I saw what it was, but I didn't. I couldn't stop thinking about how the boy seemed to love it just as much as the man. The boy had opened his mouth when the man started cumming and I know some of the cum went into his mouth. That was too much.

I start watching another video of this gorgeous blonde being fucked by this stud but I couldn't stop thinking about the other video. Maybe I should watch one more and I couldn't stop myself from clicking on the gay site again. The video that came on showed a middle-aged man holding hands with a young guy, maybe eighteen or so. He led him into a hotel room and once in the room, he pressed the boy up against the door and kissed him. They kissed several times and then the man led the boy over towards the bed and told him to undress.

I was surprised when the boy answered, 'Yes Daddy.' I watched as the boy undressed and was shocked when his jeans came down and he was wearing a pair of lacy pink panties. 'I love the panties you bought me Daddy.'

'They look so nice on you sweetie,' the man answered. 'Now you know what I must do. I told you to meet me here last Saturday and you couldn't do it. You know what that means don't you. Tina?'

'Yes Daddy.'

'Tell me sissy boy.'

'I need to be punished Daddy. I deserve a hard spanking.''

'Come get over my lap Tina.'

I watch as the boy goes lays down across the man's knees and the man starts spanking him. He is spanking him pretty hard and I hear the boy crying out softly. Then the man pushes the boy's panties down below his ass cheeks and really starts spanking him hard. I can hear the boy start crying and by the time the man stops, the boy's ass is bright red and the boy is crying really hard. He pushes the boy off his lap and onto the floor.

'I'm sorry Daddy. I will try harder to be a good little sissy boy for you. I'm sorry I couldn't make it last Saturday,' the boy gets out between sobs. Tears are running down his cheeks.

The man spreads his legs. 'Show Daddy how sorry you are.'

I watch as the boy moves up and unzips the man's slacks and undoes his belt and opens his slacks and reaches in and takes the man's cock out. It is at least as big as the guy's cock in the other video and the boy hurries to get it into his mouth and start sucking. The man just leans back and watches the boy please him. 'That's a good little sissy cocksucker. Show Daddy how much you love sucking his cock.'

The boy takes the cock from his mouth and starts licking all the way up the side and running his tongue all over the man's cock head. 'I love Daddy's cock so much. I want to be a good sissy for you Daddy.'

The man pushes the boy away and the boy just kneels there in front of him as the man undressed. Once he's naked, he sits back down in the chair. His cock is so hard and is sticking straight up. 'Ok Tina, you know what Daddy likes. Take your panties off and show Daddy what a slut you are.'

I watch as the boy lets the panties fall the rest of the way off his legs and then he goes and straddles the man's legs and lowers himself down. He reaches down and grabs the man's cock holding it up as he lowers himself on it. I watch as the man's cock slides into the boy's asshole. I hear the boy moan but he doesn't stop till he is sitting on the man's lap, the big cock buried up his ass.

'You have such a tight pussy Tina. Now show me what a good little fuck you are. Don't disappoint Daddy unless you want another spanking.'

I watch as the boy lifts up and then goes back down on the cock. He is moaning, his head thrown back as he takes the cock so deep each time. The man grabs the boy's hips and starts lifting him and then pulling him down hard. The boy leans over and kisses the man and then straightens up again.

'Fuck me Daddy. Fuck me hard. Make me your bitch, your sissy faggot bitch. Oh god, fuck me hard.'

They keep fucking till I see the man press up, his cock buried up the boy's ass, and I can tell the man is cumming. They both cry out and I see the boy shooting his cum all over the man's stomach. The boy collapse on the man's chest and after a few minutes, the man lifts the boy off his cock and I can see the man's cum leaking from the boy's ass onto the man's crotch. The boy slides down and then he leans over and starts licking up all his own cum and then licks up the man's cum that had dripped from his ass onto the man's cock and balls. It was unbelievable.

Oh god, why am I hard? I didn't even realize that I had taken my cock out and had been stroking it as I watched the video. I must still be so fucked up on the ecstasy. That must be why this is affecting me like this. The video ends as the boy if putting his panties back on. I get up and walk around trying to get my mind right.

I think about the boy's panties then I think about the speedos that Troy gave me. I slip my clothes off and go into the living room and see the speedos on the side table. I go back into the bedroom and stand in front of the mirror and put the speedos on. They are almost too small and fit very tight. I can see my hard cock clearly outlined and I see a little wet spot where my cockhead rests. Fuck, I could never wear these out in public but I can't help but feeling a little sexy with them on.

