In Your Dreams Ch. 01

"Love you too," Maria told him. "Good night."

******

Louis didn't sleep well. He never did when Maria had to travel, especially the first night. He kept waking up and checking the clock next to the bed, 1:33, 3:17, then again at 4:19. At 5:41 the cat started howling in the hallway for no apparent reason and Louis groaned. He stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, learning against the wall while he stood and peed.

Or rather waited for his erection to subside so he could pee. How was it that Maria had recurrent erotic dreams while he had to contend with the DMV or his boss while he slept, and still woke up with a hard-on?

Eventually he softened up and could point downward into the toilet bowl. Ah. He flushed then rinsed his hands, and looked at himself in the mirror. So Warren was muscular, huh? What else was he?

Louis got back into bed and chirruped to Roger. The cat came running into the room and leaped onto the bed, purring madly.

"Did you think I was dead?" Louis asked him. He stroked the small furry head and the cat pushed up against his hand. Louis eased back on the pillows. "Okay, buddy, let's keep it down to a dull roar and I'll try for another hour before I have to face the day." He tapped the cat's head with his index finger. "Deal?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. Another hour would be nice. Clear the brain, think about nothing. Count your breaths. In. And out. One. And In. And out. Two. And in.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand. Louis groaned again and reached out a hand for it. Maria. What time was it where she was? Jesus.

"Hello?" he said. "Maria?"

"I'm sorry I'm calling so late," she said. "But I wanted to hear your voice."

"That's okay," Louis said. "I'm glad you called. And it's not late here, it's early."

"I guess that's true," she said.

Louis waited but she didn't say anything more. "How was the dinner and everything?" he asked.

"It was..." she paused. "It was good. Very good."

Louis waited again.

"Did I..." Maria began, then stopped. "Oh Louis," she said.

"What's up?"

"I kissed Warren," she blurted out.

"Oh," Louis said.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"For kissing him?"

"Yes."

Louis paused. "A kiss is just a kiss," he told her.

"Yes," Maria said uncertainly.

Louis waited again.

"Okay," Maria said. "Here's what happened. We all went dancing after dinner."

"All?"

"A bunch of us," she said.

"Including Warren?"

"Yes. Including Warren," she said. "Let me... just tell it, okay?"

"Okay," Louis said.

"It was fun, a great night, great DJ... and Warren kept on... he was paying attention to me. In a way he didn't usually."

"Uh huh."

"It was nice but scary, you know? I liked it, I liked having him... you know. Looking at me and talking to me and listening. I wanted him to keep doing it. Wanted him... well, to keep doing it. This isn't very coherent."

"I get the picture," Louis said drily.

"Yeah, okay," Maria said. "So then at some point it's getting really really late, and we all get cabs and go back to the hotel or wherever and then I find myself going up in the elevator with Warren. Just the two of us." She drew a breath. "And I think, oh my God. What next? And then he asks me if I've seen the roof garden." She laughed. "It's two in the morning and he wants to go up to the roof. He says it's beautiful, you can see the lights from up there and the moon... so we go up. To the roof."

"Uh huh," Louis said again.

"And he's right, it's beautiful. But here's the crazy thing. It's the same as my dream from the plane."

"What?"

"With the pool. And the lounge chair. Except it's not a swimming pool, it's a reflecting pool. But everything else is the same and I know, I can tell, it's the same."

"Oh my God," Louis said. "That's... freaky."

"Right? Anyway, we look around and I'm forcing myself not to sit down, not to recline on one of the chairs, even though, you're going to hate this, I really really want to."

Louis didn't say anything for a moment. "Go on," he said hoarsely.

"And then I feel his arms around me," she said. "And I turn around. And he's kissing me. And I'm kissing him. And I'm honestly melting, turning into a puddle right there, feeling his hands on my body, his lips against mine."

"Maria..."

"I know! It sounds horrible when I say it but I felt like I was floating away. As well as melting."

There was a long pause. "What then?" Louis asked.

Maria sighed. "I panicked," she said. "I pulled away, I told him I was married, I said 'happily married'. It was wrong." She sighed again. "I backed away from him and went back to the elevator. He didn't get in the elevator with me, let me go down on my own."

There was another long pause. "Wow," Louis said finally.

"I know," Maria said. 'Close call, huh?"

"How much longer you going to be out there in L.A.?"

