I'll Be There For You

"Sage, you weren't expecting too much were you?"

"I don't know, Sienna. I was definitely anticipating better. I wouldn't have cared about a fast finish if he'd paid a little attention to me after he got off. But he just rolled over and went to sleep leaving me ready to scream in frustration. He put me up wet without riding me hard. He didn't even hold me for a few minutes afterward. He made me feel so . . . cheap"

"You going to give him another chance?" Sienna asked.

I hadn't considered that yet. "I don't know. I really liked him. But the way he treated me afterward really landed with a thud."

Sienna giggled like a little girl. "That's it! A new category. He's a thud!" she tittered. "He dashed your hopes. Your anticipated evening of bliss crashed and burned. Your hopes came back to Earth and landed with a thud!"

The way Chris treated me wasn't funny, but I couldn't help myself. I giggled along with Sienna.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I should let you borrow Jeff after all," she teased. "He'd take good care of you."

Sienna joked about that sometimes. I adore my brother-in-law, but it wouldn't happen. I wouldn't ever; plus, I'm sure Sienna wasn't serious. There was a little awkward history between Jeff and me. Sienna and I went to the same state university. One with a student body the size of a small city. We shared a room growing up but opted not to room together while we pursued our degrees. It wasn't due to a desire to avoid each other. We had different academic interests. And we just didn't want to go through some of the same crap we did in high school. A few of our boyfriends expressed identical twin fantasies. As in bedding us both or sharing a bed with both of us at the same time. Of course, we both had the same reaction - yuck. Telling us it was a fantasy wasn't necessarily a deal breaker. Feeling entitled enough to actually ask for it got guys the boot.

I kept crossing paths with Jeff one semester. In the library, the cafeteria, the Student Union. I noticed he kept sneaking looks in my direction, but we hadn't met. He was good looking, had a nice smile, and seemed nice when I finally spoke with him. Several mutual friends told me he was a good guy. After we spoke a few times, he asked me out. I accepted. It wasn't until halfway through our pizza, when he introduced me to someone as Sienna, that I learned he thought he'd asked my sister out. I was surprised my name hadn't come up during any of our conversations. Maybe he'd already got to know Sienna a little and understandably never thought there'd be an exact duplicate wandering around campus. Sienna and I had completely different schedules and resided in different dorms. We rarely saw each other except when we planned to get together.

After his friend left, I told him my name was Sage; Sienna was my identical twin sister. After his initial surprise, and embarrassment, we had a good laugh about it. I liked Jeff. But I wasn't about to poach a guy that thought he'd asked my sister out. We finished eating and I cut the date short.

We both told Sienna about the mix-up. I called her the next morning and told her what happened. Jeff told her about it the next time he saw her. He and Sienna eventually got together and soon became inseparable. What saved Jeff's ass was he never once hinted at anything untoward, especially not the twin-sisters-threesome thing. They got married a year after graduation. I was her maid of honor. That's why Sienna sometimes joked about "lending" him to me. Never when he might hear us, though.

I got together with Chris for coffee a couple times after our dinner at his place. But it wasn't like before. I never had dinner or slept with him again. We soon drifted apart and stopped seeing each other altogether. It got so he didn't even acknowledge me if I saw him in the park where I ran.

I ran cold about dating for a while. I was frustrated about it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life alone. Working at a hospital, I sometimes received propositions from doctors, usually married and just looking to get their rocks off in one of doctor's crash rooms when they could take a break during a rotation. Or the wrong gender for my tastes.

I didn't like the idea of dating someone working at the hospital even when there was someone appealing. Too much potential for problems if things didn't work out. There were married couples that worked at the hospital. Mostly doctors. The hospital didn't have an official policy prohibiting fraternizing with coworkers. But it wasn't encouraged, either.

I dated here and there. But again, no one struck my fancy.

I started to get interested in Tibor, a pharmaceutical rep I met in the cafeteria at work. I had lunch with him in the hospital cafeteria several times. I was a bit surprised when he invited me for a drink. He was fun to have lunch with. Friendly and interesting. Plus, he didn't work at the hospital. He came a couple times a month to service the hospital pharmacy and meet with doctors. There wouldn't be any gossip about me "sleeping" with someone at work.

