All Comments on 'Innocent Devil’s Harem Ch. 06'

Usually not a big fan of incubus/suoernatural male stories, but loving this story and characters! Thabk you and hoping for more!

Obviously there's a bit of hidden backstory (Dun dun duuunnnn) but I really like that supernatural 'click'ing they have. Where there is something nearly innate about how they fit together, that they don't even need to work at it to start off. Because I have met a couple people like that in my life (not with quite the scenarios presented here, minus the supernatural elements of course *wink wink*) where things just sort of flowed between us. Now, being people and especially considering the already supernatural and 'crime fighting' elements introduced, its likely that stuff later on down the road will have tension and drama; but its nice to have a solid foundation to build on for the relationships.

Looking forward to more, thank you for your story. Take what time you need and be well.

I'm like wow for how good your making this story. Five stars for anothe well done chapter.

My one complaint is that after sugary thing are used on the vagina, you have to clean super thoroughly, because sugar can cause a yeast infection.

I'm not really into your fetishes, so the story is not as interesting to me as it was in the beginning. And what are you going to do about that bloody dead deer in the front yard? Is it deer season? Does he have a special tag to take a doe? Is your protagonist going to eat it or is the meat just going to spoil? In fact, why have a second serial killer at all? If he was in league with the first killer why wasn't he actually with him? It doesn't move the story forward and raises questions which can't be plausibly answered. These extraneous elements make it difficult for me to suspend my disbelief. But, carry on as you will. There are plenty of other stories on this site which can hold my interest.

@redpoppies Your comment is interesting on a variety of levels. First, I'm a writer (which is different than a character or narrator), and have written stories that involve 'fetishes' that I don't particularly like on a personal level (because I am not the character or even narrator - I'm the writer). So just because it might involve a fetish, doesn't mean it's 'my' fetish, and just because it has one I don't like, doesn't mean I can't write about it and make it believable for those who do like those fetishes.

(Also kind of strange thing to point out on a fetish-oriented website.)

Second, I'm really not sure what you even consider to be a fetish here. Most of this stuff is fairly normal for this age group (which is, to experiment and possibly involve food products into sexual activity, including peanut butter, whip cream, syrup, etc.).

Third, the second serial killer is instrumental to the plot, and does in fact progress the plot quite a bit. It stimulates character development and growth, and implies that there might be something going on behind the scenes, which there is (all of which is very explainable, since there's more going on than what it initially seems).

So why have the second guy? Because the plot is bigger than some readers seem to be imagining, and those who have read further in the story have already seen some major foreshadowing come to fruition into later events.

Next, I'm not really sure why you're so concerned about the fictitious deer, but this story is taking place in April, which is when a lot of states (in the US) have bow season for smaller game (like turkey, maybe boar, etc.). Of course, it's not deer season, which might actually be an excuse for 'why a hunter might hit it, but not be able to legally tag it.' However, the MC is not aware enough of this information for him to be able to consider that idea, making it out of place in a first-person story.

Also, I really don't think most readers really care that much. He's fixing a problem. And I think that in the grand scheme of covering up a murder, having any concern for the deer would be outrageously out of place (readers would probably call him a dumb character for caring, giving the circumstances).

Finally, I'm really not sure why you felt the need to explain that there are plenty of other stories to hold your interest. I mean, I agree that there are some great stories on here, so if this isn't your thing then just go read those stories. No need to tell me about it. If this story isn't for you, then it isn't for you.

Like, there is literally no story in existence that everyone likes. Even major hits like Harry Potter and Twilight have people that absolute hate it. That's just life. So if this isn't your thing, then no problem. However, at the end of the day, this is a well developed plot that has a lot more going on than the main character initially is aware of, and the things you suggested couldn't be explained, do in fact get explained.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story up until this point, and I wish you well.

I feel a need to comment. I love your development of the story line and characters. You are right in stating everybody has a preference for stories. This is one I'm going to follow til the end. I was not worried about the deer as you pointed out that the deer blood helped him out. Being in law enforcement, I'm interested in seeing how the second suspect ties into the story later on. There must be a reason why you included him in the story line. I will continue to read and enjoy. Thanks for your time and Imagination.

Still going strong but needs to develop the storyline soon.

A very yummy chapter... even with syrup too. Thank you!

Serenity should be home soon too.

Thanks for sharing your work.

I still think she knows too much and is not being straight with him.

5/5

That was a wonderful description of switching. Well done

Your writing is incredible. I still, VERY MUCH, dislike the way you have him title Serenity so obliquely (oldest friend, roommate... That kind of thing. It breaks the narrative. Imo.) I have a theory as to why, but it's not based on anything sold enough to justify. Submissive males are a turn off for me. Even so, your writing is so excellent I'm still reading. You are the first author I've ever tolerated in this fashion. I know that sounds narcissistic. Their stories, character development, delivery could not overcome my repulsion of submissive males. Yours does.

Thank you for sharing your talent.

I knew there was probably still cum in her hot snatch...

Probably? This from a guy who can smell her from ten miles away and can smell a guy smoking *in* a car from five miles away?

Seems he'd be able to easily smell his cum through her scent and the syrup if he was of a mind to.

Still liking the story though.

I smell a three way 0n the horizon.

Story is in a rut, going in circles. Also both virgins and they are talking about and doing domination game play??? Seems like bullshit to me.

However JUST GET ON WITH IT. Move this fucker along, I’m basically just skipping most of everything as it’s just bullshit.

By the way taking the number plates off a car only does one single thing… it instantly alerts anyone and everyone that nefarious activities are afoot. Cars are not identified by number plates since 1970 -1971. Care are identified by VIN plates, vehicle identification number, that are riveted to the car firewall in the engine bay and this is done using steel not aluminium rivets and it’s done after painting at the factory. So the car in the lake is so very easily identifiable and the plate would only speed up the investigation if the car is found. When found the plate will be missing and straight away the police know it’s dodgy. If the plates were on it could be dodgy but could also just be a drunk driver driving in the lake and then leaving the car there so he doesn’t get done for drunk driving. However take all the plates, number, VIN, data then the car has no home unless the rego paperwork is in the glovebox or something from the owner is in the car.

So rip all the plates off, then burn the fucker, then dump it in the lake. Unidentified and rusting like a mofo. Or leave all the plates on and dump it in the lake like a drunk driver would.

Oooohhhh...the haters are gonna hate...and hate, and hate....

So many details, in the face of a fantasy...and it sounds like there are some people with criminal experience making comments here...????!!!!

I am loving the series so far...and, if anyone is paying attention (the tags, the conversation they have...)it is pretty obvious, to me at least, that Gabriella is a succubus...okay, a virgin succubus, but a succubus nonetheless...That is why she "appears" so experienced...AND she told Kai she has something to tell him, while on their 'day's to the mall. Just a "little" attention to detail by readers...😱😱😵😵😯😯

Five**5**Stars...

Also, in regard to how the story is written (complaints about LENGTH of submissions)...the author has given a disclaimer about how he is writing this...like a book, with chapters, one leading into another...

So, please, cool it with the negative comments about the author...or stop reading if you do not like his style, the details, whatever...non-constructive comments are just that!!