All Comments on 'Ice Heart Ch. 01'

Is there more?

probably not

Cris didn't go crazy or drop into depression. He simply recognized that his family were slime and let them go. Yup, it was very hard to let go of something you worked for years to build but he faced reality and moved on. He faced the reality of the divorce process and got that over with and stepped up to rebuild his life. The slime people self destructed as slime people often do, continuing to blame him for their own problems. I love it that Sophia dies and Hank calls Cris and tries to blame him. Hank set up his daughter with Tom and that broke up the marriage and led them to the financial disaster for all of them and yet Hank tries to blame Cris. What an amazing lack of character but that is exactly how some people are. The problems they cause are never their own fault. The problem often is that people like Cris are left to hold the responsibility because that is the kind of good people they are. Cris got out from under all that. He is described as having an "Ice Heart" but it is insane to give love to a family that doesn't care about you. He does nothing really malicious toward them, just lets them reap what they have sown. Life isn't usually this nicely balanced out but we all wish it was. Is there a part 2?

it looks like a stand alone. but if there are other chapters, im fine w/ it.

Hmm for a white Louissiana man, he shore do talk like a Harlem boy.

Other than the need for a bit of editing (" . . . it would really service Cris right if she got pregnant."), this story read smoothly and was pleasing to us "Torch the Bitch Club" members. I agree with Jasonnh and I think he said it better than I could. Chris showed why he was successful in the business world -- he knew how to cut his losses. Hope there is a part 2. Thanks for writing.

That was exactly my thought, too. JimBob44 is like the good version of DanielQSteele. He's done the arc DQS STILL hasn't finished in 3 pages. No dragging anything out any more than is needed.

On the review tip, I wonder about Tom Sampo. At first he seems like a cipher and JB isn't prone to supernatural shenanigans, but it makes me wonder, was he actually a human?

Hope there's more to come.

Is great to read a story were the cheat and all there allies reap the poisoned seed they sow. While the victim off their atrocities pulls himself up by his boot straps and with the help of loyal friends (something the wife, daughter and in-laws would be incapable of cultivating) help him get beyond the wreckage that was his life.

The wife and her cohorts in crime deserved all that was served upon them because they were to arrogant in their wealth, a wealth they didn't appear to earn or deserve.

When you are wrong and you know you are wrong but have unplaced and undeserved pride in your in your own worth you can only survive by blaming others for your own faults.

Perhaps Sophia's death is because she was the first in the group that realised that their arrogance was the cause of their own downfall and that their deserved all that the fates have planned for them. She's the only one that didn't pass the buck!

by "The End" tou mean the end of chapter one, right ? Not the end of the story ?

On to the next chapter?

It seems fitting that his ex-wife should suffer, since she was acting like such a worthless slut. I would like to read about more of her troubles, especially when she delivers her new baby with no one who even gives a care as to what happens to her.

Thanks for the good read.

I mean, the story was pretty good, at least as far as plotting goes. The attention to technical writing detail was among the best on the site.

But geez louise, this was chaotic. There were sudden shifts in scenes with no demarcation. The markers that were included helped, but there were not enough.

I also didn't buy into the extreme stupidity of wife, father-in-law and daughter. Two out of three, maybe, but all three?

This was more a music video than a story, a rough cut than a finished movie (to extend the metaphor). I'd love to see it cleaned up and reorged.

This was a really good, crowd pleasing, burn the bitch story and I liked it. We need stories where the wife and all her family are ALL rotten, no good sons of bitches and bitches. We need good versus evil, rotten versus decent. And I will admit I like a story that wraps succinctly. But, as somebody noted, it says Chapter 1 which leads me to believe there will be a Chapter 2. And the author did such a crackerjack job of bring ruin and devastation to the bad guys and revamping his good guy's life, it makes you wonder where the author COULD go. He's already killed off grandma and I have a feeling grandpa is overdue for a stroke, mom is getting ready to have a baby in a charity hospital and judging by this chapter, I wouldn't doubt the baby will die from complications, mom will have blood pressure problems and wind up paralyzed and in a wheelchair. Daughter will almost certainly overdose after falling in with a bad crowd and be buried in a pauper's grave when her mother can't afford to have her buried and naturally daddy will not pay for the burial. My main question would be, what more could the author/God do to the faithless bitch and terrible family that he hasn't done. I would like to see the hero go after Tom Sampo, the rotten son of a bitch who destroyed everybody and flew away to continue his ravaging. Sampo is the guy the author SHOULD unload on. Actually, that's all tongue in cheek, except for Sampo. I have no idea where the author could go, except that reconciliation and forgiveness seem to be a long stretch at this point. I know, all kidding aside, that I did like this story and if the author came up with a Chapter 2, I'd definitely put it at the head of the list to read. I hope he keeps writing.

