If You'll Believe In Me

"Where's he at?" Jenn asks.

"Him and his dad are getting some guy time. Gives me a breather," she says and holds her hand out for a high five. Nathan doesn't know what to do and looks up at me as if he wants an explanation. I clap my hands together, but he mimics me, and I laugh some. Jenn holds her hand out in front of him, but he claps again. She takes his hand and places it on her own. Nathan seems to finally understand, then slaps Midge's hand.

"He's got it!" Midge says, then high fives him again.

I have a feeling he will be asking for high fives all day from everyone. Thanks, Midge. He looks up at me with his hand out. Already starting.

"How's bumblefuck nowhere treating you?" Midge asks. Asking her to not curse in front of kids is a lost cause.

"How's two-thousand for a fifty square footer treating you?" I retort, and she laughs. "There are trade-offs."

"Didn't see you arrive, how you been?" I hear The Kaiser ask. He is walking over with Holly in his arms. She's turning four tomorrow. We knock fists when he's close enough. Nathan sees that and requests a high five from The Kaiser.

"Well enough," I say, and I notice him look toward my leg.

"How's the leg?" he asks when he noticed, I noticed, him looking.

"My dad jokes only got better," I say, and he chuckles.

"Chase," I hear a voice say, so turn to face it. It's Nathan's wife, Billie. She is holding the hand of their daughter who is now eight. She is in an adorable dress with ribbons in her hair.

"Hey," I say, and want to look away from them. I can't run from this anymore, so keep my eyes forward.

"Thanks for coming," she says, and I force a smile out. She sees right through it and tells her daughter to go stay with 'Aunty Jill' for a minute. "Want to talk?"

"Sure," I say, and she gestures away from the group. I nod and follow her into the grass, and I have to adjust my walking because of the change of surface.

"This is first time you've come," she says once we've walked far enough. I nod with a small shrug. I'm not sure what emotion I need to convey right now. "It wasn't your fault. How many people need to tell you that before you believe it?"

"I don't..." I start to stay, but stammer, then just give up.

"All of you barely got out of there alive. The ones who did, say it was because of you. Nathan went down, and you continued the mission exactly like he would have wanted you to," Billie says, and I look at my feet. "You can look at me." I slowly raise my head back up to face her. "Nathan would have been proud."

"I'm sorry," I say. I don't know if I'm apologizing, or expressing condolences.

"Don't be," she says, and places her hand on my arm. "Nathan loved you. You were brothers. I know you both fought like hell. He would want you to continue the mission."

Billie gives me a soft smile, and I feel someone tug at my pant leg. I look down and see Nathan trying to get my attention. Billie has never met him, so I pick him up and rest him on my arm.

"This is my son. Nathan," I say, and she smiles wide at him.

"Hello Nathan," she says, and he immediately requests a high five. Billie giggles and appeases him. "It's like he was reincarnated."

--

The service is beautiful, and emotional. We pay our respects to our fallen comrade, then head to the bar to drink in his memory. His picture is behind the bar, and we raise our shot glasses to him before drinking. I avoid getting too messed up, and Jenn and I hug everyone before she drives the hour and a half back home. When we put the kid to sleep, I thank her for making me go.

My guilt isn't gone, but it does have a different perspective now.

In the morning I place on my running leg and get my miles done. I rest on the stairs, then make my family breakfast. The kid watches me fix the lawn mower that was working last week. Nathan is put down for nap while I place the file on the coffee table.

Katie Grossman disappeared ten years ago. Last week the gun she had with her was found in a pond. It's time to fill in the missing pieces.

--

I have one small announcement regarding this series. This marks the end of the main series. I plan on doing a soft reboot of the series, keeping the characters in their current positions, and adjusting only the timeline. I plan on focusing on Midge as a Special Investigator frequently partnered with Yvonne Grimsdotter, and Chase handling Derek's cold cases as a Private Investigator. The two will intersect as the stories allow.