Impact of Collision Ch. 07

Her tongue probes my ear while narrow hands move over me, thin fingers and beautifully rounded nails gently smoothing my flesh, squeezing and scratching. My whole world is these soft remarks across my skin and the thunder and wet slurping of her mouth making love to my ear. She slips her hands into my panties and I lift my leg for her, opening myself to her. I am wet and ready and Claire makes a happy "ah" as she makes contact with my excitement. She pushes into me easily.

"Mmmm-"

My moan is loud. It slips out before I can stifle it. Both Claire and I freeze, her tongue frozen in my ear, fingers deep in my pussy. After a long beat that feels like an eternity we hear Wes snort and begin snoring again.

"If you do that again," Claire whispers into my wet ear. "I'm going to pull down your panties and spank you while your brother watches."

I giggle at the image of Claire putting me over her knee, but I do it silently.

I feel her fingers withdrawing and mew softly in protest, but without leaving my panties her hand travels over my hip and pushes into the crack of my ass and I feel her wet fingertips touching my asshole, smearing it with my cum.

"eee," it's hardly a sound but it earns a stern "tch" from Claire. She is smearing the little passage and breathing hard into my ear. I can hear her excitement but I am fighting my own mortification. This was territory that Danny and I never even approached. It was such a turn off for him I never had to consider my own feelings, until Claire. She's made her interest in my ass very clear over the past couple weeks. I'm not totally naive, I've read about ass play and talked about it with my friends... I've even fantasized about it, I've just never actually had anyone touch me there - and I'm not ready, not ready to be silent, not ready to be still, not ready for this to happen... My whole body is stiff with effort to hold myself still and quiet. I feel a surge of relief as she withdraws her hand from the back of my panties and kisses my cheek.

"I want you to relax," she hushes into my ear. "I would never hurt my Young Sarah."

I listen as she puts her fingers into her mouth and wets them again. Her lips so close to my ear, her mouth filled with spit. She's pushing her finger deep into her mouth, licking them, drooling onto my cheek. Her breath is a rapid staccato.

Her hand moves back down my back, pushes back into my panties, wet fingers probing, sliding against my asshole. I try not to squirm or squeal. I push my bared teeth into her neck, struggling not to cry out as her fingertip presses into me. My face is so hot the skin of her neck feels chilled.

"Please," I whisper, feeling the tears rise. "Please no... I can't. I can't Claire."

"Shhh," Claire whispers, her fingers withdrawing, her hand pulling away.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I cradle her face in my hands and buss her neck with kisses. "I want to... I can't, I can't... please Claire, let me-"

My words are so quiet they're hardly words at all the pounding of my heart is louder than my apologies.

"It's ok," she whispers, "it's nothing, we should sleep."

I've offended her. She sounds disappointed, deflated, not tired. My heart aches as she rolls over, even though she makes a point of snuggling against me.

I'm kissing her neck... and she squeezes my hand, but she is holding herself still, her whole body radiating hurt. I can hear Wes snoring, he's drunk, I tell myself and feel myself grow hot as I make a decision. My belly burns as my kisses reach the collar of Claire's sleep shirt.

I pull my hand out from under hers and she doesn't try to stop me. She tenses as I take hold of the hem of her little baby T, makes a tiny sound of protest and resists me as I try to pull it up. But I move my head under the covers and my body down the bed. Holding the hem of her shirt as high as her pinched arms and posture will allow, I kiss her bare spine.

'He's not going to wake up," I tell myself, but the truth is, I don't care. I would do this if he were watching.

Her back is stiff and hard but I make my lips soft and wet, kissing each vertebrae, my mouth following the rigid curve of her back down. I move my body down the bed with each kiss, until I am curled up behind her, my knees beneath Claire's feet and my chin touching the waistband of her panties.

I take a shuddering breath as my fingers pinch the delicately stitched elastic of Claire's waistband. I try and imagine what I would tell Wes as I pepper her tailbone with kisses as I cautiously begin pulling her panties down.

In the muffled darkness under the duvet I push my hair back off my face, hooking it behind my ear and begin kissing the cheeks of Claire's bare ass. Her muscles are firm, her skin is smooth and tight.

'This is what I want,' I imagine telling Wes.

But another part of me is braced for Claire to stop me with a harsh little "TSHT!" or to slap away my fingers. But while she remains curled up and tense, she doesn't strike at me.

I take a deep breath. All I can smell is Claire's sex... or maybe it's mine. I've soaked my panties.

'It's both of us,' I decide as I feel Claire's panties pulling away from her. They are clinging; she's wet.

