I May Be Guilty, but... Ch. 03

Early afternoon on Wednesday I told my office receptionist that I won't be needing her after 3 o'clock.

Jerry was my only remaining scheduled appointment, at 4 pm.

Before he showed up, I rearranged my office. I made it somewhat darker and let soft music on. I put the sofa in a semi-reclining position and placed a metronome on a table in front of the sofa.

Jerry rang the bell exactly at 4 and I let him in.

He was dressed in comfortable long pants, simple tee shirt and sandals.

He appeared nervous...

I knew he would be, like most people undergoing a procedure that they do not know much about.

I told him to sit on the chair next to my desk, "Jerry, thanks for being here on time. My plan today is to find out which of the acceptable induction techniques work better for you. Once you are under hypnosis, I'll help you go deeper into almost a sleep mode, such that your sub-conscience will take over. I want you to understand that while I may try to hear certain details from you and direct you to change some of your behavioral habits, even under hypnosis I cannot make you do things that your brain will refuse to accept!..."

"Doctor, I do understand. I promised Debra and I promise you to cooperate as much as I can."

"Let me explain to you what I would like to do next. I am going to make the environment in this room as relaxing as can be with low lighting, soothing music and a comfortable sofa to lean on. I want to get you relaxed. If we are successful reaching with you the status we call 'trance', then everything else should be easier. OK?"

"Thanks for the explanation, doctor. I think I am ready to start now..."

I sat him on the partially reclined sofa, operated the mechanical metronome, told Jerry to listen to the ticks and follow the moving part with his eyes.

I let the device work, observing Jerry's eyes.

After about a minute, his eyes started flickering and his right hand jerked slightly, signaling some effect already.

I talked in a soft and monotonous voice, "Jerry, everything looks great so far. I want you to relax your body, close your eyes and take deep slow breaths..."

His eyes closed, his body lost his tone and his shoulders slumped. Jerry was in a moderate trance state.

Still in a soft soothing voice, "Jerry, I would like to talk to you about your past, because I think that it may help us understand what is going on. Is it OK with you?"

Dreamy voice, "OK."

"Jerry, I will take you back in time. Can you tell me please when and how you started smoking?"

"When I was 12, a classmate stole 3 cigarettes from his mother. He smoked one cigarette, gave me one and another child had the third one. I hated the taste and did not smoke again until I was 17. Then I joined a small group of boys and girls who smoked. I wanted to 'belong', so I started smoking too. It took me few weeks to get used to the taste and 2 more months to actually like it..."

"That is good Jerry... And when did you begin increasing the number of cigarettes per day?"

"When I was 20 I smoked 1 pack a day. I continued the same until I and Debra began having problems. I increased the number of cigarettes to relieve the stress. These days I smoke two and a half packs a day."

"Jerry, did you try exercising more? How about yoga or meditation?..."

"Anything I tried to stop smoking didn't work... I didn't try meditation, but I went twice to a yoga place with a friend and then other couple of times to a YMCA nearby. During these times I was not less stressed than usual and I needed a cigarette in my mouth... I tried Menthol cigarettes, but after a week I felt that it wasn't enough for me."

Talking slowly and calmly, "Jerry, I would like you to relax more and together we will go deeper into your past memory..."

Jerry slumped into the sofa and his breathing slowed down further.

"The other day you told me about your difficulties managing an adequate sexual activity with Debra. Do you think it has to do with your smoking?"

Jerry, in a very low voice, "I am sure that smoking is part of it. Lately I tried to avoid her, because I became breathless easily. The medications were and still are helping my breathing, but not to get my penis hard. After 15 minutes of trying to have sex, I felt in my mouth the need for a cigarette. Thinking about it distracted me even before I got tired..."

"Jerry, you told me confidentially that you tried to have gay sex and it was more successful than with Debra. Why do you think it was?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think that the expectations were different... The smell of smoke coming from my body didn't bother the guy and I didn't have to have a full erection. I was the 'bottom', so the other guy penetrated me. When I really felt the urge to climax, I masturbated myself, which was always easier for me to cum than do it with Debra... I was also sucking the other guy... Sucking a cock temporarily helped the craving for a cigarette in my mouth...