Mom picked up my kids from childcare so I could meet him for a drink after work. The pub was busy. My feet hurt after being on them most of the day. I was disappointed there wasn't a seat or table to be had. We barely had room to stand at the bar. I took a sip from my glass of wine after commenting on the lack of seating. That's when Tibor said, "Sage, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit." I almost choked. I tossed a few bucks on the bar to cover my wine and left.

Stefan was the second man I slept with. He was fun. Smart. Could talk knowledgably about almost anything. I enjoyed spending time with him immensely. He was more of a "guy". Wasn't quite as "ideal" as Chris had seemed. I never thought he'd be the man to spend my life with. But I liked him. My first time with Stefan wasn't great. But it was very good. Sure, being new, it had its awkward moments. But he played all the right notes, even if his play was a bit rote and mechanical rather than creative and virtuoso. But he was good enough that I hit the soprano's high note more than once. When I went home that night, I was a happy camper. Tired, but sated and content with the residual wetness between my legs and a post-orgasmic buzz I'd been missing for too long.

But Stefan had a secret. One he kept from me until he sprung it without warning.

After a few more evenings of thrills and chills in Stefan's apartment, we went to a Saturday afternoon garden party at the home of one of his friends. It started out pleasantly enough. The large, spacious house was gorgeous with a large, beautifully landscaped, and very private yard. The people were nice. Everyone knew Stefan. There were a couple of faces I'd seen at work but I never got around to meeting them while I was there. Nothing suggested that the afternoon was unusual. Except maybe the two women I was sure were subtly hitting on me. Right in front of their husbands and Stefan, who were all oblivious. Women had flirted with me before, so I didn't let it make me uncomfortable. It was easy enough to ignore.

It was upon returning from the bathroom that I got uncomfortable. I'm not sure how it started, but in the few minutes I was absent, the party had morphed from a garden party to an orgy. Which I guess is still a kind of party. People were in various stages of undress and engaged in a wide variety of sex acts. I spotted Stefan watching from near where I'd left him. Apparently awaiting my return before joining in the fun. He was mesmerized by what was happening around him and didn't see me. Looking forward to joining in, as evidenced by the erection already tenting his pants.

I've never been interested in multiple sex partners. Or having sex while others were also having sex in the same room. I hadn't experimented with a same-sex liaison, like some of the girls I knew at university. I wasn't interested in watching, either. It was time to make myself scarce.

Fortunately, I had my purse. A city bus stop was a short walk away, just up the street at the corner. I could have easily walked home. I lived only a couple miles from the party house. But my car was at a commuter lot across town.

As the bus approached, I heard Stefan call out to me. I turned and looked in his direction. He was running toward me, waving and shouting to get my attention. I worried he'd reach me and prevent me from getting on the bus. I was still looking in Stefan's direction when the bus stopped and the door hissed open. Suddenly, Stefan went down like someone had kicked his feet out from under him. I don't know if he got hurt but he landed hard. I didn't care. I quickly got on, found a seat and settled in for the ride.

As I sat there, I had a strange feeling. I just knew it would happen. Sure enough, a moment after the bus was under way, I felt the hands squeeze my shoulders, the tickle on my cheek, and Malcolm whispered, "I'll be there for you." I got a chill but wasn't frightened this time. I didn't look around because I didn't need to. The seat behind me was occupied by two teen girls. I sent Stefan a text telling him not to contact me and then blocked his number during the bus ride.

After Stefan, I didn't accept any invitations from the men I met for a while. I contented myself with the occasional evening spent with my toy collection.

I first met Peter O'Connor at Sienna's house when she and Jeff invited me to a no-kids cookout night. Though adults-only, there was no chance anything kinky would happen. I got there a few minutes late, the last to arrive. I already knew almost everyone there. I was introduced to Peter, who worked with Jeff, when I first arrived. But it was at the same time as I was introduced to the handful of other people I didn't know.

