All Comments on 'In Plain Sight'

Excellent stuff. Good build up to a very sexy conclusion.

My one complaint is the vampire blood that cannot be described, which is an authorial cop-out. Taste can be a very powerful and evocative sense. You've passed up an opportunity to really enrich your characters and the overall story.

That said, things like the vampiress becoming slowly visible to the main character as a way of demonstrating his transformation are very imaginative and really add to the story.

Overall, a very erotic story. Good job!

Near the start, you said "...we were beginning to thing you were gay."

Loosely quoted, from memory. This gave me cause for concern, as it bothers me when I find a story I like only to discover that the author doesn't really really care about spelling, grammar, or vocabulary.

I was able to relax, because such errors were not peppered throughout. The story itself? I liked it. Pity about the friends though.

My kind of stuff! Love female vampires! Thanks for writing this! Just hated the idea of his friends having to die. I like the concept of feeding without killing. More practical for vampires in some ways. And humans can always be charmed into forgetting if necessary.

I also like more detail on the neck - teasing with fangs, licking, kissing sucking before the actual bite happens. This to me adds to the excitement of the act which makes this experience so titillating for me the reader and for the victim I would think. Also like more about the sensation of being fed on from the victim's perspective, but also from the vampire’s perspective. Also, if a vampire is feeding from a vein, they have to take their time and not suck too hard lest they collapse the vein. Now, if they’re in a hurry and want rapid blood flow, the artery is the place for that. I imagine if you’re a vampire in this circumstance you’re going to go with the carotids (internal or external). Of course this is more dangerous for the victim. Sex with the feeding is very hot too.

Erotic detail is good. A little anatomical detail can add to the verisimilitude of the experience.

Just my humble opinion, and of course these are my personal preferences.

Hope you find my comments worthwhile/useful.

Thanks again!