All Comments on 'Impact 16: of Intinction'

Great writing, great storytelling , great desriptions of how these two women ARE with each other. How it feels. I love the lesbian sex sequences. BUT this was spoiled for me by way too much cock talk. Ugh.

Ooooh. Just when I thought what you write couldn’t get any hotter, you write this. Wow. Glorious.

Also glad to see ButteredCrumpet is still in the mix!

So good that the Of Intinction dropped on Good Friday. This chapter is vintage. I have a whole religious interpretation of Sarah & Claire’s story, the incarnation, but I won’t lay it out here.

Oh, Gabby is dangerous and scary. I knew we were going to come up against someone hitting on Sarah eventually. Honestly, I put my money on Kathy from Style!! But Gabby, that is a cynical power play. To go for it right in front of Claire! Sarah & Claire handled it well, but I’m scared that Gabby won’t let it go.

LissyW - now that you say that, I can see it, I guess. Not the negative cock comment I predicted the story would draw though....😂

NYTAnon here. Story is set earlier than I thought.

NYTAnon - what was the tip off? When I edit, the story has a current context in my head. I was mildly shocked when SnS told me where in time it was in her head......

I never use the word “juicy” (or “”honey” or “nectar”) in my writings LissyW. But I don’t penalize authors I enjoy for using those terms. Live and let live.

Thank you toesucker1, I had a wonderful time with this chapter, and was so happy to have BC in the mix!

I think it’s a little late in the story to introduce a major villain _robin, I just wanted to imagine how Claire might deal with jealousy and insecurity. (But Kathy is low hanging fruit…)

Spacetime, NYTAnan, is a flexible membrane, in pornography it’s extremely flexible.

And yeah, I’m with you HWGT, I really imagined there were bigger bones to prick…😘

Brooklyn deficient” and all that follows so you as a writer — character driven around an evolving relationship. So enjoy watching you morph the dynamic of this romance/relationship — the fun with food, then jealousy, the graphically erotic sex scene so revealing. Hey, we’ve come a long way from Claire and Sarah bumping into each other back when; nice to see how much you enjoy this journey. Thanks to Butteredcrumpet for French translation. Hopefully more.

SNS:

Ha!!! Exactly what I thought about the fisting. Thanks for confirming.

HWGT, I sent private feedback of what I saw. I respect SNS's view of the flexibility of time and it is SNS's story (and its not done yet, I hope) so I didn't want to leave it in the feedback. BTW, my comment, which was a bit terse, was not intended to be critical. Sorry if it was.

I continually get the impression that the author is striving to bridge the divide between Sarah and Claire. The age, cultural, and experience divide is quite daunting, leading to insecurities and the need for reassurance. With each collision (chapter) I get the sense that the ladies are bridging that divide by breaking down barriers. - (Social and emotional.) and building trust. It’s almost like Sarah and Claire are attempting to achieve equilibrium in life and love by repeatedly colliding and exchanging bits of themselves. - I think that is a common occurrence in budding “unequal” relationships, but what makes this story so extraordinary is the creative ways the author has staged / presented events (collisions) involving Sarah’s and Claire’s lives and lovemaking. - (Interesting would be an understatement). Between “Brooklyn deficient”, the sushi bar with Claire’s friends(?), the “Lucky Dragons” performance, and the fisting (intinction?) , there was plenty of engaging action to keep the readers attention focused. - This story is such a guilty pleasure. Thank you SiteNonSite, BC, and HWGT. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

NYTAnon - I didn't take it as critical of anyone. For me it was the conflict between Sarah's job and being lost in Brooklyn; I took the infographics as a current endeavor and therefore incompatible with someone being lost...Sarah must use a flip phone, lol!

5 stars of awesome storytelling and love the characters so fucking awesome and love the direction of the story. Love the moving towards a power move in the relationship with a sub role starting to form. The French make a great dom role and she needs a little contorting and worshipping at the Pussy alter of an older sexy lady. Love the story. Rock them on to total fun and playfulness. Cheers

As always, it's a pleasure to immerse oneself in Sarah's New York. The story has developed a real sense of place (if not of time).

Sarah's eating disorder seems a big thing to suddenly introduce into the story, and then resolve so quickly. While Sarah's mother's nagging and Sarah's reaction seem very much in character, Sarah's solution feels less plausible.

