All Comments on 'Ingrams & Assoc 2: Retreat Ch. 02'

"TMI"

I felt that the excess amount of detail in ratio to the action, took from the story. OK, perhaps the info is needed in the following chapters. But also the dance scene & the bedroom sex was under-described so that generally this chapter is a bit 'long-winded'.

Some spellings (especially New Deli {Delhi}) also were a distraction.

But 4* and hoping for better action in the following chapters.

Still missing 'Jace'!

PC

Ingrams employee's go into exclusive relationships (off the job), and after getting their perspective boyfriends (or girlfriends) vetted, proceed to have sex with other folks as part of their job. While not telling their exclusive relationships that they are doing so. Because those boyfriends/husbands to be/girlfriends won't find out anyways and because it would endanger the corporation.

Wow.

So not only do they have sex with their patients, withholding that they are in a doctor-patient relationship with them, but they cheat on their own husbands/exclusive relationships. They are a whole corporation of immoral, unethical cheaters. Institutionalized cheaters. Great. Really good people.

Hard to like any story that has a rationalized "its ok to be unethical and cheat" basis at its heart.

One star.

but on the first page alone, at least two references to Tara who is not ever introduced into the story. And right beside the Tara referencesm, are editing notes in brackets (Who is Tara?). It's kinda distracting.

Also very big on description of the facilities-idk do we really need that?

[Who is "she"? Who is saying this line? Please describe Tara or take her out.]

I love the way the author left in the inane comments of the editor.

Dull with no apparent strong theme.

Secondly - get a decent storyline. Was there a point to this mess? If so, you failed to make it. Cardboard characters running in circles, screaming and shouting. Complete and utter drivel.

Jezzaz is one if my favourite writers on this site, but sadly this story just isn't working for me at the moment. Can't see how the first part of the story fits with the rest. Still I'll stick with it.

as your story?

Fiji's airport is Nadi - not Shizuoka which is in Fuji, Japan ...

The story is very good but still not up to your usual standards.

It appears that the editors comments were not fully reviewed and dealt with. The story may have been rushed to publication. You need to choose who to call the main character and stick with it. Moving from April to her alias Tara and back detracted from the story.

I still can't wait for Chapter 3 and the rest.

Congrats. Good story and interesting so far. Four out of five. This isn't my usual kind of story. But I love all of Jezzaz's other stories so I will see where this goes. I am more fascinated by the secondary characters, the married couples, than I am by the main character April. But it is fascinating to look at those couples from an exterior view rather than from the POV of one of the two members of a couple which I think is Jezzaz's idea here. I have a few minor quibbles. With all the prep at Inrgam's you would think April would have at least practiced being a bar tender if her fake resume said she was a bar tender. And why would the storage closet where the stripper pole is kept be locked? Granted something else could be hidden there, but April said no wonder it was locked. That doesn't really make sense. Small things but I set the bar high with Jezzaz.

Really a CEO of a large banking group loses some of his best Managers after winning a holiday his promotes. This happens more the once, why would you carry on the contest, why risk losing your top people. Lame story, author could do better. TK

you might want to take out the editor's comments before you publish stories....tends to screw up the flow. Otherwise a good effort

This is the first story I have seen with actual editing comments left in the body of the story in brackets. There were multiple misused words, suggesting some got by a spell check, but they wouldn't have gotten by someone reading. I am getting into the story and it is mostly well written, but the mistakes jolt you out of narrative.

Please fix the editor’s comments. Why was she called April? They knew her as Tara. Errors interrupt the flow.

A couple of annoying little things but overall a worthy read. 5 ⛤

The guests are supposedly the top-performing bank managers, but the good-looking one i portrayed as a complete bozo, although I suppose that might change as the story progresses, and some of the others do not appear impressive. It makes the reader wonder what changed. (I see enough other comments about the editing that I won't add anything, although it appears that the editor missed that April and Tara are the same person.)