Iggy 01

Iggy 01

Hi people, I'm Iggy and I'm Iggy because mother nature was my crossing guard and day after day, this is the corner that she directed me to, not that I work the corner, but living on the "other corner" seemed to be best suited for me, so, hey, I'm Iggy and I belong in your crew! Until you've had enough of me, but my experience has been that you will suggest for me another crew because nobody wants me to get all that far away. I mean, you can't officially dump someone until you're dumped your load on or in them, right? But I swear, I don't work the corner! I just stand there reviewing the local crew location maps on my phone App, so, hey, give me a beep as you zoom by the corner of Confused & Fem.

And I'm really nice about things in life. And I think we could all agree that there are very few people alive who couldn't be judged for this or that, so let's just forget that stuff and get about with living life and moving forward, okay? LOL, and moving forward is not the same as personally seeing me to my truck after you've had enough of me at your mixer or within your crew, but end up becoming very forward with me once we rounded the corner. Although, well, some of those times have been more like dates than exit walks, so for a few times, okay, that was nice. I am curious and I am human, so.

But seriously, if going "right" when your hater crush goes "left" is all that important in the dark around the corner, then someone should put that in a book somewhere, jeez. I don't need or want a big crazy rep or anything, but I wouldn't be mad if I were known as a better first date kisser, jeez.

Anyways, as for me, I was tagged in my yearbook under the "Too Cute" category, which is historically reserved for the girls, but my photo wasn't in the center of the circle, but that's the corner I landed on and that's when I had braces too, so, yay me, I guess.

So, my current quest to find a more permanent crew, using the word permanent loosely, I guess, was with an old school mate, Marci, who, LOL, didn't know I was coming. I mean, the permanent really loses it's meaning when some people have advance notice that you're on their radar, LOL.

Oh, um, also, I'm kind of the restroom attendant at the Pizza Shop, but that's another story.

[A sneaky tap on the shoulder from behind surprise]

"Well, all of this had better be why you never asked me out is school then, Iggy!"

"What, wait, oh, Marci, I mean, yeah, yeah, I mean, no, no, I mean, I mean, Marci, I mean, I have been pretty confused for a long time now, so?"

"LOL, it's alright, Iggy. It's hard to be mad at you since you taught me more about buying and wearing the proper size bra than my mother ever did. And I've kept my promise all this time about not telling anyone that it was you who taught me how to walk and dance in heels for my prom, so."

"And I've kept my promise all this time and haven't ever told anyone that it was me who showed you the difference between what type of Nylons that a street hooker would wear and what Nylons are appropriate for a dinner date, so?"

"Well, I should have listened to you because I had to fight off Bobby all that night, but I did develop a thing for the leg garter belts. Also, before you go thinking stuff, Iggy, I have been quite selective with my dating life and I'm a grown woman now, Iggy, but if you happen to have any suggestions for a just barely appropriate Peek A Boo bra that I could wear around the crew, I mean, so?"

"Oh, I mean, Marci, your crew then, you're the Plastic Milk Crate crew, right and this is where you hang out? Behind the grocery store distribution warehouse, right?"

"Well, we shortened it to just the Milk Crate crew, but you're welcome to join us, if that is where this is going, so? Also, Iggy, you haven't said out loud yet that you're still under my charms, so?"

"Oh, I am, Marci, I am, so, am I suppose to construct my own chair out of the plastic milk crates then, hmm?"

"Oh, generally the crew makes their own milk crate furniture, but I'd hate for you break a nail, so chit chat with Merri here while I hook you up. Merri, this is my old school mate, Iggy. Iggy, this is Merri."

"Hi Iggy, so, um, Marci, what is his lip gloss shade then, hmm?"

"Gawd awful, but that's your area of expertise, so that's for you, Merri, so, BRB."

I mean, at least no one said to take my gawd awful lip gloss shade and take a hike, right? And I even admitted to Merri that my makeup skills may have been a little sideways, which she turned into "it's backwards, upside down and twisted back to sideways", but in a nice way, so.

[Facial field scrub, wipe, scrub, wipe, there]

"So, Iggy, do you have a boyfriend or anything then, hmm?"

[Such a thin blue line of eye liner]

"I mean, there are plenty of..."

"Plenty of guys or girls or both, Iggy?"

"Oh, um, you're the first girl to touch my face like this, so?"

"Oh, that's a lie, but we can leave Marci out of this for now, so, go on then."

