All Comments on 'Impact 13: of Turbulence and Death'

Just absolutely stunning, riveting, flawless. My favorite part was her mom’s understanding and the

“Can’t hide fire, can’t hide smoke” …just beautiful.

Thanks as always for another fascinating journey, even though it was a sad one it was just so well written and filled with emotion, I loved her finally breaking down seeing Claire and loved the mom overhearing Claire’s kind words.

Gosh I feel like I could write a 10 page essay on how much I love this whole story.

I am rambling. But this was top notch.

Few with that chapter name and the way the story was going I thought you were going to kill her of on the plane 😕.

It feels like there is a lot going on in this episode, and a lot of Sarah's relatives to keep track of. Then aside from the funeral there are other plot points that are just slipped in there, such as Kwasi and Darci splitting up. Th

Outstanding.

This is definitely 'Superman' Sarah. She's successful at work, and is all grown up and taking charge after her father's death. It made me feel very proud of her, and most beloved to this reader. I'm not surprised that she feels some relief at her father's death; the whole family dynamic seems more relaxed. Neither am I surprised that Sarah's mother has picked up on the clues to her sexuality.

As for Rebekah and Ali, it seems that Ali is a substitute for the things Rebekah would like to do, or have done, with Sarah. And it makes some sort of sense that she wants Sarah to watch her. We don't know much about Ali, and so her motivation is unclear. But this is not important to the story.

I did notice one small error. Ben is listed as coming with Keith and Kip, but then Keith says that Ben is sorry he can't be there.

Another outstanding chapter! Bravo! So much emotion packed into each page. Claire showing up was everything I wanted. I'm both so looking forward to the next chapter while also dreading it, as we'll near the completion. I feel like I could read about Sarah and Claire and their circle of friends and family forever. Thank you for this tale. On eof the very best I've read on this site, and I've been around here since damn near the beginning. Also, just gonna predict this now: the Style Section gonna give the above-and-beyond treatment to their wedding.

Thank you for rambling Maezed. I enjoyed the moment there at the end between Sarah and her mom, as someone relatively new to writing fiction it’s still surprising to me how it works in the mind, that writing something can make me weep - such a strange and wonder feeling.

I am glad to know that title gave you a bit of a scare Silvermire, I’m not a sadist, but I think stories work better when there is a credible threat that things can go terribly wrong. I grateful to Leethie for giving me that.

The funeral was an opportunity to give a sense of Sarah’s family milieu, NoLongerAnon. The characters are individual brushstrokes rather than portraits. The reason being, the only person I was painting was Sarah.

Meanwhile there are certain characters who have loomed large, Darci and Sarah’s Father, I never intended to confront. It was a thrill to sweep them both away in the same chapter. (With apologies to DylanAnon who felt like killing Sarah’s dad would be cliche. But porn is genre fiction, it’s all cliche, the whole way down. The only bigger cliche than wine-on-the-blouse-lesbians is dorm-room-lesbians. Clearly I like playing with the clichés.)

Ben was originally coming to the funeral obvs. That error KILLS me worse than the chapter shampoo.

Thank you for the very high praise WinterHarvest (5/25/14!) I hope when this story ends it will leave us all with plenty to imagine.

I thought Sarah was about to die glad she didnt

Just when I think you can’t make my heart ache any harder for these people, you up the stakes again.

Thank you so much nor only for this story, but for the beauty of your prose and the depth of your love that makes these characters tangible.

During our joint edit session you asked about the scene where Sarah had lifted code from Ben's older projects. I didn't tell you then that the whole scene with the 2nd table and Rebekah and Ali lobbying Sarah to present her work and experience at a conference, was one of my favorite parts. With a granddaughter who is considering engineering as a career, and having worked in IT myself, it echoed strongly the need for female representation and role models in the STEM industries! Thank you for that! Yes, I worked with many amazing women, and even had a female CIO when I retired, but they were always in the minority.

“Impact” has been all that I had hoped for and more from the first “collision” to the heartfelt poignancy of these penultimate scenes. So beautifully crafted not simply Claire’s return and their near silent love making but for so many other elements. Remarkable how you brought to life so many minor characters in Sarah’s life around her father’s death sometimes in just 2-3 lines — made it so easy for us to see them and how they touched her — so creative. As I’ve said more than once, this story is Claire’s story as well. So much more than a rom-com around two fascinating characters whose relationship emerges for us. OK, you had me by the end of the wine spill/restroom scene chapter 1: “… What do you think?" She asks, looking at herself in the mirror. "Would you fuck me?" Thanks for creating/sharing this piece. I, too, see 13 as lucky; after all, Oblivion and Doubt was 12 + 1, and got to love 7 (The Stronger Girl).