As I pull her panties further down her ass, exposing more of her crack I put out my tongue and with my lips I begin to wet her. Moving my mouth in slow arcs I push down, until my bottom lip is wedging into the cleavage of Claire's ass. I push my tongue out and force it into her crack, it's pointed tip seeking deep.

Claire is holding herself so stiff it's hard not to wonder if she wants this, but then I feel her take a deep shuddering breath and I know.

Claire's panties are just down off her ass, I leave them and take hold of her muscular cheeks, squeezing and pulling them apart as I press my face into her ass, as I push my tongue against the hard puckered surface of her asshole and get my first earthy bitter taste.

Claire finally moves, her hips roll back as she arches her back, opening her ass to me. My tongue circles her asshole, my mouth is watering as I lick the ridged ring, washing it with my saliva. The bitter taste was never terribly strong. It's gone now, all I taste is Claire's skin, I've soaked her with my saliva. My breath is loud in my ears as I push and lick at her, unsure of what I'm doing, but determined to please her, determined to make amends.

I push my hand into her panties and between her legs. My fingers slide across her lips, she's dripping wet. My finger presses into her, splitting her open, I feel her clit and push my fingertips up against it, rubbing it from below.

"Mgnn," her voice sounds muffled. She's under the covers with me. I lose myself in her pulsing warmth, in the feel of her slowly softening, giving into her pleasure. I force my free hand under her, reaching beneath her flank until I'm clutching her belly.

I am lapping and sucking her asshole, my fingertip stroking her clit. I don't really know what do with my tongue, if I should push it in deeper or just lick? I feel her hips start to move, her hand stroking my head.

"Tu peux m'enculer," she whispers.

Her voice sounds so close, the two of us hiding under the duvet, like girls at a sleepover, except my face is jammed in her ass, my fingers slick with her cum. I can feel her excitement building. My lips push at her, my tongue pressing and flicking the fleshy gather; I push the tip into her ass, it's tight and hot, and inside is smooth, it feels different from her pussy, like the underside of her tongue.

"Mgnnn.. Mmm.. Ahh. Ne t'arrêtes pas," she whispers and wiggles her hips a little, she wants me to fuck her ass.

Her back arches as I obey, her body goes rigid and spasms. I press my tongue as far as it will go into her ass, my fingers moving at bruising speed. She's flexing and sucking air through her teeth. Finally she pushes my fingers away, pulls me by the hair away from her ass.

I kiss her cheeks and pet the backs of her thighs. She finally goes limp and I start to lick at her ass again, as I know she will go again, but I feel her pull at my hair, trying to bring me up. I relent and move up the bed, curling in beside her, my face touching her neck.

"Ma choupette, you are so lovely but if I go again, I won't be quiet," she whispers. She pets my arm, but her voice sounds sad. "We mustn't wake Wes."

I listen to Wes' softly snoring, and before too long Claire's breath slows and deepens as well. I find myself staring out the window, alone in the dark.

The building across the way is like Claire's. A Nineteenth Century loft building with a cast iron facade. It has the same double hung windows as Claire's. They are all dark, but as I'm looking at the one directly across the way I see a tiny red light. I watch it, trying to make sense of what I'm seeing, when it rises and flares, briefly lighting a face looking back across at me. Someone sitting in the dark watching. I gasp and look around, but I'm in the dark. They can't see me, but then I think of all the nights they could have.

Sleep is a long time coming.

"Do you sleep over at Claire's a lot?" Wes asked as we left Claire's building.

"No," I fired back, way too fast, way too insistent. He looked a little taken aback for a moment, but then seemed to study me. I was all but certain he'd slept through me licking Claire's ass, but was still very self-conscious about him seeing us all tangled in bed together the morning before. "Why?"

"Nothing. Just the toothbrush thing I guess?" he says, giving me a questioning look. I pictured the little lover totems in their glass and I felt myself flushing. "I thought maybe it was... a regular thing."

My stomach lurched and went liquid with fear.

"Nooo... No, nothing like that," I started to lie. My voice sounded tight and pinched.

'Nothing like what?' I wondered to myself.

We were at the top of the stairs of the subway entrance. I heard the distant rumble of an approaching train, and seized on the distraction.

"That's our train! We should run!"

He chased me down the stairs and sat quietly, holding his backpack against his chest, lost in his own thoughts as we rode north.

I'd woken up to sounds in the kitchen, and for a moment thought it was Claire, that I was alone in bed. But as I raised my head I realized Claire was still asleep, that she was just at the far side of the big king size mattress. It's the first time I'd woken up with her and we weren't embracing.

Claire had been cheery and talkative when we got up, making French toast for the three of us. She'd laughed and argued with Wes about New Wave cinema, admitting that he knew more about Godard than she did, and telling him about art films he needs to see.

