All Comments on 'I'll Cry Instead'

Err... what happened to the rest of it? It was a great story until it cut off mid-scene!

???

How can you leave a good story without an ending. If there’s no part 2 I just wasted 20 minutes, thanks for nothing.

Evidently HDK ran out of Simon & Garfunkel lyrics he could remember.

If he knew his Paul Simon the way he seems to know his Beatles, there would have been a spy in a gabardine coat too.

. . . he’s the wham bam thank you ma’am type she said he was, but man, did we deserve all of those old song lines? 🤣

RR

Feels like the ending was cut short. Otherwise, I liked it.

... very unfinished. So I guess 3*

It can't be HDK with Paul Simon, Foreigner, Altered Images, Al Pacino, but no Beatles quotes! Who is this impostor!

LOL This is the HDK humor that I love! Thank you. 5*

As always a well turned story.

It was a good story with a too abrupt and rushed ending to it. I just felt that it left too much hanging so unlike your other stories.

Overkill. Did you miss any possible reference?

JimC

Loved the Paul Simon snippets. My first thought though when I started reading this was "Jesus HDK, it's not a Kodachrome event" :)

I agree with powersworder

With writing like this, you're shaking my confidence daily! Loved the clever inclusion of Simon & Garfunkel songs.

Just curious, did you listen to all their albums, all their songs? Seems as if at least half the story were lines from them. Ingenious, cute how you wove it "all together (now)" (OK, a cheap attempt at a Beatle tie in)

Anyway, you got a 5 from me.

No one thinks more highly of HDK's stories than I do (except HDK himself, of course)--and this one has all the great humor, unexpected twists, and strong emotions that we have come to expect. And along with that, a rich selection of quotations from the work of Mr Simon himself (of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" fame). Not bad for a story titled after a Beatles song!

And yet I couldn't help feeling that the story's ending was a

I’ll have to read this one again. I ran out of fingers to count the different Paul Simon lyrics. Good job HDK!

Needs an ending......

I would have expected better from this author based on his previous work. The cramming of the Paul Simon lyrics into the story was really awful. Plot wise it made no sense for Roy to have hidden from the police after dispatching both kidnappers. Explaining to the cops that he followed his wife to document her cheating would have made no difference to him even if both kidnappers died from their injuries. He stopped two felony's from occurring murder, and rape after a kidnapping. Couple that with the abrupt ending with no resolution or explanation and I could only give it a very weak 3 stars. A giant swing and a miss.

Interesting plot! Thank you for posting :)

I know, I know, it was fun to insert Simon lyrics whenever possible, but I think that sidetracked you at the end. I certainly don’t need every ‘i” dotted, but the ending was somewhat abrupt.

Your stories often rely on fantastical plot twists which lead to unrealistic or, at the very least, unsupported dialogue. That’s fine if that‘s your style. Have at it. Just remember that exclamation points in the POV, by their nature, pull the reader out of the narrative, which is not desirable because you’ve already asked a lot of them already, belief-wise. I think your issue might be differentiating between limited and omniscient POV. The better rule of thumb regarding exclamation points is, when in doubt, don’t. The best rule is, don’t. Never. Adults don’t use exclamation points when writing, only when speaking. In a writer’s case, you only use them in an appropriate placement in dialogue, unless you are playing with form like Joyce or Cormac. I don’t believe this is your intent, and this is not a sophisticated place to even try something like that.

Unfinished? This was great until it just stopped. Circumstances meant she hadn't actually done it and she had remorse. No room for counselling? What about his revenge against her would be lover? A part 2 would be appreciated as this is a good story.

list of lyric fragments...

Anywho, I was also impressed by the CYA of the protagonist - even the high road in this one.

Though, I was a bit disturbed by the neglect to drop the dime on who the suitcases are really for - is this the version you intended to post?

Hope all is well, and thanks for the fish.

Green-something

he wondered what went wrong, with his love for Donna a love that was so strong; and as he still walked on he thought of the things they'd don together, while their hearts were young; then I bet he wondered, wa-wa-wa-wa wondered, why, why, why, why, why why, she had to stray, and why he had to become a little runaway --- a run, run, run, run runaway.

Great and humorous story as usual; 5* plus hugs and kisses,

Amy

It's too bad they couldn't build a bridge over the troubled water of their marriage.

I'd have let them to their fate after being kidnapped and claimed to the freind after seeing her kiss the guy there was no point in following them any further

Is there anything Bo Jackson can't do?

“An island never cries”

That’s some deep stuff! I think I’ll get a tattoo of that.

