Inappropriate Desperation Pt. 01

"Did he hurt you?"

She suddenly realized how it all looked and she grabbed his hand, shaking her head again. "No, Dallas and I..." the words caught in her throat and tears welled in her eyes.

He nodded his understanding and opened the door for her, sparing her of being forced to cry in front of him. His unending kindness never seemed to end with her.

She buckled herself in as he rounded the truck and got in. "Did you let Kristen know you were leaving?"

"Yeah, and she offered to leave with me, too, but I didn't want to shorten her evening just because..." She went silent, staring through the windshield at the house where people were still partying, unable to finish that sentence since her mind couldn't think of anything clever enough to use as a cover story.

"Heather," he started, waiting until she looked at him before continuing. "I won't pry, but it wouldn't be right if I didn't press the issue one more time and make sure that you aren't hiding anything to protect someone."

She smiled shyly, swiping as a couple of tears tried to escape, and forced herself not to look away. "Dallas would never push me to do anything I didn't want to do, if that's what you mean."

"Good." But he still didn't break their gaze. In the dark interior of the truck, he seemed almost mysterious. She had never been this close to him and in her current state, it was making her feel extremely vulnerable. "If you promise, I will drop it. But I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't check."

She could barely breathe under the scrutiny of his state, but she managed to whisper, "I promise."

He smiled and reached over to pat her hand. "Okay, then."

———————

The next morning she woke up wishing the night before had been a nightmare. But, as she looked at her phone seeing three missed texts from Dallas and two from Kristen, she realized she wasn't that lucky.

And, as the events replayed in her brain, she was overcome with dread at the fact that she and her dad were supposed to have a late brunch with the Staffords before hitting the links together. There was nowhere to hide.

She managed not to be too awkward around Henry, sticking to Kristen like glue as she gushed about all the gossip that happened at the party after she left. She had confided what she could about why she didn't feel comfortable staying any longer.

"He texted me this morning, but I just don't know what to say. I don't see a future with him, and in a few months we will be in college."

"Are you going to end things, then?"

"I guess so. He's so sweet to me, and I don't want to hurt him...".

Just then, Henry and her dad came into the living room where they were. She got flustered when he smiled at her and tried not to blush in her sleeveless golf shirt, her hair pulled back leaving her nowhere to hide if she did.

"You girls ready to go?"

Kristen pulled her friend up off the couch and they headed to the garage to leave.

The first nine holes went by smoothly enough, the girls riding in a cart together. Only twice had she even had to stand near Henry.

They came into the clubhouse to grab some drinks and a snack. Kristen asked her to buy her some chips and an iced tea before excusing herself to the ladies room. After getting their orders, she looked around for where her dad and Henry had sat and found Henry waving her over to an otherwise empty table.

"Hey, where'd Dad go?"

He pointed out the window to where her father was standing, talking on his phone. "Had to take a call. Kristen in the restroom?"

"Yeah, but the way her phone was blowing up the whole morning, I wouldn't be surprised if she joins my dad outside," she said with a laugh.

Kristen's prom date and longtime crush apparently finally figured out that Kristen wanted more than just a date to the dance. Turns out he wanted that, too.

"So we've been ditched," he replied, chuckling.

"Guess so."

They sat in silence for a minute, Heather sipping on her drink and eating a few chips.

"You feeling better today?"

So, he wants to be direct, she thought with a sigh. "A little. Just trying to find the courage to do the right thing."

She stared into the foil bag like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.

"Mmm hmm. Well, I feel qualified to remind you that you're a beautiful person inside and out."

She looked at him then, a smile on his lips.

"When it comes to making hard choices, I know you'll do what's right." He winked at her. "Just let him down gently."

Heather felt herself grin despite the turmoil she felt inside.

"And who knows how long these guys will be out there? Why don't you and I go on and start on the back nine?"

Chills again, this time at the idea of sitting beside him for another hour or two with no one else around. She rubbed her arms, feigning a chill in case he noticed the goosebumps.

"I'm, don't you think they'll be mad? I mean, leaving them behind like that?"

He stood up, shaking his head. "Nah. If I were a betting man, I'd say we end up back here before they even notice the sun getting lower.

"I guess we can do that, then."

The first three holes flew by as they were never alone since the golfers ahead of them were running behind. But on the 12th hole, she was struggling with her putt. So much so that she was about to just give up and move on the next when she felt him come up behind her.

"You need to relax your grip and keep your hips still."

He wrapped one arm around her, his other hand on her hip like he'd done a thousand times growing up with him as her coach. As he told her to relax, all she felt was the opposite. The breeze did nothing to help as the scent of him so close overwhelmed her and she pulled away.

"That's okay," she said to try to explain her reaction. "I am, uh, just frustrated. Maybe I will do better if we just move to the next one."

He looked at her with a quizzical expression, but agreed and they headed back to the cart.

The next two holes were awkward and full of silence with just an occasional "Nice shot!" to break it.

On the 15th, they were surrounded by trees and both of them ended up losing their ball among them. She was searching among some low bushes when she spotted what looked like her ball near a rock. As she reached down to grab it, she felt something cold against her leg and she jumped away from it with a scream.

Something grabbed her and she whirled to find herself within inches of attacking the man she couldn't stop thinking about.

"Oh my gosh, Heather, I'm sorry!"

She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath, hoping he would move away from her before she embarrassed herself any further.

"I was just messing with you...it was stupid. Are you okay?"

No, she wanted to say. No, I am definitely not okay. I'm in love with you. She opened her eyes again and found that he hadn't retreated from her personal space at all, still holding her by the elbow.