[Purposely wipes off gawd awful lip gloss to the point of gawd awful painful and bleeding]

"Well, I didn't think that blood red was my lip gloss shade then, but yes, I have my fair share of male suitors. Until I open my mouth and start stuttering. And twisting on the wrong tippy toe, so. And maybe I do or maybe I don't hang out in the Men's Room up at the Pizza Shop every other weekend, but it's not like I'm the official restroom attendant or anything, so?"

"Oh, um, so, male suiters are the same as guys who want to fag fuck you, right? You don't have to answer that. Anyways, practice makes for perfect, so keep after it and FYI, Marci gets more charming every week, so watch out with whatever history you have with her or you'll be under her charms with no way out, so. Also, in time, you will tell me everything about the history between Marci and yourself and don't even bother with staring out with how you showed her how to avoid panty lines except for when panty lines may serve a purpose, so."

[Clunk, clunk, shift around, clunk, kick, clunk]

"There, a makeshift love seat for my friend Iggy then. I'd say for you to have a seat, Iggy, but I should intro you around first, since all eyes have been on you since you strolled up anyways, so. Also, maybe wear a belt with shorts like that and for Pete's sakes, watch how you pee behind the building. And wear a belt next time."

And it doesn't matter that Meri was right about my makeup skills. All that mattered was that it was fixed now, so. At least for that night anyways.

"Blah, bah, blah, blah and other than how he topped off the "way too cute for a boy" category in the yearbook and taught me which boots were more for a 1am breakfast at the truck stop than an 8pm basketball game, this is my friend Iggy from back in day and although I am probably using this word incorrectly, I will "cuck" Iggy as my personal groomer down there, but without sex. Well, maybe I will be "cucking" Iggy, I'm not sure because I'm barely a grown woman and I don't know everything yet, so, questions or comments then, hmm?"

[A hand raises]

"Randy???"

"Um, I'm not a fashion guru or anything, but Iggy looks good without a belt, so? Also, I'm calling dibs on being Iggy's bathroom break attendant."

"Next, oh, Merri?"

"Well."

"Fine, I will share Iggy with you, but I must be in the room when he trim grooms you up. And nice job with his facial makeup, so, anyone else then, hmm? Oh, Freddy, let's hear your fag question then, shall we, hmm?"

"Marci, are you just going to call me out if I ask a question about Iggy then, hmm?"

"Far be it from little ole me to call out a guy who has had a vacuum cup dildo stuck to his shower wall in the past, so, next? OMG, Jay, you actually speak then, hmm?"

"I'm calling dibs on being Iggy's side ride when we're hungry, so?"

"Well, that works in reverse of the way you said it, Jay, because you will be driving, but the task is yours then. Iggy, do you have a problem with anyone at the Pizza Shop then, hmm?"

"Um, no, not at all, it's actually one of the few Men's Room that I can use without being beat up have an attempt of club sex, so. Anyways, hey everyone."

"[From deep in the crowd] Use or work at the restroom?"

"Shut it. And tip me, so."

Now that felt like a freebie because nobody has a problem with anyone at the Pizza Shop and sitting next to Jay on a food run looked like a good fit, so. Shy is alright, right?

And then, that was it, I was accepted by the Milk Crate crew, I guess. I mean, I went out and bought a couple of new belts and all like the next day, but I had a symbolic crew badge, so.

And within a few days, um, LOL, Marci and Merri stopped by to "cuck" me, I suppose. Or, I mean, is it possible that I mis heard things and Marci said that I was her favorite cock then? Maybe?

[Buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Oh snap, Marci, this is a lot like touchless sex, oh, buzz, buzz, Iggy!"

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Oh, oh, you're telling me, Merri, oh, ooh, trim me Iggy, groom me close, biz, biz!"

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Ooh, oh, oh, Marci, no man, no man ever, ooh, oh, buzz it, Iggy, buzz me close, ooh, oh."

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"OMG, OMG, Iggy, Iggy, I'm close to an embarrassing moment, Iggy, Iggy, oh, ooh, Iggy."

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"OMG, OMG, it's happening, it's happening, Marci, oh, it's happening, ooh, ooh, it's on, Iggy."

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Oh, Iggy, Iggy, I can I feel my thighs getting wet, Iggy, Iggy, I'm embarrassed, Iggy, oh, oh."

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Oh snap, I'm passing out, Marci, passing out, OMG, OMG, O, O, O, O, O, O, O [collapse]."

