I Watch My Best Friend

Let the record show that I'm not an exhibitionist. I mean sure, I never really had any issues being semi-nude in front of people. And I do get a tense little thrill when I know someone's watching me. I've never really been ashamed of that. (The part that is a little shameful, and not something I've ever told anyone, is that sometimes this thrill happens even if it's a dirty old man ogling me. I dont have to be attracted to the person to find it incredibly hot to catch them staring at me. Probably not a win for feminism, but hey ho.)

Oh and I did let my best friend watch me have sex. But I wouldn't call myself an exhibitionist; I'm not a pervert or anything.

I also want the record to show that I'm not a voyeur. But I suppose that's where this all started: me being tricked into watching.

I worked in a market as a checkout girl, but I knew things would get better. It was a boring job, but I'd surprised myself by enjoying it. Having spent my teenage years convinced that all people were bastards, it was uplifting to interact with different people all day and discover that actually only most people were bastards. Some of the customers were genuinely pleasant, and I found myself looking forward to seeing the regulars.

One of these regulars was Maya. There are three major things to know about Maya. Number one is that she's hot af. Long black hair that swishes dramatically as she saunters around. Stunning green eyes that blend out in captivating spirals to a pale brown on the outer edges of her irises. Big ass titties. Long legs that she shows off at every opportunity. Eyebrows that are always elegantly on point. A self-described Bollywood Bombshell.

I'm not gay, but I guess I'm just as 'not gay' as I am 'not an exhibitionist'. I'd never been with a woman before, but I could certainly see the appeal. I'm attracted to about 30% of the men I see on the day-to-day, 5% of the women, and 100% of the Maya's. I would never admit that to her, but I think she knew. Sometimes she would smile at me, but hold eye contact as my eyes struggled not to glance down at her full lips or tremendous cleavage. I swear those things had some sort of stellar mass, because I always had to fight against their gravity not to be a gawping Gertrude. Maya knew, and it seemed like she found it very amusing. The smug bitch.

At first I couldn't actually tell if she liked the attention, or just found it funny. She was unreadable to me, in a way that was both frustrating and exciting. The first few times I saw Maya, my thought process had been something like this:

Damn this girl is stacked.

She's so friendly!

And funny!

Is she... flirting with me?

Oh no, she's just being polite.

Wait, she's definitely flirting with me now.

Oh never mind, I guess she's just a really friendly person.

She sure eats a lot of cheese.

Was that a funny, joking innuendo, or is she flirting with me...?

Do I want her to be flirting with me?

Well it doesn't matter, because she's not flirting with me. Probably.

Stop staring at her boobs!

Etc etc ad nauseam.

As I said, I've never really been shy or prudish, but Maya often made me feel like a blushing virgin. In a way I suppose I was.

Second thing to know is that Maya is aggressively outgoing. She knew everyone and everything that was going on, and it made me feel special to know that she liked me. She laughed at my dumb jokes, sympathised with my petty dramas. It was a little demeaning to feel so #blessed to have the attention of this 'cool girl'. I was embarrassingly delighted when one day she said "Babe, you're hilarious. Give me your phone number, we are now officially best friends." Her tone was firm and it made my stomach go all tight and fizzy. I think I even started to cross my legs. It was like the silly, clichéd moment that the hot, popular girls decide to take pity on the shy loser. Her attention and favour was worth ten times that of anyone else.

Normally I don't make friends quickly; it's more of a slow process to get me to trust people. They're all bastards, remember? Not the case with Maya, and I truly appreciated her extroversion. I hadn't been in town long and she brightened my work day and my free time.

The third, and most pertinent thing to know about Maya, was that she was completely shameless, and certainly one of the aforementioned perverts. She had no boundaries and revelled in telling me as many lurid details about her sex life as she could. Nothing truly outrageous, but she was voracious and had a new partner, male or female, practically every week. I was in awe of her confidence and sexual freedom.

A brief note about bisexuality. I don't think I ever asked Maya what her preferences were, because she had this air of pure confidence and control. Whatever she said, whatever opinion she raised, whatever action she took, she made it seem normal, natural and yet still 100% hers. Before I met her I think I was the sort of person that leaned on pigeonholing people and classifying the world to make sense of it. But the more time I spent with her, the less any of that mattered to me. I think I wanted to imagine that I was similar to her, and so I pushed my insecurities as deep down as I could and tried to pretend I didn't care about what label to put on things. I think that's all anyone really does. So I wouldn't say that Maya was bisexual, she was just her. As for me, I was trying to find out what being 'just me' might look like.