"Jerry, the other day you mentioned that you did it 'only a couple of times', so when did you start having sex with guys and how often did you actually do it?..."

"I didn't tell you the whole truth before... I started it 8 years ago. It was a friend from work. One time we got drunk together. I helped him walking to his apartment and we ended up having sex. Later I had sex with him 2 more times before he moved to another city. Back then at work I had a supervisor who liked to bully me. I didn't want to lose my work, so I didn't resist much. This supervisor somehow found out about my gay encounters and then he started blackmailing me. He told me that if I didn't want Debra to find out about it, I'd have to do whatever he ordered me to do... He knew that I needed the job and wouldn't quit it, so his way of humiliating me was to make me suck his cock whenever he felt like it... I don't think that he was gay, but he wanted me on my knees in front of him swallowing his spunk. My humiliation by my boss prevented my advancement at work. I never told Debra about it... Initially I hated my supervisor for doing it to me, but on those days that he was using my body, I actually ended up smoking less... I finally realized that I was a submissive guy... At one point I began liking the idea of blowing him. It gave me a sense of power to know that I was the one who decided when he would climax inside my mouth... After 3 years he retired and moved to Florida. I was really sorry when he left... I am not sure if this was a Stockholm syndrome or I was destined to be dominated by other men... After this guy left, I had shorter, mostly one time encounters with other men."

"When do you find time to have extramarital activities if you end work so late at night?"

"Three days a week I finish at 8 pm, but the other days I finish at 5 pm. These 2 days I may go to a bar or have 'good time' with another guy. Debra does not know it and she has no idea that on some weekends I do the same, while pretending to be working in the factory..."

"Jerry, we are going to have several more sessions like this one. You were doing very well today! You can continue your gay activity, but ONLY with one partner for now. I want you to cut your smoking to 1 pack a day. After you smoked those 20 cigarettes, you'll feel very bad about it, because you stink! If you start your 21st cigarette, you'll be nauseous and your breathing will worsen too! I also want you to forget about everything we talked about today, except for my instructions and that you are happy to see me again next Wednesday at 4 pm. Now slowly I'll wake you up. I'll count from 1 to 5 and when I say 5, you'll wake up and feel refreshed..."

I slowly started counting, "One... Two... Three... Four... Five!"

Jerry opened his eyes and smiled at me, "Did I do all right?"

"You did very well, Jerry. I'll see you again next week and we will continue..."

"I do not detect anything different about my smoking yet, but I feel... good. Thank you. I'll be back next Wednesday."

The 2nd hypnotherapy session occurred next Wednesday in the afternoon.

Again, I let my secretary leave at 3 pm.

Unlike the first time, Jerry was smiling as he entered the door. He was more comfortable about the session this time.

With the Metronome's help, the induction took less time than before.

Using a monotonous voice I took him deeper. I needed to be sure that his 'trance' level was sufficient to start directing him to where I wanted him to go, but first I needed to clarify some details.

"Jerry, I want to ask you some questions. The answers will help me guide you to achieve better results."

Jerry was looking at me with glazed eyes. He said nothing.

"Jerry, did you cut the number of cigarettes to 20 a day, as I told you last time?"

"Yes doctor."

"And how did you feel each day after finishing the 20th cigarette?..."

"Half an hour later I had an urge to take another cigarette, but once I looked at it I felt nauseous... I waited another 1/2 an hour and tried again, but my nausea returned. I couldn't do anything about it... My night was terrible and I barely slept the first night. the next 3 days and nights were the same, but I tried to be quiet and not wake Debra, so she had no idea what I went through..."

"And how did you feel in the last 2-3 days?"

"A little bit better... In the evenings I was still miserable, but I was able to sleep the nights."

"That's good! We have improved somewhat in this regard!

Now tell me, did you continue your gay activities?"

"I met Daniel twice. I didn't feel like seeing anybody else, so I avoided the others."

"How did it go with Daniel?"

"It was good! He was always nice to me. We met in the evening, two hours after finishing my 20th cigarette. I already knew that if I took the next one I'd be nauseous, so I didn't even try. He let me blow him and it felt good to have him in my mouth... I was sucking him slowly, because I wanted to keep his dick between my lips as much as I could... It was the best replacement for a real cigarette..."