The author needs to clarify what's going on here. Is this really "The End" or not?! Why the mixed signals?

Good read. I do hope you have a 2nd chapter. Your stories getting better each time you write.

I don't usually read this genre, but for some reason this story caught my eye, and I'm glad it did. Yes, it was perhaps too black and white, with too little gray, but it was nevertheless a damn good read, and well worth five stars.

a Ch. 02 or was that the end????????????????????? Would love to see Tom meet Sweet William.

This was one confusing mess. I thought I was following along until the Sherri character was introduced, then scenes shifted, time reversed and then sped up. I was completely confused.

You rushed through the last twenty paragraphs so that you could provide Cris some revenge by Tom fleeing with everyone's money. That acceleration of the story was at the expense of the plot.

As for the dialog, it reminded me of a scene from the movie "Airplane' where the white woman is translating jive for the black passengers. Such banter is cute for a paragraph or two, but it gets very grating for an entire story.

I for one hope the this is the end, and that there will be no chapter 2.

Are you blind....Can't you see that it's a satire on your own WWWM......and your comments are silly and unjustified. You want Tom punished...yet you let Dougie off the hook....and your other comments show how twofaced an author can become when another story replaces his horizontal masterpiece that stretches sideways with no storyline up or down. Just glad there was no pyschobabble like in WWWM.

Don't Fuck it Up With a Chapter .

Much more than expected, I guess that I was in the mood...

I liked the story over all and encourage you to keep writing. The only nit I could pick is that sections of the story were a bit disjointed. It seemed to jump in scene or setting and in time. Other than that, a perfectly lovely story about a take no shit kind of guy who goes on with his life.

Grant (petitor@gmail.com)

Well all you guys can think how cold, Cris could be, but not everyone has to be Good Guy, sometimes you mess with Bad Guy, you think he would not do anything and just sit around, well he did actually that , but after some time , things in you die, you dont feel anything for people once you loved, Keeping everything happend to bad people in this story(which is very fortunate but less real) reactions from Cris were natural, real people dont go rushing to help betrayers just to look Good Guy, sometime you dont care what you look like, you just do what your heart says, and that is what Cris did.

And I dont think he should be should be called cold hearted just because he did not give his money to mother of her ex-wife who hhe really hates and has nothing to do with her mother either, so it was like, some died in area or might die, god rest her soul on peace, nothing more you could do, you cant save evryone in your country. People dies and that is truth. So far he did nothing.

is not fair for either writer. This story seemed to be written in dialect and that's just the narrative! The lack of chronological continuity really was confusing as hell. The good guy was all good and the wife and family were all bad, much like the real life of most of us married guys. This story had promise, but was so rough that there was no flow. Q is smooth as silk.

Now that Q has shown his wicked sense of humor in his comment, I would ask that in use it in some of his future stories. That was a really entertaining comment. It reminded of of our good friend Chagrin and how he always made me laugh in his comments. Laughter is good.

Now that Q has shown his wicked sense of humor in his comment, I would ask that in use it in some of his future stories.

I would ask HDK.... that DQS focus more on sense of reality and consistency within his OWN stories as opposed to going for RAAC ( reconciliation at all costs)

OK chaps Chapter 2 appears about a quarter the way down page one, Ch 3 at the top of page 2 and Ch4 starts near the bottom. Clearly JB saved it as Iceheart Ch.01 and this transfered when he posted it. As for the style, it definitely needs a little refinining but I can see what you were trying to do. It is difficult to pull off a story in a series of vignettes, and this was a valiant effort. I enjoyed the tale and even enjoyed the style.

Good story - loved the self-imposed destruction of the slut wife's family. Added bonus - the daughter Nicole is a real sweetheart [not]. It would appear that the same gene material that DQS & JPB's female characters are derived from - are found in the cheating wife/daughter in this effort. As Harry said; "DQS/Shoe - are you listening?

