I Pay for My Sins

I have been a Catholic all of my life. I have done what any good Catholic girl would do -- attend mass every Wednesday and Sunday, involve myself in the volunteer community, and most importantly, serve the church. Before college, I served in the church choir and made sure to help Father Paul with anything that he needed. Father Paul was a kind man -- traditional but not restrictive. He knew we participated in society and occasionally fell ill to the evils of the world we live in. I felt comfortable in confessional with him, I felt comfortable telling him how I fell into the occasional temptation. When Father Paul retired, I was entering college, and everything changed.

Not only was I enveloped in a college environment filled with sin and temptation, but I had to come to terms with Father John. Father John was a punitive and radical man. In our church services, he pushed chastity and obedience. He disregarded the society we lived in and pushed us young women to become the traditional and chaste women that the church required centuries ago. He made us women sign vows of chastity and promise to serve the church four times a week. He was judgmental in the confessional booths and shamed the women that chose to live a modern life. I knew better than to tell Father John my sins. I wasn't ready to be shamed for the modern and liberal life I chose to pursue. I was receiving an education that forced me to look outside of the society I grew up in, I met new friends who did not participate in the life I lived, and more than anything, I met men.

I drank alcohol for the first time last Saturday, and as I slowly became more disinhibited, I began eyeing my classmate from my Communications class at a frat party. The world was closing in around me as I dripped sweat, swaying my hips and dancing as I flaunted my body to the men and women around me. I had never felt this liberated or sexual. My roommate let me borrow a low-cut top that night, and I could feel my exposed breasts bounce as I jumped around with my friends.

My classmate approached me and began to touch my waist. I had never felt the touch of a man so close before this. He clenched tighter to me as he drew closer. I could feel my breasts on his body and his leg between my thighs. We danced as we looked into each other's eyes, and we both knew what we wanted. He began to kiss my neck as I grabbed onto him and swayed with the music. Finding a drunken bravery within ourselves, we began to make out heavily. I could feel the heat rise in my body as I felt his tongue enter my mouth, kissing me in a way no one ever kissed me before. In fact, I had never been kissed with tongue before. He grabbed my face with his hand as he continued to make out with me, his other hand inching to my ass. He squeezed my ass as his tongue made me forget the world around me. In the dimly lit frat basement, he decided to inch his tongue down my mouth, onto my neck, and eventually onto my breasts.

I could feel him kissing and licking my breasts as I discovered a new feeling that I could not place. I felt a heat between my legs, and I began to feel something throb. And it was like he knew exactly what to do with that throbbing feeling. In a crowded and dark room full of wasted young college students, we both knew no one was paying attention to us. He moved one of his hands down to my thighs and began to slowly inch his way up to my pussy, clasping my pussy with his hand on top of my jeans. He began rubbing my pussy as I felt my throbbing grow harder, and his tongue kept trying to slip behind my low-cut top and bra onto my nipple. With his other hand, he cupped my breast so that he could position his tongue closer to my nipple. He heard my immediate moans and knew I was begging for more.

He abruptly stopped his actions and held my hand, leaving the basement with me and guiding me to an upper room. We entered a bedroom and locked the door behind us. As he threw me on the bed to continue making out, he hurriedly grabbed the front of my jeans and began unzipping them. He pulled my jeans down and I began to understand just how wet my pussy had become under my underwear. He palmed my underwear and began rubbing me from the outside. I began to moan as my juices soaked my underwear. Taking this as a sign to graduate to the next step, he unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans, taking down both his underwear and jeans in one fell swoop. I still felt dizzy from the alcohol, and I could feel him stumbling towards me. He nearly ripped my underwear off, then spitting onto my pussy and rubbing it around my opening. He then grabbed his cock and stuck his tip inside of me. I nearly screamed, as I could not understand what this feeling was or how it came about so quickly.