And so our story begins.

It was the end of summer; a long, sticky season that had been insufferably hot. I was at work, and suffering. The only way to make it through the day was to hold ice cubes to my face and shoulders until they melted. The rivers of chilly water running over my skin prickled and soothed in equal measure.

I was dying, and dramatically so. Anytime a colleague or customer came past I would sigh loudly and make sad little pants of heat exhaustion. Nobody had anything more than polite sympathy for me. I didn't especially blame them, I don't respond well to drama queens either.

Then, of course, my hero arrived. Maya was sporting a crop top that was working overtime to contain her boobs, but that exposed her torso deliciously. Flawless skin curved down to the top of some baggy pants that would have looked frumpy on a mortal being, but effortlessly comfortable on her. Even on such a stuffy and sweaty day, she radiated a casual grace that made me feel cooler just by looking at her.

She winked at me before diving into the aisles. I chivvied along a polite old man who was just trying to make conversation with me. Yes, Merv, I'm sure your granddaughter is doing really well at preschool, but Maya is here. It's time for you to fuck off now. I'm sure he understood.

My little area behind the cash register had some steps up to it, which I was incredibly grateful for due to my height. I am definitely taller than 5ft. Definitely. I will fight anyone who says otherwise. But even in my most delusion states I could never pretend to be anything more than 'just over 5ft'. So the opportunity to look most people in the eye is one aspect of the job I genuinely loved. However, it did make me slightly more visible than usual, so I had to frantically straighten my hair and quickly pick my teeth for stray morsels before Maya got back out into the open. One must always look their best when royalty arrives.

She only took a minute to float back from her foraging. Eyes sparkling at me, she dumped a handful of things on the counter. I flashed her a smile as I de-leaned myself from the register. I tried to pose nonchalantly, and I choose to believe that I absolutely nailed it.

"Hey babe, fancy seeing you here."

I laughed like it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. Except it wasn't very funny, and I didn't laugh. I giggled. Like a fucking schoolgirl. Ridiculous what that woman does to me.

"Well, here I am. Love the outfit, girl."

"Aww thank you. I wish I could say the same but your uniform is as trashy as ever. Seriously, it's like they're trying to make you all as ugly as possible."

I just grunted in response, and shrank in on myself a little. It's true that the uniform t-shirt I had to wear for work was drab and too big for me, with the added bonus of it being made out of scratchy asbestos that retained heat like nobody's business. I wasn't particularly shy of my body or my appearance, but the shirt of shame had really done a number on me lately. I'm sure if Maya had worn it she would have looked amazing somehow, but it definitely didn't do me any favours.

To give you the full picture: I tie my hair back for work in a big bushy tail that is never really under control. Whenever I look in the mirror I see strands floating at the sides of my head like a deranged scientist, no matter how tightly I try to scrape it all together. I have pretty boring blue eyes, and a nose that's too small for my face. I don't think I'm ugly, but I do have a deep fear that I look a bit like a cute weasel rather than a cute woman.

The rest of me is pretty average, but on the smaller side of things. My tits aren't small. They're certainly not big, but they're not small. Not like, tiny. The only words anyone has ever used to describe them have been "cute" or "adorable". I guess that's still technically complimentary, but not words that spark joy for me.

What I lack in the breasticle department, I more than make up for in the butt aisle. I got ass in spades and I got ass for days. I do a lot of squats these days, to keep the sag monster away, but that thing has always been out of control. It was so bodacious that it would have made Nelly say 'Good gracious!'. I think it's mostly a trick of perspective because I'm so short. I can't ever see the stage at a concert, but at least all of my ass and thighs are condensed into a Thiccness.

"Yeah, the uniform is not good."

"Mmhmm. So, when I am gonna see you without it on?"

I think I made a distinctly froggy noise as the air collapsed from my throat. She's smiling at me and tapping her fingernails on the counter.

"Wha...ummm, what?" I manage to gasp out.

She laughs as I blush furiously, and that only makes it worse.