I would have liked a little more detail at the denouement. Having said that, I understand that the inspiration for this event lies with Paul Simon. Thus, closing the story with Simon and Garfunkel is not only inspired, it's a stroke of genius!

part 2?

In addition to writing a good story, the way you worked in all the other Paul Simon lyrics was fabulous. That was extremely creative, and had to take a good bit of head scratching.

I'd doff my cap, if I was wearing one. Huzzahs to you.

Hooked

Okay ..... is there a part 2?

A sequel???

Just simply too hokey, couldn't get into it, sorry. Best I could give it was a two.

Always enjoy your stories.

You either hit one out of the park like you did with the novella "In My Life" or you strike out looking. This is one of the latter.

Ah, thank you! That was fun.

An inspired story but you need to share authorship with S & G since much of this was their lyrics (brilliantly used by you.) Very well done and it deserves much more than a 5.

Please tell me there is more this story was just getting juicy. You best not leave this story like this please. This is like an insult to people who love to read stories like this . You got to add a part 2 this was like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey you build up a fantastic story then just leave us hanging. And please don’t take us for fools that was no way an ending of a story. All this will cause embarrassment to you because you will have loads of fans moaning at you for not finishing this story. So please if you have got any sense please do a part 2 to this story. And thank you for sharing your stories with me and others

I suppose the moral is that you can plan all that you want, but you can't control fate. I wish all cheaters got caught, but I know differently. Good story.

👍👍👍👍👍

Betrayal, adventure, payback, humor and an homage to Stangstar(?). What more could you want? Thanks for contributing!

this is 1/2 of a story....if there is a sequel I will rate it then

A very good and interesting story with a great twist.

There was no bridge over troub!ed waters.

Good stuff but he coulda slapped her ass red and tapped it to if loverboy had been a bit slower... maybe next time

Great job! You were best able to incorporate all the lyrics into your story.

5

Gawd, all those lyrics running together, couldn't finish page 1

Nice crafting and storytelling.

A slap upside the head as well.

Thanks for reading and commenting. Many felt my ending was abrupt. I was trying to stay in the spirit of the song. "Get on the bus, Gus," was the advice. It wasn't hang around and listen to excuses and bullshit for a few months. It does seem to make readers feel better about how much the bitch suffers if it is described in detail. I could be wrong, but it wouldn't be the first time, would it? Many commenters wanted more. I appreciate readers who take the time to comment. I enjoy writing and interacting with readers. I thanks all of you for the years you have read my stories.

Cute story from the master of cute in LW. :)

Is there a part 2?

This is unrealistic. The Binghamton paper wouldn't mention it until two or three days later

Plays again, well done HDK another little gem thank you.

credit for that. And HDK, you still have your sense of humor and I appreciate that. To many cuck stories on here, too many dry stories on here, but every once in a while one of you hits for extra bases. Thanks for the story and for sharing it with us.

"This is going to be a great couple of days," effused Jim Gamble as he pulled his lips from Donna's and gave her right breast a little tweak. "I can't wait to get you naked and on your back." - So much for "wining and dining!"

@Tajfa, she "hadn't actually done it" because they were kidnapped, not because of a sudden attack of morality.

Really really appreciate every story.

The use of Simon & Garfunkel lyrics throughout the piece was inspired, none more so than the finale

But the cost of that inspiration was that the story felt disjointed, and certainly lacked an ending - it felt like HDK cherry picked the lyrics and tried to fit a story around them

Also, I feel HDK missed a beat, if only Roy had been a boxer, a fighter by his trade....

Oh my goodness, there were so many classic clichés and song lyrics that I couldn't keep track. I loved it !!!

Paul Simon should pay you a royalty.

Just too cutsie for words; and no ending.

No laughs in this one and scene at the gas station was a total surprise. I love being surprised. 5* all the way.

Is this one finished? How does he not bring up that he was there to save her? Seems like an odd place to end it. I enjoyed it up up until then...

Maybe two more paragraphs coulda sewed this puppy up. Hubby’s suitcases are still there, but did he put enough of Sweetie’s stuff in them for a few days, then she could move out properly. Her parents have not yet seen the newspaper accounts. Still a buncha loose ends before it can be called finished. We-The-Readers do not need to follow these two to their graves, but this is really just chopped off at the knees.

3* BTW, you only get one Suspension Of Disbelief in a story this short. Just Hubby being lucky enough to be in line with the shooter, not take him out on first swing, then get to the porch to knock out the rapist, and. finally dodge the cops and get back home without having been seen, exhausts about 4-5 SODs, then add in the trysters being in the wrong place at exactly the wrong time gets us to SIX or so.

