All Comments on 'Innocent Devil’s Harem Ch. 20'

I gotta be honest here dude, I'm liking the story and the premise. But for the love of god please cut down on all the talking and get to the main focus of the story. Three pages of nothing but talking what ifs with very little sexual moments. 20 chapters thus far, and only what 3 days have passed so far? All the talking really feels like unnecessary padding, and it slows the story down to a crawl.

I'm eating this 4 stars because it's still good potential. But to quote God from Monty Python and the Holy Grail: GET ON WITH IT!

That's the second time you have stopped Kai and his sister getting to know each other sexualy

I am really enjoying the world you've created and the characters in it. My trouble is with the pacing of the story. Every chapter has a crisis in it, and they just keep bouncing from one to the next. Take some time with the characters and let them do something rather than just constantly reacting to whatever major issue has come up this time. Maybe actually let Kai have sex with someone (anyone?) before bringing new women into the fold. What's the point of a erotic harem story if nobody ever actually does anything sexual with anyone else?

This isn't a TV show where we need to resolve a new crisis every week and deal with it by the end of the episode. The whole thing with Avery happened too soon, and the mother is way too soon. We haven't even met Gabriella's mom yet! I disagree with the other comment about the talking - talking is how character development happens. But maybe it's time to let them all get a little physical and talk about themselves and each other rather than the latest disaster they need to deal with.

I know a few people have commented on the lack of sex but it’s pretty easy to tell that you’re telling a story first and making it sexy later. I actually really like that you’re not just glancing over powers or making them up on the fly. Everything has buildup and payoff. Ironically MY only real complaint is that you seem to like inserting crises when I really feel the story doesn’t need them. These characters are well-written and interesting enough on their own for a good slice of life type deal. The big events like the mom potentially dying now when she was fine earlier feels more like padding than an event. Still, a fantastic job on your story so far. You’ve earned my full 5 stars and I’ll be taking a look at your patreon if you keep going and improving. Again, great job

@IonHudson and @get2briteiz You've both pointed out something important: I can't make everyone happy. It's literally impossible for all of you to agree that the story is 'perfect, just the way you want it.'

Some of you guys want more sex in the story, some want less (some have even commented they'd be fine if there was no sex at all). Some of you want action/thriller and some want slice-of-life. Some want more dialogue, some want less. Some want there to be action and crisis and a fast paced tale, while some want the story to slow down so the characters have time to relax and breathe.

The comments on this very chapter are proof of that: @lunchbox90 said, 'cut down on the talking' and 'the story is so slow that it's crawling' (paraphrased), whereas another said 'every chapter has a crisis in it' and 'things are moving too fast' and 'we need more sex' and 'the dialogue is good, don't listen to that other guy,' etc.

Some say they love the story how it is, while others think a certain element should be changed (and none of you can agree on what that element is, all of you having different desires and often conflicting opinions).

At the end of the day, I have to find a balance, and how 'fast' the story is moving is something that will change depending on the 'arc' the story is currently in. Same with the sex, with some future arcs having a lot more sex than what is currently occurring.

And when we reach certain arcs of the story, entirely different groups of people end up complaining (saying things like, 'there's too much sex now,' or 'not enough happening the story,' etc.). Granted, even right now you guys can't agree if it's too much or too little dialogue, too much or too little sex, too fast or too slow pacing, etc.

You guys have to understand that if you can't even agree with each other, then I'm probably not going to make a serious change, because to make one reader 'completely' happy makes another reader 'completely' unhappy. Instead, I aim to find a balance that will be 'mostly' satisfying to the majority of readers.

Also, my Patreon is 5 chapters ahead of here, so when I've made changes, most of those changes have already happened before this chapter reaches Literotica, because I've listened to the thoughts and recommendations of the people who are supporting me on Patreon.

Like, we are on Chapter 25 on my Patreon. By the time you guys see ch 25, I will have had over a month to process feedback from those supporting me on Patreon. And if they are happy with how the story is progressing, then I'm not going to make any serious changes to the structure of the story.

Not saying that I don't appreciate the feedback, because I do. But you guys can't expect me to make a significant change when those commenting can't even agree with each other (and have conflicting opinions).

Should I do more or less? Faster or slower?

Again, I'm aiming for a balance. You will likely love certain arcs and have issues with others (and the next guy will end up loving the arc you have issues with, and have issues with the arc you love), because things like pacing and the amount of sex are things that will change as we reach different points in the story.

I just want to clarify that I'm fine with talky bits and less sex scenes. I genuinely like such scenes. What I don't care for is when a whole chapter is dedicated to so much talking of the fact that the characters are doing nothing but speculate the 'what ifs' of the things going on, when it would be more effective of a story to convey what actually happens. Rather than guess 'what if' his blood turns people into succubi like him, have it actually happen instead of speculating on it for so dang long.