I had never had a man's cock inside of me before, and in the back of my head, I felt as if I wasn't ready. He pushed himself inside of me as I moaned a combination of pleasure and pain. He wasn't big by any means, but with my virgin pussy, everything was a shock. He began thrusting inside of me as he reached places I had never known existed, and as I felt my body begin to sweat and a heat rise inside of me, I could tell he was feeling the same. He began moaning louder and louder and soon took himself out of me. I imagined he had to stop for some reason, possibly due to pain or some discomfort. However, his body clenched as he held onto his cock, and he let out an enormous moan as he squirted his cum all over my mound and the outside of my pussy. I stared drunkenly at him as he finished, unsure of what I was supposed to do now or how I should be feeling.

The room was spinning as I felt a mixture of pleasure, confusion, and shame. He had made me feel a heat and pleasure that I had never felt before, but I felt as if I had gone nowhere with it. Was it supposed to be this quick? What is supposed to feel this way? I felt an incredible shame for feeling any pleasure at all, and yet a part of me still felt unfulfilled. Was this all that the dishonorable women of the church searched for? A few seconds of pleasure? More importantly, how was I supposed to return to church next week knowing that I had committed the ultimate sin? That I gave my body to a stranger and not to God?

I wrestled with this turmoil for the next few days, and on Wednesday during my service to the church, I confided in my friend, Anna, over what had surpassed. I told her my accident, my sin, and the shame of knowing that I stood before God as a sinner. She was understanding yet chastising. She reminded me of Father John's sermons and how "whores" would find no place in heaven. I hung my head in shame as I wrestled with my mistake. A mistake that brought no pleasure to me in the end. A mistake that could jeopardize everything that I had worked for at the church all these years. How was I going to atone for my sins?

I couldn't bring this to the confessional booth, I was too scared for how Father John would treat me for my sins. However, it turns out that the power was not in my hands. As I was instructing the children's church choir on Saturday, Father John burst the doors of the church open, striding down the aisle with a determination and intensity that I had never seen before. He looked at me sternly as he rushed in front of me, slamming his hand to close my music book on the podium and looking into my eyes with his icy stare.

"I need to see you tomorrow after the final service," he growled.

Staring into his piercing blue eyes, terrified for what was to come, I let out a meek "yes, sir" as I nodded my head.

"Good," he concurred, as he rushed off with the same speed he entered. I always knew he was a stern man, but I had never seen him with this level of fury.

The final church service came the next day, and I felt myself sitting in the pews, feeling the wrath of Father John's stare more than usual. As he spoke of damnation and obedience, I could see him search for my gaze with every heavy word. It was as if he tailored this sermon for me, searching for my reaction with every statement. He prayed for the sinners in the room, and I couldn't help but feel that he knew I was one. I feel like he knew every secret of mine. I felt naked as he looked upon me, showering me with shame and regret. I felt an odd heat with all of the attention he was giving me. As he spoke about twisted punishment for those who veer off of the holy path, I couldn't help but feel that same throb I felt at the night of the party.

As the sermon ended, I meekly approached his office, my heart pounding in my chest and my hands shaking for the damnation he was going to send me to. I knocked on the door and he let out a stern exclamation to let me in. As I stepped foot into his office, I could feel the air change. He gazed directly into me, never taking his eyes off of me, as I could see a mix of anger, determination, and something else in his stare.

"Close the door," he ordered.

I did as he said, and I slowly inched my way to where he sat at his desk. The luminescent lights of the office reflected on his salt and pepper hair, and I saw his broad shoulders and toned forearms in a way I had never seen them before. He had an air of righteous fury and human greed around him. He was all God and all man tonight.

"Do you know why I asked you to see me tonight?"

"No, sir," I whispered back.

"Don't lie to me. Not here."

"Sir, I..."

"Don't fucking lie to me. I know where you put that dirty mouth of yours last weekend."

"How, how did you..."

"How do you think? Those who walk the path of righteousness know to seek me for guidance. Anna was absolutely horrified by what you did with that man."

"Father, I was just having fun..."

"Don't call me Father. I'm no Father to you." As he arose from his chair and crossed the desk towards me, he exclaimed, "How DARE you disrespect me that way. How DARE you give your body to another man."

He now stood directly in front of me, toppling over me as I smell his aftershave and feel his hot breath.

"You've disrespected me, and you've disrespected God. You have abandoned everything you worked for, you have abandoned your chance in heaven, to be someone's fucking whore."

"Sir, I'm not a..."

"A whore? Who else would let a man stick his cock in your virgin pussy and come inside of you."