I turn around and look in the mirror. The speedos have pulled up into my ass crack a little and they make my ass cheeks look so much different than what I imagined. I'm feeling so horny so I lay down on the bed and start jacking off with the speedos pulled down below my balls. I wonder what Troy would think if he could see me now. It doesn't take long and when I cum, I cum so hard. It felt so good and I see some of my cum on the speedos. I think about the boy licking up his own cum but I could never do that. I take off the speedos, wash them out and go to bed. It takes me quite a while to fall asleep. I can't stop thinking about everything that happened tonight at the club and then back here. Fuck, I was watching gay porn.

I get up, still feeling a little hung over from everything last night. I try not to think about what happened and try to convince myself that the ecstasy was to blame. I know I wouldn't have done what I did if I hadn't gotten so high on the ecstasy. It still doesn't keep me from dreading to run into Troy again. God, what must he be thinking about me? Does he think I'm gay now? I'm not. Really I'm not.

I see the speedos laying on my dresser and grab them and throw them into a drawer. I can't believe I put them on last night. I fix some breakfast and try to relax and forget about it all but I can't get it out of my mind. I have to start work tomorrow so I try to concentrate on that. I read for a while and watch some tv and stay inside all day. I don't want to chance running into Troy.

Work day. I get my suit on and head to the office. I was told by the receptionist that Mr. Grant wished to speak to me, so I go to his office and knock and am told to come in. He gets up and shakes my hand and welcomes me back and we talk for a while about my job and what he expects on me. Everything goes good and I head out to the small office I have and get my stuff settled in.

I hear a knock and then one of the guys I had meet on my interviews come in. He introduces himself, James, and welcomes me to the firm. He sits down and we chat a little about how everything is going settling in in a new city. He's probably mid-twenties and reminds me of a stereotype of a California guy, good looking, nice hair, nice tan, good looking suit. Seems to be a cool guy.

'I'm glad to see you are getting out already,' he says. 'I saw you at the Flamingo a couple nights ago. Didn't look like you were feeling any pain,' he says laughing. 'Who was that guy you were with?'

Fuck, fuck. I try not to panic. 'He's just some guy I met at my apartment complex. He offered to show me some of the nightlife close to where we live. I didn't know anything about the Flamingo before we went there.'

'It's a cool place. I like going there and the other guys here like it too. I have even seen Tom, Mr. Grant, there a couple times.'

'Really?'

'Yea. Didn't you like it?'

'It was different than what I expected, is all.'

'Never been to a club with people with different tastes, if you know what I mean?' he asks me.

'Yea, I have never really been to a place that seems to cater to such a mixed crowd.'

'All the gay boys scare you Steve?'

'No, not really. I just wasn't expecting it.'

'I have seen the guy you were with there a lot. He's a cool guy. Troy isn't it?'

'Yea,' I answer not knowing how to take all this. Is James gay too?

'Well, hope you had fun. I better get back to work. I'm sure you are going to like working here. The other guys are cool, and Tom is great to work with. Give me a holler if you need anything.'

'Ok, thanks James,' I reply as he leaves and shuts the door behind him.

What the fuck. Everyone that works here goes to a gay club, even the boss? Maybe it's no big deal. They just might like watching the scene there. Just because they go there doesn't make them gay. Does it? I can't help but question it. What if they are all gay? I try to relax and get my head around this. Fuck, fuck.

I get through the day fine. Over the next few days, I meet the rest of the guys and have a couple meeting with Mr. Grant and everything seems ok. Making I was making a big deal over nothing. I get off work at noon on Friday and decide to work on my tan again and head down to the pool. The same two girls are there along with some other girls and a couple other guys. The two girls say hello again and after I pass, I hear them giggling about something. Is that about me? I know they saw me with Troy. Stop the paranoia, will you? I almost fall asleep in the lawn chair when the sun on my face is blocked. I look up and Troy is standing there with his cooler.

'Hey dude, what's happening? I haven't seen you around all week.'

'I started my job and that has kept me busy Troy.'

'Oh, I thought maybe you were avoiding me. Are you ok, you know, with what happened?'

'Kind of, I guess. I don't really know what happened. I got so high on the ecstasy I didn't know what I was doing.'

'Hey, everything is cool. We went out, had a good time, had some new experiences. No biggie. I enjoyed being with you. Hey, where's your speedos. I wanted to see you in them.'

'Sorry Troy, but I could never wear them out in public.'

'Why not? You got a great body. Show it off.'

'That's just not me.'

'Well, maybe you can model it for me sometime in private. I bet it looks great on you.'

'It's a little tight.'

'Oh, so you tried it on. Awesome. Didn't it make you feel sexy. I know when I wear mine, I have to concentrate not to get a hard one, they make me feel so sexy,' he says laughing.

'I put in on for just a moment after you left the other night.'