In a Not-World World Ch. 03

"Yes, uhm...no. Not exactly." Lear struggled. "More what happens when you reach the terminal rather than where it ends."

I quirked an eyebrow and blinked sharply for a few seconds. "That's how you ended up like that?"

"I think so?" He took his jaw between his thumb and index, brows lowered and eyes looking sideway, absorbed in thoughts.

"I take it you don't remember well."

"Not vividly, but that's not what's bothering me." He said, turning his gaze my way. "The moment I sensed I reached the limit of this prison's covered area...it was weird. There was just a faint sensation, then it was all dark and all the memories of my time here played on my mind theatrically. And the next I knew you-"

Our eyes met and it was in the same exact instant we all but shouted. "Your MEMORIES" "My MEMORIES"

It was here. We'd just started and yet it was already here. The route leading to my lost-slash-stolen memories, clear as day.

"But it might as well scream dangerous." Lear pulled me out of nervy thoughts with a little rise of solemnity. "We don't even know how or why I passed out. For all we know I could have been just lucky to have made it out alive. You can't go there with that risk in mind."

"You went there with zero knowledge of what awaited you, don't you think the hypocrisy is a bit too much?" I countered against my better judgement. I didn't intend to be bitter about the time before he opened up to me, but I guess it was still somewhere inside me.

He wasn't wrong in his approach, I was well aware of that. I had been the one suggesting we'd do it together, yet I was here bitching. And no, I hadn't even reached a conclusion in my mind -- about what I would do if I knew how-tos of regaining my memories -- when Lear brought up memories.

"Sorry, that was an ass move." I said before I could hear the hurt on Lear's face being reflected in his voice.

"Yeah." Lear returned, very quietly.

"Look, I really meant it when I said I want us to do this together. And I wish there was a way it worked for my memories as well. But there isn't - and more than anything, I want to be with you one hundred percent, which translates to 'I need my memories'." I let out in nearly a single breath and then only paused for a second, startled by myself. "Well, actually I just realized right now that's what exactly I want to do."

Lear flicked me in the forehead before the chaos within me bordered on playing havoc with my nerves. "Calm your arse down."

Rubbing my fingers on my forehead where it stung for a few seconds, I managed to focus on Lear's next words instead of my thoughts.

"To be totally honest, I haven't been so sure about going forward. This -- I thought I could be content with this. I mean, even if you get your memories back and we get out of this place, that just means more problems to face in the end. We will but stay without a place over there."

"But-"

"I know. Now I see I'm not actually that okay with it. There's no guarantee we're safe here, and even if we're, we can't feel truly safe and at home like this. I can't be at ease knowing that inside you feel like something is wrong -- missing. So I know you should..." He worried at his lip and lowered his voice. "But also I'm scared shitless for you."

"I know." I said softly. "I'm scared same. But isn't it better to do something and be afraid of the consequences, rather than do nothing and be afraid what others might -- or might not do?"

~ ~ ~

"So what now? Do I just walk into there?" I asked, goggling my eyes at the woods before me and Lear - so intently my eyes about to pop out of my head.

I sensed Lear nodding on my side reluctantly but he didn't care to return a vocal response, instead he asked back, "Are you sure?"

I heaved a sigh and zeroed in on Lear to kiss him on his trembling lips. He instantly opened up for me and kissed back hard. What almost immediately turned into a bruising, desperate kiss had to end at some point and considering Lear's reluctance it was on me.

"We don't encourage second thoughts here, okay?" I smiled my best happy-go-lucky smile, which I will never know whether a success or not -- although the smile I got back was a bit of a relief to say the least.

One step. Two steps. Three steps toward the woods. One more and I would be in the zone. Before that, I needed to say something to Lear. Cheerful words didn't sound right and a love confession was out of question -- it would be too much like a farewell. Something signifying the close future we'd be together was just what I wanted, needed.

So I turned and asked, "Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

I smiled. "When I wake up, remind me that the time I lived without you, that wasn't living. Tell me to be grateful for every breath I take beside you."

"Okay." Lear made an emotional face. "I will also remind you that every breath you take beside me is what keeps me going on."

I didn't wait long enough to let tears fill my eyes to move a step forward. In a time shorter than what's enough to secure footing, everything went dark. I reflexively turned around to check Lear's presence, but to no avail.

"Lear can you hea-" A sudden sharp sensation surged through me, making me wince. It was neither painful nor unpleasant, just the telltale sensation of what was soon following.

A new sensation forced its way in my head. It was beyond question painful this time -- painful indeed, however far from your usual headache.

"Does this shame-filled scars of mine not disgust you?"

"Lear, you said your name was. Am I right?"

"Indeed am I Lear."

"Consider yourself kindly excused for thinking me the same as the lot who put price on fellow humans. However, you shall not be forgiven if found falling into repetition. You are -- body and soul -- beautiful. Anyone begging to differ may challenge my sword."

The physical pain gradually intensified as the memories was felt rather than remembered by my whole body. The experience was unearthly and surreal. What made it bearable, I don't know. What I know is, it was goddamned worth it.

With the memories getting closer to the present-day, the pain eased remarkably and I was too worn-out that feeling sleepy didn't surprise me even in such a situation. When the irresistible urge to nod off overtook me, the only saving grace was the strength I found in me to repeat the next words:

"One day, you will get to know the world and yourself. When the time comes, you must fight my boy. Or the world will devour you. Fight, and don't let the only real go."