Thats an extraordinary impact, for me as reader and your ART of writing, with all those details and jumps past future and the revealing about the father and the love and pain ..... Lastly Claire, what a surprise a d what an impact ..... Wonderful justt wonderful and for a mother to acknowledge her misinterpretations or misguiding or wrong feelings and explaining all of to her daughter , chapeau

💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝

Agree with Silvermire, really worried when I read the title, should have trusted you but part of me still wants to moan as my heart was in my mouth till they landed as you intended. Just a sign of how well you write. Loved the hesitation at her parents house, we can all relate to that and then in the morning, mum's hesitation, I'm so old I can relate to that as well. Thank you for such a brilliant story.

I love the way you reveal Sarah's recognition that her previous notions about her family and friends have been tainted by negative people in her life like Darci and her father. For example, her father's opinion of Aunt Sandy is no longer hers when she sees how supportive her Aunt Sandy is to her Mom, and recognizes that they both have a need to hide. Sarah seems to elevate her above others in the family. So many hidden gems! Brilliant writing!

This is a masterpiece of writing that will never get the recognition it deserves simply because of the genre and themes. The division of this chapter into two unique parallel halves was incredibly executed: The turbulent plane ride, where Sarah was physically buffeted, but sustained by memories of “distracting” events involving important people in her life, until she landed safely and maniacally laughing, on the tarmac: - The turbulent homecoming, where Sarah was emotionally buffeted by her father’s death/ funeral, but was sustained by the contemporary distractions of important people in her life, until she landed safely, cathartically crying in the arms of her mother and Claire on the basement floor. The symmetry of the two halves of the chapter was perfect. I also appreciated how the author made me share Sarah’s guilt about not caring about her daughter: When I realized Sarah was going to survive the harrowing plane ride, and that the “Impact of Death” mentioned in the chapter title was “only” referring to her father dying, I actually felt a sense of profound relief, only to simultaneously feel ashamed for minimizing another human beings passing. I will be thinking about this chapter,( for many reasons), for a long time. - And that is the highest praise I can give any author. Bravo!!! once again SiteNonSite. Bravo!!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Holy Oedipus!

I’ll write more after I digest a bit…

Beautifully written five stars all the way,

I didn’t set out to make readers sweat over Sarah’s fate, 2xsafreak, but by the time I was titling the chapter and writing the tease, I wondered if I could scare some of you. If nothing else OD seems to have earned me a reputation… which I am glad I can use for good.

It’s wonderful to know we care about these people together, EarlyMorningLight. I really enjoyed the way this chapter made my heart ache as I wrote it.

My first reader is myself, HWGT. When I write the sex scenes I pay attention to my body, they need to turn me on. When the narrative is focused on Sarah’s life, but especially her work, I focus on a different aspect of myself. I imagine a younger more precocious version of me stumbling on this story, the way my younger self stumbled on stories like Lovers Without Realizing It in the early Naughts. I want that young reader to get off, but I also want to encourage them. Sarah makes mistakes, but she is a serious professional and is GREAT at her job. Claire admires Sarah for being able to do her own code, for her profession success. I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that aspect of the story lands with you, that you find it convincing. Hopefully it’s making some impression on the younger readers too.

I’m not sure what I thought Impact was going to be Migbird, but it has exceeded all my expectations. One of the reasons I made Claire French is I couldn’t keep her and Sarah straight until then. I think that detail and making Sarah a working class striver from Buffalo is when this shifted from a bagatelle to something weightier for me. I’m very happy to know the minor characters worked that was a thorny, of fun, aspect of writing a funeral. (Hadn’t occurred to me that OD was 12+1… I’m not religious, but I am superstitious!)

Losing a parent is an intensely mixed moment, FranziskaSissy. I had a wonderfully affectionate and supportive father, but he was in no way perfect. I struggled when he passed.

It’s really satisfying to know so many of you thought I might kill Sarah WorriedAnon, the stakes should be real. The dynamics of family on our sex lives, or sexual imagination, guilt and shame, desire and affections - on what does and doesn’t turn us on - was one of the reasons I started writing porn. My very first story (TSG) was an attempt to articulate that. (Poor little Annie.)

I think you must have an Aunt Sandy CeeCee. (Freudian much?) but thanks. I hadn’t thought about that so explicitly, but that adult moment of imagining renegotiation family relationships was way more fun than just making Aunt Jane a bitch (my original plan).

