I"M Not, Really, I'm Not

'Damn, I wish I could have seen that. I guess I shouldn't have left so soon but I wasn't sure you wanted me to stay, you know, after, you know.'

'I was pretty much out of it then.'

'For a minute, I thought you were really into it, but then I felt you might want me to go.'

I think about how I react when he kissed me. I didn't pull away. I had kissed him back. What might have happened if he hadn't left? 'Yea, it was probably good that you left. I was so high, you know.'

'I know. I love getting high and just letting loose and doing what feels right at the time. I'm sorry if I upset you but I kind of got the impression when you left the door open that you wanted me to come in and I just did what felt right, right then. I hope I didn't mess things up with you. Have a beer and forgive me?'

'Sure, thanks. Thanks for taking me out that night anyway. It was good to get out and see what's happening around here.'

'Hope we can do it again Steve.'

'I don't know about the ecstasy next time Troy. That stuff got me so high.'

'I know. I love it,' he says laughing. 'Maybe next time, we will just do it in one of our apartments,' he says as he casually reaches down and adjusts himself in his speedo. His cock is so obvious, and I look away quickly. My mind flashes on the videos I had watched that night. We drink a couple beers talking about my job and other things and no more mention about the other night.

He get's up to leave. 'I'm going to order a pizza. A nice joint would go nice with that if you want to bring one down and share the pizza.'

'I don't know Troy.'

'Come on Steve. It's a peace offering. I really do like spending time with you.'

'Ok, sure, I will be down in a little while.'

'Good, see you soon. You can bring the speedo to model if you want,' he says laughing as we walks away.

Fuck. Why do I let him rope me into this again? It's a definite no on the speedos. I go up and shower and throw on some shorts and a tee shirt and head down to his place. He lets me in, and he has taken the speedos off but is wearing tight workout shorts that just barely go down past his ass cheeks. No tee shirt and I really notice for the first time that he has no chest hair. I wonder if that's natural of if he shaves it off. Only other thing he has on are some flip flops.

His place is nice and we sit down on the couch and smoke some of the joint before the pizza arrives. We scarf down the pizza and go back to the couch and finish the joint. He goes gets us a couple beers and when he sits back down, he is sitting close to me. I move a little away from him.

'Scared of me Steve?'

'No, not really.'

'Afraid I might kiss you again?'

'The thought did enter my mind.'

'Would that be so bad? You seemed to enjoy it the other night.'

'I was high and I didn't know what I was doing Troy.'

'You seemed to know what you were doing. You are a very good kisser.'

'I better go Troy.'

'Ok, if you are sure that is what you want to do.'

'Yes, I better go,' I say as I get up and go to the door and leave.

I get back to my apartment. Fuck. I can't stop thinking about how it felt when he kissed me. It wasn't disgusting. I had liked it. I'm not gay. I don't kiss other men. I roll another joint and smoke it and decide to watch some porn. It comes up and I go to click on the straight porn, but something stops me, and I click on the gay site.

The video that comes up shows two guys about my age. They look like they had come from the beach, both with swimsuits on. They sit down on the couch and they start making out. I can't stop watching as they really get into it and then one reaches down and starts feeling the other guys cock through his swimsuit. It not long till he has his hand down the guys suit and is stroking his cock.

The other guy presses his hands on the other guys shoulders and the guy slides to the floor and then pulls the guys swimsuit off and starts sucking his cock. The guys cock isn't huge, probably about the same size as mine, and the guy is sucking it deep into his mouth. The guy being sucked is running his hands through the other guys hair and after being sucked for a while pulls the guy's head up and they kiss.

The guy that was being sucked pulls the boy to his feet and turns him towards the couch and pulls the guy's suit off. He makes the boy get on his knees on the couch with his arms on the back of the couch and then he comes up behind him and slides a finger up the boy's ass. The guy moans as the other works his finger and then two fingers up his ass. I hear the guy kneeling on the couch ask the other guy several times to fuck him. It's almost like he begging the guy to fuck him. And the other guy moves behind him, and slides his cock deep in the boy's ass in one stroke and then proceeds to fuck the shit out of him and doesn't stop till he cums up the boy's ass.

