All Comments on 'Impact 05: Pretty/Dirty'

I love this, but I am so confused. It will take me time to process it.

Claire calling Sarah a slut seems to imply contempt, but Sarah admits (to herself) that she loves being *her slut*. Is this going to be Claire's private term of affection for Sarah?

Also interesting that Claire never seems to return the sex. She never eats out Sarah, she doesn't even touch Sarah's pussy. In fact, she *demands* Sarah suck Claire's clit, often roughly. (Is this going to turn into a D/s relationship?) She doesn't want Sarah to kiss her breasts or anything other than her pussy. It's more fucking than making love.

And yet, away from the bedroom and shower, they are both romantic, holding hands, laughing together. Claire says that her mother will (not would) adore Sarah. Does Claire already think this is a long-term affair?

As I said, I am so confused.

I posted this, my 22nd story, for review on the one year anniversary of my first story being going live on Literotica. It’s been a wonderful year. For all of you reading porn instead of watching the Big Game today: you’re my team.

XOXOSNS

Thank you for another wonderful chapter! ❤️

Always so so good!

One of the beautiful features of the writing that defines this story is the way words are blended together to create scenes so easily visualized — all but mesmerizing. For example, recall the early morning of this chapter with Sarah’s body twisted over/around Claire’s in “…this half dream space of looping thoughts …” seriously, you can actually share the feeling. And the beautifully depicted scenes of sometimes tender sometimes raw but never trivial/gratuitous sex that come at perfect moments to reveal much about the asymmetry and self discovery that defines this relationship. As SiteNonSite said in response to a recent comment: “Something I like about writing porn is that it is grounded in the body, driven by feeling.” We also learn much about both characters and their relationship in simple, fleeting moments: Sarah looking up at second floor windows a scene she’d never seen because sh’d always looking down. Or Claire not hearing that Sarah likes the song because she is not paying attention. Or the loving way Claire whispers: “Ma petite pute” … “Ma belle bijou...". At one time I thought of this relationship as a puzzle — pieces always there, now coming together. No, it is more like an intricate “synthesis” blending as characters morph and then unraveling for us — becoming clearer. OK, OK, I could ramble on analyzing my take on the provocative storyline/characters, but isn’t that the fun of reading shared creative writing.

I am a a great fan of confusion lazy_reader. Not just the pleasure of being dropped in the deep end of a narrative and struggling to get one’s bearing, but also the pleasure that comes from a limited POV, from depending on a not entirely reliable narrator. I hope you will bear with us a little longer. Please give Sarah and Claire a few more chapters to cut this Gordian Knot.

You are very welcome xacto, thanks for reading - you too OverUnderTri. This morning (last night?) ButteredCrumpet admitted that she “sees” the story like a movie. My gut check response, Migbird, was that I occupy the story differently. That I am in the cab, looking out the window at those second story spaces blurring by, or in Claire’s loft, studying the Joyce Pensato painting in the half light. But that said there is something far more cinematic than literary in way we get to “see” aspects of Sarah.(Insight?) It feels far more akin to visual storytelling - porn is wonderful stuff.

Congratulations on your “sharing on Literotica” anniversary. Your work is provocative and images created so captivating; love your work and your collaborations with butteredcrumpet. Will be multitasking tonight — watching a bit of football (Go Bengals) and rereading good porn.

On second reading, I see what I should have seen at first: This has definitely become a D/s relationship, though without the usual BDSM trappings. It's so obvious, it could be written in neon. I wish I could delete my previous comment.

Somehow, in the scene at the end of part 04, Sarah gave herself over to submission to Claire. Her position in the bed is the first clue. A thought of Sarah's spells it out: "I'm hers, however she wants to use me. I feel myself dripping with need, but focus on pleasing her - trying to feel what she wants."

Claire understood this right away. When Sarah wakes, Claire has been petting her. Claire rapidly uses Sarah, forcing her into position to suck Claire's clit. (Don't lick her pussy, suck her clit!)

The sex scene in the shower is telling. Claire in holding Sarah (in a painful position) on her knees, sucking Claire. Claire muses, "You are so beautiful like this Sarah." Then, "Where do you go when you suck me? You look so happy, so wonderfully content..."

Later Claire calls Sarah a slut, an exhibitionist slut. Sarah is thinks that she is happy to be *her slut*. There are touches like Sarah kneeling to take off Claire's panties and kissing the sole of Claire's foot when she removes Claire's shoes.

I am uncomfortable with Claire's frequent harsh and painful treatment of Sarah, although it doesn't seem to bother Sarah. There are a couple of small signs of Claire's affection for Sarah, but not much. I am also bothered that Claire never gives any sexual pleasure. Is it enough that Sarah is able to serve the one she worships?