The symmetry of the narrative structure would have never occurred to me MasterpieceAnon, but it’s clear now that you point it out. I wish I’d done it on purpose. (It’s also great that you shared Sarah’s guilt, again, I wish I could claim that was intentional.)

So you did it. You killed him. Yes, it was Cliche. I will say you did it well. He leaves Sarah with the unresolved issue of what her father would say about her being gay.

An Amelia? WTF?? She knew all along yet she kept pushing Danny, and men in general on her? Seriously? Makes me wonder if she pushed her on Father Mike who would give her the absolution she couldn't? And yet in the end, she's OK with it?

Kudos for getting Claire on the plane.

The turbulence was a great metaphor for what lay ahead. An interesting ... I'm not even sure what the word is... of having Sarah's life flash before her eyes while her father was the one who died.

The uncle Pat suicide made me wonder if he was gay and just couldn't deal with it - the getting mad with Father Mike about joining the priesthood added to that curiosity. If I had to guess, this would have happened during the early Aughts? No Sarah was a teenager. She was born in 1998? Probably happened 10 years ago? Before I did the math in my head I imagined it happened in the early aughts, during the W admin, when there was serious push back against Gay rights - a gay man can't handle a bestie joining an organization that hates him. How did his suicide affect Father Mike? Did he know? He must have, even if Pat wasn't out? I could go on...

Amelia is only 40??? Sarah being a red head makes me think Amelia is also blond (If not a red head herself?) And her father (Did we ever learn his name?) was he the same age as Amelia? He had a stroke at 25? OK, I need to stop overthinking this.

So Danny is now with Katherine. Does he have a thing for unaware lesbians?

I wish the story was a page longer. Once Claire arrived, the extended family and Kwasi go away. It would have been interesting to see Claire interact with them. Sarah never told Kwasi she and Claire are an item - he just surmised. This would have removed all doubt. What would Cousin Devin had thought? And so on.

The key line is Aunt Jane telling Sarah she was a good girl. Sarah, always doing what she should. Nothing sums up pre-Claire Sarah better than that. To be sure, it wasn't Claire that changed Sarah - going to Brown started that. Dumping Danny was a major step. Claire just dragged her across the finish line.

I had other questions that others asked and you answered.

I will throw out one idea for you: Same Time Next Year was a movie in 1978 in which Alan Alda and Ellyn Burstein had an affair in which they met a hotel each year. There's your Rebekah and Ali idea - they hook up at thuis same conference each year!

I want a Claire im my life.

I have been looking forward to your comment, DylanAnon!!!

Eddy was the sneeze in the first act, the gun mention at the beginning of the dinner party. The plague HAD to arrive by act three, someone HAD to get shot before coffee could be served! I didn’t kill Eddy, he was a dead man walking this whole time, that’s not a cliche, that’s foreshadowing and I was very pleased when you picked up on it.

as for time, it is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. Time in porn is, of course, EXTREMELY FLEXIBLE. Check the dates on the art works and hockey games mentioned, as well as some other details (like DataVis being a novelty) and you will find that this story is sometime safely in the past. Still, Amelia is a young mom, Eddy was a chunk older than her (Gerry’s age, so more than four years less than eight) and “lived fast” before the blood clot shattered his health - lots of things can cause young men to develop blood clots, I’ll let other imaginations do that work. Patrick and Mike were older than Eddy by a chunk more, and Jane is older still - which is why Eddy’s parents are gone.

Amelia having 20/20 hindsight is different than Amelia knew “all along”. Also, accepting reality is different than being “OK with it” - but we’ll see I guess. I do think Amelia’s faith is more like Mikes than it is like Eddy’s and Father Tanner.

I also suspect Mike and Patrick were in love, which is not to say lovers. But who knows - that happened off stage, so I have as much access to it as you do. 


I in no way think Katherine is a lesbian, but while I have no interest in writing about underage sex, it’s important to remember that sexuality is a part of what we are from the beginning., that the people who we grew up with (especially our parents) shaped that sexuality and participated in, even without having sex. I liked pointing to that fact. (The memories of the spankings were meant to acknowledge that as well.) I hate Chicago School of Economics porn, where sex takes place between two perfectly spherical individuals isolated from the past in perfectly flat and frictionless environments.

Claire definitely interacted with a lot of Sarah’s family, even if it happened off stage. I’d love to be a fly on the wall during those interactions as well, but it wasn’t what the narrative requires. If it turns out it does, it will come up before the end.

I’ve never seen Same Time Next Time but that’s a lovely idea and I might try it. (It beats the ideas I had for a Rebekah follow up.) thank DA for reading along with such care and giving me your feedback, it’s wonderful even when it’s grumpy.