"Two nights," Maria said. "Tonight, which is more than half gone, and one more."

"I see," Louis said.

"Listen," Maria said. "Why I'm telling you all this... it's a terrible thing to ask you but... suppose I were to... stray."

"Stray?"

"You know." She sighed. "Forgot I was a happily married woman. Just for a night."

"Oh," Louis said.

"I wouldn't love you any less," she said rapidly. "You know that. It's just... this stupid crush and those stupid dreams, I feel like if I could just get this out of my system and get back to normal..."

"But what if you didn't?"

"Didn't what?"

"Get it out of your system."

There was another pause. "It's risky," Maria admitted.

"What if... Jesus, what are we talking about here? You're going to take a vacation from being married to me so you can fuck this guy?"

"You seemed to like it when I talked about it," Maria said quietly. "Before, I mean."

"What? Oh for God's sake, that was a fantasy! That's different."

"I know," Maria said.

"You want me to say, go ahead and fuck him? Well, go ahead. I don't own you. You get to choose."

"Don't be mad."

"Don't be mad? You're kidding! Of course I'm mad!"

"Listen," Maria said. "I could have stayed up there on the roof with him and you would never have known. I could be in his room right now. But I'm not. I'm talking to you."

Louis paused. "That's true," he admitted. "But holy shit, Maria..."

"Louis," Maria said. "I love you. So much. But this.... I'm going crazy with this. I need to try to do something about it."

"Don't you read the advice columns? They always say you should take that energy you're feeling and aim it at your husband!"

"I know," she said. "And I've been doing that. Haven't I?"

Louis laughed, but not with particular mirth. "Yes," he said. "You have."

"It's been great," Maria said. "I mean, that part of it, the part with you. But it's not... I mean those advice columnists are so full of shit. The thing is, whatever I do with you, it's not enough."

"Not enough," he echoed.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm not trying to hurt you, I really don't want to hurt you, but... I really need this."

Louis blew some air through his teeth. "What if I decided I wanted to fuck some babe?" he asked. "Sauce for the gander, right?"

"I don't know," Maria said. "I guess... I don't know. I'm not trying to start anything, I don't want us to be... playing games. If this hadn't happened..."

"So let's say you do it," Louis said impatiently. "You have, what, a night or two of insane sex with this guy and then you come home and.... What? Keep seeing him every few nights while I stay home and stream porn?"

"No, no," Maria said. "I'd tell him, it's a one-time thing. Anyway I told you, he's based in Chicago."

"Last I heard," Louis said drily. "There is no scarcity of flights between us and Chicago."

"Louis," she said. "I'm not trying to have an affair."

"Maybe you're not trying to," Louis said. "But that doesn't mean it wouldn't happen."

"I think I can control my actions," Maria said.

"You were just telling me how this is driving you crazy," Louis said. "You really think having sex with him would make it easier?"

Maria hesitated. "Yes," she said finally. "I think it would."

Louis sighed. "Listen, it's like I said. I don't own you and you don't own me. If you take this risk, this risk on us... hell, how can I stop you? You're in fucking Nevada. and I'm two thousand miles away."

"Right," she said. "But I guess... would that be enough to destroy us. If I... did that?"

"Fucked him?"

He could hear Maria breathing at the other end of the phone. "Yes," she said finally. "Would that... oh God. Would you... leave me? If I did that?"

"I don't know," Louis said. "I don't know how I'd feel. How can I know? I mean... I wouldn't love the idea. But..." He trailed off.

"I'm sorry," Maria said. She sounded desperate. "I'm so sorry but I don't feel like it's my fault. It's like in one of those Greek plays where somebody pisses off the gods and they shoot you with an arrow and suddenly you can't help yourself."

There was a long pause.

"Do I have to decide now?" Louis asked. "It's kind of a big deal."

Another pause, dragging on and on. "I don't know," Maria said at last.

Louis made an impatient noise. "If I said yes, were you planning to just go over and knock on his door?"

She sighed. "No," she said. "I'm exhausted. I'm going to get some sleep."

"Okay," he said. "I need to get up and do stuff."

"I love you," Maria burst out. "I totally love you."

"Oh," Louis said. "I know. And I love you too." He hesitated, then cut the connection, then lay there in the bed, thinking. Roger purred happily and Louis reached out a hand to scratch his cheek.