My face flushes and I begin to tremble as I feel him become more unpredictable and aggressive in front of me. In my hazed stupor I retort,

"He didn't... he didn't come inside of me, sir."

"Oh, he didn't now? Well then tell me what he did do to you."

"Well, he put himself inside of me..."

"I know that, I'm not stupid. I need you to tell me EVERYTHING he did to you. This is your time to confess. Those who walk the path of honesty may still have a chance to be freed."

I shuddered knowing I would have to recount every detail of that night to him.

"We, um, we kissed. And he used his tongue on my breasts, and... worked his way down to my nipples."

I saw him gaze down onto my breasts and imagine my nipples under my dress. I could then feel his body inching even closer to mine, nearly pressing his entire being onto me as I felt him careen his head and lean into my ear, making me whisper softly as I could feel him smell my body. He smelled the sweat on my neck and the scent of my hair as I could nearly feel something twinge beneath his pants.

"He licked my nipples as he grabbed my breasts, using his other hand to palm my pussy on the outside of my jeans."

I could feel him groan into my ear when I said the word pussy.

"He then took me into a room, and he pulled my pants and underwear off. He spit on my pussy and then put himself inside of me."

I could feel his breath getting faster against my skin as I knew he was vividly imagining what the sight of my wet pussy looked like.

"And then... he came."

"Where?"

"On... on me."

"Good. At least you got one thing correct acting like a godless slut. Insemination is an unbreakable bond. And you are never allowed to give that gift to someone that you will not serve for the rest of your life."

As he let out that breathy whisper in my ear, I could feel his harsh intonation when he called me the sinful name that he did, and I felt that insatiable throb between my legs grow harder and harder.

As if possessed, he decoupled himself from me, turning his back to me as he walked back to the seat of his desk, fixing the growing cock in his pants.

"My child, do you know why we at the church endorse shame?"

"Because... the only way to lead back to the path of righteousness is through punishment?"

"That's correct. For your irreparable sin, you will need to be punished. You have dirtied yourself with the sins of this world, and you have given away your most precious gift. You are worthless now. And you have brought shame upon me and this church. The only reparation is to make you feel what I feel now."

"Father, I'll do anything, anything to be free again."

"Good. Take off your clothes."

"I'm... I'm sorry?"

"You heard me. Take off your clothes."

He sat with his legs wide, his bulging cock protruding through his black pants. He held a sadistic smirk on his face and I wrestled with the thought of exposing myself to my leader. I would feel helpless and shamed if I was naked in front of him, and I imagine that was exactly what he wanted me to feel. I understood my punishment, and in my dutiful obedience, I began to slowly take off my dress. I looked to him for approval, and when I saw his sly nod, I knew I had to keep going. I took off my shoes and then, I moved to my bra. As I unclasped my bra and my breasts fell naked before him, I heard him groan as he began to caress his cock outside of his pants. My nipples perked with the cold air in the room and I fell into a stupor. I felt outside of my own body and my mind. I moved my hands down to my underwear as I slipped them off. I saw a wet cream building in my underwear which I had never seen before. I attempted to reach my hand down myself and examine where it originated from, but Father John stopped me.

"Don't you dare touch yourself. Your body is mine. Your body is God's. It is not yours to please or explore. Take your hands away from yourself until I tell you to."

I felt exposed beyond my deepest imagination. I was powerless and weak. I was completely his.

He then instructed me to come to him with my underwear. As I reached his chair, he snatched my underwear from me, looking deep into my eyes as he brought my soaked underwear up to his face. He closed his eyes and smelled my juices, then tongued every inch of my wetness from the cloth. My mouth was left agape as I saw him furrow his brow and devour my juices. His face was perfection. He was God incarnate.

"Look at me. What do you feel in your pussy?" He asked.

"I... I don't know what it is. I feel something hot crawling through my body. I feel something there keep throbbing, and it just keep getting stronger and faster. I don't know what those juices are or where they came from."

"I'll show you. Sit on top of my desk and spread your legs out in front of me."

I hurriedly obliged and spread my legs wide for him.

"Look at you. You're perfect. It's a shame that you wasted yourself. All I see is the pussy of a little whore now. You're creaming all over yourself, look at you. You're desperate."

