All Comments on 'Indecent Proposal Fantasy Island'

Screwing the directors' wives was boring, not erotic, and pointless. They were all older, sleazy, swinger types, so as one of them said, they'd done worse before. Making them all penniless would've hurt far more, but you glossed over that part of the revenge.

Also, where was the payback on Shane?

William Fellows instigated the party, and ruining him financially was nice, but not personal enough. Mark should have at least confronted him to reveal he was the one that destroyed his life.

Getting divorced was nowhere near enough punishment for Lucy for her betrayal. She was a sex worker now, a paid whore, and should've had restricted access to the kids because she was an unfit mother.

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Finally, and most important, Mark's ending sucked. A good BtB must end with the husband in a relationship with a better woman than the ex-wife. One of the best ways of twisting the knife on a cheating wife is to replace her with a younger, prettier woman. It absolutely cuts them to the core and they never get over the massive hit to their ego.

I like it less than the original

he was a cuck for taking her back

and he never did a thing about Shane

Diarrhea

Nothing spectacular most of it just a repeat from the original story. The additional plotlines however made the whole story off the rails. Mark's revenge made this tale go downhill in my opinion. I think the ending was ok I guess but it didn't help improve my dissatisfaction. Only satindesires' good writing skill prevented me from rating this below 3*.

You blew it with the "I'll be a fucking cuck for the kids" trope. Illogical after the build up, and it would NEVER happen with a character of the sort you wrote in the first part. Not worth a 1

not up to the first version which was much simpler, but above all much more realistic in the reaction of the husband.

I had given a very good mark on the other version but it will not be the case here.

I really appreciate the simplicity and realism

which, in my opinion, improve the quality of a story.

Moreover, I totally agree with the argument of the first version, that it is better to have a consensual divorce rather than a dysfunctional marriage for the well being of the children.

You're not a good parent because you sleep in the same house!

You are a good parent when you love, advise, take care, listen, participate, help, support your children.

You had the MC buy her reasoning and decide to stay with her after the island weekend, even though he spelled out what she'd say and do to try and stay with him. That makes your MC a cuck, no matter how you look at it and regardless of what he did later.

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The only reason a woman would do this, is to declare herself above responsibility, or concern, for the marriage. If the MC stays to pay the bills, maybe fuck her when no one else is available, that's cool for her. If not, oh well. There is no marriage, because the two people are no longer "joined together", and "A house divided against itself cannot stand."

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I didn't care for the MC once he started screwing the other wives; the story slipped into a kind of teenage fantasy at that point. It got even sillier and I started skimming, but honestly, I'd already checked out of the narrative when he decided to stick with her after the weekend. I guess even a cuck has lines that can't be crossed. 2 stars.

Nowhere near as good as the original. I know this was fantasy land, but the entire integrity of MC was lost. 3*

Nowhere near as good as the original. I know this was fantasy land, but the entire integrity of MC was lost. 3*

Nowhere near as good as the original. I know this was fantasy land, but the entire integrity of MC was lost. 3*

Nah….didn’t really like the alternative ending. Inclusion of the added pre-planned orgy only made Lucy a bigger slut. And her completely planned strategy to get him back was, well, illogical…although you had it actually working until you gifted him with revelation of the orgy.

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Then having our hero go all sex crazed revenge on tne participants only further degraded him. Payback…sure. But in kind? Nah…..

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Bottom line….this alternate ending detracted.

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Barely 3 ***

A bit much. When hubby left the high road he took on the bullshit and bluster of all the others. This story is not about a cheating wife, but about a fuckfest with interchangeable parts.

LWlurker

Nothing happens with Shane? With all the money he got he could've hired people that is able to take care of him, regardless of his soldier background.

There should be so much more to this story. What about Shane? Confrontation with William? I liked overall.

Good burn story. Lucy got what she deserved.

Preferred the first version. It had smart dialogue. The free for all ending kind of got in the way of all that was good with the first version.

This is a better story than your other proposal story, more meat to it. Jesus, that Lucy was sure stupid. She ended up with nothing, lost everything. All she has is her sordid memories, nothing to keep her warm at night, lol!!!!

He should’ve gotten revenge on Shane as well. That arsehole got off scot free.

I hope the entire family found out what a slut Lucy was, she deserves nothing but never ending shame. I’d tell the kids too, they are old enough to know the sordid truth

Scores 5/5

husband went too far with the sexfest.