I enjoyed the story (which is pretty important, right?). But (there's always a but) the part about Cris, right after Sophia's stroke, was very confusing. There was a huge jump in place, timeline and characters. There had been no introduction to Sherri Lambert, or any of the other new characters, and frankly, I still don't fully know who or what they are in relation to Cris. It's a bit of a jumble.

Ann Marie wanted Cris to stay in the spare bedroom so she wouldn't have to look at him feeling guilty? Nice way to do that...I get the feeling that she is more an incredibly selfish, spoiled and dumb character, than actively malicious. I can imagine Paris Hilton in her place. The ditzy airhead with the rich daddy.

Strange, I'm usually very much in the "kick the bitch to the curb" crowd, but this time I don't see Ann Marie as being intentionally cruel towards Cris. More like...thoughtless, tactless and uncaring. The pangs of guilt were a nice touch, but unfortunately not enough for her to not stray, or be better to Cris.

Her father Hank on the other hand...This tidbit is very telling, I think:

"You have got to be kidding me," Hank spat. "Why in the hell would he help us now? After all we done to him?"

So, Hank knows and recognizes they've screwed over Cris, but in the later meeting with him, he still blames Cris for his wife's death? I can see where Ann Marie gets it from. Utter selfishness and selfcenteredness.

As for Nicole...Not much to say, like mother like daughter (except perhaps even MORE uncaring and callous than her mother).

If there ever is a Chapter 2, Tom Sampo would have to get his ass kicked in the uttermost brutal way. There is no such thing as overkill, in this case. Although I can see this Chapter 1 as a standalone, Tom Sampo getting away with it is the only loose thread.

Call me crazy, but if Ann Marie shapes up (and somehow distances herself from her family), I would not be adverse to a reconciliation with Cris in a possible next chapter.

I read Ice Heart Ch. 1. It was okay - in so far as being a pale parody of WWWM - but there was nothing really remarkable about it and in fact it contained many confusing aspects (most of which having already been cataloged in the preceding entries) that detracted from my overall enjoyment .

It was only during a deeper perusal of the comments section that I realized there was something more present. As usual, most of the commentarians (you know of whom I speak) took the story in a painfully literal manner - and while I'm prone to being generally dismissive of their intellectual acumen - I did not discard their words out of hand.

The deep clues did not come forth willingly and it took a rather long run with my trusty hard iron IBM/Amiga conglomeration to finally decipher this tale. I'd like to thank the good folks at Bletchley for their invaluable assistance, via their inventive use of Zygalski sheets overlaying a cipher tape from a mint condition Scherbius device.

The revelatory triggers are the title itself 'Ice Heart', the numerological significance of the intrinsic chapter numbers 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = 10 (Roman numeral X), and the surname of the primary antagonist (from the Latin antagonista 'to struggle against') Sampo.

The relationship of those three clues - Ice Heart + X + sampo - led to one obvious (I'm sure many of you are way ahead of me at this point, and yet I labor on) reference; DSQ1's on-going epic tale 'When We Were Married.'

Examined individually the clues will take you nowhere - ergo - erehwon = now here. Simply stated you have to start in the right place with the correct term and more importantly the correct interpretation of that term. In this case the key term is SAMPO.

In Finnish mythology, the Sampo was a magical artifact that brought good fortune to its holder. The Sampo has been interpreted in many ways: a world pillar or world tree, a compass or astrolabe, a chest containing a treasure, a Byzantine coin die, a decorated Vendel period shield, a Christian relic, etc. The world pillar theory, originally developed by historian of religions Uno Harva and linguistic Eemil Nestor Setälä in the early 20th century, is the most widely accepted one. (Thank you Wiki!)

The insertion/interpretation of the Roman numeral 'X' points both symbolically and chronologically to the clashes of Norse and Roman religious and economic interests. The economic sacking of Rome was (many centuries later) paid back in full through the forced conversion of these pagans by the Holy Roman Empire.

Enter Saint Boniface who chopped down Thor's Oak (aka world pillar, aka sampo)! From the stump of this overthrown god (Gotterdammerung anyone?) sprouted a fir tree which St. Boniface designated as a representation of the superiority of Christianity.

And as we all know - True Christian Ideology instructs (demands of) us to pursue the path of forgiveness. Which is illustrated most clearly in the story of the Prodigal Son, a story of Reconciliation if I ever read one.

RAAC 'em up baby!

Juanwildone beat me to the punch. I had just finished my own Finnish interpretation of this coded story and had arrived at exactly the same conclusion as the Wild One, but only after many hours of research! The dude beat me to the post. Well done, Juan!