He had never been the jealous type, never spent any time wondering where Maria was or what she was up to when she was out with friends or working late. They loved each other. She loved him. He knew this.

So... now what? He closed his eyes, going over the conversation again. She'd been up on the roof. Reflecting pool. Chaise longue. Had she lain down with him? Or just stood there kissing him? What had she said? She'd been "melting", he remembered. "Floating away."

It was certainly freaky, the way the places from her dreams kept showing up in real life. The bar. The roof garden and the pool. But it had been a swimming pool in her dream. He was sure of that because the man had gotten out of the pool and come over to where she lay, his body wet and shiny in the moonlight.

Where she lay. Her body, too, gleaming in the moonlight. Tense with anticipation? Waiting to feel the heat of that other body as it covered her, the extra heat and hardness that was seeking out her own heat and softness.

Louis's cock was hard and he gripped it. The man was getting out of the pool, shaking the water out of his eyes. He saw her lying there, looking at him, willing him to come over to her, to lie with her. Feet slapped wetly on the stones. She raised her knees and he knelt between them. The fragrance that rose from her, the briny aroma of sex, was familiar, thrilling. The man lowered his body on hers, skin touching and gliding on skin. The paradoxical soft firmness of her breasts against his chest, her arms reaching around and gripping his shoulders, the slight sharp grate of nails against his skin. He lowered his face to hers, inhaling her, his mouth touching and then engulfing hers. Her legs rose up around his hips, his cock seeking her and then finding her, sinking into her. Both their voices made soft inarticulate cries before he again covered her mouth with his.

The heat. Their bodies twined together, hot wherever they touched but hottest where his cock entered her. Hips thumping on the bench, the shudder that ran through her body. She tore her mouth away from his and half-gasped, half-moaned his name. His body was moving faster now, hips and thighs driving him into her, plunging him in, then out, the movements uncontrolled, as if someone else were pulling strings and his body was reacting automatically. She cried out again, arching backward and pushing up to meet his thrusts, her nails now digging into his shoulders. His teeth ground together and he flung his neck back. Suddenly it came: hot pulsing release. His mind was spinning out of control, he was bellowing her name. Her legs were wrapped around him, holding him inside her as he came. He wanted it to go on forever, feverishly pounding against the bones and skin and muscles that were her. But with one last moan he collapsed on her, his breath coming in huge ragged gasps.

Louis opened his eyes, panting. Jesus, he thought. That was confusing. Was he fucking Maria or just the spectator, watching her with another man? It felt like he was both.

And it was true what she had said. Those fantasies about her yielding to another man were wicked hot. But they were fantasies. Just another way of thinking about being with her, not a desire for her to actually fuck somebody else.

He wiped his hand on the bedsheet and struggled to his feet. Roger had deserted him. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

*****

All morning it squatted inside Louis like an undigested meal. The thought that Maria, his Maria, wanted to give herself to, wanted to share her body with, somebody else. With Warren, whoever the fuck Warren was. Wanted it so badly that she had called him up to ask him what he thought. Or to tell him what she was going to do? At one point he had almost convinced himself that it was just another dream, but when he checked his phone he saw the incoming call in the recents.

He sat at his desk with the door closed, a sandwich on a plate next to his keyboard. He picked up the sandwich and nibbled one corner of it. The bread felt dry and crumbly and the smell of the cheese was intolerable. He never got cheese on his sandwiches, what had he been thinking about? Well, no. It was obvious what he'd been thinking about. He put the sandwich back down on the plate.

He opened his personal email account and stared at the window for a time, then, almost reluctantly, clicked on the Compose button. He started to type Maria's name and it auto-completed to her email address. He took a deep breath and started typing.

My darling,

I'm kind of in shock, thinking about our conversation last night. This morning I guess. When you asked me how I would feel if you, as you put it, "strayed".

I guess you figured out that I would feel bad. I would feel sad and lonely. I love you so much, love the things we do together so much, love how they are the things that only we do. How can I share that, how can you ask me to share that?

But you did ask. You didn't just go to his room with him.

Louis paused here and picked up his sandwich. He prised it open and pulled out the slices of cheese and dumped them in the trash, then reassembled the sandwich. He took a bite then put it back down on the plate. He picked up his coffee and took a swig. Okay, he thought. That was the easy part. He started typing again.