Decent redux. 5/5!!

Should have quit while you were ahead.

Interesting if unrealistic tale. If Lucy is as beautiful and sensuous as told, she doesn’t end up living with her mother. She marries a much wealthier man and lives the high life.

Thanks for sharing. Personally, I liked the first version more.

1 star - the original was totally unbelievable, but this rendition is certainly going in the wrong direction.

There is not one likeable character in this story. The plot is just utter crap. If this kind of thing happened in real life there would be significant loss of life. Probably the only survivor would be Shane.

Absolutely worthless.

You started good, but you went full om Conservative misogynist once he found out about the orgy.

Up until then I thought you were a halfway decent writer, but like so many you just have to jump into the garbage pile. Dont know why you did, but I'll say you were aiming for the other bottom feeders for some cheap high ratings.

Sorry but you went from good to suck in less than one page. hell you threw a stain on the original with this idiocy.

Sad story when the good guy MC lowers himself to level of the evilness of the bad guys. The ending to the original story was more acceptable and believable.

The lack of retribution for Shane is telling. Mark is quite the reaper of revenge as long as he perceives no danger to himself. If he believes you might physically harm him, however, feel free to fuck his wife (and pretend to be on his side just for laughs) as much as you want.

Revenge is such a waste of time. Living well is the best revenge.

The first version was better.

This seemed over written.

You made the MC look equally bad.

This is even more ridiculous than the first version.

This storyline would be bettered with Mark leaving the dinner table the first night wielding a knife and telling everyone stay away from him.

The spend the day with Shane is dumb in both versions. Shane doesn’t care about anything but getting his own paycheck. If Shane really had any sympathy for Mark then he would be the hell out of William after the first night and let Mark kick Jack’s ass.

No punishment for Shane?

The revenge was kind of awkward and embarrassing. What made him think these whores mind getting fucked? And the their husbands are experienced at swapping and sharing, so what makes you think they mind using their wives pussies to get themselves out of a jamb? I understand your goal, but I don't think it was well thought out.

Lucy is beautiful, greedy, unethical, and willing to fuck whoever and however it takes to get what she wants. So what makes you think she doesn't end up remarried to some rich old fool as his trophy wife, like the other executive wives? If she's willing to sacrifice her marriage and self respect for dollars, and found out what she could earn for 3 hours work, Lucy will probably follow Charlotte into the escort world when her new dumb shit husband isn't around. You can't punish a whore by treating her like a whore. Lucy's real punishment won't come until her children grow up and learn how she betrayed their family, and secondly when the toll of age and promiscuity turn her into a disgusting old whore with no further use to anyone.

The MC soiled himself as much as anyone he tried to injure. And Shane will always be waiting to give Lucy some more big cock whenever she wants it. So not much revenge against anyone. But thanks for the effort.

Was curious as to why the low score, can only assume the pathetic RAAC cucky boys came out in force after reading this and getting their pretty pink panties in a bunch.

Much better result than the original.

Decent follow up, surprised no retribution for Shane, I thought damaging him physically would have been nice since he was in such good shape

I gave it a 3. It was fairly well written but his revenge turned me off. He could have gotten more revenge by going public with what happened, or simply getting the men all fired and William ruined. The husbands being upset is a bit far fetched since the wives screwed around before, and the ones who divorced ended up doing well.

The other reason for the 3 is the story itself is a trope,which most LW stories are, but this story really has been done a lot. Yes Mark was angry, rightfully so, but he had plenty of ways to get revenge, keep them guessing, tormenting them that way, what he did really only humiliated himself. With the money he got, he could have gotten revenge of Shane and Charlotte,since they both are scum.

Lucy also is problematic, she knew Mark was upset, out of control, but she continued on with the orgy? Why? She had the money,so who go forward?

The original story was far better, in this one every person (including the MC) seemed simply repulsive. But I’d like to have seen Charlotte made to suffer, maybe fix her up with some client with a bad STD or something worse and Shane should have had some accident to square it off. I left this take disillusioned with people in general and women even more so

Started well. Totally lost it's way. Ended as a major disappointment. Nothing to like or admire.

Sorry.

Pretty decent alternate ending, if not a bit over the top. 4*

I liked the original story better!

4

No one in this story deserves to love long, except his kids. D

Been away for awhile, let's see what's been going on.