[Switch over, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr, buzz, buzz, buzz, grr, grr, grr]

"Iggy, Iggy, rub in the wetness, Iggy, rub my thighs, Iggy, OMG, OMG, O, O, O, O, O [collapse]."

Well, I may have been voted "Best Groomer" if they had such a category, but I did top off the list for "things mom never taught me proper" or I would have if they also had such a category.

"Oh, oh, well, oh, I mean, Iggy, I would ask if your bed is clean so that Merri and I can, ooh, take a quick nap, but that would be a silly question from me, right?"

"You'll both need this special care lotion then, so?"

[Snatch]

"This never happened! But [mwah], damn, Iggy!"

"[Mwah] LOL, I'll rub that lotion into your school crush as gently as I can, Iggy, I mean, you must have somewhere to go or something to do, right?"

"Merri! We weren't school crushes! We were just girl BFF's, that's all, so."

Well, at least I could say that there was sex in my bed and it's not cool to post names, so technically I did not have to say who was breaking my bed or if I was even involved, so.

Besides, I did have somewhere to go for a few minutes. I mean, while I was out buying new belts for chastity bathroom break purposes, I bought a bag of something else too, so, I was off to the grocery store distribution warehouse spot for a special visit with the remaining Milk Crate crew.

"I mean, I mean, Iggy, do you like me enough to, um, um, put a cock ring on me for when we have sex then, so?"

"OMG, Jay! These are nylon tie straps so that you can tie strap together a makeshift chair for me out of the plastic milk crates and not for a cock ring! Jeez! Not to mention how dangerous that would be. Also, OMFG Jay! I thought you were the shy one, so?"

"Well, I had the feeling that you liked me, Iggy and I'm not afraid to get kinky with you. Also, does a cock ring go towards the front tip or the rear of the stem then, hmm?"

"OMFG, Jay, Jay, Jay, go back to being shy with me and forget the sex aids! But I like how you can speak so freely with me. I mean, yeah, freaky freely, but yeah, I'm cool with you at the start and if I ever, maybe I will with you. Dangerous nylon tie strap cock ring free, of course!"

"Fine, Iggy, but maybe we can meet in the middle some night and you wear Nylons then, okay? Not that I'm asking for hooker nylons like Marci went into great detail with her blah, blah descriptions, so?"

"Oh, I can do that then, Jay, some night, so?"

"Oh, well, then I'll get right on tie strapping you a throne chair together from the plastic milk crates then, Iggy."

"Well, it doesn't have to be a throne, Jay and it should be slightly less than what you'll have to construct for Marci and Merri because they have been in the crew longer, but I would appreciate a nice mix of color between the red and the blue crates. And make sure the little pointy ends of the cut off nylon tie straps knots face away from the sitting area. I mean, the skin on my thighs is sensitive and I only like to wear a band aid strip across my nose, so."

"Aha, aha, aha, aha, I mean, a kingdom court of milk crate thrones coming up, Iggy."

"And????"

"And I won't experiment with a makeshift sex aid ring toy thingy made out of nylon tie straps, so?"

"Hmm, I'm looking forward to our first crew food run then, Jay."

"Aha, aha, aha, aha, I mean, my truck seat is comfy and roomy, so?"

I mean, huh, it felt comfortable with Jay, so. But the leader, Bruce on the other hand was an entirely different situation all together.

"Hey, one week in the crew and you're that big of a deal then? But it's nice to see Jay actually speaking. I mean, I could see his mouth moving, so actual words were coming out of it, right Iggy?"

"Oh, Jay knows some words, Bruce! But I dealt with it, I think, so?"

"Well, where are the girls then, hmm?"

"Easy Bruce, Marci and Merri will be along shortly. They had a busy early evening and they needed a little nap before kicking it down here. They also need a few minutes to figure out where someone may or may not have kicked their undies for hiding purposes, so. And don't be upset with Jay. He's just helping me out for my comfort. I mean, you want me to be comfortable, right Bruce?"

"Oh, if I was that way, I mean, well, I'm not the way of being in a comfortable bed with you, Iggy, so?"

"Well, Bruce, technically speaking, I mean, what matters which way things are if someone's front was smashed so deep into the comfortable bed that only the, well, let's never mind all that because I actually have a couple of other things to discuss with you as the leader of the Milk Crate crew, behind Marci, of course, so? And if it helps, truthfully speaking, I'm not totally sure which way I am either, except for I'm more comfortable in fem clothing and makeup. Which brings me to my first topic, which is it such a big deal if I don't wear leg coverings sometimes then? Like tomorrow or something, hmm? I mean, things look pretty secluded back here behind the warehouse and all, so?"