"Relax babe, I just meant out of that garbage and into some actually nice clothes. Although... I do wonder what you're hiding under there."

Her smile turned predatory as her eyes roamed all over me. My face was heating up so much that I thought I would get heatstroke. I was completely unable to tell how serious she was being, or even if she was mocking me. I couldn't even tell if she was flirting with me when all she said was "Hi", so what hope did I have when she was throwing confusing, sexy banter at me?

"Um, thank you?"

"Relax! I'm messing with you. And it's your fault! You said we would actually hang out last week, but then you bailed on me. I wanna go for a night out with you, you're so funny. And you look like you need to let loose."

"Oh really, haha? Thanks, again. I-"

"Okay, you have to stop thanking me, you weirdo. Just come out with me tonight. I know a guy behind the bar at Velvet that gives me free margaritas. And I wanna see you shake that ass!"

"Ahh, sorry, I can't tonight. I'm working lates this week and won't be out of here until like 10. After cycling back to my place it'll be too late to get started, and I'll be completely beat too. I'm sorry. I can do this weekend though?"

Maya let out a sad little sigh that broke my selfish little heart, even though she was clearly playing it up.

"I suppose I could make some time this weekend for my favourite checkout girl. Even though she's leaving me all alone and defenceless tonight..."

"Oh please, there's no way you couldn't find some other people to entertain you. I bet there's hundreds of people you could call."

She grinned through her fake pouting.

"Well sure, maybe I could. But I want you, babe."

Flustered, I tried to remember the name of the guy that she'd been talking about for the past few weeks.

"Aren't you still going out with, Liam or...?"

"Luca. Yeah, for sure. Don't worry about him, he is definitely sticking around for a little while."

"Well that's good right? Last time you said you weren't sure about him?"

"Yeah, but that was before he broke my bed! After what that man did to me, I'm not letting go of him any time soon."

I blushed again, but it felt lower this time, with heat pooling at the top of my chest and neck. Her salacious smile and willingness to openly talk about this sort of thing casually, in public, made me feel like I was chosen for some sexy jury duty. This goddess was choosing to tell me her most intimate thoughts and experiences, and the attention left my head spinning.

"Wow. That sounds amazing. So...you can take him out instead of me."

"Yeah, I could do that," she said like it was a question. She was staring at me, as if she knew what I wanted to ask her, and was challenging me. I was excited to fail the test.

"...did you actually break your bed?!"

"Oh my god, yes babe! I mean, not like he fucked me through the frame or anything, but it did crack on one side. Like it's completely cracked through, but the whole thing hasn't collapsed. I didn't even notice at the time, but apparently it made this crazy loud noise."

Maya became more animated as she talked. Her hands trailed over her bare midriff one second, and then pushed against her chest the next. I found myself completely hypnotised by them, and the glint of excitement in her eyes. I could only stand there and stare. I wouldn't have been surprised if my mouth was open and I was drooling like a cartoon.

"You know what I was saying about his arms? Well girl, they're not just for show! At one point he was literally just holding me up with one hand. It was insane. I couldn't move and he just like, took me, you know? Best fuck of my life. And it turns out he wasn't compensating for anything, that thing is huge!"

I nodded and bit the inside of my mouth without meaning to. Completely entranced, I just watched her gush over this man that I was becoming increasingly impressed with and jealous of. Maya described how he had pushed her head down forcefully as he fucked her from behind, and I had a vivid and powerful realisation that I would have loved to see it for myself.

"What?"

"What?"

"Did you just say that you wanted to watch me have sex?"

What?! Had I said that out loud? That's not real is it? People don't actually do that! I am such an idiot!

"N-no?"

"Yes you did! You just whispered that you would have loved to see it!" Maya looked shocked. Her eyes opened wide beneath the sharp lines of her eyebrows. Judging me. Outraged by me. I thought I would just die right there; melting away in the heat and under her gaze, like the wicked witch of the west.

But of course I was still there. I silently cursed my stubborn bones for not jellifying and letting me escape this situation. But then I found that I was so far gone that I didn't care enough to apologise or run away, or try and lie. Or maybe I did care, but there was no way that I could even start to cover myself. The intense embarrassment was overwhelming, sure, but oddly liberating, because I didn't have anything else to say but:

"Yeah. I guess I did. I do. It sounds unbelievably hot."