"Next time the Cremaster Cycle is playing you will have to come back to the city," she told him. "We will all go together!"

But I was uneasy. She was avoiding my eyes, wasn't handsy. She never reached for me, even when Wes wasn't looking or even in the room.

She gave us both two kisses as we left, but my stomach felt like a stone as I walked with him to the subway.

Wes and I got to Port Authority forty minutes early and ended up waiting near an empty bowling alley for his bus to arrive.

"You're welcome to come back anytime you want to stay with me," I told him as we sat down. "You don't need to worry about money, Claire's right. I can afford it. I'm happy to pay for your tickets too."

'Am I trying to buy him off?' I cringed. I sounded too eager, a little obsequious even. I feel myself blush.

But Wes thanked me, and seemed to consider it. He didn't pursue the offer however. His attention seemed to drift away instead, he still seemed lost in his own thoughts.

We sat in an awkward silence for a long time. Me brooding about what had happened with Claire, afraid I'd hurt her feelings, but also frightened about my own. The idea that I'd offended Claire weighed on me.

As we had all said our goodbye outside the karaoke bar Kwasi had looked me in the eye then hugged and kissed on my ear.

"I like her a lot," he'd whispered. Kwasi knows me too well, of course he'd figured it out, but it was scary knowing he knew. I felt a spike of shame as I remembered how I'd clutched him in surprise.

"Don't tell!" I'd whispered back. I'd meant Darci I think, but now I'm not sure. Now Wes asking about Claire and I had left me terrified.

I looked at him staring at his phone, suddenly afraid he was texting someone.

"What are you going to tell mom and dad about Claire?" I blurted. He looked up at me in surprise, then seemed to focus.

"That's she's your friend, that she's really nice. That we stayed at her apartment."

"I'm sorry, it's just-"

"I'm not going to tell anyone about you and Claire. Not mom and dad, not Kelly, not anyone - OK?"

"It's just-"

"You don't need to explain," he said, cutting me off. Maybe he could tell I was going to lie to him. "I can tell you're afraid Sarah, but you don't need to be. Whatever is going on between you and Claire I'll keep it between us, I promise-"

"It's not that... I don't-"

Wes held up his hand, cutting me off again before I could finish the lie. He reminded me of dad in that moment, his authority, but in a good way, not scary. When he could see I wasn't going to listen he went on.

"...But just so you know, I really like her. Most of all though, I really like how happy you are. I haven't seen you happy since - since a long time Sarah. The truth is I don't really have that many memories of you as a happy person."

I had started to cry. Hot tears streamed down my face. I couldn't stop them.

"I'm not your baby brother any more Sarah, you can trust me."

"You will always be my baby brother," I tell him, wiping my nose with my knuckles, and feeling like he was anything but a baby, I was the baby.

'She's 36,' I thought for the hundredth time. 'Am I just a plaything?'

"Whatever Sarah, I love seeing you laugh again. I love that Claire makes you happy."

"I know you liked Danny..."

"I never liked Danny," he said, cutting me off and shocking me so hard I stopped crying. He looked me straight in the eye, his gaze was as serious and unwavering as I've ever seen it. Again I think of dad, but before the stroke.

"That was all mom and dad," Wes spat. "Fuck that guy. Seriously."

I am gobsmacked.

"But I thought you loved him?"

"Maybe when I was little? But even before you went away I saw through his choir boy bullshit. He's just another goon Sarah. And I saw a lot of Danny while you were away, a lot more than mom and dad. He's a mean drunk and a dumbass; he's a fucking dog Sarah. I was ecstatic when I heard you'd finally broken up with him."

"He broke up with me..."

"Tell yourself whatever you need to tell yourself. Just know I like this version of you, and the person you are when you are with Claire. You don't need to hide, not from me."

Wes dug out a tissue from his backpack and put an arm around me while I struggled to regain my composure.

"I'm so proud of you Wes," I told him. "I am so awed by the man you've become. I've always loved you with all my heart, but I really like who you've become."

"I really like who you're becoming Sarah," he whispered back. "And I like being your friend, but I will always love you. I will always be on your side."

Everyone around us was starting to stand and gather their things. There was an unintelligible announcement cracking over the loudspeakers.

"That's my bus," he whispered. "Are you going to be OK?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I hope so? I'm just really confused, Wes."

"I love you Sarah, and I believe in you."

We shared a brief hug, before he picked up his bag and headed to the door. As he climbed up the stairs, he stuck his head back out and called out, "Always!"

I stood there in silence looking up at Wes as he found a seat, I felt the tears start to flow again and turned away. It was only when I felt my teeth chattering that I realized my whole body was shaking.