Believe me, it shows in your inane comments. Do you dribble while you type? Creep.

Well done! The stupid RAAC crowd is salivating at the mouth again and the piss ants like shoe are active as always.

Or perhaps an Aquavit is more appropriate. A tip of the hat to my esteemed colleague HDK, in this case fortune favors the fastest. Just so you don't feel bad about...second place. I was tipped off by your own comment regarding dialect - I simply followed it in a different direction.

Cheers, or rather Kippis

I was wondering if there is going to be a chapter two?

Old hides are not sexy and who, except some old coot, would fuck an old hide?

I had trouble following this story, and who was who.

might as well go all the way. TK U MLJ LV NV

in time made this story very hard to follow. You need to keep your timeline straigh.

For whatever reason I couldn't follow the story worth a damned. I gave this a one star rating.

A burn the bitch story. And burn her he did, along with his former in-laws and his, no doubt, lovely daughter. The only lucky dude out of all this is Tom that handsome but dastardly fellow. Oh, and the ex-hubby, Cris. He got lucky, too. Now, it just has to catch up with him.

An interesting story, that had a couple of confusing parts on who was who.

Had two read it twice got lost in the middle going back(my bad) and forth in characters, but is a good read i like the plot thumbs up.

Of course the cheating wife is dumb enough to talk about her affair over the home phone, and is lazy enough to not work a day in her life and have no money of her own. The faithful husband is rich, competent at his job, and well liked by everyone. The wife's lover is a con artist who fools the wife and everyone else including her wealthy parents. The only thing missing is that hubby is an elite special forces veteran trained in the deadly art of ninjutsu, and wins the lottery the day after the divorce is finalized. There can be no other alternative.

I couldn't understand this ....sorry.

You are not supposed to understand. It is written from and to asylum for insane !

"1*" !!

I started the series because the descriptions sounded interesting and the scores were relatively high. Was the author attempting to make the characters sound southern? They sounded more ghetto. There were too many characters and too many different stories. Most of the stories did not flow in chronological order. Tom stole all of Daddy's money? How? I have no intention to read further.

Interesting storyline, but a little difficult to read. It didn't flow well grammatically.

Absolutely shocked with the below comments. Looking forward to finishing this series.

This seemed to jump all over the place. Not sure what was happening most of the time.

Just another sad ass woman. She's getting what she deserves. On to chapter 2!

Stuck up bitch for a daughter. Said it before, will say it again... Run, Forrest, Run, and he did. Sooner or later someone will catch up to good old Tom. Signed: BTW

I liked the beginning part OK, but then the narrative shifted around so much that I really couldn’t tell what was going on.

One minute he’s asking a hooker to teach him how to eat puss?

The next minute, he’s talking to his former father-in-law?

Huh?

That’s just bad writing.

1 star

NOT FINISHED!

Jeez. Jumps around all over the place. No depth to the characters.

1 star. Appalling.

Great story so far! Like your character development.

To the anonymous comment from 4/7, you mean Hillary/Biden supporter since they have no footing in reality!

Lmao @ the comment about Cris "wearing a vagina on his head." Great line. I can really picture that bad toupee.

That was insanely good. I love it when a scheming cheating bitch, and her family steps firmly in the shit. Nicole, who's your daddy now?

Cheating wife I have read about. More or less sexless marriage for the last 14 years or so. A selfish daughter, trained well by her mother. Maybe she loved him till their son died, but I can’t see a drop of affection for Cris. After her world gets turned upside down I’m sure she tries to crawl back to him, but there is no way she is deserving of any remorse. Those are my thoughts before her infidelity. It just gets worse from there. He let himself get out of shape, that can be blamed on her as well. She does not work, her only responsibility is the welfare of her family, and she failed at that or never cared. I hope she burns. The daughter is young and dumb, maybe there is hope for her.

Again for one omg favorite JB44 stories. The evil. Cheating bitch made a monster out of a good husband. Now she's paying a hard price for her actions.

Took the blob Chris a while to find his manhood!! Cheating bitches must be burned

Karma.

Reading this series again after like 10 years lol. So good.

Lmfao I was hoping Tom was an actual conman and not just a spendthrift. I was rooting for him all along and he didn't disappoint. it would've been perfect If he had given Cris a bit of the haul after not fighting the divorce lol. Tom FTW

Story is a solid 5 but wearing WHAT on his head?