If I Had You Ch. 02

-

"Oh, shit." Paul said, looking embarrassed. "I think I fell asleep"

Jay felt relieved, Paul had no idea what happened. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable, plus, how would he explain it?

Sure, he could beg forgiveness and plead he was drunk and horny - it would never happen again. He could explain how Paul accidentally touched him, sending him jizzing in his lap. Yeah, what straight guy wouldn't excuse that? It happens all the time.

"Don't worry about it" Jay reassured him "I think I drifted off too - maybe one beer too many.

"I think I'm gonna turn in" offered Paul. "It's been a long day"

"Me too" echoed Jay. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm good" Paul answered, but then softly added "but would you like a snack?"

Jay turned to look at him, feeling concerned. Shit! He knew. "Paul, please don't. I can explain, it was an accident."

Paul reached out his strong, musculed arms and pulled Jay in for a deep, warm hug - gently placing a soft but firm kiss on his lips. Jay felt himself recoil, more out of habit than aversion.

Jay stammered quietly, barely above whispering "Wh... what are you doing?"

Again, Paul softly replied "Kissing you... holding you."

Jay tried to protest but couldn't find any words, he just stood there looking into those eyes.

"Are you sure about this?" Jay questioned "We've both had too much to drink."

"It's not the beer, I promise" Paul calmingly assured. He leaned in giving Jay another kiss, deeper and more passionate than before. "Trust me."

Trust, that was one thing Jay was in short supply of - and yet - he felt he could with Paul.

Jay sank to his knees, slowly pulling down Paul's sweatpants as he went - the blonde's cock leapt free.

"Holy shit" Jay sighed. It was a sight to behold. Long, thick and the same creamy skin tone as the rest of him. His well manicured patch just a slightly deeper shade of blonde than his beautiful locks. Paul's dick was everything Jay hoped it would be and more.

The nerve endings in Jay's body were alive. His logical left brain was telling him this was a bad idea - had he not learned anything from his past mistakes? Yet, his emotional right brain was daydreaming - visualizing everything he was going to do to Paul. Score one for right brain.

Jay took the head of Paul's cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip, making sure to spend time poking around the slit. Dipping in and out scooping up the taste of his precum - lighter and sweeter than he imagined. The guys were right at the diner, Paul really was a snack.

He licked Paul's girth from its perfect mushroom cap head, getting it slick and wet, down to his large velvety balls and back up. A sprinkle of light blonde hair adorning his nutsack.

Jay didn't waste any time, swallowing the cock down his throat. It's the first thing he fantasized about after meeting Paul, wanting to worship his manhood. As he bobbed up and down on the blonde's dick, he made sure to swallow it to the base - eliciting load moans and groans of pleasure from Paul. Jay was forcing himself all the way down, showing Paul how much he wanted him.

"Oh my god... suck me. Suck my cock" Paul whispered.

Alternating between sucking and stroking, Jay worked Paul into a frenzy. His cock grew in his mouth, filling up what little space there was. All concerns Jay had earlier about making a mistake were gone, replaced now with one goal - making Paul cum.

Paul's breathing was becoming deep and drawn out as he began to fuck Jay's face.

Jay reached behind Paul, grabbing his tight, muscled ass and forcing all of the blonde inside of him. Paul moaned "I'm so close," Jay took that signal to pull out all the stops. He sucked down deep, pulling back up letting the fat cock pop out of his mouth - diving back down and repeating, gliding the spit soaked shaft in and out of his mouth.

"Jay, stop. I'm gonna cum" Paul moaned. It was just what Jay wanted to hear. "Seriously, dude, stop. Stop. I'm... I'm... gonna cum" Paul's pantings grew desperate. "If you don't stop... Oh... god... stop." Paul was whimpering - pleading. Jay could feel Paul's balls tighten as he massaged them and he knew it was time.

Jay kept his mouth working on Paul's dick, sucking and jacking him in unison. Paul tried to pull Jay's hand off pleading "please... don't... I'll cum in your..." That was all. Jay pressed Paul down his throat and braced for his release. Spray after spray of cum washed over the roof of Jay's mouth and down his throat. He savored the taste, the best thing he tasted in years. Jay sucked the blonde hard, looking for every drop. He'd probably never have this opportunity again and he wasn't squandering it.

Spent and dazed, Paul pulled his deflating cock from Jay's mouth. He bent his torso forward, leaning his spent body over Jay's back.

"I'm sorry" Paul apologized. "I tried to tell you..." he cut himself off.

Jay looked at him amusingly "don't be sorry, I worked for it. I wanted it." he laughed.