A few beats of silence as Maya studied me intensely. Then her smile returned and her surprise turned wicked.

"Mmmmm. Well yeah, it was hot. Maybe it would have been even hotter if someone was watching."

Now it was her turn to slowly run her eyes up and down my body. I tried not to shrink away instinctively. My mind was frying at the edges, but I knew that I couldn't back down from her now. Or let her know how panicked I truly felt.

She let out another hum, but I was too paranoid to tell if it was of appreciation or disappointment. Her expression was indecipherable too. It was like she had received an unexpected windfall, but hadn't yet decided if it was worth her time to sort through. When she finally spoke again, I almost couldn't hear it from the blood pounding in my ears.

"Yesss," she said slowly. "Yes I think that would be... great. Hmmm. So you'll be at home tonight? After 10?"

I just nodded dumbly.

She dazzled me with a full, toothy smile that scared me much more than I thought possible.

"Okay babe, well, I'll let you get back to your exciting day." She grabbed the gum and assorted sundries she'd put on the counter. "I'll pay you back for this next time. You know I'm good for it. I'll see you later, babe."

I smiled nervously at her, but she didn't laugh or give any indication that she was joking. She just stared at me with predatory, cruel intent for a few seconds, and then she left. I started fanning myself with the laminated instruction sheet we had for the till. I told myself it was just from the summer heat.

--

When my shift ended I pushed my bike home. The heat had sapped all of my energy away, and I couldn't muster up the effort to pedal. I hadn't been a particularly model employee that evening either, I was so distracted and absentminded that I could barely function. Maya's words bounced around my empty head like the DVD screensaver on overtime. Her grin flashed at me from the corners of my vision. The curves of her body shimmered like an oasis in the thick heat. Despite how ditzy and stupid I was, I think on some level I knew exactly what she had planned for me. But I didn't dare to actively think about it. I kept the idea at the edges of my mind, and refused to bring it into focus. I thought that would jinx it, but I was also quite terrified about looking it in the eyes.

So I plodded home, nervously planning what shitty meal I would fish out of the freezer and whang in the microwave, whether I could take a quick shower while it 'cooked', what sort of thing I could put on the TV, if I needed to do any washing. Crowding my brain with loud, dull thoughts. But I still felt tiny shivers of anticipation and alarm ripple up my spine every now and then.

I tied my bike up outside my apartment, and climbed up the stairs to the third floor. The meal of choice was a frozen Neapolitan pizza, which I put in the oven before peeling my gross uniform off me and leaving it in a stinky pile in the kitchen. I padded around the apartment closing the curtains in my bra and panties, which might have been a nice view for the neighbours, if anyone was staring up at me. But my mind wasn't on anyone else.

The shower sputtered to life and settled into a temperature that would cool me down and hopefully make me feel refreshed and a little more 'with it'. I sighed out that universal declaration of relief that all women know when they take off their bra after a long, sticky day. As I half-stooped to peel my knickers off, the air hit my bare ass and crotch, and I felt it. I stood there, completely naked at last, staring at my reflection in the mirror with the shower wasting water behind me. I reached a hand between my legs and spread myself open. Why was I so wet? The thought, no, the little orb of hope at the back of my mind fluttered against my consciousness. I tried to push it away again. But it was difficult, because that thought was so exhilarating and enticing. And it only grew stronger and more intoxicating as I slipped fingers through my wet folds. I moaned that universal moan that all women know, when they've accidentally harassed their weird girl-crush and she sort of intimates that she might let them watch her get fucked, or maybe come over and invite her to a threesome, or maybe just send them photos of her having sex, or maybe some mixture of those things, or or or or...

My mind spun and I lost myself in the coursing river of sexual fantasy. The noise of my juices dripping off my knuckles must have been drowned out by the patter of the shower running, but I felt like I could hear it anyway. My vision faded and darkened as waves of lust coursed through me. My fingers frantically strummed my clit. I found a strange power in staring into my reflected eyes as I hunched at the sink. The face that gasped and strained back at me was transfixing. And then, abruptly, it was her face. Her fingers abusing my pussy. Her hand wrapping around my throat. Her voice in my head, laughing and mocking me, then softly whispering. Words of affection and torture and lust. Eating me up and making the whole world dissolve until it was just the faint idea of me, and the raw presence of Her.