Yep, still a lot of pin dick cucky boys writing low rated shit..

And still when a writer posts a story about a betrayed husband getting proper justice, the Literotica Anonymous Cuckyboy Army (and not so anonymous, you know who you are.) deem to let the internet know just how pathetic thier lives are. Must be so frustrating not knowing how to make a women orgasm.

So to recap, same old shit....

Lucy is a client relationship ambassador, isnt that the P.C. version of company prostitute. guys im not saying dont do it but if ur going to marry anyone man or women that has a job description like that either run or get a bunch of spyware lol and a very iron clad prenup

"That's a real shame, I liked Lucy she is a really nice girl." lol these are the funny parts i like in the LW stories. when bad ppl sticks up for bad ppl. theres other versions, my fav is when the cheating wife say how good this person she is cheating with. "he's such a good and caring person"

i did enjoy the sociology of the bad actions of the ppl around him turned him into a bad person. revenge! sounds good on "paper" doesnt it

I feel the sexfest only brought him down to their level, He didn't really get revenge on his bosses, Yeah he fucked their wives, how is that revenge on the blokes, they and the wives take part in orgies, not the first time they have seen other men fuck the wives.

It seems more like he is coming around to their way of thinking "hey that was fun, when is the next orgy, count me and Lucy in"

Having Shane join in on the orgy was a disappointment, went against the way he was portrayed in the first chapter, there needed to be some pay back there

I could have given this story 5 stars if it hadn’t been centered around revenge.

Everyone in this story are despicable. None have ant redeeming values.

You have found a way to completely destroy a very good story. You lost the plot when your main character lost the moral high ground. Do everyone a favour and rewrite the story with BTB and maintaining the husbands dignity

I liked the first version better. This one left a lot to be desired. Most of it seemed like a rehashed version of the first, except with the roman orgy scene, and the weak attempt of revenge. It's hard to make the guilty men suffer, when their wives are into swapping like they are. Can't make them feel sorry or guilt them that way. The women enjoy getting laid too much, even his beloved Lucy wanted to join the swinging group, as she let herself get talked into it by William, Jack and Margret. Her planning it without really talking to Mark about it first was her biggest downfall, added with the orgy, and Mark was not a happy camper. His revenge on William was good, but the others should have suffered a similar fate. Bringing it ALL out into the open would have been a better revenge.

Not better rather bitter than the previous one.

Well he certainly lost the high ground. By participating I would think he lost his position for the blackmail. Nothing was titillating or appealing to my prurient interests. The first version was a bit more believable, the became less entertaining as he joined in the sexual escapades. Of course the best revenge against pompous rich people is to take their money and power away. A valiant effort and shocking second part but the first was a lot 'cleaner' with the outcome.

Sharing is caring. Cucked is fucked

Not a good as the author's other version.

Forcing those sluts to have orgies really isn't punishment

Thanks for your writing.

No

Both have same problem

He should have immediately put it out far and wide

Again the problem was that they are all such nasty, unlikable people there was no way to enjoy the story.

@ lujon2019

I like it less than the original

he was a cuck for taking her back - WHERE DID IT SAY HE TOOK HER BACK?

Great extreme story!!!!!!!!

Didn't like this as much as the original. Sometimes, it's best to leave things be 2 stars

Your first version was much better. This "revenge" seems contrived, a middle aged man's fantasy about how he might turn the tables on his wife if she cheated on him on a fantasy island week-end. I gave your original version 5***** but this is only a 3***.

He turned out to be just as bad as she was. This story isn't believable and has no redeeming value.

I dislike reading stories about scum bags. I cam imagine Trump being the o e to take advantage of employees and other subordinates. Makes my skin crawl.

This Femdom agitprop version jumps the shark.

A more harder humiliation would of been better. Like having them all in a warehouse (secretely filmed) and after being used and abused the first time, they were moved to the other part of the warehouse where the husbands had to first clean their holes and bodies with their tongue then forces to watch each pull a long train of hobos bareback, to clean them each and every time and to fuck them at the end.

Afterwards when they were fired they were shown the recording and given the choice, run away or face public humiliation and even some other threats to their families and loved ones.

Something darker were to happen to shane and charlotte and even worse to william. Shane was to be made into a cripple by cutting his arms and legs at the base, along with his cock of course, Charlotte be buchered by a surgeon chopping off anything and everything feminine about her (tits, ass, genitalia, uterurs, lips, eyelashes, ears) and william got both punishments along with being everything being made public and being turned into the plaything of a fetish whorehouse.

