Inappropriate Desperation Pt. 01

Heather adjusted her stance on the green, sweat dripping down her neck where her thick blonde ponytail blocked the breeze. She took a deep breath, trying not to overthink and tapped the white ball with the putter. It rolled fast along the short grass and rimmed the hole before falling in, the glorious sound of the sunken putt giving her permission to let out the breathe she'd been holding.

"Yes!" the familiar baritones boomed from behind her and she turned to smile at her dad and her longtime private golf coach, Henry Stafford.

She walked over and each gave her a high five. She turned and gave her mom a big hug and her best friend and teammate, Kristen ran over from the other side of the green to celebrate their district victory.

Since that had been the final hole of the tournament, they packed up their things and headed to the parking lot. Her mom and Kristen walked ahead of them, talking about where they could go for a celebratory dinner.

She pulled her phone out of her bag, frowning when she saw the text from Dallas, her boyfriend. They had been together since they started working at the country club last summer. They had spent their entire senior year together and he had been nothing but sweet and fun to be around. He was athletic, played basketball and golf at their school, and they liked a lot of the same things. Dallas was very attractive and she felt very lucky to be with such a great guy, but there were some problems and she didn't know how much longer she could keep their relationship going without the guilt overwhelming her.

His text wanted to know how the tournament ended, since he'd had to work at their club that day. He also wanted her to let him know where to meet them for dinner that evening.

"Is that Dallas?" her dad asked, nodding his head towards her phone. "He joining us tonight?"

She glanced up at him and noticed Mr. Stafford looking at her, too as they both waited for her response. She felt herself grin in spite of the mixed emotions and small thrill she felt in her stomach at that moment.

"Yeah, he had to work today but wants to have dinner with us."

Her mom turned her head and said, "Tell him we'll be at Charlie's around 7:30."

"You guys going out after, too, Hay-hay?" Mr. Stafford used the familiar nickname she'd been called her whole life and she glanced up at his daughter who walked in front of them.

"Kristen, are we going out?"

"Yeah, we can go see that new scary movie we were talking about."

"Oh, Lord," her dad said with a chuckle and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Guess I'll leave ALL the lights on for you then for when you guys get back."

She heard Mr. Stafford's deep laugh. "Still scared of the dark?"

"Shut up!" Heather whined and playfully slapped his arm.

He grabbed her hand as she did and patted it gently. "Sorry, I couldn't resist," he apologized.

The feel of his hand and the warm way he smiled at her made her head spin. She looked down shyly and busied herself with texting Dallas back.

The guilt washed over her again when he quickly replied back with a kiss face emoji, saying he couldn't wait to see her.

She snuck another look at the guy her dad was now busy chatting up. Mr. Stafford, who had recently begun asking her to start calling him Henry now that she and Kristen were only a couple months from graduation and just four months from moving out completely, was a big guy. She herself was nearly 6 feet tall but she had to look up at him. He was fit while still having thay typical dad bod look to him. He still had a thick head of dark brown hair despite being over 50 years old, as his very well-groomed salt and pepper beard proved. His bright blue eyes crinkled as he laughed at one of her dad's stories and she enjoyed seeing him so happy.

Heather remembered when he had been anything but happy when she and Kristen were 10 years old. Her mom had gone thru a long battle with cancer, and when she passed away that year was a dark one for the families who had been close since the four parents had met in college together. Her mom was devastated losing her best friend and Henry had been close to losing a battle with depression until finally submitting to counseling for his kids' sakes. Kaleb, his son was now in college, and Kristen had been the purpose he needed to not give up on moving forward with life again.

She admired his strength and the man he had become after stepping up to be there for his kids. It also made the feelings she had for him so confusing.