"SOB! Is Jay actually over there building you doll house furniture, Iggy?"

"Focus, Bruce, focus! And I'm willing to go half way, like start out with thigh high socks and end up without them as the evening goes on, so?"

"Fine, fine, whatever, but I just said that I'm not that way, so why are you handing me a small bag of cock rings then, huh, Iggy?"

"OMFG, men and their freaky makeshift cock rings made from dangerous nylon tie straps! Like, wow. Anyways, Bruce, these red and blue nylon tie straps are for, well, Bruce, it would be big of you to make me a private area at that corner of the warehouse. Like a couple of urinal modesty walls from these stackable milk crates, so?????"

"Hmph, grump, spit, grr, huff! What colors, Big Deal Iggy?"

"Your choice, Bruce, but blue and red would be fine and I'm probably going to snuggle up with Jay one of these nights, so?"

"Hmph, grump, spit, grr, huff! Fine! And I'm at a total loss for words or thoughts, so?"

[Snatches the bag of red & blue nylon tie straps]

"Hmph, grump, spit, grr, huff! And Nylons shouldn't be considered as leg coverings anyways!"

Well, no one ever said that Milk Crate crew studied much in school, so.

And then I left Jay and Bruce to their work because I needed to get back home to, well, see if Marci and Merri figured out where I kick hid their undies, not that I was curious about them or anything. I mean, I have plenty of my own. And it was nice for them to not clean out my place and leave me a note.

"You can post that you officially sexed up a couple of girls, Iggy. See you soon, XOXO, M+M. PS, LOL, we re-hid your trophy's, so good luck."

I mean, it's not like I posted anything about that before I even finished reading the PS part or anything. But you need to be quick on Chang to beat all the leaks, right?

And yes, I found the two re-hidden trophy undies before I went to sleep and no, I did not frame them both. I mean, I may have slept with them and all, that's none of your buzz, buzz, buzz beeswax anyways. I mean, I framed the tags, but only because I had an empty small picture frame handy, so.

Anyways, for the next night, my first night in my Big Deal (Bruce's words, not mine) sitting crate throne and with his grumpy approval to limit my leg coverings, I mean, that's the definition of fishnets, right? There is something there, but really there isn't much there, yet they qualify as leg coverings, right?

Not to mention that the fit, right? They are very good at fitting firmly against the legs and the lower torso and they just feel good. And guys like them, so.

"Risky around these fags, Iggy, but fishnets suit you. However, what doesn't suit you is how you tried to use your sex appeal to have your crew crush, Jay, build you a bigger and taller throne from the milk crates to sit on then mine, so sit beside me and submit to my charms! Also, I said you are my favorite "cuck" and not my favorite "cock" but since we never, we'll let that post go for now since you didn't use my charming name. And you might have to start things with Jay, like the initial lips smack, but that's for another time since he lost his mind and tie strapped a stupid cock ring on himself and pulled it too tight and then no one wanted to touch him to cut it off, so Randy had to take him to hospital! Oh, and Bruce lost his mind too, apparently, so?"

"Well, I tried to tell them both that when a nylon tie strap locks on itself, it really locks! Anyways, so then Merri will have to drive me up to the Pizza Shop for the food run, right?"

"Oh, fat chance of that since you sent her over the "Big O" edge, Iggy! I mean, how is the first man to send her over the edge is a man, well, a man like you then? But I like how your skills are well rounded and all, so."

[rotting footsteps approach the throne sitting area]

"OMG, OMG, Iggy, Iggy, you made it, you made here tonight, aha, aha, aha, aha!"

"Easy, Merri, easy! Iggy and I are off to the Pizza Shop, so."

"Well, well, did you tell him then, hmm?"

"About how I rented the highway billboard sign to announce that he is under my spell? The billboard that has my image on it big enough to almost be seen from space? The billboard that has pixel issues in the bottom corner where the technician put his lovely face? Tell him that?"

"No, Marci, the other thing, so?"

"Oh, that, Iggy, Merri and I activity date, so neither of us is saying anything, anything at all, but there may be times when we both need personal grooming, even when we don't actually need another grooming so soon, so?"

"Well, I bought two new groomers and I called the technician about the fuzzy pixels and he said that he would fix it! As soon as you approve of that anyways, Marci, so."