I spent a good part of the evening catching up with a few people I hadn't seen in a while. I was especially happy to see Kevin and his wife, Maureen. And glad to spend some time with her. Maureen looked far better than when I last saw her, while she was struggling through chemotherapy. When I realized Peter was there alone, I worried my sister was trying to set me up with him. But Peter and I barely interacted. Neither Sienna nor Jeff made any effort to bring us together. Peter was friendly and pleasant, but we only spoke a little while seated across from each other, eating and talking with several other people.

Sienna and Jeff are avid bowlers. I hadn't bowled since high school and wasn't good at it. Sienna isn't, either. But Jeff is a good bowler. For Sienna, it was a way to make sure they got a night out every week. A few weeks after their winter league began, the other woman on their team had to drop out. Sienna asked me to take her place. I was reluctant at first, but decided I could use a dose of adult company that didn't involve work, family obligation, or a date with some random guy trying to get into my pants. After my sitter Michele, a pretty seventeen-year-old high school senior, committed to sitting Annabelle and Tyler every Wednesday for the season, I signed on. I was amused by the name of the team, Cupcakes and Stud Muffins. I knew immediately it was Sienna idea. She's a pastry chef and bakery owner. Plus, it fits her sense of humor.

Peter O'Connor was on the first team we bowled against. My second impression of Peter was good, too. He remembered me and greeted me by name. My first warm-up ball went into the gutter. My second attempt was better, but not much. I think I knocked down four pins.

When I didn't do much better in the first frame, Peter, who had thrown strikes during warmup, asked if he could give me some pointers. The first thing he did was take me to find a different, slightly heavier ball. Then he showed me how to hold and roll the ball, rather than throw it. Next, he told me to note where I set the ball down and study the path it took down the lane. And then explained how to position myself on the lane, using the little diamonds and individual boards as guides, to optimize where the ball struck the pins. I got a six with my first ball in the second frame. He quickly repeated his tip about how to adjust my position on the lane and reinforced the proper way to hold and roll the ball. I didn't knock all the pins down, but I got three out of the four.

Peter's coaching helped my scores improve steadily, though not impressively. My first score was 83. The second game, I rolled 102. Finally, I scattered two strikes and two spares and finished with a 121. My score in the third game was higher than Sienna's. We lost two of the three games and Peter's team won the overall score, too. But more importantly, I enjoyed a carefree and fun night out.

The following week, Peter's team was bowling on the lanes next to us. He coached me again, though not as much as he did the first week. But it was enough that my low score was 112 and I had a high game of 135. Sienna beat me in all three games that night, but I didn't care. I had fun again, which was the whole point.

I saw Peter again the third week but only for a moment when he stopped to talk to Jeff briefly. He did say hello to me before he went to the opposite end of the bowling alley. He waved to me on his way out that night. Each week, Peter touched base with Jeff and nearly always spoke to me, at least to say "Hi". We talked much more when our teams were bowling on lanes near each other.

I eventually learned that Peter was also widowed. His three children were a little older than mine, though still young enough that he used a sitter on the nights he bowled. One night, he asked if I could stay after bowling to have a drink with him and some other bowlers. I was disappointed that I had to say no. But I suggested he ask again in the future.

I was able to join Peter and his friends, which included Sienna and Jeff, the following week. None of us stayed long. We all had to get up for work in the morning and most of us had sitters to send home. But it was a nice, if brief, chance to spend some no expectations time with a likable man and socialize with some other bowlers I'd met.

Peter was a bit different from the men I'd been meeting. He'd been married but wasn't divorced. He was more settled, a single father raising his children. Though we didn't talk about it, I knew we shared an understanding of the pressures of being a single, working parent. And the heartache of losing a partner at a young age.

Peter was a nice-looking man but hardly theGQ cover type. He was taller than my five-seven, just shy of six feet. He had a slightly receded hairline, a high forehead Sienna joked, though the light brown hair that remained was thick. He kept it long, brushed straight back and pulled into a ponytail that went past his collar, ending between his shoulder blades. He had deep set gray eyes that gave him a steely focus while on the lanes. He was competitive but kept his good humor and ready smile even when he didn't bowl well, which reportedly wasn't often. Though athletic and energetic, his broad shoulders and narrow hips were accompanied by a bit of a dadbod. He didn't have a beer belly; just small love handles that suggested he probably didn't have enough free time to keep himself in tiptop shape or maybe he didn't eat as well as he should. He drank nothing but water from a bottle he brought from home while he was on the lanes. When we stopped in the bar after bowling, he never had more than a beer.