It had hit her around Christmas when they were having their annual Christmas Eve gift exchange with the Staffords. They'd been watching Elf after dinner and she was getting super drowsy from all the turkey and the desserts she'd indulged on. She had been sitting on the couch between Kristen and her dad and had started to doze off. Kristen must've gotten up because, when she woke up, she found herself leaning against Henry who had also dozed off...with his arm around her. She could hear voices and the sound of dice in the dining room and realized everyone must've started playing a game. Heather's ear was pressed against his chest, his heartbeat audible beneath his sweater. The way he was holding her felt so comfortable and combined with the way he smelled, like warm vanilla and sandalwood, had her not wanting to get up. She had tilted her head up to see if he was aware that she was awake and was grateful to see that he was sleeping.

And as she took advantage of those few seconds to observe his full lips and strong profile, she realized that what she wanted to do at that moment was kiss him. And for him to kiss her. She imagined the way he would taste and what it would feel like to have him hold her in the same way her boyfriend did; what it would be like to make him laugh and to come home to him every day.

She had moved away from him immediately before anyone could walk in and find her flushed at the way his touch had made her feel.

Sure, she was 18. An adult. But she was still a high school senior. She had a boyfriend. And this was Kristen's dad! He was over 30 years older than her. Had she lost her damn mind?

She went up to her room and cried as the feelings overwhelmed her. Henry had always been someone she considered handsome, but this wasn't a crush. She didn't want his attention. She had amazing parents who had given her a wonderful life. She had a boyfriend who was really cute and treated her so well. But, while she liked him a lot, she never felt like she was in giddy or in love with him. And she definitely didn't picture them together past graduation.

The feelings she had when she had watched Henry sleeping had made her body buzz. Never, not even when Dallas had taken her top off, had she felt that with him.

She collapsed to her knees, leaning forward as she sobbed into her hands and letting the reality sink in. She was in love with Henry. And she could never tell anyone.

Every time he touched her or got near her, she would tingle and try to hide the goosebumps she got every time she saw him. It had ruined what she had with Dallas. Kissing him felt so wrong but she continued the relationship in the hopes that something would change and she would feel differently.

On occasions like tonight, when their families were together, she tried to look at him in a fatherly way and focus on the way he cared for Kristen. But it seemed to do the opposite of what she intended. He was such a great father to her and a great golf coach to both of them. Henry had a gift for teaching that she admired. She was thankful, though, that he only did it part-time and wasn't one of her own teachers. This was difficult and weird enough as it was.

Nights like this one though, when she and Dallas were together in Henry's presence, were the worst. Even as she grinned stupidly at her boyfriend, rubbing his arm when he tried to say something funny, she would find herself wondering if Henry was watching; wondering what was going through his mind.

"You're an idiot, Heather!" She silently scolded herself. "He isn't thinking anything any normal guy would be thinking watching his daughter's best friend and their boyfriend. He probably thinks you guys are 'cute'."

The idea made her stomach turn.

Two weekends later, a group of about ten seniors were lined up on the front porch of her parents' house, posing in their dresses and tuxes for Prom photos. All the parents were snapping pics with their phones before the limo pulled up to take them to the convention center. She forced herself not to look or even get close to Henry, the idea of him telling her and Dallas to have a great time made her sick.

She managed to forget about him for most of the night as they danced. Dallas was so sweet, making sure she was happy and having a good time. He looked gorgeous that night in his tux and she felt so proud to be his date. He had matched her long peach dress with a rose and tie the same color.

When the slow songs came on she let him hold her close, his hand on her lower back pressing her body into his. He stared down at her, never looking away, and she tried not to compare his hazel green almond eyes to those of the man she could never have. She leaned towards him, pressing a kiss on his full lips before he deepened it for a few seconds before pulling back and letting out a slight groan of frustration that they weren't more alone.

They had been together for almost a year, but she had never let him go any farther with her than second base. He had been her first long-term boyfriend and while she enjoyed being with him, there was something that felt so wrong about letting him think that she wanted more. Physically or romantically. He had tried a couple of times to talk about what laid in store for them as a couple after graduation but she had always changed the subject. And, physically, when he tried to get in her pants, she would redirect or tell him she wasn't ready.

Dallas never whined or tried to pressure her. He just accepted it.