I definitely did not see this coming. I'm don't really like their relationship in this chapter. I hope that as they develop, they will get somewhere I like better.

Not sure what to think of this chapter ….

Please be patient with us Lazy_Reader, you too Paulyeps - and anyone else who feels confused. This is not a D/s story, it’s a RomCom. But like all good RomComs, misunderstandings need to pile up before someone makes a mad dash to the airport to declare there love… or something like that. Have faith. (So sorry about the Bengals Migbird. I hope the porn treated you better.)

Happy Valentine’s everyone. XOXOSNS

I'm happy to hear this isn't a D/s story. I'm not a fan of that and was disappointed this appeared to be the direction you were heading in. I have enjoyed the progression of their relationship but this chapter made me doubt their longevity and I was becoming put off by Claire who I originally liked. But, your comments have given me hope.

Even though I had issues with this chapter, the writing and story telling is a solid 5. Keep up the outstanding work. Looking forward to the next release!

Excellent writing again! I would love to see Sarah get her chance to be eaten!

This started out as a RomCom, and in many ways remains one DDalton. And while neither ButteredCrumpet or I are comedy writes, if you Google the 9 parts of a RomCom - lovable leads, meet-cute (or not so cute), troublesome situation… etc - most of them will be here by the end - which is to say this is a story with an arc, and, after a mad dash to the report, a resolution. Sarah will get what she wants, I promise. And just to be clear GopherDude, this is a RomCom written by two people who have their own set of kinks and interests - one of which is writing nonconventional D/s stories. This isn’t meant to be a D/s story, and certainly not a conventional one, so there aren’t going to be mistresses and slaves/pets, but for sure there are going to be power struggles.

While I have already seen SiteNonSite reply there were parts of Claire here that I just did not like, not sure about dom/ sub more in her case of being selfish/bully,

I hope she changes before this rom/ com does not have a happy ending.

I Am. Going to go ahead and promise Claire isn’t a selfish bully, Anon, that our story has a conflict, but that that’s not it. Please give her and Sarah the benefit of the doubt, just a little longer.

OK, I'm not here to do apologetics in support of friends, fictional or real. I HAVE done enough work with SiteNonSite in the past on her earlier stories to know that while not strictly BDSM or D/S, there is usually a skewed power dynamic in those stories, as well as large enough smorgasbords of words to create visually stunning scenes. I would have said that D/S WASN'T my thing, but between the stories I've been fortunate to help with and JCMcNeilly's 'Hero Worship' I have had more education in mild D/S scenes than I ever expected; and true confession time, I am titillated by those scenes. ALL THAT to say I don't read this story that way at all. We don't know much about Claire, even though she's sure her mother will love Sarah when they meet. Is she Bi? Lesbian? Demisexual? Out? Still discovering everything? I feel that the only thing I suspect strongly is that she has more and more varied experience than Sarah. And is unabashed about claiming her orgasms, when and how she can get them. Since Sarah is at this stage of learning about what she could be, it does not surprise me at all that she is playing a comparatively more submissive role. She has conditioning from her father's stroke, her Catholicism, her 'straight' past, all of it. And lonely, so I easily see that she could attach endearment and belonging to terms that many of us would consider demeaning in our preferred way of dealing with partners. I'm enjoying the journey, and all the bumps and twists along the way...and no doubt there will be more of the same before we get to the [presumably] happy ending of the rom-com.

Thank you HWGT, for all your help but also for opening yourself up to my writing, even when it’s pushed the envelope of what you find titillating. The owner of a porn news site once told me that there is no such thing as “porn”; there is only our particular desire at a particular moment to see (or read about) whatever strangely specific thing turns us on.

For myself I have found myself writing about things that don’t turn me on but turn my characters on (pee and shoes are two great examples). Stranger still I find myself getting turned on out of some form of empathy. But that’s not why I put those things in the story. The story isn’t a medium in which the sex is suspended. The sex is telling the story the story is telling the sex. The sex is the narrative conflict - or at least that’s the goal.

Impact looks like it is going to round out to about ten chapters, for those of you following along in real time as they post, I am so grateful to you as well. I really appreciate the feedback so many of you have given, via the high ratings these stories have garnered as well as the comments and emails. I get that chapter five left a lot of readers confused and even dismayed. You are in the eye of the storm, there is more drama cuming - which is to say, it will be played out as sex because this is porn. (It’s a RomCum!) It’s going to be a roller coaster, because that’s the whole point. But I really hope you all enjoy the ride, because that’s the whole point too.

