If Only, Old friend

"Look at the state of you two. I take it you approve then, Brian?"

"Yes, Gill, you have passed my test. I give my permission for you to marry my very good friend Michael.". You are allowed."

"Silly sod. I'll make you a coffee while you ring for a cab."

The next few weeks were busy as Emma had her baby, a little boy called Teddy. I was thrilled to be allowed to hold him at the hospital.

"This is your Poppa, Teddy," said, Emma. "He's a very good granddad to Noah, so he's had lots of practice."

Then it was my turn to shed a little tear.

Emma and her husband, Rob, decided to have a little time to themselves once they got home. They said they were 'pulling up the drawbridge' and enjoying getting used to being a family of four.

Gillian found this difficult as she was desperate for more baby cuddles. After a week, they invited all the grandparents around to their house for a little celebration. The grandparents included me and Brian's J.J., which I thought was lovely.

I had just finished chatting with Emma's in-laws when I heard Brian call me over. I walked over as his girlfriend, J.J., turned around. It was my first wife, Julie.

"Hello, Michael; it is so nice to see you after all these years."

I was shocked, but she didn't seem to be.

"What, you two know each other?" asked Brian.

"A long time ago, Michael and I used to be married."

"Bloody hell," said Brian staring at me. "You're Saint Michael? You're the reason she won't marry me? You've got my old wife and I've got your old wife. Hilarious! Like some sort of weird wife swap gone bad. We should be in a show on cable TV. Hey Gill -- come over here-- you'll never believe this."

Gillian looked as shocked as me when he explained.

"I don't see what's so funny about it, Brian?" Gillian exclaimed as Brian laughed.

"Don't you?" said Brian, "I do! J.J. won't marry me because she thinks she's not marriage material after what she did to Michael. She says it wouldn't work because as much as she loves me, she loved him and look how it turned out. She still loves Michael and you've got him! You couldn't make it up. What are the chances? "

We just looked at Brian as he carried on

"Does Gill compare me to you, Michael?"

"No, Brian, never, like I wouldn't compare Gillian to my Jane. It's different. I love them both, but it's different."

"Exactly, but I get compared to you, Saint Michael, all the bloody time.

I still love Gill, but we couldn't live together. It doesn't stop me from loving her in my way. She made me a dad; we built a family together; I'll always love her for that alone, never mind all the joy she brought into my younger years."

He smiled at Gillian and took J.J. by the hand.

"I'm allowed to love her and you're still allowed to love Michael too. What you're not allowed to do is let it stop you from living your life. I know you love me, but it's not enough. I don't mind that he'll always hold a bit of your heart, just like Gill holds a bit of mine. I hope that there is still a bit of love in Gill's heart for me, too."

Gillian laughed and smiled,

"Always, but just a tiny bit mind. Brian, we must leave these two alone for a little while as they need a long overdue chat."

Julie, or J.J. as she now called herself, walked to the bench at the bottom of the garden.

"You don't seem as shocked to see me, Julie?"

"No, when Brian told me about your first trip to the pub, I knew it was you straight away. I should have told Brian, but I wanted to be sure. Wanted to see for myself you were happy again with Gillian".

"I'm so sorry, Julie, that we never had a chance to speak when Noah was a baby. I wanted to say thank you for setting me free to meet Jane. I loved her very much. I never thought I'd ever be able to love anyone again, but then Gillian took me by surprise."

"I told your daughter that I wanted you to be happy and I'm glad you are. You deserve it."

"What about you, Julie? Don't you deserve to be happy?"

"No," she crumbled before me, "I don't -- not after what I did to you and my Mum and Dad. Do you still hate me?"

"Julie, love, I never did. I hated what you did, the humiliation, and the situation you'd got yourself into. I hated that you had been so stupid and that you hadn't trusted me. I was a young man with a broken heart. I wanted to punish you, but I never hated you. I couldn't after loving you so much."

I stopped to gather my breath as Julie quietly sobbed.

"How are your Mum and Dad? I've often thought about them."

"They're still with us," Julie smiled as she wiped her eyes with a tissue.

"They tell me I'm forgiven. I told them I thought I'd be seeing you today. They'd like to see you."

"I'd like that too. Well, if they've forgiven you and I've forgiven you, isn't it about time you forgive yourself?"

"Have you really forgiven me, Michael?"

"A long time ago. I was angry and embarrassed at first. My heart was shattered by what had happened, but by the time I met Jane, I was just sad. So very sad. You were forgiven the minute I met her."

"I'll still feel so sad about what happened, Michael. I made such a mess of everything and I loved you so much."

"I know you did. We were best friends, you and me. I loved you too and just like those two inside, you'll always have a bit of my heart. There were times when I missed my friend most of all."

"Could we ever be friends again, do you think?"

"We already are, Julie, but you don't really know me anymore. You know that silly lad from a lifetime ago. No more talk about the past. Perhaps a fresh start would be best. But I'm not calling you J.J. you'll always be Julie to me."

"Thank you, Michael. I better go and find Brian. I do love him, you know. There have been other men over the years, but I never let it get serious. It's different with Brian, he's a good man and he's very easy to love.

I know he's loud and brash, but he's very sensitive, really. He thinks the world of you already. I know that I've kept him at arm's length. He's a good man. Perhaps he deserves to know how I really feel. I do love him and if I can't be your wife, I want to be his."

I took her arm as we walked back down the garden path.

"Hey Julie, just think, if things work out, you and me will end up being Grandma and Grandpa together after all, even if it's just step-grandparents."

"I don't think that Sophie or Teddy will think of us like that, though. We'll just be more grandparents to love, Poppa and Nanna to them. Children don't complicate matters as much as adults, do they?"

"No, Julie, they don't."

With that, we joined the party and laughed together like the old friends we were.