All Comments on 'Impact 04: of Fascists'

Clearly I should have more attention to the italic markup instead of the narrative :) Loved it as much as the first few times I read it!

This chapter dropped as I was leaving a comment on chapter 3. A pleasant surprise. Again, short and leaving me wanting. The two of you are very adept at describing the interactions of these characters. I can feel the love, desire and admiration between them. The angst, and insecurity of sarah comes through also. I could go on and on about my love of your writing of this chapter....it was beautiful. Thank you.

Have faith Saragal. While short and sweet is nice i We have another reason for breaking the chapters where we do… and I hope you will agree with our reason for doing so. Meanwhile it’s lovely to know you are enjoying Sarah and Claire. The developed from characters so generic we had a little trouble keeping their names straight at first. But now they both seem well rounded and particular in ways that I really love.

As for italics… I am as flummoxed as you HWGT. I wonder if something happened while the piece was being vetted by the authorities; a glitch in the matrix.

Wonderfully Written Story 🥰 you describe Sarah's thought processes really well, and slowly uncover her past, refreshingly so, as it informs her present. Claire is authentically French (or as authentically as another French woman can find her) - can't wait for the rest! X

What a wonderful story this is developing into. No mention of the question "am I a lesbian or not" just two people falling in love, which to my mind is great. This has me hooked, can't wait for the next instalment. :)

I've been enjoying this series, but on ButteredCrumpet's site. I really have enjoyed the slow development of the relationship leading into the physical intimacy. Tantalizing. Your dialogue and sense of place really make it easy for the reader to engage the story. I like your choice on where to end the story. Go ahead. Leave us wanting more. The tease is a very pleasant one!

ButteredCrumpet’s French is much better than mine, but I have more experience with Paris and Parisians. It’s wonderful to think that together we can craft an authentically French Claire. I’m so glad you are enjoying the slow reveal TransnianWriter. It’s been wonderful creating these two together.

I’m happy to know we’ve hooked you Wolfyone, I hope the rest of the story lives up to expectations. There are certain things I avoid, not because they aren’t true, but because they are so well trod. The payoff (hopefully) of skipping “am I a lesbian?” is it makes us work harder to find a more individual conflict. As for teasing you justmyimagination, that’s always part of the fun, but I hope you will find that there is purpose beyond keeping you hungry for more. (Although it’s lovely to hear that people are hungry for more!)

Got to love the storyline and characters you two are creating. Featured as a Rom-Com at the outset, and it certainly fits the genre. Hard to imagine a more hilarious romp than the back-to-back restaurant scenes in this chapter: “ … maybe not a busboy. And certainly not out there, people are trying to eat their dinner, after all” bathroom exchange with delightfully nameless patron to Emily’s outrageously spot on “… tiny, limp dick, ten second, pity fuck grift” rant. Come on — not even a high end video could top the narrative you two created. Comedy for sure, but also romance. “Tu es le verre, je suis le vin." The fitful, beautifully erotic love making reveals shared feelings and more. This collaborative effort is much more than a romantic comedy to me. We are watching two very different characters come to grips with their attraction for one another (love?) and with themselves. No matter where you two are taking us, I am looking forward.

Oh Migbird, you always are so generous with your feedback. I think we had a few times throughout chapters where we had communicated that we need more comedy in this Rom-Com.

I will say, it's funny that you suggest that not even high end movie could top the narrative, because every time I read over the text, the nameless character in the bathroom was a Helen Mirren type making a cameo appearance.

One of the things I love about SNS's writing is the way they highlight everything to the finest of details. They masterfully create the scenery, true to their bio they are visual artist. The way they write invokes a strong image, so it's easy to visualise Sarah facing off with the fascist dandy, through to the love scene with Claire. They are so much more than a visual artist

Neither of us could lay claim to the lyrics, they are from a song called "Le Toi Du Moi" by Carla Bruni (yes, the same model/actress/former French First Lady/singer/songwriter... What can't she do?)

We are (I shouldn't speak for SNS... so I am) more than happy you are with us for this ride

I would have given this a 5 anyway, but the Tangled up in Blue reference makes me want to give it a 6.

I love this story.

(I could've written lavish praise, but clearly less is so very much more ;)

I feel seen Beerbeard. XO

I love this story! I started to reread it from the beginning, then I decided to read it to my wife. She loved it as well!

What I realized on the second reading is the story is driven by the rising passion, rather than the reverse. At the beginning, Sarah seems to be sleepwalking through life. She left a long-term, loveless relationship, and when the story starts she is just drifting. Claire, for all her beauty, charm, and boldness is looking for love in the same hopeless way that Sarah is. But from their first collision, Sarah's passions rise, driving her fantasies (that shock her) and her willingness to seek out Claire, to get drunk with her, to dance with her, to sleep with her, and finally to have sex with her. Sarah's passions have brought her alive.