He drew his chair closer to the desk, and his face was only a few inches from my wet pussy. He kept his hands on his lap as his eyes enveloped every part of my pussy. I was ashamed of his gaze. I was needy.

He inched his face closer and closer to my pussy, and I could feel my pussy react with every movement.

"You see, when a whore like you gets desperate, her pussy starts begging. It start engorging and throbbing. It starts to get hot and secrete wet, sticky cream. It practically begs for a cock to be put inside of it. It's disgusting. It's beneath you. Don't you feel ashamed?"

I nearly begin to cry from the overwhelming feelings of lust and shame. I reply with, "I do, sir, I do..."

"You should. Because look at what you're going to do when I do this."

He takes his right hand from his lap and immediately extends his pointer finger into the opening of my wet pussy and onto my G-spot. I gasp in shock and pleasure as my hips buck below him. I flash a glance of uneasiness to him as he continues to slowly caress my G-spot. My face cannot help but turn from shame to an immense and inconceivable amount of pleasure. His caressing grows stronger and faster as my moans begin to get heavier.

"I've... I've never felt that before," I attempt to breathily whisper between my moans.

"This type of pleasure can only come from the knowledge of a man of God. You will only be able to feel like this with me. And only I will be able to do this to you, understood?"

I nod in swift agreement.

"And only I will be able to do THIS to you, too."

He sticks another finger into my pussy as I begin to feel a full wave of pleasure down my back. In doing so, he also moves his mouth onto the top of my pussy, where he slowly drips his spit down from his tongue and onto my clit. He uses that spit to maneuver his tongue along my clit, circling and sucking it with ever-increasing intensity. I nearly scream with the amount of dual pleasure. I have never felt such complex feelings before, and my classmate had never made me feel like THIS.

I can tell how much cream I am secreting, and I can see him lap every drop up. He's enveloped in my body, and I can see his domineering determination in providing me with the most intense pleasure possible. I can't help but bend to his desire. I begin to feel myself thrust and throb as my breathing gets heavier and my moans get louder.

I beg of him, "Yes, Father, oh God, please!!"

I begin to squirm for him as the heat finally overtakes me. I can feel my body tremble as I begin to cream onto his face and reach my very first orgasm. My body trembling from the shock of this exploding feeling, he slowly takes his fingers out of me and begins to lick every drop of cream from his fingers. He then returns to lick and suck every last drop of me while he rubs his face into my soaked pussy. He's covered in my cum as he lifts himself to my face, grabbing my face with one hand and dictating:

"I am the only one who can make you feel that way. You will never be able to hide anything from me. You are mine."

I nod in a haze of pleasure and obedience.

"Now come sit on my lap."

Still fully clothed, he returns to his seat as he guides me to straddle him. I sit on top of him, completely naked as my wet pussy sits on top of his enclothed and throbbing cock. I can feel my pussy juices seep into his pants, and as I begin to get up in fear that I may ruin them, he grabs me by my hips, pushes me against his hard cock, and begins forcing me to grind on it. I can feel it rub against my sensitive clit as I begin to feel an increasing pleasure once again. He grabs me by the back of my head and pushes my mouth against his, forcibly kissing me again and again. As he keeps my mouth against his, his other hand begins to palm my naked breasts, simultaneously pinching my nipple between his pointer and middle fingers. I let out a moan into his mouth, and I feel his cock twitch with anticipation. He then moves his mouth to my other breast as his tongue begins to circle my nipple.

Shaming me, he moves his head back to spit onto my nipple before his mouth envelops it, sucking and licking it while his hand begins to pinch my other nipple harder. I grasp the back of his neck as my breathing gets heavier, moving my breasts up and down as he continues to send waves of pleasure down me. He then moves his mouth to my other nipple, sloppily increasing his spit as he licks and sucks it too, now pinching my other nipple in return. With his one free hand, I can feel him push me deeper into his cock as my clit begins to enlarge with every second I spend grinding against him. My moans get louder once again, and I can feel my body's heat rising once again, nearly reaching me to my second orgasm. Father John notices and barely lifts his mouth from my nipple as he replies to my begging body: