All Comments on 'Ingrams & Assoc 6: Downfall Ch. 02'

Yes I want more of this story!!!

But also more errors for April... “It’s okay, Chris. I understand”.

His alias is Ryan! She saw his fake Ryan ID! For days at the WhoCon he wore a badge saying Ryan! And yet every time she speaks his name she only calls him Chris in both chapters.

For all intents and purposes it’s reasonable to assume it’s the only name she calls him when they are together...and it’s been days now!!!

Holy shit how do two highly trained ops specialists let this happen with out an accounting over all those days?

Exciting!

5

April is a paid seducer, a real sad story.

But it never ceases to amaze me how women feel that the way to repair a man wounded by lies and manipulation is to further lie and manipulate and use his best attributes against him.

The hubris of the self absorbed.

Not perfect, got a little flowery with all the soul mate stuff, but overall well done. And what a cliffhanger!

Now that she has called him Chris 2 times, once at the end of Chapt 1, and here at the top of page 2, if he is this highly perceptive trained dude, he has to know he is being watched by some entity. Cant wait to see how you finish this.

First: I think the error of calling him Chris would be a problem for April and since Ryan/Chris did not respond it is most likely a writers error missed by the proof readers. It is also entirely out of character for someone undercover to even think outside of the role they are playing so April continually thinking of him as "Chris" in her personal moments is a bit of a story line issue.

All that being said, well done and an enjoyable read taking some unexpected turns keeping the reader on edge. Thanks!

...possibly poor editing with the Chris name thing, it could be part of the storyline, although that's unlikely given April's high level of training. Also for something of this very good quality I was surprised to see 'curb side tables' which should be 'kerb side tables'. Apart from that it really is very good and very entertaining. Thank you.

Methinks April wants out subconsciously.

Couple of little issues but don't get in the way of the story.