On a more positive note, I liked the reference back to the early chapter. And I'm glad to have it confirmed that Gabby doesn't portend anything more sinister.

Aren’t we all a little Brooklyn Deficient Migbird3? And yes, I really am enjoying myself. I’m glad others are along for the ride.

I have no idea what I confirmed toesucker13, but I’m glad you were right.

I think the idea of a series of collisions breaking down the barriers between these two is an lovely image FiveStarAnon. I have tried very hard to take every opportunity - but especially the sex - to reveal something meaning.

Time in this story is more an era than a moment, NoLongerAnon. When HWGT asked why Sarah didn’t use Google maps, I pointed to the time that first appeared - but it also took a while for it to catch on much less become indispensable… (I am curious what triggered NYTAnon’s question about time this late in the game?)

The idea that food was a conflict between Sarah and Amelia is there almost from the beginning (who cooks all their own meals in middle school?) As for the eating disorder, that is first alluded to in Chapter 8. I wanted to deliver on that, especially because food is so important to Sarah (it was exciting to have Claire leading Sarah through dinner, but also to imagine what exactly Sarah’s cooking had meant to her mother.) and it would be reductive to imagine Sarah’s vegetarianism was a “solution” to an eating disorder. I tried to make clear it wasn’t, that she continued to struggle, but that it was a real victory nonetheless.

Brooklyn is another country. I once travelled to Brooklyn with my friend to visit the Brooklyn Museum. We loved it so much, we weren’t able to see all the galleries so resolved to return the next day. So the next morning, we walked up to the ticket counter - the woman’s eyes lit up, she said “I remember you two from yesterday!” Would that happen in New York?

Hey! I used to live in Brooklyn! Walking distance from The Brooklyn Museum.

But , in all honesty, I didn’t know all of Brooklyn. It’s just too big. Bigger than many other cities!

SNS, thank you for setting me straight on Sarah's eating disorder. I should have known better than to believe that you had introduced that entirely out of the blue. I went back and found the mention in chapter 8, and also in an earlier chapter Sarah says she acquired her first cookbook in middle school. In any case, I think I rather missed the point in the current chapter. I see now that becoming a vegetarian was less about an eating disorder, but more "for the first time in my life, still under my mother's roof, I'd become my own master".

Incidentally, I loved the description of eating the ikura; eating can be very sensuous!

I love Brooklyn, _robin. And I don’t imagine Sarah having anything against it, but she’s not an outer borough girl. She is a Manhattanite. (I imagine you were a Brooklyn Inn regular DylanAnon.)

I’m glad it was worth reviewing and reassessing NoLongerAnon. At this point this is a VERY long story. One of the reasons the ending is taking longer than I’d like to reach is I need to keep going back and rereading, to refresh myself with everything that has happened. I do my best to keep the weave fresh. But I’m glad a second pass made more sense.

I’ve been checking on chapter one every day. I see the new content is up! I’ll read it later .. thanks! Odd, that they don’t update the date of the updated chapter.

I love the filthy French!

Moonies on Flatbush Ave!

Reading this again has been a joy. Porn, erotica but also so much more. Important details and memories revealed during sex, slowly seeing the layers peeled back showing us the depth and flaws of Sarah. I love reading descriptions of cities I've never visited, makes me yearn to travel much more than I do. From a very young age, I always hated the idea of sushi just the thought of it made me feel queasy though I'm not sure why. Your description of Sarah eating in this chapter was my favourite part, I found it strangely erotic, I actually imagined myself kissing her as she chewed the salmon roe.

I’m not a vegetarian, storyman60, ButteredCrumpet is. It was her idea to make Sarah a vegetarian, but I’m really glad she did. I often write about things I don’t find exciting in real life (panty sniffing and toe licking come to mind), but my characters like these and find them exciting, so putting myself in their heads I find them vicariously exciting. Putting myself in the mind of a vegetarian has been both difficult (I want to describe all kinds of foods that Sarah’s POV won’t allow), and surprisingly rewarding. I have to REALLY think about the things the girls are eating. I’m very glad the description of the Ikura was enough to make you crave something you might otherwise not try. While the focus is the sex, I find myself wanting to titillate with humor, with memories, with place, and with food… it’s wonderful to learn the food-porn can win over a non-believer.