Paul kneeled down to face Jay, blushing he said "It's just I've never, you know..."

Jay reached out his hands to caress Paul's face, tenderly asking "you mean no girl ever swallowed you before?"

Paul looked at Jay with distress "no, I mean nobody - he emphasized that word - ever. I'm sorry... I'm a virgin."

Jay was shocked that this handsome, confident guy could still be so innocent. He wondered why, tempted to ask, but Paul had respected his privacy - never once pressing him on his own obvious issues. Surely Paul had girls throwing themselves at the football player.

"Why apologize to me?" Jay questioned "there's nothing wrong with that. When you decide to be with someone is your choice"

A wave of realization suddenly struck Jay, overtaking him with guilt. What if he did something Paul wasn't ready for? What if his history with straight men, his poor decisions - the mistakes - hurt Paul? "Wait... oh my god... did I force you into this?" Jay's voice was wavering, "Oh, Paul, I'm so sorry if I did something you weren't into."

Paul placed his index finger to Jay's lips, shushing him. He could see Jay was on the verge of breaking down, so he pulled him in for another hug. This time however, Jay wasn't as relaxed - he was scared and tried to pull away. Paul gripped him tightly, putting his free hand behind Jay's head, stroking his hair. Jay was full out sobbing now.

"Jason, listen to me" Paul said firmly "you didn't force me to do anything. I chose to be with you. I wanted this to happen with you."

Jay was calmer, but tears were still running down his face. He took a deep breath and leaned back from Paul. "Did you just call me Jason?" Paul began chuckling and wiped the remaining tears off Jay's face. "Hey" Paul smirked "I just came in your mouth, I think I'm able to call you Jason." Both laughing and feeling silly.

-

Jay looked at the clock, it was after 1 am. Funny how time flies when you're blowing your straight friend.

"Maybe we should get some sleep?" Jay asked. Paul nodded his head in agreement "sounds good."

The two men headed towards the bedrooms, Jay assuming Paul would go to the guest room. So, when Paul followed him into his bedroom, climbing into bed with him, Jay looked at him with confusion.

"Seriously, Jason?" Paul asked with mocking exasperation "you really didn't think I'd stay in the other room after that did you?" Punctuating the question with a loud laugh.

Laughing to himself, Jay had to admit Paul made a good point.

-

His alarm went off at 5:15 as usual. Normally Jay would force himself to get moving, go to the gym, but this morning his bed had Paul in it. Jay laid there checking his phone, reading a text from his Brother. He and Jay's childhood friends were inviting him to to come up for a visit.

"Other than digging your car out, is there anything you needed to do today?" Jay asked

"Besides laying in bed with you all day?" Paul rolled over draping his arm over Jay's chest - his fingers mindless wandering through Jay's chest hair. "No, nothing at all." He leaned in to kiss Jay, eliciting a deep moan of approval from him.

Jay was still replaying the previous day, sure he'd wake up to find out it was only a dream - a cruel trick of his mind.

"Well, my Brother and some friends invited me to go snow tubing - would you like to come along?" Jay asked.

"I don't really know what that is" Paul laughed "but if you're stoked about it count me in."

"You'll love it" Jay enthused " We head up the mountain on a ski lift, climb into a big inner tube and slide back down. It's a blast. We'll hit your place for some warmer clothes, grab breakfast, and head up." Jay suggested excitedly.

"Dude, you sure your friends won't mind a stranger just showing up?" Paul queried

"Absolutely not" Jay said reassuringly "my friends are great, and my Brother Jamie is.. well.. my Brother. It'll all be fine."

The guys relaxed in bed a little longer - dozing off and on while cuddling - finally cleaning themselves up later. Jay got dressed, making sure to put on those tight jeans that hugged his ass so well - the ones he almost wore that day to impress the blonde. Paul knew he didn't have the proper clothes, Florida didn't really require snow boots and parkas. Jay dug through his closet finding a great heavy coat that fit Paul perfectly and a pair of snow boots, a little scuffed, but they'd serve their purpose. Jay packed some food for later and a thermos of hot chocolate. Paul put his now dry clothes from yesterday back on, good enough for a drive back to his place.

The two jumped into the Jeep and headed to Paul's place, but not before stopping in at The All-American for breakfast. Neither had eaten anything since the Chinese last night - well, Jay did have Paul for dessert, but that didn't count. As they waited for their food, Paul thought he'd wade the waters of Jay's life one more time. After last night he seemed less guarded.

"So, anything I should know before we get there?" Paul asked

"Like what?" Jay replied inquisitively

He didn't seem shut off or defensive, Paul took that as a sign and jumped in.

