by magmaman
So much beauty in this story. Please keep writing, finding gems like this is what keeps me coming back to this site. There's a difference between a writer and an author. I found an author in you.
I really enjoyed this story. You have a wonderful gift and make the world a better place with your excellent writing.
thanks very much.
You told a very touching well executed story. I wish your level of work didn't vary as much as it does, some of it is very good and worth expanding upon. Perhaps of you were able to find another editor it might improve your overall level and quality of work. Just a suggestion....anon jerry
This short-short summation of a life's love, and its inevitable loss, is understandably one of your own favorites. And there is much to admire here, not least the truly wonderful title. Still, it could really be improved. For example: "The grass was soft, there were only rare visitors to the area, few even knew of it that did not live in the valley." This is an obvious run-on sentence -- it should in fact be three separate sentences. There are other such technical points that could and should be cleaned up. Also, I would re-edit with the idea of particularizing the couple's relationship, ruthlessly cutting every generic or false-poetic note. (In a short-short, even more than a regular story, every single detail counts -- for you or against you.) Your underlying story is so strong, I think it would be well worth the effort.
Admirable and in my opinion, what makes it a great read is its short but to the point.
Another feather in your cap!
This story has excellent descriptions of the locale and manages to touch one's emotions with very few words.
The only drawback I see in it is some capitalization issues that are quite noticeable. But thanks for a well-written story.
If only all marriages could last and endure like theirs.
The thought, the intent, the attitude - are all the pieces that make the sotry one about a life we could all look back at with pride and love.
Technically - the observation that editing would help is true - it is a good idea dnt here are some very good volunteers on the site - it seems. But choose carefully - avoid getting someone who wants to to be the writer rather than the editor - you have good thoughts and do well with them you do not need the help there.
Some stories don't HAVE to be technicaly correct in every aspect and I believe this is a prime example. When I read this story I didn't just READ it, I FELT it. It's the very way a real person might think, might remember, might experience life's joys, happiness, sorrows and finality. It doesn't matter one iota if the writer makes a few grammatical errors as long as the reader can feel the emotions the author intended; can join in the experience; can be transported to the same place and time; can actually SEE what the author sees in a scene. Conrad, Shaw and Hemingway weren't always gramatically correct in their writings, but their works are treasured. I would like to add Magmaman to that list for his ability to make his readers FEEL emotions and experiences.
Thank you, sir, for a beautiful love story. Well told, and emotionally compelling. You made this old man's eyes leak.
at times she confuses her minions, TK U MLJ LV NV
Having lost my wife last year and being over 80 myself, I really felt this one.
Lives well lived with family and all else they built together of their sweat and love. A beautiful story of the sadness of parting.
the exact circumstances would be for very few, the sentiments were true for many. Thank you for my own moment of grief.
5 Pointy things and Yes !! says all that needs to be said about this tale.
Do not get an editor! Having read many stories where the author has thanked the editor and then struggled to read the story due to the numerous errors. Do not go there, your stories are fine. You will always have nitpickers, most of them can't even write their comments without errors. Thank you for this excellent and really emotional story. Will stop now as I must wipe my eyes, dam dust, hay-fever, or whatever. Mel B known as Hornydevil47.
If this story doesn't deserve five stars I don't know what does. Such a sad but loving tale. He's lucky they got to spend the time together that they did. Some of us are cheated out of that part of growing old together. Loved the story.