Idolatria Ch. 17

It felt more vulnerable than any position I'd been bound in before. Half-unnerved, half-impressed, I caught my breath and readjusted, trying to get comfortable with my arms forced back so awkwardly.

"Good?" Levi prompted.

"As good as I can be, I think," I said honestly, finding the collar pressing a little hard against my throat.

"You'll get used to it. Or not. I don't expect you to be thinking about the bar very much in a second."

"What's that m--"

WHAP!

A sense of deja-vu overtook me a split second before the pain did. Immediately my back went rigid as I tried to escape whatever had just struck me across the backs of my thighs, but I definitely wasn't going anywhere. Gasping through the sting in my skin, I propped myself back on my knees.

"Stop doing that!" I barked. "Christ! Can you give me a fucking warning before you take a bat to my ass?! What the fuck did you just hit me with? That hurts!"

"You're awful belligerent for someone with his ass still in striking position."

"Cut it out, I've got the point, I just want you to warn me first! What is that thing?"

Levi sighed heavily and strode to my left side, forcing me to crane my head to look at him. He put one hand on his hip and held out the tool he was using, dangling off his thumb by a thin strap.

It was a stiff band of black leather, three inches wide and twelve inches long, on a slender handle. The long end of it was thick and heavily stitched along its edge. I thought I'd seen one like it in the shop.

"Turns out I was right," he said coolly. "The paddle's much easier to use on that firm backside of yours. Looks like I still have to use a lighter hand, though." He spun it in his grip and leaned forward, lifting my jaw with the end. His eyes narrowed over the deep shadows in his face. "But if you keep mouthing off to me like that, this will turn into a real punishment. Understand me, boy?"

I swallowed back my response and just nodded. I didn't know if this part of Levi was terrifying or exciting to me. Whatever it was, it was definitely doing something to my body.

Apparently satisfied, Levi sauntered back behind me where I couldn't see him. "You want a warning? Here's one. Keep your muscles relaxed and straighten your back."

I didn't have enough time to obey before the next blow came. My knees went out from under me again at once. This was worlds different than the spanking, and I knew which one I preferred, gun to my head -- the paddle was just big enough to span the width of my backside, and it left a sting that felt just as sharp everywhere it struck. I'd barely struggled back upright before Levi leveled another across both of my thighs at once, and I yelped and almost choked myself with my collar.

"Fuck!" I cried. "Nope -- I've had enough of that already -- I'm done --"

"I'm going to add another every time you talk back, you know."

"Stop! Mercy! Will you put the damn thing down and listen to me for a second?"

Levi exhaled sharply and came back around to my side, almost throwing himself onto the sheets next to me. Seizing my jaw in one hand, he glared at me as his hair slipped into one eye.

"Every other time you've been with me, you did well to speak to me in a respectful tone and mind your fucking words," he snarled. "Now you want to get snarky and yell back at me, and if I punish you to keep you in line, you're gonna ask me to go easy on you?"

"I can't be respectful and obedient unless you act like the man I gave myself to!"

I'd said it without thinking. Upon seeing Levi's face metamorphose over a split second, I flinched and stiffened, almost expecting him to snap. But he didn't. When I'd gathered up the guts to look at him again, he was just staring at me with these empty eyes.

"Levi," I said, shuddering. "I... I didn't mean..."

He shook his head and lowered it, pausing to roll the elastic from around his wrist and pull his hair back. When he'd gotten most of it out of his face, I could see tears streaking his reddened cheeks. "Hold on," he muttered.

It only took him a matter of seconds to unclip me from the spreader bar and let me lay out on my side at the foot of the bed. I suddenly felt extremely guilty. "I'm sorry," I said weakly. "I wasn't trying to... I-I didn't call my safe word, I just --"

"Stop. Just stop," Levi said thickly. "You're right. Stop apologizing. I'm sorry. I went too far. I'm just angry, and I... I should know better than to do this when I'm feeling this way. It's..." He swallowed and closed his eyes, avoiding mine. "I'm better than this. I know I'm better than this."

"It's... it's okay. I'm glad you're back. Seriously, I'm fine -- ow!"

I'd just rolled over and immediately felt the back of my thighs sting again. Levi shifted over and laid a hand on my lower back, examining me.

"I bruised you," he muttered.

"Seriously...? Where?"

"Here."

"Ouch!"

The space below my ass on the right side was sore to the touch, almost burning. Even with Levi tracing it as gently as he did, it was hard to ignore how much it hurt. He sighed, slowly, and sank his face into his hands. "Fuck."

"I-I'm okay, it's just a bruise, right?"

"I only hit you three times. You should barely have a mark from that."

"Levi... You're beating yourself up instead of me, now. I know you didn't mean to."

"I don't care. Stop trying to downplay what I did. Hold on."

I just laid there on my stomach while Levi went and retrieved his medkit. I really didn't know how to respond to him when he was like this. Maybe just letting him apologize and take care of me was the right answer right now.

I couldn't help noticing the faintest tremor in his fingers when he started rubbing cold gel onto my fresh bruise. I tilted my head to look at him, folding my arms under me. "Does this guy seriously do this much to you when someone brings him up?" I asked.

Levi's hand slowed to a stop. I could almost see his teeth clenching behind his flattened lips.

"You don't have to talk about him," I continued tentatively. "But if it's this bad every time... I think I need to know something."

He paused, then silently capped off the tube of gel and put it away. "I can't tell you a lot."

"I don't need a lot. Just... How long ago did you break up with this guy, anyway?"

Another pause. "Seven years."

"Seven years? That... Levi, that was forever ago."

"Doesn't matter," he said sullenly. "I'd spent more than half my life with him when I finally left. We'd been friends since fourth grade. And he --" He broke off, shaking his head like he was trying to get the very memory off of himself. "It would take too long to explain, Ash... I can't."

"Can you... just tell me something he did?"

I knew I was pushing it, and I was expecting Levi to snap and stop me again. He didn't. Instead, he slid off the bed and stood up.

"Are you leav--"

"No," he said. "You want to know. Fine. I'll just show you."

He started undoing his jeans with unsteady hands. My face flushed.

"Y-you really don't have to do --"

"You asked. So I'm going to show you, and you'll see why it fucks me up to know I've left marks on you without meaning to. Okay?"

I watched Levi kick his jeans off and climb back into bed with me, unsure if I wanted to follow through with this. Was I pushing him too hard? It was too late now.

With his legs crossed, Levi readjusted and pulled up the left leg of his boxer briefs. "There. Can you see that?"

It was hard not to... although it was obvious why I'd never noticed it before.

Along the very inside of Levi's left thigh, somewhere I'd never looked for long at, a knotted scar streaked several inches down his leg from its apex. It was pale, long since healed over, but no less prominent against his skin. Just the struggle of imagining what could have possibly made it was making my stomach hurt.

"I... I see it," I mumbled, tearing my eyes away. "Sorry."

"I need you to understand why this is here," Levi told me calmly. "It wasn't made to teach me a lesson. It wasn't to prove anything to me or remind me of who had made it. This scar was made by pure, malicious incompetence."

"Incompetence...?"

"When I tell you that Wulf saved me from all of that, this is what I mean, Ash," he said. "Being retrained as a Dominant, by someone with the proper experience, is what rescued me from this person's collar. And it was supposed to ensure that I never made the same mistakes that he did."