I hope that you continue to write stories that involve power dynamics to varying degrees (whether that's in the total relationship or during sex). I think people have their own definitions of D/s which they project. This story, it's fair to say, is probably lighter in the day to day stuff. I'll use the term 'severance', here. There's less of a spill over from the roles in bed. It's not governing everything nor does it feel ever-present ready to burst into the open, as it did at certain times in your other stories. The inevitable pre-determined route of the D/s relationship does not exist in this case. I don't have a specific preference (in terms of extremes) but I do think that the sex is much more intense when it does involve a clear power dynamic. So, I hope you continue to craft these scenes with these dynamics at play. Great work.

I find the comments following your installments exceptionally thoughtful and enlightening. You don't just amuse and entertain us, your readership; you plainly make us come to grips with aspects of the human condition that are rooted in immanence while reaching toward the transcendent.

I am grateful that you actively engage with your commentators, and that you elucidate without ever defending. It helps (me) to know that you are spinning out a well-controlled RomCom and not a D/s piece (although I agree wholeheartedly with HWGT that JCMcNeilly has unveiled D/s remarkably well in Hero Worship).

In your replies, you seem to glory in calling your oeuvre porn, and that troubled me at first blush. I like to draw a line between porn and erotica -- much like the artists Claire is exposing Sarah to. Perhaps I am shying away from the term porn out of my Catholic shame? I have convinced myself that porn is the antithesis of art, that there is no transcendence in porn, that porn corrupts and degrades, whereas art is uplifting. But maybe that's just me.

I have noted previously how you (and your co-author, to be sure!) are building the Sarah/Claire story in increments. Maybe the imbalance that your readers observe in the sexual relations of Sarah and Claire is a part of how the story unfolds, and perhaps only a transitional part. Will the first time Claire goes down on Sarah mark another increment?

I think Marilyn’s observations about porn come pretty close to a credo for me (it was a wonderful discovery when I was researching this chapter, even though I’m pretty sure I heard her say just that when I attended the talk I describe). Like you, I’m endlessly impressed by the LitErotica readers’ observations, your own included GaiusPatronius. I’ve enjoyed writing this story serially because I am energized and challenged by the feedback I’ve gotten along the way (I not only reread past chapters as I work towards the end, I reread the comments as well).

I get that some readers choked on this chapter, and I entirely blame myself for that. As an pornographic amateur and relative beginner (thirty some odd stories in two years) I don’t think I prepared the way for what happens. I wanted my readers to share Sarah and Claire’s misunderstanding - this scared some readers. I could have followed the route of adult conversation about well defined and understood roles, but that’s not my experience of sex and I don’t think that makes for a good story. All stories require conflict. In pornographic stories the conflict IS sex, as is the resolution - or at least they are at their best. I like that you think of these stories in terms of immanence and transcendent. For me, the excitement of porn is how uniquely embodied it is as a literature. I find that embodiment endlessly interesting to think and write about.

"EEP!" I call out and jump

Hang on .. Young Sarah is channeling Blue Girl, now?

Another thing I love about this series, the genuine love of New York City. Yes! The water there is good, mostly for drinking, but for washing your hair, too. And I love that I know some of these places, and other people & places that I look up, they are all real & authentic! That Marilyn Minter, what a treasure.

Love this! Thanks!

I’m glad you are enjoying Sarah and Claire’s NYC _robin. It’s funny, I was just rereading chapter two (as one does when one is having trouble writing chapter 15) and the one exception to the real places real people rule is “Puerta Roja” - it was early in the collaboration, and BC wanted to name the place. It may be a reference to something she likes, I’m not sure. I don’t know the Blue Girl reference, but “EEP!” seems like a quintessential Sarah sound, just as “tsk” is as Claire as it gets.

Yeah, I spotted the Puerta Roja. I searched and came up blank!!

Blue Girl Universe is a thing.

Blue Girl is Jo’s lover in Hard Landings. Jo was badly injured when her helicopter was shot down in Afghanistan, Blue Girl gave her the will to live. Story by BrokenSpokes.

The story continues with beautifully described interactions and dialog between our two heroines, though I’m not entirely sure how I feel about how swiftly the sexual relationship shifted.

Although — even if it felt a bit sudden — I feel that the direction rhymes very well with Sarah’s exhibitionistic desires, and with how she fantasized about Claire early on; being used for pleasure, rather than sharing pleasure.

It would have been very interesting to have seen the shower scene from Claire’s perspective. What did she see in Sarah’s eyes in the shower when she was about to reciprocate? That’s where I feel their sexual relationship shifted, where Claire decided — or sensed — that equality was not what Sarah wanted or needed.