I have had parts of Claire at different times in my life, WantingAnon. She is wonderful, even when spread across many lovers and a lifetime.

The thing about time is that time isn’t really real

It’s all on your point of view

How does it feel to you?

- James Taylor

I should have learned about time from the Lou Reed references!

So looking forward to the next chapter!

Excellent story. You are a gifted writer. I particularly like long romantic stories like this one and hope that you don't end it too soon. There is much that you can expound on in coming chapters and it will be nice to see where you take this relationship. When I saw your latest installment published I actually decided to re-read the entire story from the beginning - and was glad I did. To me, the main drawback to having to wait for new chapters is that in the interim the passage of time causes me to forget the plot and it loses some of the drama in the process. But I will still enjoy seeing what happens between Claire and Sarah regardless of the wait time...

"Good flight?" the cabbie asked.

"No complaints," I told him.

"Why complain?" he scoffed.

"Who would listen?" I agreed, which earned me a dry chuckle.

Nice. Very nice. I love how we don’t know who reached out to hold hands, Sarah or seatmate.

Sarah wears her mother’s clothes, in a sweet echo of when Sarah wore Claire’s clothes. This chapter is so good. Thank you. Oh, and Claire teaching Wes how to open a bottle of wine & serve it. Excellent!

Interesting: as soon as I started reading I pretty much could feel how the chapter would play out. Rushing to Buffalo, but not making it in time — because the father was not the pivotal meeting, her mother was. Being the strong rock for her family, but not being able to let go and grieve — both in the moment and retroactively — without her safe space, without Claire. Sarah’s mother meeting Claire being a smooth, natural and loving event, because deep down she already knew. And, of course, Claire dropping everything to rush to Sarah’s side — I’m guessing that the travel between Paris and New York was smoother, and possibly about as quick, as the travel between New York and Buffalo. (In one of my textbooks at university was a map — centred on London — with the layout adjusted by travel time instead of distance; in the map New York was closer to London than the more remote parts of Wales, even at a fraction of the physical distance.)

A bit cliché, but clichés are cliché for a reason; some things just occur naturally, when the time is right. A bit like watching Titanic: you know what will happen to the ship and the characters, but you are just there to enjoy the ride. The journey is more important than the destination, after all.

I wondered a bit about Father Mike’s situation after the confession and even more after the second visit, when he mentioned Sarah’s uncle Pat. Interesting.

A very well-told and enjoyable chapter in every way.

P.S.

I get that some feel Sarah’s father dying the way he does, off “stage” was predictable or even cliche. But I feel like I was broadcasting my intention to kill him off from the first moment his illness was mentioned (if not to readers, to myself). And you are exactly right PS, was never my intent to have Sarah confront her father, I was ambivalent about her coming out to her family at all, but then Wes appeared (the confession to Father Mike was written weeks, if not months before Wes’s visit was even imagined). I’m glad the chapter feels well told. It was. Very much a labor of love.

(Either LE have gone on holiday or my comment somehow disappeared into the ether, so I’m posting it again.)

Interesting: as soon as I started reading I pretty much could feel how the chapter would play out. Rushing to Buffalo, but not making it in time — because the father was not the pivotal meeting, her mother was. Being the strong rock for her family, but not being able to let go and grieve — both in the moment and retroactively — without her safe space, without Claire. Sarah’s mother meeting Claire being a smooth, natural and loving event, because deep down she already knew. And, of course, Claire dropping everything to rush to Sarah’s side — I’m guessing that the travel between Paris and New York was smoother, and possibly about as quick, as the travel between New York and Buffalo. (In one of my textbooks at university was a map — centred on London — with the layout adjusted by travel time instead of distance; in the map New York was closer to London than the more remote parts of Wales, even at a fraction of the physical distance.)

A bit cliché, but clichés are cliché for a reason; some things just occur naturally, when the time is right. A bit like watching Titanic: you know what will happen to the ship and the characters, but you are just there to enjoy the ride. The journey is more important than the destination, after all.

I wondered a bit about Father Mike’s situation after the confession and even more after the second visit, when he mentioned Sarah’s uncle Pat. Interesting.

A very well-told and enjoyable chapter in every way.

P.S.

Wow! What a emotional Rollercoaster, the death of Sarah's father, Sarah's mothers revelation and acceptance, father Mike, all so well described and written. Then the little things that fill the picture, the stranger on the plane, the cab drivers comments, wearing her mother's dress, reminiscences of Sarah going to the childcare centre to plead and finally Sarah being able to mourn her father, holding his hand after watching hockey with the TV off.

So sad, but so good!

Thank you