It is with the greatest sadness I have finished reading the story [so far, I hope].

I do not have the vocabulary to express how brilliant this story has been. I get the impression your are from over the pond but slightly confused at how good your English is. I admit it isn't perfect and the proof reading is sometimes not great but the story line is enthralling, enveloping, intriguing and interesting. the balance between erotica, storyline and ambiance is perfect. Not too much of anything. Descriptions of people, places and events is very well developed and easily envisaged in the minds eye.

I have neither the vocabulary or literary talent to express my happiness having read this story. I hope to return to future episodes of a continuing story as I will be disappointed for it to end here.

Thank you so much S9, it’s wonderful to know the prose is being enjoyed! (It sometimes gets lonely between chapters.) We do our best with the proof reading, but this is an all volunteer army and I have no formal training as a writer, much less a pornographer. You cannot imagine how many errors get past me when I’m methodical, to say nothing of when I’m turned on and moving fast. I feel very lucky to have found HWGT, who is a tireless, conscientious and endlessly encouraging copy editor. They are currently helping me search and destroy errors as I post updated versions of the older chapter. (I submitted a revised Chapter 6 for moderation this morning). Hopefully these new edits will measure up. Meanwhile, Chapter 17 is in process, but it goes slow. I’m grateful for everyone’s patience, and promise I will keep writing until this story has a satisfying ending.

Brilliant work!

Your characters are so engaging.

Such a shame to have reached the end for now. I'm really looking forward to more of Sarah and Claire's story.

Are your edits generally just simple corrections, or has new stuff been added? Dialogue, passages etc..?

More is coming, BrilliantAnon, it just takes me longer and longer working alone. So glad to know you are enjoying the ride meantime. Thank you (and everyone) for your patience.

Something that has slowed me down working to write the final chapters alone, is I’ve needed to go back and work through the original chapters more and more to refresh myself as I get closer and closer to the end. (An obsessing pornographer’s Zeno’s Paradox.) I’ve done this over and over again since ButteredCrumpet had to step away, QueryingAnon. And each time I do, I find new errors, but also new things that bothered me, or I wished were different - the language, the order things were said/happened… so I started making changes. The reworked versions of chapters 1-5 are live. No material changes have been made to the narrative - what happened happens. These initial reworked chapters are anywhere from 800- 2200 words longer than the original versions.(Chapter 6 is still in moderation, but when it goes live it’s almost twice as long as the original.) The chapters on ButteredCrumpet’s page are our original versions, so there is an archive. Both are wonderful, just different. I hope readers enjoy both.

Is the plan to rework all the chapters before you publish the concluding chapters? It's not a pressure question. I'm just figuring out if I should begin again from the start.

There’s not a plan as such, but I just posted chapter 9 for moderation, (1-8 are now live) and feel like that’s probably the last chapter I’m going to rework extensively. I apologize for my slow progress with chapter 17. “Inspiration is for amateurs” is a jibe I’ve always appreciated and tried to live up to as a professional (avoiding the need for inspiration), but in this realm I am ENTIRELY an amateur.

I love this story so much, I can't wait for the next entry! I eagerly blitzed all of the existing chapters last night. I love all of the characters, everyone feels so well realized. Sarah and Claire with their insecurities and their earnestness, all of the friends, Sarah's past lovers, it's great. I laughed at some parts, and teared up at others. Looking forward to the conclusion of their story.

That’s lovely to hear bglad. I apologize to everyone I’m keeping waiting for the end. While I have been scratching away at it, it’s just coming much slower than past chapters. Perhaps I’m sad to see it end…

The accidental vegetarian… 🙂

I wondered a bit about the title of the previous chapter; who would be The Bitch in real life? The obvious candidates were Kathy and Darci, but one was excluded from the category early on, whilst the other seems pretty irrelevant by this point. And then her mother kept cropping up… Fortunate that the thought of her mother ruined her orgasm, instead of enhancing it; Sarah has enough hang-ups without adding Oeidipus into the mix.

Interesting how the pendulum have swung for the ladies; now it’s Sarah giving it her all while Claire is holding back.

P.S.