I say bust all of their kneecaps, cut off the guys dicks and remove the women clits. Let them limp around like that for the remainder of their lives.

Same old shit, just different names

Irrelistc borderline

You just can't trust 90% of women, lieing is in their nature they always want more. 5*****

I agree with norsman123. Now I see why the younger generation of men want to stay single Woman have lost their morals. What are the three f’s. Feel them fuck them forget them. Woman made their bed now they can lay in it with anyone

"a transfer notice for an additional £150,000 to our account" - Nice fix to the original, which had a 100,000 deposit, then a 250,000 check, which he tore up, yet they ended up with the 250,000. This way makes more sense,

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"You guys with money have no fucking clue." - I didn't see Mark as a guy with money, that's why the money was supposed to be a motivator for him.

Too much from the original but yes, there's enough newness in this part. After the "separation"- Lucy recounting her story, it was good until Mark came up with having sex with all the wives just because the husbands had sex with his wife. That blew part of the story up as there was no need. Mark left the island with the intent of getting a divorce. Having revenge sex won't change his mind, make things better, or accomplish anything, except to get back to those bastards.

That Lucy lied about her last day on the island while trying to beg for forgiveness was as stupid & wrong as you can get. When she wanted to still try for reconciliation after everything was in the open, he should've just told her she lied, betrayed & humiliated him too much, so no discussion is needed. Everything he did with Charlotte & the wives is in direct result of her huge betrayal.

The one surprising thing- Charlotte. So nice & sweet to him on the island but a bitch at their meeting.

In what was a very good story was totally messed up- putting it mildly, by your lack of words in some instances & punctuation missing almost throughout. I barely carried on but wanted to find what this part had that the first part did not. You definitely need to read what you're going to post BEFORE you post it. Also, get an editor. I can't believe you do or have either. Not with the mistakes made. And those mistakes make it hard for the reader to enjoy your story.

That being said, Lucy, begging for forgiveness but only talking about what she did with Williams was bad. That was made worse with her disrepecting Mark, among other things. Planning on her cheating, lying if only not being truthful to him prior to the vacation week, then telling him she's going to do it, he likes it or not, was worse. Then the pictures/ videos of the gangbang & her admitting she wanted to do it- it was on her bucket list, was as terrible as it gets.

Towards the end, Mark's planning on using part of the quarter million he was given. But he ripped up the check! Where did he get that money from? Author didn't write it in; did he forget what he wrote? While there's a couple other things I wanted to comment on, I won't. This is enough. As I wrote above, what could have been a good story was totally "effed" up by the writing.

What a monster he become. 5

"I agree with norsman123. Now I see why the younger generation of men want to stay single Woman have lost their morals. What are the three f’s. Feel them fuck them forget them. Woman made their bed now they can lay in it with anyone"

Imagine making sweeping generalizations about society and an entire gender from a mediocre erotic story. I mean seriously, you could not possibly make me believe someone is this fucking dumb

Shane shoulda gone down too.

Toujours aussi merdique. Arrêtez d'écrire.

So basically she unleashed a monster they all helped create and then were consumed by it.

A bit over the top and maybe spoiled what was a very good first part.

Preferred the previous story. This one was over the top and way less believable. You are a good writer and thank you for your work, even though this one was way too much in the wrong direction.

Why didn't he go after Shane?.

@sbrooks103x6 months ago

"You guys with money have no fucking clue." - I didn't see Mark as a guy with money, that's why the money was supposed to be a motivator for him. - He had more than Lucy or Charlotte was the point she was making.

Thank you!!!

I like the first one better. In this one Mark actually takes her back and would have let it slide had he not found out about the orgy. How can you raise children, and be a strong male role model when you've let your wife humiliate, belittle, and cheat on you.

The original was much better.

No stars. You didn't even mention the original author, or link to his story.

junk ending 3*

@Chopinesque: Um, the original author and this author are one and the same, just look through his list of stories😱🤣.

I liked this version much more than the original. Lucy's actions and lies were so outrageous that the nuclear option was totally acceptable.

Ed

Do we really need to know how degenerate rich people an be.

The MC lost the moral high ground and in the end was the worst of the lot.

No one character to like or wit which to identify. A waste of time.

A story written as an aid for bulimics.