Tonight, though, she felt something inside her swelling. She didn't know if it was anger or frustration or resentment, but as Dallas rested his forehead against hers all she wanted to do was forget that he wasn't Henry Stafford.

The after party they went to was at the house of one of Dallas' best friends, Jai, a basketball player at their school. The house was a mini-mansion and even with caterers and approximately 100 students and their dates, it was easy to find a place to hide.

A few of their friends had brought mini-bottles of liquor in a small backpack. Heather grabbed four of the small Jim Beams out of the bag and two Cokes from the kitchen. Dallas watched her and she laughed at the shocked look on his face as she emptied the bottles into the red cups, handing him one as she dragged him towards the stairs.

The first two rooms were occupied, but the third one led to a small study off the media room. She closed and locked the door behind her before finishing the rest of her drink and setting both of their now empty cups on the desk.

Dallas pulled her to him and they kissed hungrily. She pushed off his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt as he nipped and suckled her earlobes before moving down her neck. Heather shuffled them over to the leather couch against the far wall where he rolled them over until she was pinned between him and the back of the couch.

Her hands held his face to bring him in for another kiss and he unzipped the back of her dress before undoing her bra. Pressed against him so tightly, she felt the rigid length of him poking against her thigh as he moved his head down to take one of her nipples in his mouth.

"Oh my god!" She cried out as he took it between his teeth, pulling it gently upwards before letting it pop out and going for the other one.

"I want you so much, Heather," he said and she felt his left hand grab the bottom of her dress, pulling it up until his hand rested on her bare hip. "Is this okay?"

His hand played with the waistband of her underwear as he kissed her breast again.

The liquor and the hormones were working and she could feel the moisture pooling between her legs. This was what she needed.

"Yes"

Her breast fell out of his mouth as he looked up at her to be sure.

"Please, Dallas. Keep going."

He moved back up to kiss her and she jumped slightly as his hand moved down to her slit where she had never allowed any boyfriend to touch her.

"You okay?"

She didn't trust herself to answer, instead pulling his lower lip between his teeth and grinding herself into his hand. His finger was searching for an opening and when he accidentally moved it over her clit she cried out as she flooded the opening he then had no problem finding.

"Jesus, Heather. You are so wet."

"More," was all she could manage as the new sensation made her head spin.

She had gotten herself off before, but having someone else touch her, his warm, hard chest pressed against her bare breasts was so much more. She gripped his muscular shoulders as his finger worked itself in and out, occasionally flicking her clit lightly as he realized that was what made her go crazy.

Dallas poked her leg in a rhythmic manner and she reached down to unzip his tux pants.

She reached inside and as she did his erection came free, hard and hot in her hand. She heard his breath catch as she stroked it gently with her hand, enjoying the sensation of something she had never felt before. When she got to the smooth tip, she couldn't help but run her finger over it. Something wet came out and she rubbed it all over the head causing Dallas to cry out in what sounded like pain.

"Does that hurt?" She immediately stopped.

"Oh my god, no," he laughed. "It's just too much."

She kissed him again, enjoying the control that new knowledge gave her and gripped the shaft in her hand. She moved slowly, up and down the length and watched his eyes slam shut as she did.

In response he added a second finger inside her, causing her to gasp. He rammed them both inside as deep as he could go and used his thumb to toy with her clit.

"Dallas, Dallas, Dallas!"

She pumped his erection harder and faster.

"I want to get inside you," he whispered.

"Did you bring a condom?"

"Inside," he panted as she squeezed him with her hand and clenched around his own fingers as he rubbed her clit again. "Jacket pocket."

" Get it. Hurry."

He stood up off her and she propped herself up to look at him. Tanned and toned, his blonde hair in a sweaty disheveled mess.

The sound of voice in the hall caught her attention, breaking her hormone haze.

"Have you guys seen Heather?" A familiar voice shouted to be heard over the music coming from below. Kristen.

The voice disappeared as quickly as it had come, but it felt like a cold bucket of water had been poured over her as she watched Dallas produce a small square pouch from his pocket.