Fuck. I can't imagine what that must feel like, having a big cock up your ass. It's got to hurt but the guy acted like he loved it. And if that isn't fucked up enough, the guy who got fucked gets off the couch, gets on his knees and sucks the cock that was just up his ass. You can see him licking up the sides of it and sucking on the head trying to get more cum. God, how can he do that? The video ends. Damn. My cock is hard again. Why do I get turned on watching this? I'm not gay.

A new video comes on. It shows an older black guy standing in front of a young white boy. Both are naked. The cock on the black guy is huge. The white guy leans over and starts sucking it. I can't watch this, and I click out of the video. I got to stop watching this crap. God, that black guy's cock was huge.

I force myself away from the computer and go sit down and try to figure out what the fuck is happening to me. I go watch some tv and try to get my mind off those videos but can't stop from thinking that maybe I want to watch some more of them. How can those guys be doing this and really getting off on it?

I get back to the office and work goes well all morning. I do run into one problem that I need to talk to Mr. Grant about and go to his personal secretary, another young guy with his desk in front of Mr. Grant's office. 'I need to talk to Mr. Grant for a few minutes,' I tell his secretary. I see the nameplate on the desk showing the guy's name is Chris.

'Mr. Grant is busy right now. Can you wait a few minutes?' he asks. His voice surprises me as he sounds almost feminine or maybe just really gay.

'No problem,' and I sit down in one of the chairs off to the side.

'I haven't met you yet. I'm Chris.'

Jesus, what a fag but if he's Mr. Grant's secretary I better be nice. 'Glad to meet you Chris. I'm Steve.'

'I know. I asked James about you. He said you were very nice,' his voice such a turn off. 'I hope you like it here. We all love working for Mr. Grant. He is so awesome.'

'I'm sure I will like it too,' I answer hoping he will just leave me alone. I see him smile at me, then get up and go get some files from a filing cabinet. Fuck, he walks like a fucking fag too. He is very slender and only probably five foot, six. He smiles at me again when he sits down.

After a few minutes, I see one of the other sales reps, I think his name is Sammy, walk out of Mr. Grants office. His face is rather red and his hair is a little messed up. He sees me sitting there and looks away quickly like he is embarrassed. What the hell.

'Mr. Grant will see you in just a few minutes Steve,' Chris tells me. Then I hear the intercom.

'Is there anything else Chissie?'

'Yes, Mr. Grant, Steve needs to talk to you about something,' and I hear Mr. Grant tell him to send me in.

I go in and discuss the questions that I had and Mr. Grant helped me clear up how things should be handled. As I'm getting up to leave, Mr. Grant told me that I should call him Tom, that he likes to keep things informal and really get to know the boys that work for him. I'm kind of shocked me when he referred to me and the others as boys, but no big deal. I guess it's better than being called Chissie like he did when he talked to Chris. I can kind of see why he did that, though.

'Ok Tom,' I answer even though it seems weird to use his first name.

'James told me he saw you at the Flamingo the other night. I'm glad you are getting out and meeting some new people. Interesting place, the Flamingo, don't you think?'

'Yea, definitely different than what I was used to.'

'Yes indeed. Now Steve, when a new guy starts working here, my policy is to take them out for a nice dinner. It gives us the opportunity to get to know each other better. Does Saturday evening work for you?'

'Yes, it would work.'

'Ok, I will have my driver pick you up at eight. I have your address. I have used that apartment complex for other boys from out of town that have come to work for me and didn't know the town. Lot of nice guys there. Have you met Troy?'

Oh fuck, Mr. Grant knows Troy too? 'Yes, he was the guy who took me to the Flamingo.'

'Great guy. I bet he showed you a good time.'