"Did Daniel cum in your mouth or anally?"

The first time I kept sucking him until he wasn't able to hold it anymore and he came in my throat.

The second time he begged me for my ass, so after sucking him for about 20 minutes, I let him fuck me."

"And what did you do about YOUR arousal?..."

"Both times I masturbated myself until I came..."

"Jerry, I want to move now to another subject. Have you ever tried medications that help with erection?"

"Debra talked to me about Viagra. I tried to take a pill one hour before going to bed with her, but I started having severe heartburn and seeing everything blue... I was scared and never tried Viagra again."

"You know, there are other tablets that MAY help you. They are made differently and you can enjoy the benefits without similar side effects..."

"Doctor, I trust you, I am ready to try it."

"Jerry, I know that you didn't want me to tell Debra about your gay activities, but I think that it's time to let Debra know about it. She may be disappointed, frustrated and even feel betrayed, but if we are aiming to restore your full intimate relationship with her, she needs to know what you did and more importantly, that it was helping your oral needs as cigarette replacement. She ought to know that since you are going to try your best to restore your relationship with her, you'd stop seeing Daniel! Jerry, can you do it for me and for Debra?..."

"Debra is going to be very upset... But if you think that it is necessary, I'll tell her. And I will stop seeing Daniel."

"Jerry, you are doing very well so far. So I want to summarize your 'homework' for the upcoming week. Until our next Wednesday's meeting, your assignments will include the following: A. You will reduce the number of cigarettes to 15 a day. B. You'll tell Daniel that you won't be meeting with him again. C. I'll give you half a tablet of Cialis to try one evening. An hour later, if you do not have any side effects, I'd like you to masturbate and see if you get a better erection. But do not try to have sex with Debra yet! D. You'll tell Debra about your gay activities and apologize, saying that it was your desperate move, because you could not hold satisfactory erection otherwise... You'll tell her that overall you started feeling better already. You smoke less and terminated all gay activities that you had in the past. I also want you to remind her about the threesomes you guys used to have in your youth - Ask her if she would agree to try it again... Do not tell her about the Cialis trial yet. Jerry, I gave you many instructions. Please repeat which ones you still remember..."

"Only 15 cigarettes a day, no more Daniel, tell Debra about homosexual sex I had, ask her about threesome again with another guy, try Cialis."

"Jerry, We are doing excellent together. Now, I want you remember ONLY the instructions I gave you, but you won't remember anything else we talked about. I am going to wake you now, and like last time, at 5 you'll be fully awake feeling good and refreshed. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5!"

Jerry opened his eyes and smiled shily, "Doctor I feel fine. I don't remember much, except that I need a prescription from you. I'll have a serious talk with one of the guys at work and I am going to make a tough confession to Debra. I'll see you again next Wednesday." And then he was gone.

As he was leaving, I called Debbi, "Darling, Jerry will be home in 40 minutes or so. He is going to try confessing certain activities... Then the 2 of you will have a discussion about it. Please, be nice to him! I promised him not to talk to you about it and let HIM say everything. It may be tough for you to hear it, but now I am convinced that we are on the right way to help both him and you... And it's not just the smoking, but with your overall relationship. So hear him out, show him that you are upset... but, PLEASE, try to forgive him, so that we can all go forward toward the same goal!..."

Debbi sounds concerned, "I do not understand what you are talking about... Knowing that I am going to hear something very unpleasant scares me, but I'll try to be strong..."

"OK love. I'll talk to you tomorrow afternoon. Good night!"

Next day around noon I phoned Debbi.

"Hello dear, how was the talk with Jerry last night?..."