She could feel her pulse racing as he turned his back to her, the sound of plastic ripping open before the wrapper fell to the floor. Heather looked away as he turned back around, pressing her back down as he positioned himself on top of her.

She couldn't breathe. He pulled her bare thighs up to wrap around his back, her peach satin dress falling onto her belly. He reached a hand down to position himself at her entrance and she observed his face, watching as his messy hair fell over his brow. Clean shaven with angular cheekbones and innocent eyes that were just completely the wrong color. As he looked back up, into her eyes, everything she had tried not to think about came rushing back and all she knew was this was not who she wanted to be looking at right now.

"What's wrong?" he asked, even as she felt him lightly pushing the head against her.

She bit her lip against the sensation and when she closed her eyes she felt the tears begin to flow. "I'm sorry, Dallas."

He jumped off her and knelt down on the floor at her head,pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Did I hurt you?"

Leave it to Dallas to react in just the most thoughtful way, she said to herself. Why couldn't she be in love with him? Why couldn't she just relax, enjoy the buzz from the alcohol, the way his body felt, the way he touched her and not think about what she couldn't have.

She shook her head even as more tears escaped. "I just don't think I can do this."

He kissed her gently, not realizing the full implications of what she meant, that they were done.

"I think I need to leave."

After they both cleaned themselves up, she went to find Kristen since they still had several more hours on the limo reservation. Explaining that she was upset, but not able to tell her why (because that would've been the most uncomfortable conversation ever) left her even more upset than she had been. Kristen was like her sister and right now she needed a shoulder to cry on...but there was no one she could explain this to.

She sat on the porch swing by herself. Dallas had wanted to sit with her but she begged him for some privacy after what had happened. She didn't know if it was the whiskey or the hormones but she couldn't stop sobbing as she opened her messages and texted her parents to come pick her up. Her head still felt fuzzy and she leaned back and closed her eyes as she waited for her parents SUV to pull up. The next thing she knew, headlights were pointing her direction from a pickup truck. A large man was rushing towards her, silhouetted in the bright light.

What the hell? She put her hand up to her forehead to try and shade the glare, squinting to figure out who was coming at her.

"Heather?"

His voice sent chills down her spine and the arousal that had been extinguished with Dallas just 20 minutes before was back like a tidal wave.

This cannot be happening, she told herself. She tried to stand and meet him but her buzz and the swaying porch swing didn't make that easy and his hands reached out to grab her as she stumbled backwards.

"Mr. Stafford, what are you doing here?"

He rubbed the top of her bare shoulders, the feel of his fingertips and his firm grip making her weak in the knees as he looked down at her with concern.

"You texted me to come pick you up. You don't remember?"

"What? No, I texted my mom."

Now she was completely confused. She swiped the face of her phone and it was still on the message screen. She saw her text, but the top of the screen said Mr. Stafford, not Mom.

Heather felt sick at the huge mistake she'd made, but then she heard him laugh and it was like immediate relief.

"I can't believe I did that," she said covering her face with her hand. "I'm so sorry to have bothered you like that. You can go and I will make sure I text the right person this time."

He patted her on the back and shook his head. "Nah, c'mon, you don't need to bother your mom or dad. I'll take ya home."

She froze, her eyes wide as her mind raced. This cannot be happening, she told herself for a second time. "Uh...I don't—"

He shook his head and dropped his hand to the small of her back, not giving her an option but to come with him. "Look, you've clearly been through something or you wouldn't be leaving without Kristen—"

He stopped in his tracks, just two feet from the passenger side and looked down at her. "Wait. Did something happen with you and Kristen?"

"No!" She shook her head vigorously. "No, no nothing like that."

She looked up at him, his big blue eyes lit up by the streetlights staring into hers like he was trying to read her thoughts. The same eyes she had pictured, wishing desperately that they were the ones above her earlier, looking at her like she was a meal to devour instead of Dallas.

Henry was looking at her hair, no longer in the well-groomed curls they'd been in when he'd taken photos of all of them. Her dress was wrinkled and her makeup was mostly gone. His face grew so dark it was almost scary.