"For starters, what do I call you?" Paul asked. If he was going to do this, he was going all in. "Jay or Jason?"

The usual Jay, the guy who pondered every word, answered right away "whatever feels right to you. My Brother calls me Jason..." he trailed off. Paul understood there was more, his Brother knew the details, but he wasn't going to press "My friends still call me Jason too." Confidently, Paul replied "Jason it is."

"I don't know how to ask this next one " Paul started, "but does your family and friends know that you're... oh my god, I can't believe I'm asking this, how do I ask this?" Jay chuckled, saving Paul the embarrassment "that I'm gay?" breaking the discomfort "It's ok, everyone who matters in my life knows. I've been with guys since I was a teen." And before you ask, Jay continued "they all know Ian. They know we mean a lot to each other."

Paul had so many more questions, but didn't want to scare Jay off. The food arrived almost on cue, saving both men any additional discomfort for the moment.

-

Breakfast finished, they headed to Paul's place in the city. He lived in a small apartment on the edge of downtown.

Once inside Paul headed straight to his bedroom for a change of clothes. Jay wandered around the apartment looking for hints of Paul's personality, but the place was sterile, like nobody lived there. Brown on top of brown, it looked nothing like the vibrant guy he's grown to know. Brown leather sofa straight from a frat house, a giant tv that took up an entire wall, video game console - and a Florida Gators banner tacked on the wall. The remainder of things looked like a hodgepodge of hand me downs and curbside finds. The kitchen was clean, but the fridge was empty. Jay felt a twinge of sadness, the place looked lonely.

He could hear drawers opening and closing in the bedroom - and clothing being shoved in a duffel bag.

"Yo, Jay" Paul called from the bedroom "what do you think?"

Jay entered the bedroom to find Paul wearing a pair of ass hugging jeans, similar to the ones he himself was wearing. Paul was shirtless, those perfect abs and cute pink nipples on display again.

"I think you'll need a shirt or you're gonna get cold" Jay laughed. "Plus, why do I keep finding you in a state of undress?"

Paul stood there pondering a second. He raised and outstretched his arms, forming a letter T with his body, "eye candy" he said. Paul laughed while Jay rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Paul held up 2 shirts "do you have a preference?" he ask sincerely.

Jay decided "Take both. Two shirts and two pairs of jeans, just in case you get wet again."

"I always get wet when I'm with you" Paul chuckled and winked.

Jay blushed. He could feel his dick twitching while his knees got weak. Paul has to know what he's doing - he can't be that naive. Is he just a cock tease? Was he just stringing him along for blowjobs? Jay's brain was screaming run, but his heart was screaming trust.

-

Bags packed, the guys were soon on their way to the mountains. The drive was picturesque - the sun was out and the trees had a beautiful coating of snow. Jay was full of anticipation, looking forward to seeing his friends and having some fun.

Paul turned to look at Jay "hey, I just noticed, you have something on your face." he said.

Jay brushed at his own cheek "what is it?" Paul leaned in, smiled broadly, and kissed him "me."

Paul cautiously inquired "Jay? Can I ask you something?"

"If you must" Jay feigned exasperation.

Paul continued "Can I ask what happened?"

Jay turned to look at Paul "with what?" he asked curiously.

Paul continued slowly "With Jason..."

Jay turned back, looking at the road, suddenly silent and feeling very uncomfortable.

"C'mon Paul, please don't." Jay was begging him to drop it "Whataya want from me?" Paul could hear Jay trying to stifle tears.

Paul realized he pushed to hard. In wanting to know Jay better he scared him. "Jay, I promise I will never push you." Paul insisted, trying to reassure Jay everything would be alright. "If you ever feel like telling me anything, even if you never do, I'm here for you. I mean it."

Jay sighed long and hard like he was pushing the weight of his world off his shoulders. He hated Paul for bringing it up again, but loved him for knowing enough to drop it. Wait, did he just think love? It's not like he hasn't fallen to fast in the past - that's usually the problem - right feeling, wrong guy.

-

Jay steered the Jeep along the narrow roads that lead to the slopes. There was something about being in the mountains, close to home, that always helped him reset and center. Jay parked, took a deep breath, and thought to himself "let's go".

As the guys walked to the lodge, Paul used the time to soak up the scenery. Tall pine trees, the smell of a wood fire and cold air that stung his face. If he thought downtown was chilly, this place was whole other level of cold. Reaching for the door handle, Jay paused a moment. He looked at Paul, winked, and said "brace for impact".

A loud, high pitched voice careened across the room "Jaaaason! Over here...Jaaaaason!

Jay winced, then smiled as he whispering to Paul "...and we're off!"