My bowling average steadily improved over the course of the season. I paid heed to the coaching Peter provided and studiously practiced it. By the time we bowled against Peter's team the second time, my average was in the 140's. Jeff loved my progress. Sienna, not so much. Though I wouldn't call her resentful, she was frustrated to be losing to me. We've always been supportive of each other, but we competed, too. I was the faster runner. She was the better tennis player. When we played softball in high school, she was the better hitter. We both pitched but I was better than Sienna. When we didn't pitch, she played right field; I played left center, the more demanding position.

Cupcakes and Stud Muffins was firmly in the middle of the league standings. Peter's team had a significant lead over the second-place team. We had a banner night the second time we bowled against Peter's team. Jeff rolled three games over 200. Sienna had a great night, too, rolling three games well above her average. Our fourth bowler, Tom, had a decent night, bowling two games just above his average and another in the 180s. I rolled near my average for the first two games and then rolled my best game ever. I had a spare or a strike in nearly every frame and finished with a 214, my first game over 200.

Peter was happy I was doing so well in the third game. When I rolled a double in the fifth frame, I got pretty excited about the way my game was going. When I rolled a third consecutive strike for the first time ever in the sixth, I was so excited I ran off the lane and hugged my teammates. And my bowling coach, Peter. When we finished the third game and tallied everything up, we had taken four points from the first-place team. The following week, we found ourselves on the list of league stat leaders, with the highest team handicap series.

Two weeks after we bowled against Peter, he showed up behind our lanes midway through the second game.

"Hey," I said. "Aren't you all the way down the end?"

"Yeah, we're on the first two lanes bowling the Grouchy Old Cranks," Peter told me. "But I wanted to make sure I saw you tonight, so I rushed down here immediately after finishing a frame."

"Okay," I said, wondering why he was anxious to talk to me.

"We've become friends, haven't we?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, we have," I agreed.

"Sage, I look forward to seeing you every Wednesday. In fact, it's usually a highlight in my week."

"I like seeing you, too, Peter," I said, a little hesitantly.

"Can we do something together, sometime? Besides bowling?" he asked.

I could see Peter was nervous. I wondered when he last put himself out there like that. I smiled at him. "Sure. What do you have in mind?"

My "yes" caught him off guard. He hesitated for a moment. "Uh, I don't know yet. I wasn't sure you'd be interested. Let me think about it," he said softly. "I'll plan something for a week from Saturday. Okay?"

"Okay," I smiled.

"I better get back. I'll let you know what we're doing next week."

"Okay." I smiled when I turned away. His nervousness was sweet. Up until then, he'd always been comfortable around me. But then, I doubted asking me out was on his mind.

When I took a seat to await my next turn, Sienna looked at me curiously. "What did Peter want?"

"He asked me out," I said after hesitating a moment, trying to suppress a silly grin.

Jeff overheard our exchange. "It's about time. He's been edgy and distant around me at work for weeks. I thought I'd done something to piss him off. I have a couple times, though not intentionally. A couple weeks ago, I asked him what was wrong. He just looked at me funny. On Monday, he wanted to know if he could ask you out."

"What did you tell him?" I asked, not that I thought Jeff had anything to say about who I dated.

Jeff grinned. "I told him you were my sister-in-law, not my sister. If he needed to worry about anyone, it would be Sienna. She'd be the one to kick his ass. I also told him we're not in high school. He shouldn't feel weird about wanting to go out with his friend's "sister."

Michele was busy and my parents had plans for the Saturday Peter wanted to get together. Fortunately, Malcolm's mother was free and offered to take the kids for the day. Malcolm's father played golf every Saturday but rescheduled his usual late morning tee time to early morning so he could spend the afternoon with the kids.