by Moondrift
Yes, asleep, she could her(sic) gentle snores.
Perhaps the reader could "hear" the narrative voice more clearly with fewer ten-dollar words from the college thesaurus falling all over the place. Just proofread and tidy up the small mistakes and it will serve the story far better than a sprinkling of fancy phrases.
This one was too quick to get marks out of 5. Two stars only.