'Yea, we had fun.'

'I bet you did,' he says laughing. 'I'm looking forward to spending some time with you.'

'Me too, Si...Tom,' I say, turning and getting out of there before this gets even weirder. I go back to my office and sit down. What the hell have I got myself into here. I feel like I need to get out of this whole situation I've gotten myself into but I can't afford to quit this job. It just seems that every situation involves either Troy or something else that seems rather gay. I mean who has a personal secretary who is a flaming faggot? And the way Sammy looked when he left Mr. Grant's office makes me wonder what had gone on in there. Now he wants to take me out to dinner. Fuck, fuck. I hear a knock on the door and when I tell them to come in, it's James.

'Hey Steve, a couple of the other guys and I are going out to the Flamingo Saturday night if you want to join us. I promise you a good time.'

Fuck, at least I have an excuse to say no. 'Sorry but Mr. Grant asked me to join him for dinner that evening.'

'Understand Steve. Best to keep Tom happy, if you know what I mean. He always takes us to the fanciest restaurants. I think he likes to show us off to his other rich friends.'

'Show us off?'

'You know. An older man out with a good looking young guy can spurn some jealous from some of his peers.'

'I'm not his date.'

'You sure about that Steve,' he says as he turns and leaves.

Jesus, what a fucked up place. Damn, he does know Troy and he knows I was out with Troy. I bet he thinks I'm gay and it dawns on me that Mr. Grant is probably gay as well. I'm fucked. I can't afford to quit this job and I can't run back to Kansas as a failure. What if he tries anything with me? What will he do if I resist any advances he might make? Damn, damn.

I go back to work and struggle through the next few days at work. Chris came into my office one day and asked if there was anything he could do for me, coffee, tea, whatever. God, his mannerisms are so feminine. I swear the slacks he had on were women's slack. The way he smiled at me when he said anything left no doubt that he meant anything. I watched him swish out of my office as he looked back over his shoulder and smiled at me again.

Friday night. I finally got through the week. Hopefully it will get better. I have to try and relax and not let everything get to me. I find myself going over to the computer and before I know it, I'm clicking on that gay website again. I try to tell myself that the only reason I want to watch more of the videos is because I can't believe what some guys do.

The video shows a bedroom all made up in pinks and whites with a canopy bed. I see a slim girl walk into the room, her back to me. She has long blonde hair and is wearing a pair of tight short shorts with 'PINK' written across the back. She also has on one of those stretch tops that would just cover her breasts. When she turns around, I'm shocked that it's a boy. He looks very feminine but it's not hard to tell that it's really a guy.

I watch him walk across the room in his pink slippers with two-inch heels. God, he reminds me of Chris except for the long blonde hair. Finally, he goes over to a makeup table and I watch as he puts makeup on. It's amazing how it changes his look and it would be easy to think it really was a girl. Then he gets up and undresses. His cock is small and not hard at all and his crotch is smooth. He must shave everything off and I notice even his arms don't look like they have any hair on them.

He goes to the dresser and takes out a pair of red panties and puts them on. They are cut high on the sides and after he reaches down and tucks his little cock between his legs, the panties have a nice flat front and I have to admit look rather sexy on him. Then he takes out a matching red bra and you can see there are silicone breast forms pocketed in the bra. He puts it on and I watch as he admires himself in the mirror, turning and checking out his ass. The panties have pulled up into his ass crack a little and make his ass cheeks look rather sexy.

Then he goes to the closet and takes out a red dress and slips it on. It fits tight and just barely covers his ass. Then he takes out a pair of red pumps with spiked heels that have to be at least four inches high. As he checks himself in the mirror, I can't believe how the heels make his legs and ass look so different. I realize he looks sexier than any girl I have ever taken out.

The scene switches to the living room and there is a middle-aged man sitting on the couch sipping on a drink. 'About time, Tanya. I thought I was going to have to come in there and drag your sissy ass out. You do look very sexy though for a naughty little sissy whore. Your money is on the coffee table. He gets up and walks over to her and starts checking her out.

