Iggy 04

Iggy 04

Fine, after the first chapter, I had a bad rep and a bad rap for my abusive use of my trade mark nylon tie straps, but that later balanced out with my creative use of longer nylon tie straps in my back pocket as my tail feathers. And fine, even later I had a bad rap for being an eternal butt virgin, but that balanced out with my creative use of a Flesh Light, which a few guys still come around for. And it's not like I found a perfect little cotton bag to secretly carry it with me everywhere, so.

Also, huh, my new "non sex" trade mark gives one an entirely different perspective of what a man can and will do to whatever opening is presented to him. And from my perspective, nothing I have seen yet will fit, so.

"Suzie, where is your Jimmy J then? I wanted to speak with him, so?"

"Oh no, Iggy, I know that cotton bag! You can just go hone your freaky sexual techniques elsewhere and leave my precious boyfriend and lover, Jimmy J out of this! We're back on track and I'm only side kissing with five other guys now, so?"

"Suzie, I just texted Peter Dully from the Measurement Store and told him that your hip measurements need a revisit for his stores website and he's on his way in his Measurement Store cargo van, so?"

"Oh, Peter Dully then? He's quite handsome, but still, Jimmy J and I are back on track!"

[Beep, beep]

"Aww, hell, I still have Jimmy J cut off from sex until I get my side guys down to three, so he's probably whacking off in the restroom stall, Iggy! I'm coming Paul Dully!"

[Paul's measurement tool must need oil for all the vibrating, rocking and rolling the van was doing]

"Jimmy J? It's me, Iggy."

[Peeks through stall door crack]

"Iggy! Damn it."

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

"Jimmy J, I know you can't stop that and everyone knows that you're not really seeking out help for that, but Jimmy J, I want to ride in a car with three guys. Two in the backseat with me and my Flesh Light and a driver, so?"

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

"Oh, oh no, you don't, Iggy! That's one of the reason's that Brie is in the old Tranny folk's home all busted up and all used up and all stretched out and using a walker, aha, aha, aha, aha."

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

"Hmm, Jimmy J, I want to be in the back seat of a car with one guy and one driver, so? Also, are you peeking back at me through the crack in the stall door then?"

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

"Aha, aha, aha, aha, get in here and hold your Flesh Light doggie for me, Iggy, aha, aha, aha."

"You'll slip and miss, Jimmy J!"

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

Wait, duh, my shorts would still be on, so. Wait, that's too far, right? Or too freaky.

[Muffled screams of delight from outside in the alley]

"Unlock the stall door, Jimmy J, unlock it."

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]

"Aha, aha, I shouldn't Iggy, I mean, Suzie is still 25% loyal to me, aha, aha, aha."

"Jimmy J, I've already removed my shorts and I'm standing here in my Brazilian CK's, Jimmy J!"

[Fap, fap, ooh, click, creak open, relock, clank]

Well, that's exactly why they put that hook on the back of a restroom stall door folks! And for no other reason, so.

"Fuck my Flesh Light, Jimmy J! I've learned how to hold it and I know how to clean it with powerful water spray, so do it, Jimmy J, you're jacking yourself raw these days since Suzie cut you off for her other men!"

[Oh, a priceless moment with Jimmy J's funny look on his face then, huh?]

"Turn around, bend over and hold it that way for me, Iggy. You're perfect for doggie do sex! Oh, and as you said, do it!"

Well, you see, folks, there is a reason that people have lean over sex up against a wall or near a couch back, for support! I couldn't hold the damn Flesh Light in the place he wanted and brace myself too! Not with his vigor and oh boy, Jimmy J brought the vigor! And he brought me a headache from banging my head against the stall door!

[Slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang]

"OMG, tell no one of this, Iggy! Ow, ow, ugh, ugh, ooh, ugh, ugh, aha, aha."

"Ooh, I won't, ooh, have the memory cells to tell of this, Jimmy J, oh, ouch, ouch, ouch."

"Hold it tighter and still, Iggy!"

"I'm getting woozy, Jimmy J!"

[Slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang, slam, bang]

"Okay, okay, okay, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, ooh."

"Jimmy J, someone else is peeking through the crack! Or I'm really totally woozy!"

"Argh, argh, oh, ooh, argh, argh, oh, oh, that's tight, oh, argh, I blast messed you, Iggy, argh!"

Well, he messed my Flesh Light with his blasts, but that's what they are made to do and take, right? And I was really woozy from having my head slammed into the stall door. So woozy that I creaked open the stall door with my shorts still on that stupid little hook that has absolutely no business being on the back of a restroom stall door! Jeez, what were they thinking when they put that there, huh?

"Oh."

"Oh, back at you then. I'm Pete the Pizza Chef here at the Pizza Shop and that was quite the show then, so? And I already know that you're Iggy, the Tie Strap Queen, so?"

"Well, you shouldn't be peeking when I'm just trying to develop a new technique, Pete the Pizza Chef, so?"

"Huh, Jimmy J is out cold on the toilet seat, so technique perfected then, I suppose. And the way you tucked him back inside of his pants, well, that was some nice hand technique too, Iggy, so???"

"Well, I cheat my boyfriends in some areas, so I make up for it in other ways, so."

[Reaches around stall door and snatches shorts from a hook that had no business being there]

"Are you going to clean that thing then, Iggy?"

"Well, I have a good technique for that too. I use a the most powerful water spray from the faucet and I'm past the "ewe, ick, gooey" of things now, so?"

"Hmph, I mean, Iggy, I mean, Iggy."

"What, Pete the Pizza Chef? OMG, you want to personally drain it first then?"

"Well, don't fag call me out, Iggy! Besides, you need both hands to pull your shorts up and then zip them, not that I'm complaining about the Brazilian CK view, so?"

[Quickly hands Pete the Pizza Chef the full Flesh Light and grabs phone from pocket before zipping up because no one on the planet would ever confuse the size of a Flesh Light for a regular flashlight]

[Tip, gulp, snap, gulp, snap, gulp, snap, gulp, snap]

"Ahh, oh, I'm around, Iggy, so?"

"Bye, Pete the Pizza Chef, I have some cleaning to do with the powerful water spray, so."

[Oh, so Pete the Pizza Chef shakes hands good bye the other way then, huh?]

"Hmm."

"Bye, now."

But it was a nice shake good bye as long as a shake good bye is the same as a quick squeeze, which wasn't my first, but his grip said it, LOL, it wasn't his first either!

And then Suzie and I passed each other in a bit of a huff and without really looking each in the eyes.

"(Huff, grumble, oops) See you soon, Iggy."

"(Oh, oops, grumble) It's always a pleasure, Suzie."

'I mean, well."

"I mean, yeah. Well, Suzie, I need an aspirin or a red pill, so?"

"Oh, um, same as I need a birth control pill, quick! Here, take two red pills and go straight home, Iggy."

And it really was a woozy walk to my truck, but I went straight home and updated my vision board of "Iggy Stupid Sex Positions" and went to sleep.

End Iggy 04