I've been thinking about this all morning. How we love each other. How we support each other. How, when one of us needs something, the other one doesn't deny it. And I have to believe that you wouldn't have called me, wouldn't have talked to me, if you didn't really need this. I could hear the ache in your voice last night. If some gods somewhere have decided that they need you to stray then I am not going to be the one to say "But wait, you promised!" We're a team, not a pair of opponents in some stupid game. We're in this together and if part of what you have to do has to hurt me, well, playing on a team sometimes means sacrificing what you want for the team. I don't honestly know if this is one of those times, only you know that.

Love you so much. Whatever you do.

L

Louis read it over. It wasn't bad. It was better this way in an email, than in a text or over the phone. He was used to crafting emails, it's what he did all day. And he knew that texts were more likely to get scrolled through by somebody else and the last thing he wanted was for one of Maria's girlfriends to find this message on her phone.

He stared at the screen, reading and re-reading it. God, words were meager things. He reached over and took his mouse then pointed at the Send button. Three, two, one. He clicked and the message disappeared from his screen. Done.

Louis drew a deep breath. He had just sent his wife an email giving her permission to have sex with another man. He had used the word "support" to describe his attitude.

What was Maria going to think?

He closed the email window and stared vacantly at his screen. He wanted Maria to call, wanted to talk to her. And then, as if on cue, his phone buzzed. It was Maria. He picked it up.

"Hi." Maria's voice, but somehow flattened and subdued. She paused. "It's me."

Louis's heart lurched. "You okay?" he asked.

"I think so," she said. There was another pause. "I got your email," she added.

"Oh," Louis said. "Um, what did you think?"

"I thought it was bullshit," Maria said evenly.

Louis blinked. "Bullshit?" he said.

"Yeah," Maria said. "Typical guy bullshit. We're on a team. Sacrifices. That kind of thing. Like you don't actually care if I cheat on you or not as long as we win the game, whatever game we're playing."

"Of course I care," Louis said. He was confused. "What I was trying to say, I'm trying to be supportive, trying to..."

"I think," Maria said. "That deep down you really want me to do it. To fuck Warren."

Louis laughed. "I want you to?" he asked. "Why would I want that?"

"Because it turns you on. You think it's exciting," Maria said. "To think about, anyway."

Louis didn't answer at first. "I told you," he said in a low voice. "Those are fantasies. It's different." He glanced up to make sure that his door was still closed.

Maria didn't answer for a moment. "I kind of wish I hadn't called you last night," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," she said. "Just gone to his room with him."

Louis froze. "Maria," he said, but didn't have anything to follow it up with.

"I know," she said. "That would definitely be over the line, wouldn't it? But... I really wanted to."

Louis didn't answer. He moved his phone to his other ear.

Maria sighed. "I had another dream," she said. "Just now. Before I woke up."

Louis swallowed. "Maria," he whispered urgently. "I'm at work."

"It was different, though," she said, as if he hadn't spoken. "I was in a hotel room, like the one I'm in now. Like all the rooms in this hotel probably."

Louis waited for a moment. "What happened?" he asked.

"I was in the bed. Naked, of course. And waiting. I could hear him in the living room, could hear him moving around, could hear him taking off his clothes, zipper unzipping, belt unbuckling. And the whole time I was getting hotter and wetter, listening. My heart was pounding, it was in my throat. Then I heard the lights snap off and then.... Then the covers moved and he was in the bed with me."

"Jesus," Louis said.

"He scooted up behind me, sliding his cock between the cheeks of my ass. And slid his hands between my legs, touching me, finding me, I almost screamed, it was so intense." Maria paused. "I wanted him to fuck me, wanted it so badly. Wanted... him to fill me up with his cock." She sighed.

"Then what?" Louis asked urgently.

"I'm touching myself," Maria said. "While I'm telling you... It's oh, it's delicious. Thinking about that cock up against me, his fingers sliding around me, touching me.... Oh. Can you touch yourself?"

"No," Louis said. He had swiveled so he was facing away from the door, so his erection wouldn't be visible to everyone walking down the hall. "I'm in my office," he said.

"Oh... that's too bad," Maria said. "Because you like my dreams, don't you? Like thinking about them?"

"Go on," Louis said impatiently.

"I'm enjoying this," she said. "There's no rush... I'm enjoying feeling his cock against me... God it's hard. And hot. I might come, just with his fingers on me. Oh God, Louis. I'm going to come... I came in my dream."