'If I decide to keep seeing you, I'm going to insist on you getting breast implants, big ones, probably at least D cup. With your small body, huge tits would let everyone know what a whore you are.' I can't believe how the guy is talking to her. She just stands there, head down and takes it. 'You are a whore aren't you Tanya?'

'Yes Sir, I'm a whore.'

'A nasty sissy whore who will do anything as long as she gets paid. Right?'

'Yes Sir.'

'You made me wait for you bitch. You should have been ready when I got here. Go over to the wall and put your hands against the wall and you better not move them.'

I watch as she does as she's told. I know it's a guy but it's hard not to think of him as feminine. The man pulls her tight dress up to her waist exposing her ass then pulls her panties down to the bottom of her ass cheeks. He slowly pulls his belt from his slacks, doubles it up in his hand and then brings the belt down hard across both her ass cheeks. She cries out loudly. He uses the belt on her over and over till she's crying so hard. Her ass is bright red. He finally throws the belt down.

'You deserved that, didn't you whore?'

'Yes Sir,' she gets out between sobs. 'I should have been ready.'

'Fix yourself up and go fix me another drink.' She pulls her panties up and dress down and disappears into kitchen and comes back with his drink. 'Now get down on your knees and tell me what a filthy sissy whore you are.'

She goes down to her knees in front of him, 'I'm a disgusting sissy whore Sir. I do really nasty things for men that no girl should do. I let men piss on me and if they tell me, I will drink their piss. I let men watch as several black guys fuck all my holes and cum all over me. I let men punish me till I'm cry and begging and will do whatever disgusting thing they want me to do.' She can't stop crying as she says all that. He lifts her head up, fingers under her chin and slaps her hard and then backhands her.

'You disgust me whore. You want my cock?'

'Yes please Sir. I want to suck your cock so badly.'

He gets up and undresses in front of her then he turns his back to her and bends over, his hands on the couch. 'You want my cock, you have to please my asshole first.'

The girl shoves her face into his ass crack and starts licking. Her hands spread his cheeks and you can see how hard she's trying to please him.

'Get that tongue up my asshole bitch.'

I watch as she rims the guys for quite a while till he turns around. His cock is hard and is at least eight inches and thick. He grabs her head and shoves his cock deep into her mouth choking her. She is fighting to pull off it, gagging badly, but he keeps his cock buried in her mouth. He finally pulls her off his cock, slaps her hard and tells her to impress him. I walk as she takes his cock even deeper and it's not long till he is face facing her hard. He finally pulls out and shoots cum all over her face. Between the cum and her slobber, her face is a mess.

'Don't you dare whip that off. Get up and go get your phone.' When she comes back to him, he takes a picture of her face with it. 'Now who do we want to send this to,' he says as he looks through her address book on the phone. 'Maybe Mom, Dad, maybe your brother.'

'Please don't Sir. I will do anything for you.'

'You already will do that bitch. Let's see I guess I will just pick a name. Who is Michael?'

'I work with him Sir. Please don't send him that picture.'

'Don't you think he deserves to know what a nasty sissy whore he works with?'

'Please don't Sir.'

'Oops, too late. Sent.'

I can see that kind of broke her and she just starts crying. He grabs her by the hair and starts pulling her to the bedroom. 'Time for some of that sissy pussy,' he says as the video ends.

Damn, that was brutal. That guy treated that sissy boy like shit. I can't believe anyone would let someone treat them like that no matter how much they were paid. I wonder if she likes being treated like that. I guess she must or she wouldn't go it. Fuck, I can't believe that was a guy and not a girl and I know I thought of him as a she or a her all the way through that brutal treatment. God, how could he could that? I finally calm down enough to go to bed. Took a couple sleeping pills so I don't have to think about spending time with Mr. Grant tomorrow.

Stay tuned to see how his Saturday night goes.