All Comments on 'I'll Cry Instead'

Weak compared to others you have written. I think it went off the tracks right at the beginning. The Johnny Cash car and the druggies all sent the read into a whirlpool.

It was a great story until the ending. You just needed another paragraph to close it up.

I enjoyed the read. It COULD be left as it is but am really hoping for a part 2. Take care!

Coo Kukca Choo

u turned into a teenager. feels like u de' evolved here. thinking maybe u just scratched this one up in a few hours

this needs finished

Sorry to say not your best writing. As far as I’m concerned it was a flat ending.

Kind of ending is this? 1*.

Liked it.Thanks

Totally amazing how you managed to work all those phrases from Simon and Garfunkel and Paul Simon solo songs into this story!! I laughed like hell every time I came across another one - Mrs. Robinson indeed!! The younger generation won't understand what I've said at all - that's the good bit!!

3* for “decent, but leaving us hanging”, + 2* for all the S&G lyrics = 5*.

Entertaining and creative.

Damn good story and a fun read. HDK never disappoints!

Enjoyed the story, ending was light, but I enjoyed it...

Hey HDK,

Very nice piece of writing. Love all the lyrics sprinkled throughout the story. Thanks for the read, and for generating so many entertaining comments! LOL!

Killian

'Nuff said

The wife and husband don’t have much to sympathize with. Sure, he was sort of cheated on (with the interruption derailing it), but his surly character isn’t too inviting. Maybe that’s why she hit the road.

It was clever the way you wove all the lyrics into the story, but for someone very versed in those lyrics it became a distraction -- too much of a clever thing. It seemed to affect the flow as well. Nevertheless, 5 stars.

Nope. Story seemed like a hodgepodge of disjointed thoughts and forced lyrics. Yeah, there was no ending, but, please, just let this one die where you dropped it. I mean, really, who needs more of this stuff?

This is pretty horrible. I don't like to be rude, but it really sucked.

No likeably person in this without Donna he a wang bamm the boyfriend a bragger her parents to high she is better without him. In my means your worst story!

...that there's no middle ground between BTB and RAAC. Now you've managed to get both groups mad at you!

But here's the thing. This was mostly a stock BTB story with novel details but essentially boilerplate characters and circumstances. Enough, already. Try something else. Yes, I got all the song lyrics. Yes, it wasn't so much cute as distracting.

Is there a second chapter? This is unfinished.

3* the old dead cell phone trick. Also, why didn't our "hero" grab the gun instead of retaining the club. Dumb! Of course, Hubby was the typical obtuse cucky type.

Well (sigh), at least you tried to write a story.

The story is good but unfinished

Strong story that feels incomplete.

that ending was total bs.

Good story with twists that were believable. Some will say not enough, others will bemoan details, but in fluid situations, especially when those involved are not used to such violence and pressure, people don't always do the 'expected' or 'correct' thing.

I liked this one. A lot.

Nice weaving of so many memories into this story. There were a few ways Roy could explain saving Donna. Maybe spotting her car while taking a drive of his own after taking the day off while she was out of town. There must be fifty ways or at least two or three that a little thought could bring to mind.

There is a need to make Donna suffer a lot of emotional pain if not physical.

Just three and a half stars.

Thanks again for the comments. These events inspire some good writers to post a new story, which otherwise would go unwritten. That is a positive thing. Some people are not invited to participate. Most of us learned to deal with that sort of rejection while in school. It seems some hack writers feel slighted when they are not invited while other hack writers, such as myself, are invited. Why do the jocks with the low IQs and the girls with the big tits get invited to parties while the rest of us sit at home? Life just isn't always fair. Sometimes we have to make our own way. Anyone who wants to be part of an invitational can simply create an invitational. It is that easy, although it is a lot of work, if done right.

One "great" writer will not participate in invitationals because he has exceptional ethics and his readers know he has ethics. He always tells them he has ethics. He is always asked to write, perhaps begged is more accurate, but his concern for the feelings of lesser writers prevents him from partaking. He writes perfect stories. He is an honest man, a regular Honest Abe.

I appreciate how many commenters mention how and why they vote as they do. It helps writers understand what works and what does not. Scores mean more to some writers than to others. Why do I bother posting a story a reader thinks sucks the big one? The answer is because I wrote it and liked it. Some readers agree and some do no not. That's fine. I very much support readers stating opinions and voting, unless it is by mail, of course. I leave up all comments, except those hurtful to others, or totally inappropriate.

I especially look for comments from the used condom guy. I enjoyed his comment on this story about my "cucky" writing. His frequent use of "ya" is a tell, as well as "cucky". Often he tosses me a used condom. For some reason, I just piss him off, yet he reads and comments on every story. I do enjoy loyal fans and he seems to be one of the most loyal. He gives me views and comments, both of which I enjoy. Thanks for reading and leaving comments. If you dislike this one, maybe the next one will be more to your liking, or maybe not. Does it really matter very much?