"How would I describe it - WEIRD is the first word that comes to mind! For quite some time I was suspecting that Jerry was having an affair, but I didn't guess that it was with other men!... Initially it hit me like a hammer! After his confession I took some time to think about it. I started getting what he was saying to me - 'Debra, I wouldn't cheat on you with another woman, but with another man I do not have to have an erection and get tired until my breathing was holding me down...' You warned me to be strong, so when he said to me that he won't ever see his 'mate' again, I only said to him that he hurt me badly by not trusting me enough to tell me the truth... He was surprised that I took it 'easy'... Jerry asked if I would have agreed to let him have sexual activity with a man during a time that he was avoiding my advances. I told him that I knew about his physical limitations, but if he had explained his MENTAL issues well enough, I'd probably try to find some kind of compromise... One that both of us could live with. Then he asked me if I would consider retrying a threesome with another man, which, assuming he was a nice, safe and bisexual, may benefit both of us. I told Jerry that everything would be better than the current situation. I agreed as long as the other man was not one of his former partners or a friend from work who might recognize me or later abuse it the wrong way... Jerry seemed happy with my answer and said that he did not know anybody who would fit the description, but he would try to look for somebody. After this confession I told Jerry to sleep in the other room for the night... I needed to think it over! I could hardly sleep... Again and again I saw in front of my face imaginary pictures of Jerry with another man. Toward the morning I became more realistic. A divorce was out of the question... I realized the tough situation that confronted Jerry with his physical disability and his mental anguish. And... behind his back I was cheating on him too!... Now that the truth about Jerry's past extracurricular activity is in the open, I can appreciate you trying to help us..."

"Debbi, that's the spirit! So far Jerry cut his smoking from two and a half packs a day to less than one pack a day. In addition he will stop seeing the other guy. Now that Jerry's conscience is clean, he may start feeling better about himself... However, I wanted to warn you, that he may still have oral cravings, especially in the evenings, after consuming his 15th cigarette of the day. Please do not try to have sex with him during this stressful transition time, because if he fails, he'll feel terrible and regress again! I am going to see Jerry in my office 2-3 more times and hope for further significant improvements!...

In the meantime, I'd like to see you soon my love and enjoy your company... When can I see you?"

Debbi laughing, "you are so encouraging and optimistic... I like that you take charge and willing to invest your time helping not just Jerry, but me too... Yes, I'd love to see you... Jerry is coming home earlier this evening, so I'll try to be nice to him and make a meal that he really likes. But If you are free tomorrow, I am at your service..."

"Debbi, assuming that you stay in a good mood, spending the evening with Jerry is a very good idea... I'll see you tomorrow at 5 in my house. Kisses dear..."

The next day I arrived home at 4:05 pm.

I took a shower and dressed casually. I started rewarming the Thai food that I bought on the way home.

I didn't have to wait long. Debbi knocked on my door at 4:45.

I opened the door and Debbi jumped on me, kissing me hard, "David, I am a little early. I missed you too much... Will you fuck me now please?... All day long the only thing I could think of was how much I want to smell you, feel your heavy body on mine and having your cock inside me..." Winking, "I am getting addicted to your body. Do you think that a certain doctor may cure me of this nagging problem?..."

Chuckling, "No! You do not need therapy... You are a very normal pretty lady, who is simply trying to recharge her batteries that got empty during many years of sex-deprivation... BTW, I have Thai food that I brought for us on the way home, but it can wait. I am going to remove the food from the oven... Once I am back, you better be naked, standing at the door to my bedroom!..."

It took me 2 minutes to go to the kitchen, turn off the oven and be back.

I saw Debbi in the nude, standing still and watching me with lust in her eyes...

"On your knees!" I ordered, pointing my finger downward.

Debbi approached me slowly, sexily swaying her hips... She bent her knees and laid on the rug.

She opened my zipper and lightly caressed my growing organ. "It's so hard because of me, Sir... I'd better take care of it for you..."

No foreplay, she began sucking me in earnest. Her excellent BJ took me very fast too close to a point of no return...

I pulled her shoulders up, dragged her to the nearest wall, lifted her hands up and shoved my cock into her moist pussy all the way in one big move! She gasped. I was too aroused to make the position more comfortable for her and me... I pounded her body like that against the wall for like 10 minutes.

Debbi came once... and was close to having a second orgasm when I erupted in her cunt.

We were tired...

We rested in bed for 1/2 an hour before devouring the Thai food with a nice glass of Chardonnay.

I met Debbi 2 more times before the upcoming Wednesday. In these encounters we had mostly sex and good meals (Once at home and the other outside).