She felt the tears of frustration in her eyes and she swiped angrily at them. "I just...have a lot of things going on."

He let go of her and gave her a foot or two more space as he adjusted his footing on the uneven ground. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She let out a harsh laugh. "I don't think that would end well."

"Why not?" he asked, staring at her with the same look of concern he had the night before.

"Because, it's not..I don't know how..."

She didn't know if he had moved closer again or if she had subconsciously moved herself. But the space between them was gone and she had to look up to meet his eyes.

"Don't know how to what?"

"How to say something that could end up hurting a lot of people."

"Are you talking about how to break it to Dallas?"

For one crazy second, she thought he had figured it out. But then she realized he thought she was worried about how she would break up with her boyfriend.

"Not exactly."

"So what could you possibly say that would hurt people?"

She felt her pulse begin to race as she imagined what it would be like to just confess how she felt. How it would feel if he wrapped her up in a kiss and admitted he felt that way, too. But that was silly and so cliche. No grown man like him would want an 18 year old high school girl crushing on them like some sort of fan girl.

"Heather?"

"I'm, uh, I" she stammered, not being able to stand the tension any longer.

"You're what, Heather?"

"I am in love with you."

It was like time completely stood still. The trees were so silent her ears started ringing. His big blue eyes weren't even blinking as his jaw dropped open.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, willing her knees not to give out as she pushed past him to run back to the cart.

"Stop, hey!"

She was almost out of the tree line when he grabbed her hand, pulling her backwards. "Look I'm sorry, Henry, I shouldn't have said that," she sobbed.

"Heather, stop. Just listen for a second." She looked at him again, standing way too close for comfort, and felt completely ashamed of her attraction for him.

"It's not a big deal. You don't need to be embarrassed."

"What?" She was completely confused. "It's not a big deal?"

He laughed and pulled her in for a bear hug. "No, no it's not. I think you're just going through a confusing time right now."

She pressed her face into his shirt, relishing the feel of being held by him this way before it disappeared. "You don't understand."

"How so?"

Heather pulled back from him enough to force him to let her go so she could look him in the eye. "I'm not confused. And it is a big deal. I don't know how you will take it, but I do know that I'm about to lose Kristen as my best friend once I do."

He looked over her shoulder and could see another pair of golfers who'd caught up with them. He motioned for her to follow him deeper into the trees so they wouldn't be interrupted. Her heart started racing again.

"Okay, explain."

"For awhile now, I guess since Christmas, I've felt an attraction to you."

He rolled his eyes, and scoffed. "Attracted to an old man like me, even though you're dating a guy like Dallas."

She smiled at his disbelief. "Yes. You're fun to be around. You are kind and brilliant and an amazing man who has been there for his family when they needed him most. And believe it or not you are pretty handsome."

"Heather—"

"Please, let me finish," she begged. "I tried not to think about it and to focus on my relationship with Dallas and finishing my senior year. I tried really, really hard! Even last night...".

She shut her eyes remembering what she was willing to do to try and forget about him. Her tears were coming back, and she sniffed angrily at being so emotional.

"I was trying so hard not to think about what I felt about you that I almost—"

"Hey, hey, hey," he said in a soothing voice and reached for her again.

"Don't! Please, don't. I don't want you to hold me and try and calm me down. Oh my god, this is so humiliating."

She covered her face with her hands.

"I don't know what to do or say, Heather, but I hate seeing you like this."

"Then don't talk to me like I'm a child. I'm a grown woman who just wants to move into the next part of her life without being in love with someone she can never have. I don't want your pity."

He took a step towards her and she closed her eyes again, not wanting to see the look of pity in his eyes anymore. She felt his feet bump against hers, the heat coming off his body as his knees brushed the top of hers. Her eyes flew open and the look she saw there had her stomach flip-flopping.

"I don't feel sorry for you."

He took her face between his hands and dipped his head down, pressing a soft kiss on her lips. She let out a small moan at the feel and opened her mouth, flicking her tongue out to wet his. The hairs of his beard tickled her face as the kiss deepened and she felt something hard pressing into her belly. His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight against him, and he backed them up into the tree that was a couple of feet away. She didn't even know if she was breathing as she kissed him, but all she wanted was more.

The sound of a golf cart going past the trees brought them back to reality and he rested his forehead against hers. "We have to go back."

She held him tightly, afraid of what would happen once they came out of the trees. "I can't just turn this off, you know."

He nodded and pulled away, taking her hand in his to help her start walking back up the trail to the course. "We will figure out something. But, for now, this just has to be between us."

She agreed and smiled at him. "And now you understand."

He squeezed her hand once before dropping it. "100%."

They decided to play the next 3 holes so they could practice acting normal around one another before they had to meet up with her dad and Kristen. He cracked jokes whenever they were in the cart and were careful not to touch.

Heather was actually shocked at how little awkwardness existed after what happened and that she actually felt like her old self.

Until they got back to the clubhouse and found her dad and Kristen on the range.

They jokingly gave Henry and Heather a hard time about being left behind, and asked if they'd had a good time without them. Heather willed herself not to blush as she thought about just how good a time she'd had and made sure to avert her eyes from Henry. He made light of the situation in his usual, calm way and they got into the car.

About twenty minutes after they dropped the Staffords off at their house, Heather's phone vibrated with a text from Henry. Kristen was leaving to spend the evening with Chris, her prom date, and he wanted her to come over so they could talk.

TO BE CONTINUED