Good storyline but I really didn’t care for the non existing ending. It seem to have more to the story

...he grab the first bad guys gun after he knocked him out? Also seemed like an abrupt un finished ending.

Who were the suitcases for? Donna or Roy? No man is an island so was he setting sail? He saw an attorney but when he found out about the glories of no-fault, did he actually have the attorney prepare divorce papers? Where was his son in all this? Where was the usual HDK sense of humor (unless you count the horror that was the Camaro-Hell-Stang? I'm sure StangStar06 is rolling over in his grave.)? This did not feel like or read like your usual work. Did your wife write it for you (Haha)? Thanks for the effort.

4 stars

Roy didn't have a Kodachrome lol

Fomr HDK a fun and entertaining story, well done.

Good story, shit ending. All the ways this story could've gone and it went the worst way.

3/5 for the original tale, minus 2 for the silly end

3/5 from me

When did HDK begin a love affair with Simon and Garfunkel?

“ You turned my heart to stone, or more accurately, into a damn rock. It's actually a fucking rock island now, all because of you. You know what? It's all good, because a rock feels no pain. An island never cries. “

And of course you named it , “I’ll cry instead”..........

what is to become of all the spilt milk. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sorry HDK, but the story is NOT finished. Who left the house - her or him? Also, what happened with her parents considering that she had planned on having an affair? What about their son? What about their jobs - most decent size companies have non-fraternization policies. Too many unanswered questions.

Incomplete, 4*.

Lousy ending if that was indeed the ending. you need another chapter to turn this into a decent story. Like the cops do a DNA analysis on the oak limb and trace it back to Roy. His actions are noted and he becomes a hero to his ex, but too little too late.... Something anyway....

I used to like Reading HDK . BUT this has a terrible ending. sorry I meant no ending what so ever. like reading a great novel with the last few pages missing . if you intended writing a second chapter. why the fuck couldn't you put " to be continued " or something. No * from me on this one.

I don't know but the version I have has an excellent ending. All major points are wrapped up: Roy is moving on, and Donna will continue to denie her actions. Both will continue to, so some time, cloud new relationships by imposing flaws and demanding strengths seen in Roy or Donna.

So he felt he needed to cut the grass before he left his house to a cheating slut? Or maybe the suitcases were packed for Donna? Guess we'll never know since there's no suitable line from a song to clue us in. Just as well. You succeeded in making the story so obnoxious and the characters so cartoonish that any interest or curiosity was quashed. And what did he gain by withholding his role in her rescue?

There was plenty of stupid and ridiculous, but easily the most brainless act was the failure of the husband to retrieve the kidnappers gun after he knocked him out. How could he be sure the kidnapper wouldn't revive and come back with his gun? Are you some kind of anti-gun nut? Good thing they hadn't yet abolished the police or your story would have to rely on some local vigilantes to rescue the whore and her asshole. Of course once we get the left's Utopian fantasy securely in place things like rape and kidnapping will all disappear. Can I have a cumbaya'? Donna was about to get part of that.

A really interesting plot, murdered in its infancy. Of course it was hardly born, so didn't really have a life worth saving.

Thanks for the effort.

To the previous commenters, the story is complete. Everything else is formulaic.

As to who left, HE packed his bags. For how long? You decide. BTB or RAAC? You decide. It's not rocket science.

HardDaysKnight, excellent story. Really nice twists, original. You gave just enough for a reader over an IQ of 80 can figure it out. Your story, your universe. Well done.

I did enjoy the story but I have so many questions.

Certainly not one of your best, but just okay. No Beatles references in this story, but plenty of Simon and Garfunkel. Three to four stars for this one.

Then just died.....not up to your usual standard

You left out some songs

This was the worst story in the "50 Ways" invitational. Congrats!

So decades after high school he's driving around thinking about school in the face of a cheating wife?

Jim takes off and finds a motorist close by who phones the police. Yet our Roy couldn't call because there was no service?

He clubbed the first guy and left the gun behind? Really? Even if I didn't like guns I'd toss it.

Newspapers don't publish full names and addresses of victims of crime...really?

You've gone downhill lately, I'm not sure why they're letting you into these events anymore?

3*

Just saying I am waiting for a follow up. Would start with Mother-in-law reading the same paper.

Norman_Sands

Sorry, not up to your usual high standards. The story just slowly floated along without a clear ending.

titles and lyrics.

