All Comments on 'In Which an Elven Servant... Ch. 04'

Both to his loving loyal servant and to the demon who no doubt wants to fuck him to death but would most likely settle for shredding him with her bare hands at this point.

I love it.

The scene was a bit short; would have benefited from being 50-60% longer. Cutting a scene off before it can fully develop is just as damaging as letting one go on until a point becomes redundant.

You had an opportunity to let Lorelei get some shots in by teasing her further, and then stopping, which would have increased the tension between the two characters. Or you could have went in any number of other directions.

Bottom line, it felt like the scene was just building momentum, and it ended, making the chapter seem flat.