Paul was just happy to see Jay smiling again, the terrible drive up nothing more than a memory. It seemed to Paul that the past Jason desperately wanted buried was his alone to uncover, when he was ready. Paul was going to leave it up to time.

A petite brunette, about Jay's age, came running across the room all but tackling him. She wrapped Jay in a large hug, squeezing him tightly.

"Oh my god" she squealed "Jason Wyatt!"

"Greyson, it's so good to see you!" Jay enthusiastically, and honestly, yelled back, reciprocating the hug. Jay turned, gripping Paul's hand to pull him closer for an introduction. "Greyson Hall, this is my..." she cut Jay off, taking back the conversation.

"Boyfriend! Oh, Jason, I'm so happy for you. Finally" she continued squealing. She looked at Paul, his hand extended for an introduction "Hi, I'm Greyson, but you can call me Grey" she continued on.

Jay froze for a second. "No Grey, no. This is Paul, he's..." it was Paul's turn to cut Jay off now.

"Paul Quinn, I'm Jason's boyfriend" he happily offered, his hand still extended to shake hers, but she went in for a hug "So nice to meet you"

Jay felt his head swimming, an uneasy feeling washing over him.

"Let me go get us something to drink" she said, retreating to the bar leaving the guys by themselves

"Paul, oh my god... wh... wh... what are you doing" Jay stammered.

"She seemed genuinely excited you had a boyfriend. So, I'll be your boyfriend." Paul was serious. "If you'll have me" his voice turning more playful, giving Jay's hand a squeeze.

Jay was so caught up in introductions, he forgot he was still holding Paul's hand. 'You don't have to do this. I'm fine, everything is fine" Jay politely protested.

Greyson came back with 3 mugs of hot chocolate. Paul took a sip and coughed "holy shit! What's in here, gasoline?" he laughed. Intrigued, Jay tasted his mug as well, coughing "Grey, what the hell is this?" He wanted to laugh too, but continued coughing. Proud of herself she boasted "vodka, Bailey's, kahlua and just a hint of hot chocolate. I call it Hot Chocolate Rocket Fuel" laughing at her own joke. Strong as it was, they all continued drinking.

"So, is anyone else here?" Jay asked.

"May texted me about five minutes ago, he'll be here shortly" Grey informed "I don't know about your Brother" she finished.

Jay pulled out his phone to call Jamie, only to hear that familiar ring tone almost right behind him. Who else would have Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Relax" as a ringtone. Jay spun around to see his Brother crossing the room.

"When the hell are going to change that ridiculous ringtone already" Jay laughed, "it's 2019 for Christ's sake"

"When it stops being a great song" Jamie shot back, "so relax. Get it, relax" laughing as well.

A wide grin spread across Jay's face, it had been a while since they saw each other. Paul couldn't help noticing Jamie was the splitting image of Jay. If he hadn't known Jamie was older he'd swear they were twins.

"Jason, oh my god, baby Brother. I've missed you." Jamie opened his arms wide and pulled Jason in for a hard, loving hug

"Baby Brother?" Paul chuckled, earning him an elbow in the ribs from Jay.

"Jamie, we just saw each other at Mom's a year ago. Don't make it sound like decades" Jay laughed. Paul stood there basking in Jason's happiness. He hadn't known him long, but this was the most delighted he'd ever seen him - and the most unguarded.

Jay turned around, again gripping Paul's hand to bring him closer. "Jamie, this is Paul, he's..."

"His boyfriend!" again sliced off by Grey "Jason's boyfriend!" Paul smiled, amused, enjoying watching the redness spreading across Jay's face.

"Holy shit, Greyson, stop it! How many of those drinks have you had?" Everyone laughed, except Jay of course.

Paul could just feel Jamie sizing him up, the uneasiness now his.

"Well then Paul, welcome. Sorry we had to meet like this, you'd think a boyfriend would be something Jason would tell his Brother."

Jay glared at Jamie, finding his attempt at humor annoying.

"I'm eager to get out on the snow" Jay lamented "where the hell is May?"

As if on cue, the front door opened and a very cute, muscular blonde confidently strode in. Greyson went wild, waving her arms frantically, signaling him to join them. Paul assumed this was the last of the group.

"Sorry I'm late guys, I had to come the long way - Mountain Road is closed from the snow. What'd I miss?"

Greyson motioned towards Paul, "This is Paul, he's Jason's..." Jay's eyes leapt on her like a cheetah on a gazelle. "Enough already Grey. Seriously." Jay finished what Greyson again started "Mason, this is my friend Paul." The two guys extended arms for a handshake, Paul quickly saying "I'm Jason's boyfriend."