I guess other commenters aren't old enough to remember.

HDK you are one of my favorite authors. I normally give 5’s to your stories (even if they sometimes stretch the medium - Beatles titles). But this one needs an ending please.

Thanks

Wayne (on FB)

A lot of people have already commented about the lack of an ending to the story, so I won't do that. I'll just point out that the rest of the story wasn't that great either. The plot line had potential, but the writing, characterization, dialogue, syntax, etc. was to be kind, quite bad.

It was also weird for Donna to be "streaming" Netflix or whatever she was "streaming" when she was so upset with Roy, and trying to have a conversation with him.

Obviously, MsCherylTerra is a lot kinder person than I am with her comment, "Interesting plot line! Thanks for posting :)." It's like when someone really doesn't have any particularly great qualities you say, "Oh, you're so nice. Thanks for being you!" Btw, MsCherylTerra this isn't a critique of you. You know how complimentary I was of your most recent work. It was easily one of the most intelligent writings I've read on LW. I admire people as kind as you who find a polite way to be nice even when a story is shit. Obviously, I'm not as generous, and not as kind. I usually go for honesty over nicety, and this story was shiite all around.

HDK, is a big boy and he can take honesty. When he writes something a junior high school student should be embarrassed to hand in to his teacher, it's to his benefit to point it out to him. At the least he is capable of mediocrity, and this story is nowhere near that.

Three stars for all the clever song references! The story is ok as is but an expanded version begs to be written. Speaking of Rymin' Simon;

American Tune

"Many’s the time I’ve been mistaken

And many times confused

Yes, and I’ve often felt forsaken

And certainly misused

Oh, but I’m all right, I’m all right

I’m just weary to my bones

Still, you don’t expect to be

Bright and bon vivant

So far away from home, so far away from home"

This seems to fit Roy's opinion of himself.

When HDK pens a story

...but it looks like is not finish. Hope if you write the second part they don't end up together and happy, that is just a fairy tale. If that is what you would do then leave it as it is....***** for this part....thank you.....

I had to read it twice - once for the story, and once again for all the allusions! Jeez - I lost track! What a brilliant homage to the words of the prophet Paul. I liked the story too, but was so distracted by trying to keep up with the S&G and Simon references that I had to read it again. I know you're a Fab Four guy (as am I), but in my humble opinion, Paul Simon was the great lyricist of his time. All I can say is bravo.

Very good read, I never knew where this was leading to. Well done.

Have to agree with the other comments, think you missed this one, the ending was super flat.

I think a lot of the commenters here have heard what they want to hear and disregard the rest. I think Roy's time has come to shine and who knows, all his dreams might be on their way... It was interesting that he followed her though- fighting for a cause he'd long ago forgotten. I just hope poor Roy doesn't meet Cecilia next...

I didn't read that as a typo, I read it as a PUN.

HDK is a notorious Punster. That is a fact.

He also is skilled in turning famous song lyrics into dialogue.

I have read all of his stories, so I know that is also a fact.

No ending to a story? Oh NO! Was this some Big time sin? Well, 97% of stories posted here have an ending that is guarantied to upset SOMBODY in the audience. With this story, HDK has nothing to prove or gain by writing more. I thought (but this is just IMO) that he, (on purpose mind you) wanted to leave the story hanging and unresolved, so that the reader could imagine what choice THEY (the reader) might make in that situation. Stay, Go, divorce, separation, get over it and move on, hold a grudge and never forget???? Hey there just might be a valid reason that a reader in the audience might have for rooting for any of those choices. Sometimes it is better, especially with THIS commentariat that HDK knows so well, to just leave it there. Hell, sometimes, a reader will finish a story in the comments, and PLENTY of authors revise existing stories, including those written by others, and obviously this story is ripe for any of that.

The only thing that doesn't make any sense is why anyone would have to be negative in a hurtful or spiteful way to any lit member that has invested so much of themselves in these pages over all the years.

It never was meant to be high brow Lit, flawless , and impeccable. No it was always meant to fill its role as entertainment, and do the important work of making us chuckle, or think twice, or ponder a quandary, or discover some resilience. Most important of all, to be provided for free, and contribute well to our shared experience here.

Yes, I don't see anything wrong with HDK's story, because I see it as another leaf, at the end of a pretty long branch, forked from an enormous trunk, on the Literotica LW Tree of Life. My experience here wouldn't have ever been the same without HDK's contributions, and I sincerely thank him very much, and still get a thrill from finding any new story from him. Including this one. Yes, it is enough.