There's a reason why it's called "show, don't tell". SHOW us what happens, not the WILL, IF, or CAN it happen.

Like I said you're doing good work, but dial back the exposition a BIT is all I ask.

I think, for me, the pacing is good, the theme is exciting and different. I couldn't stop reading and loved it! The way you're releasing this series, and the pacing, reminds me of those old Saturday matinee serials from the 50's they'd show at movie theaters my grandparents would talk about. Every episode had drama and a cliffhanger. It had to, guaranteeing folks would keep coming back.

I know it's frustrating to have so many conflicting opinions about your writing. I suppose you could see it as a genuine interest in this tale, and obviously, by the amount of responses, we, as readers, have developed a connection to your characters.

Please, don't be discouraged, you're doing an excellent job. It looks as if I need to check out your Patrion page, and, for the first time ever, really support someone whose work has been such a great experience for me! Chin up, stiff upper lip, and carry on.

I think the pacing is fine but I'm not sure the chapter summaries that you are posting sre congruent to what is actually happening in the story. I think it would be easier to appreciate the chapter if the summary was more like Kai and Sister consider incubus inheritance. The vaguery gives a false expectation of sex which when you are trying to worldbuild means you lose audience quickly.

Another awesome chapter! I have just been loving this series so far. Just seem to fly through every chapter. Thanks for writing!

I agree with Anonymous 01/01/21 that the chapter introductions are a tad misleading giving a different impression of what actually happens. Otherwise an absolutely excellent romp even if a little slow moving. Personally I prefer the slow build up but that's a personal taste.

5 stars again.

Why aren't they waiting to see how Avery reacts to his blood? Why does he feel like he has to blackmail them when he can influence them? If he activates the stone he might get some answers as well... Ooopsie...

Sorry... just the reading perv speaking out.

Thanks again for sharing your work.

Getting complicated. I see Michelle’s hubby leaving her and Kai inheriting a fourth wife

5/5

MC is talking like Michelle has a husband but if she does where is he that he isn't at the hospital with his wife and daughter??? It could be that Michelle doesn't have a husband anymore for some reason.

Still a bit confused on Ren's feelings for Kai. Like chapter 17 she said she wasn't attracted to him in the past because of the age gap and he wasn't an adult. Chapter 19 has her saying she always denies herself having any romantic feelings in general but admitted she didn't date because of him. Now in chapter 20 we know part of that is the dad's fault. So honestly when did she start being attracted to him and why?

Having the characters completely forgetting about the message his mom included is kind of hilarious. Like that not being the first thing he looked at after finding out about his father is wild.

Good story. Really enjoy the storyline, the characters, and the smut. I read the original story over a year ago and although I was reluctant to accept the shift from Serenity being his sister to being his best friend/housemate, it was bearable in the beginning. Now though the continuity of the story for me doesn't feel right. It would if like the original they were raised as siblings, like Serenity's reluctance to be in a relationship and such. But not really if they were just friends, even if she was 5 years older, there are no real obstacles. I mean there must be a reason for this edited version to be as it is, maybe I'll find out as I continue reading. But for the most part, this story worked as the original dynamic imo. With last chapter's reveal of Kai's origin and his bio-father's letter there were a few things that stood out that confused me due to continuity.

Original Story

-Kai adopted by Serenity's parents

-Raised as siblings, living together

-Serenity's little angel (brother)

-Their parents died in an accident

-Kai is bio-son of Incubus

-Adopted father was bio-father's slave/servant

-Bio-father prepared adopted sister (Serenity) as gift

-Adopted father forced into compliance by bio-father's power over his wife and daughter (Serenity)

-Adopted father's obvious reluctance to bond to young Kai due to feelings toward bio-father, his wife/daughter: hostages/Kai's concubines

Edited Story

-Kai adopted by couple, not Serenity's parents

-Raised separately, but grew up as childhood friends/playmate

-Both children's parents were close with each other, assuming both died in same accident

-Serenity's little angel (playmate)

-Kai is bio-son of Incubus

-Adopted father was bio-father's slave/servant

-Bio-father prepared "random" girl as gift, Serenity has no relation to his slave/servant, girl's family influenced by bio-father

-Adopted father forced into compliance by bio-father's power over his wife and "random" girl (Serenity)

-Adopted father's obvious reluctance to bond with young Kai due to feelings toward bio-father, his wife: a hostage/Kai's concubine

Idk. Just some thoughts on the brain I felt I needed to share. If I missed anything or something I shared was confusing, I'm open to debate. Thanks for sharing. I know it can't be easy, keep up the hard work.