All Comments on 'I Miss Her'

Good first story!

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I understand these two people. Depression takes a life just as sure as a bullet and not all the scars are on the outside.

This is so well-written and so sad! My wife and I also have a lack of physical intimacy in our relationship which she attributes to her lack of libido following a hysterosalpingo-oophorectomy in the early 1990s. (You may be writing from personal experience because not many people know or use the medical term for a total hysterectomy). This libidinal imbalance in a relationship is both unfair and sad.

Soul crushing. But good story!

At 75 I have been at “it” longer than others and not as long as some. I know the pain intimately. My wife treats me like an acquaintance not her spouse. I have given up all hope, yet she is critical of other women who do the same to their husbands, especially the husbands she fancies.

Five stars, but I don't love it. I hate it. That's still good writing.

I hope you aren't writing from experience, but I strongly suspect you are. I don't know what to say other than 'Hang in there'. I don't think it gets easier.

*****Wow so sad true or not what a heart braking story. God Bless you for staying.

Powerful.

Why hang on?

One time I managed to jerk off when sick with a massive headache and ended up puking on myself. Seriously think about that. It's my fucked up priorities that made it happen. And you're not a priority for her. There could be a million reasons why much of which are touched upon in all the stories on this site. But what's concerning isn't so much of a lack of sex life...

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What it sounds like is a lack of ANYTHING from her.

Jesus she could pinch your nipples or fondled your nuts for you while you jerked it once a week. Some might laugh but we both know that would be a massive welcome improvement. And you don't even get that.

Above all else keep reminding yourself of this because...

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Dude, STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER. STOP. THIS ISN'T ASKING FOR THE MOON! YOU DESERVE THIS! YOU DESERVE INTIMACY FROM YOUR PARTNER! You realize how fucking crazy that sounds to even say? Don't let anyone try to turn this around on you or your porn consumption (because it's gonna happen if it hasn't already).

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You need to get this "Never Divorce" crap out of your head.

My parents are in their 60s. Catholic so also a "never divorce". I never moved away so I've had a front row seat of their shit show of a marriage the entire time. They were fighters and yelling the loudest wins the fight. Being an adult now I look back and shake my head at how fucking stupid they were because of how avoidable 99% of the drama was. And you know what I looked forward to the most? To hear one of them laugh. If I was in my room and heard one of them laugh then I knew there wasn't going to be a fight and I could loosen my grip. Otherwise I was constantly on high alert. I wanted to see my parents happy because it meant I could be happy.

Your kids aren't stupid. My father doesn't realize I know he cheated on my mom when deployed decades ago and my mom doesn't realize I know she cheated on my dad with a guy she met from the college she was taking classes at as well as her boss at the time. They don't know that I know they had a pseudo-open relationship that resulted from just trying to one up each other. Kids play dumb to certain things when they're young for the same reason adults try to keep these things from them. I really wish they did divorce. They both deserved to be happy. I'm not saying to divorce. I'm saying don't take it off the table

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You do realize that kids look to their parents relationship and use that as a blueprint when they grown up don't you? Is this the dynamic you want your children to have with their marriages? They sense something isn't right and Dad isn't happy and fulfilled. They'll see how mom and dad aren't intimate and are basically roommates. That's what they're learning right now.

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There's another reason you're trapped. You've been in this situation for so long and feel helpless. You're terrified of change by taking the first step. What you have now is something you know how to deal with. Change involves unknowns. And it's easy to blame having kids or other obligations for it not being the right time. The moment you realize this it becomes easier to go through that invisible barrier holding you back.

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You have some other serious problems personally. You're a beaten man. You said it yourself. That insecurity and all that other shit, makes taking this on so much more difficult. Also having her mother live with you killed things on its own. My grandparents lived with my family for a few years and destroyed my parents relationship even more than it was. And now you're just in a spot that you just accept whatever. You're in a helpless state that makes you highly suggestible and agreeable given the right stimulus. And something you need to accept is the fact she knows your limits and how to manipulate you. And you've gotten used to it. Or you let her get away with it because it's easier. To keep peace or make your woman happy.

You're not going to get out of this from this mindset.

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And think about it man, the man I described just above. Can you see why it's easy for her to not put any effort in? Can you imagine any women that wants to fuck that guy? Does she deserve that guy?

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There's 2 things you need to do right now to get back on the right path.

1 Get the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy " by Dr. Robert Glover

You're a nice guy and it's working against you. This book is like the breaking #1 self help text suggested to men with any relationship issues.

2 Start going to the gym and lifting weights. Go to the gym like crazy and take out your aggression on lifting heavy things. Build muscle. You're in your 50s I doubt anyone is going to argue this isn't a good idea.

Ya, sounds stupid but without knowing you personally even those 2 things will go a VERY long away.

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Keep divorce as an option but don't jump in without seeing a lawyer first. But really there could be a million things going on. It could very likely be undiagnosed mental health issues of hers.

Buuutt....there's also the obvious thing you never mentioned. It makes sense because it always catches nice guy husbands by surprise...

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Is it at all possible that she's having an affair?

I'd stop and give a serious look at her with an objective eye.

Whats her day like? Does she go out at all? Work? Who comes over and visits and who does she go to visit the most? Pull up your cell phone records and look at the frequency and times calls and texts go in and out from her phone and look for anything fishy.

I'm serious about this. There's a laundry list of issues she can pull from to justify starting an affair "for herself". The Cancer. The Kids. Her Age. All her medical stuff. Her past mental issues.

And I hate to say this but people have a way of letting each other down but don't rule out any of your friends or either of each others family of child baring age.

Because let me tell you I can give the exact same line you did about begging and pleading for it. Except for me it was a 26 yo ex gf and she was really fucking believable and I ate it all up because I wanted to be the nice boyfriend.

And think about who was coming and going out of your lives 9 years ago the last time you had sex. What life changes?

Is she always online or on her phone? It would be trivial for her to justify flirting online with guys as the same as your porn consumption.

Also affairs can be emotional without sex. If she's talking to someone she's bonded with either online or in person it's possible it can be an emotional affair if not a physical affair.

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Get the book

Hit the Gym

You deserve this. And if all else fails

then Just stop paying bills. See how quick shit changes.