Claire seems more a mystery to me. I doubt she'll have as much trouble accepting Sarah's love as Sarah will, but does she feel the same as Sarah? I hope we'll learn more about Claire's feelings in the next chapter. I also hope that Sarah (eventually) follows the advice that Sophie gave her. (Did Sophie see through Sarah?)

This is such an amazingly sweet comment (not)lazy_reader. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to read this, to imagine you and your wife enjoying our story together.

The other day I realized that my ideal reader is a more precocious version of my younger self. Someone interested in the sorts of things I am, but still… young. But your comment is a lovely reminder that perhaps my ideal reader is also someone like myself, who is nostalgic for the same sorts of things I am. I very much like how you describe passion driving the story. Something I like about writing porn is that it is grounded in the body, driven by feelings. I’m so glad that translates.

I like your take on Sarah. I think it’s a shrewd assessment. As for Claire, give us time, she will unfold. And as for Sophie, that’s a ButteredCrumpet question. She wrote that inscription (my Frencshh is merrrrd). XO

Another one who picked up the Bob Dylan reference.

And Lou Reed, and the high line so this is taking place 10 years ago, give or take a year.

As this story is from Sarah’s perspective and throwing in what I know of NYC: I wouldn’t be surprised to read Claire is stalking Sarah.

You're not wrong Dylan-Anon (if you start an account, that would be a solid screen name, just sayin) about the time frame - but I give myself a lot of leeway with time in these stories, less exact, more impressionist. I want to make the references I want to make, I don’t care if one is more recent than the others. So there are real world gallery shows and events that will roughly fit that time frame, but only roughly.

And as for stalking, that’s not the story we’re telling, and I’m not sure if ButteredCrumpet and I ever discussed it, but in my imagination Claire definitely brought her date to this restaurant hoping to see Sarah. I think the bachelorette was an actual coincidence as was the coffee shop.

I didn’t make up “New York is the biggest small town in the world”, that’s a real thing. While you can live in NYC for years without running into someone - thank goodness - to run into the same person repeatedly isn’t a total absurdity.

This extended story is so delightfully paced. We have been witnessing the unfolding of a lovely relationship and have reached a high point -- which we know is not the apogee.

On a much more prosaic level, I must take note, with all due deference to your proofreader, that silly and sloppy errors have slipped through. Here is an egregious example: "Her body is taught and arching, a branch nearing its breaking point." Proofreaders may never let down their guard; we rely overmuch on AutoCorrect and SpellCheck.

We are all volunteers here GaiusPetronius, but that’s a good catch. That got past HWGT and BC. You will be happy to know I’ve been editing the chapters as I work to finish them (adding and changing things in addition to correcting mistakes) and I’ve made the correction. Taut! Thanks for reading, it’s fun to watch your comments arrive as you plow through the story.

Such an engaging and sensual story. Both characters are delightfully detailed and lovely together.

Their relationship develops very organic as their lives grows more and more intertwined with one another, though their relationship has a lovely naïveté and innocence — sometimes to the point of stretching the suspension of disbelief. The setting harkens back to en earlier era; their dating objectives are boys, boys, boys, without a hint that there could be any alternative, even as they grow ever closer.

The restaurant scene also gives of vibes of the 80s, or thereabouts. It’s hard to see a man nowadays doing something like that — especially after his date telling him she’s a vegetarian — and keeping his stones, or at the very least experiencing a brief downpour followed by dinner-for-one. It’s a beautiful testament to Sarah’s love for Claire that it’s the ‘negging’ date — that tries to break down her Claire — that gets the confrontation, while the domineering date is merely domineered and ignored.

I’m a little bit uneasy about Claire claiming that it was her date that picked the restaurant; it stretches disbelief that they would end up at the same restaurant at the same time without Claire orchestrating it — which would have been fine since then they each would have had their wingwoman at hand, should it be necessary — but if she did and lied about it, then it’s troubling.

Their relationship is, after all, based on shared openness and honesty. Not necessarily open and honest communication — five minutes of open and honest communication, like normal people would have had well before this point, would have sped up their love story quite a bit — but then we wouldn’t have a tense and riveting story to enjoy… 🙂

P.S.

P.S.

When ButteredCrumpet and I began conceiving this story we traded dating horror stories - much more contemporary than the 80s I’m afraid. I like to joke that in porn, time is extremely flexible. I sometimes think about time in this story akin to “classic rock” radio stations - ie, the further away you move from Manhattan the older the “classics” get, so by the time you get all the way to Sarah’s family in Buffalo, the strictures and biases are decades out of date.

But your observation of the dynamic in the restaurant is perceptive, Sarah is sickened and unable to confront her horrible date, but able to attack and stand up to Claire’s. This I think is key to how I understand Sarah and how she sees the world.

As for the credulity of the naïvety, keep in mind that this story isn’t just from Sarah’s POV, she is our narrator. She is only as honest with us as she is with herself.