Where's the rest. Ok, there are suitcases packed but Roy just finished mowing the lawn. He mows the lawn and then leaves? Does he tell her to pick up her shit and get out? With the whole story on the front page and so many of the details floating around her job, does she get fired for misusing company money? And those are just the story threads left. I didn't like the attempt to integrate the song lyrics into the narrative. DID NOT WORK..

I liked this story and gave it 4 stars. I would like to have given it the full 5 stars, but it ended too abruptly, I would have liked for the wife to have found out that hubby knew of her plans, followed her, and saved her ass from being raped and murdered. CC

Where is the rest?.Also there is no way Nick would admit he and Donna were lovers to the police,he would say they were workmates.

Who were the suitcases for? Doesn't make sense for him to cut the grass and do the yard if he was leaving. Who cares if she fucked him, it was her intention. And all the planning and behaviors that were outside what a wife should do with someone other than her husband is enough. Get the cheating whore out now.

Great story, and I enjoyed the way that you used the lyrics. I hope the suitcases were for Donna and he kicked her out the house

I liked it, but like others I thought it could use a little more...”More”. I enjoyed picking out the lyric samples too. But I wonder if you didn’t go a little bit too far, HDK, throwing in lyrics from an ancient Simon and Garfunkel tune.

Ok story but I expect better from you!

HDK, you left lots of unresolved conflicts and relationships. For whom are the two bags packed? The only character that has clarity and can be cheered is the friend Ben. Lotsa loose ends remain. Interesting story, nice but incomplete plot.

Thanks for the contribution! Keep 'em comin'.

You packed in as many song lines as you could.

The shift from story telling husband watching the action unfold real time was a little bit of a problem... but what the hell...

With the caveat that for my own taste the story would be better with more reveals and closure.

Please leave the car stuff to StangStar06. A Mustang with a Chevy engine, and a Dodge Hellcat front end? Really?

Wheres the ending. The first half of the story was great, but then you stopped. And ending would be nice. I would have given it a 4 or maybe a 5. But since I only read half a story I can only give you half =2.

...because Paul Simon doesn't have any songs about getting revenge on your enemies.

I agree with some of the other coments need to finish the story the first half of the story was fantastic I was expecting so much more in the second half it seemed rushed nothing seemed finished maybe a second part would give everyone closure thank you Darren

Good story but you forgot to submit the last couple of paragraphs. It's not like we all don't know what's going to happen but usually that's the best part of the story. The cheating wife suffers the consequences. I'm not sure it was intentional. I noticed that Ohio's comment was left unfinished. Maybe, it's a virus thing that affects great authors or old age.

Beneath your usual level of excellence. " it saddens me to see you such pain". Did you proofread this?. And was it intentionally left to wonder who the suitcases were for? She makes the don't leave comment but he just did the lawn. You got so close to a satisfying end but then you tripped over your own dick and left us all hanging.

I can't decide if the lyrics improve the story or not. I mean, who speaks that way when they are under stress? They do it when they are having a good time, or that's been my experience. I did like the story, though.

It gladdens the heart to come back after a couple of years and find new stories of excellent quality. I see you've turned your attention from the Beatles to Simon and Garfunkel.

My only complaint is that I'd like to have seen more of the aftermath and perhaps a revelation of who the rescuing hero was. There is the possibility of a trial and reconciliation even.

That's a home run, a description of the story, not of the author. As always, HDK manages to put fun and humour into the mix of cheating spouses.

Good one, sir! 5*

Okay I suppose. We do end up with two unhappy people.

So many good stories on this site, but this was just really awful! I understand all the lines from Paul Simon’s songs were supposed to be a fun spoof, but it fell totally flat...

Needs another page for conclusion.

But needs ending resolution. Still 5*, but please work on those endings!

Doesn’t know how to end a story

Please add a part 2

So you like Simon and Garfunkel, but you should finish the story.

Ftds my friend

I just want to know if it’s his clothes in the suitcases or her clothes.

Man, those were some stretches to fit the song phases.

“... some stretches to fit the song phases.” ==> “...song phrases.”

I guess you were having some fun with the story. This is far from your best work. But I like your style. Please keep writing. Panther fan.

HDK finally ran out of Beatles references (as hard as that is to believe) and switched to Simon and Garfunkel. It’s just as well because his stuff as turned into an old trope in itself. Maybe this was part of the 50 Ways series - I don’t know

Not great.

I liked the tongue in cheek phrases. Kinda smiled as I read it. Forced? Of course it was. How else do you write a story with the theme: Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover?

Meh.... any REAL man would've identified himself to his cheating whore wife and made it CLEAR who her rescuer was! Think about how much better that would've read in the paper. Needs a rewrite. The POV change was disconcerting.

Clever and witty. Ok dimwitty haha

Oh I I liked the confrontation at the end. Every cheater should be confronted right?

Got more than a little tiresome after the first couple of song lines.

I find this offensive. I sexually identity as a rock and I feel pain, my partner identifies as an island and she has definitely cried before.

I have loved Simon and Garfunkel for more than 50 years. The problem here us using their lyric caused me to hear their songs in my head. This diminished any interest in this weak story.

Again another story without a proper ending!

Why is it so damned hard for authors (whom I really appreciate)

To finish a story.

