All Comments on 'Ink My Heart, Pen My Soul Ch. 01'

I like Makena. I am looking forward to see what happens!

Good start, get an editor. This is going to be a interesting journey a very hot sexual triangle I am detecting in the makings!

I see Miss Makena is going to get herself into some trouble.

LOL you HAVE to continue:)

I realize there are tons of italics errors (among other things) I have to get this Lit formatting down pack! And proofread! (DERP). So I promise I'm writing the next few chapters and I'm trying to fix things. Thanks for the sweet nothings and constructive crits!

Muah! XOXO

I'm liking this story already, don't be too long in the next part please.

This story surely needs some editing, but I DO LIKE your straight forward cartoon-like style of writing. Why do you claim to be female?

Hey guys, I will be posting the next chapter very soon. I don't have any excuses for my absence, I was just stuck and scared, (cowardly friggin me!) so I'm back! BTW strange Anon, I am a girl silly goose!

of the reading. Well, I DID stop at laugh aloud at one mis-type, 'At 5'5", he towered over him by nearly a foot.' THAT one stopped me for a minute, he's 4', what?! Wait a minute...

Re: 'why do you pretend you're a woman?'

That confuses the hell outta me. Wonder what makes anon think that? Hmmm, most guys I've ever met would not think about 'juicin' my panties', or whatever the phrase was you used was, as the response a woman has to a man she finds attractive. It isn't the sort of thing woman TELL men, ever. Oh, well.

Re: 'cartoon like'?

I don't think I have EVER heard anyone use 'cartoon-like' as a description for writing, even cartoons! That sure has me scratchin' my head.

Now, as to 'Ink'. Good start. Immediately made your character lickable, er, I mean likeable, which is the perfect thing to do if you plan on a continuing story.

I'd caution you about using personalisms, or metaphores, sometimes your reader has no idea what you are talking about. (In the first scene, in her apt, when she is dog-tired, why in the hell did she throw the banana? AND, why did she yell, 'Come on, high school softball.'? That made me think she was trying to draw on softball experience for accuracy of the throw, but then there was no purpose to the throw, or any hint at a target which, I originally thought might be the answering machine. But then, nothing was made of what she did hit with the banana, {Is this where the 'cartoon-like' applies?}, so I found myself confused.)

Speaking of confused, what did you call some of the typos? (I just thought of your comment, but can't go look at it to see exactly what you wrote, or this damn iPad will dump this comment.) I don't think I have heard that name, or description, before.

on to the next chapter.

GeoD

I know this is a few years old, but I just stumbled on it and it's off to a great start. I love Makena! (where can I find a Makena?) And "In the name of a holy man's right ass cheek, go away!" just cracked me up. On to Chapter 2!