Though I prefer equality in loving relationships, a D/s relationship can be interesting to read about, provided it is grounded in love and respect; a relationship controlled by a cruel and selfish domme/dom is however a big no-no. While we have not had Claire’s perspective during the story, nor any in-depth conversation between the ladies about their growing relationship, all indications are that Claire cares very deeply for Sarah and sees her as far more than a passing fancy. However, it does seems far easier for Claire to induce Sarah to participate in her life, while there is more resistance on Claire’s part to reciprocate. Hopefully that does not presage troubled waters ahead.

I liked the addition of the ‘EEP!’, even if it wasn’t intended as a reference. It always brightens one’s day to think about Blue, Jo and their friends. 🙂

P.S.

P.S.

This is a point in the narrative when a number of readers express confusion and frustration, and I think some peel off entirely. When I reworked this chapter, I had those lost readers in mind. This chapter is meant to shock, but it was never meant to turn off. I hope you will keep reading (and commenting). I don’t want to give away the game, but I promise you, PC, while there are power inequities here, just like there are in every relationship, this is not a D/s story, Claire is worthy of our trust.

I agree with you that honesty and clear communication is critical for healthy relationships… but not necessarily for porn - where a little ambiguity goes a long way.

Meanwhile I clearly need to read BrokenSpokes “EEP!”

The story is good but it would be great if Claire didn’t speak so much French…

I’m re-reading this series to catch up on the edits. Also with the magical thought that you may finish the story *because* I re-read it. So clearly I am a little delusional.

I too found this chapter shocking, but not the sudden kink. While I am not sure whether I missed it the first time around or it’s an ‘improvement’ I was a little irritated by:

“ "Just that her version of Hey Joe is so rich and visceral, so political? It reduced his to nothing but male bravado."

Claire is holding my hands in hers, studying me - appraising me. She seems to come to a judgement, smiling and pushing out her jaw.

"See this? My Young Sarah is very smart about art," she tells me. A look of real admiration on her face.”

Really? Unlike you, Sarah and Clair l don’t know a lot about art but I strongly suspect that Patti covers other artists because she admires them and her covers are homages more than improvements. In general I believe that new art doesn’t supplant what came before it but builds upon it. Similarly, Patti’s version of Smells Like Teen Spirit with an extra verse of poetry thrown in does not diminish the original, it expands on it.

It is not a contest, no art is better; it is simply preferred. That said, I still prefer you to many writers despite your poor take on Hendrix.

Mmm… Mykymyk2. I get it, I feel your ire. Keep in mind this is not my take on Hendrix, it’s Sarah connecting to Claire’s ideas about Picasso vs Minter by articulating an opinion about Hey Joe. She’s not saying “I don’t like Hendrix” or “Patti is better than Jimmy”, she’s saying, “I think I understood what you were saying about painting, because I was thinking something similar about the song we were listening to earlier…”

Believe it or not, having an opinion about art can be intimidating for a lot of people, especially when they are speaking to a professional, or hanging out with a group of artworld insiders. For me, what’s important in that moment is that Our Young Sarah is able to explain why she likes one piece of art more than another piece of art - and explaining her preference in terms of her friend’s ideas. In my mind it’s a moment of growth and connection between S&C. I don’t think it takes away from Jimmy’s greatness to see (and say) that Patti brings something new and important- even if she is a VERY different artist. (Also Hey Joe isn’t Patti covering Jimmy, it’s more like a standard they both recorded versions of.)

Meanwhile, thank you SO MUCH for not giving up on me. I have not stopped writing, although I keep getting distracted by ideas for other stories… I will finish Impact. I promise!

I do feel that the long wait is working against me, that it has built the ending into something it’s not. It’s not going to be some virtuoso act of writing. I just want it to be happy and fun.

Thanks for letting me know you are rereading. Don’t let my takes on music ruin the fun - it’s all just fun.

XOSNS

At the beginning of this chapter just after Sarah wakes up she says to herself, "'I can make up for last night,' I think. 'I can show her...'". I'm finding it hard to follow her thought processes here. The previous night she was an active participant in going down on Claire. Why is this morning different? Is it that last night she did it because she inferred that Claire wanted it? Or is it that she's showing that she's not afraid? Or did she believe, despite the evidence to the contrary, that she wasn't very good the previous night?

No sooner had I posted my previous comment than I found an explanation in chapter 8! Sometimes, I wish it was possible to edit comments.

This chapter caused a lot of confusion (and some outrage) when we first posted it. It is easily my favorite chapter, but I tried to soften the outrage when I rewrote it, but the confusion was very intentional. I like feeling a little lost at times, wondering what I’m missing, trying to find my narrative sea legs. Since you are rereading, you must enjoy some of those same feelings. I hope so. As a habitual rereader, I’m always please to know when someone is coming back to these stories. Thanks for posting, NoLongerAnon.