I lover the slap on the ass part though. Sort of an ending in itself.

Billl

(ya is supposed to be a hint about condom guy? Who knew?)

Ya know... I think this proves that HDK writes better dialog than P. Simon.

I suspect that Mr. Simon is better on the guitar, though.

Green-something

Mixing Beatles titles with Paul Simon lyrics...sweet but why not let her know he saved her skanky ass after her chicken shit lover to be booked on her?

The basic premise of the story was interesting and COULD have been a winner but between the somewhat unnecessary and inapropriate injection of song lyrics and the lack of worthy conclusions it was a failure! never thought I'd be able to say that about one of your stories... but I would like to add in keeping with this story:

Come writers and critics

Who prophesise with your pen

And keep your eyes wide

The chance won't come again ("The Times They Are A-Changin'") I'll look for better next time! Thank You 3*** for the reasons I note above.

Nice.

I agree with HDK's comment on endings.

The length of the end, as other parts of a story,

is up to the writer and the writer alone.

But the end here still was abrupt.

It needed a "I'm gone".

I'm not a HDK fan.

Many of his stories do nothing for me.

But this story does.

It's clever plot and fun lyric lines

get my respect and thumbs up.

Top ratings from me.

I hate that some fools think to write a story and leave it without the ending! So your story is not any damn good!

Maybe readers would have guessed the ending if you had named the hero Richard Corey.

Unfortunately, there will be so many that never see the other lyrics.

This was a pretty good start for a story. It would have been helpful to include an ending. Well you get half a score then

I hate readers who couldn't find the ending of a story with a map! The story is worth 5 stars, the comment worthless.

A winter's day, in a deep and dark December ......

From Paul Simon's song "I Am A Rock".

Good story, a good ending with a good song.

Again. A great story in the inimitable HDK style.

Cliches abound and the husband gets smart. Unfinished.

Hol a vége,hol a végkifejlet?! nagyon sok a rossz befejezetlen történeted! Miért kell az olvasót utógondolkodásra késztetni,kétségek közt hagyni ,valamint kihagyni a karakterek futtatását ,mint itt is,hogy mi lett a rendőrségi nyomozással ,nem szólva a két csaló munkahelyi visszhangjával ,mi lett a gyerekek és a tágabb család,barátok érzéseivel...és így tovább! Így nagyon hiányos az egész!

Luckily, I am fluent in many languages with Hungarian being one of them. The dude below stated," Where is the end, where is the end result ?! a lot of your bad unfinished story! Why make the reader think, leave in doubt, and skip running the characters, as here, what happened to the police investigation, not to mention the echoes of the two fraudsters at work, what happened to the feelings of the kids and the wider family, friends ... and so on! So the whole thing is very incomplete!"

I wonder if he'll ever tell her he was there when she needed him. Maybe in about 5 years or so.

I agree with the Hungarian HDK, would it have killed you to finish the story

...that you have readers who can't perceive what the two packed suitcases indicate relative to the conclusion of this wee vignette. I suppose it is unfortunate that a full novel won't fit in two Lit pages. Then another commenter whines about the injection of song lyrics into the story's dialogue, but then concludes his input with ... (wait for it...) ... song lyrics, complete with title and performer's name. How very clever! "You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." (Ricky Nelson, Garden Party.)

(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

HDK, have the bastards worn you down? What's with the hiatus from writing? I'll keep checking your list.

Keep 'em comin'.

Needed a mire complete ending. Best I can give is a 3.

Stupid ending. The line from I'm a rock from Simon & Garfunkel seems completely out of place here.

Can’t decide on what grade but it’s far from great. Too much unbelievable things that happened. Worst of all your constant bringing of. Song lyrics.

HDK,

I am with Willoughby. It was a fun read, in the spirit as intended. Please keep them coming.

I loved the way you worked all the clever references to tag lines of songs into the story, even to the end! 5* ~~JB

Hi!

Enjoyed the story, gave it a five, but I always give fives. Though you didn't finish it I was still satisfied. Then again with your wit and talent I suspect you could have come up with an ending of some real originality, and we all missed that.

carvohi

P.S. sorry for the delay in reading

Good story. Could have been better with a more complete ending. It would have been much better if she later discovered, or at least suspected, that her husband was the one who saved her as*! Pun intended!

Suck it up buttercup

It needs a better ending. Does feel complete. Thanks for tryings

Bad finish to a well written story.

That's it? That's the whole confrantaion?

How will she feel when she finds out his her saver?

Weak effort, waste of time writing it and reading it. Needs finishing.

Usually, I'd give an unfinished story 3 stars, but this one deserves 5 stars. Just don't fuck it up by turning the protag into a cuck if you decide to finish it.

Well done! Was hoping he'd give her a few more facts about what he knew but the way you ended it was just right! 5 BIG FAT STARS!

Nice story, well told and easy to follow. Please lighten up on the song lyrics. I feel there is a lot better story to be told in your own words. I wish there was more story.

Your stories end too soon. No real ending. Just stops.

Good, but you have taken us to the Mardi Gras, you know?