All Comments on 'Innocent Devil’s Harem Ch. 29'

Too fast. I read that to fast. Dang!

Another great chapter. I just keep waiting for something o happen thinking that at any moment you'll throw it in. But then there are chapters like this which just keep the tension high and leaving lots of balls in the air being juggled by a master writer.

5 again.

Story chapter still too short. great writing though.

Too short, I cant wait for the next chapter.

Bastard! Get on with another 5* chapter...LOL

Again well done! Love how he put her to bed reminded me and my second wife. Please keep the cuming

I hope this is constructive criticism: Your MC is extremely introspective. You've got him thinking for paragraphs between each spoken line in his conversations, which would normally imply that the other character was just standing there, waiting for the MC to say something. And a lot of the time the content of those paragraphs are... well, they can get into tedium sometimes.

To be honest, I feel like the pace of this story is being greatly held back by a fair amount of unnecessary detail, in general. There are basically no "fast-forwarded" sections--we hardly ever leave the MC's side, even if what he doing is uninteresting. In this chapter, for example, we ride along home with him even though nothing of note happens on the drive. You could have gotten away with, "A quick drive home found us parked next to my sister's car, a beautiful sleeping Gabrielle by my side." If this story is ever going to proceed faster than a day per fifteen chapters, you're going to have to learn to cut more stuff out.

cant wait for the next chapter of the story on tender hooks for what is going to happen next

Where's the blood for his sister? Guy is too distracted and scatterbrained. It took several minutes last time to find any noteworthy prey and he now knows that being hungry can be exceedingly painful.

Pretty eyes though. Looking forward to more. You and yours Be well.

P.S. If the comment in Russian is still present. Do NOT translate it. Report it for being in a wrong language, let the mods sort it out. Not the sort of thing that should be posted on a story site. I get people needing to get stuff off their chest- But there's also just pos trolls wanting to pour suffering on others. Either way, this is the wrong place for it.

Waiting for next chapter update soon please.

There are no superlative words that could convey how much I enjoyed the story so far. As you have said that you put it in a novel format you know that you sometimes could not put a good novel ,this story is one of them 29 chapters in one night is to much so that the next day my buddies want to know why I am so tired (see my avatar) .Again good work looking forward for many more chapters.

Well this is an interesting situation. This is not the usual written porn. Against all expectations, I’m heavily invested in the characters in your story.

I read quite a bit of written erotica, and this is better than most in print, commercial stories.

Truly Erotica, not just a plain wank fest.

Excellent work KW, thank you, and keep them comming.

Please add more chapters

Great story. I'd love to see more.

Excellent story. Please post subsequent chapters. I would like to know how life progresses for this unique family as they progress in time.

Incredible work, truly a great example of plot with porn, not porn with plot (or even worse depending on my mood, porn without plot). Wish I could find more stories on this site with this level of writing proficiency!

Love the story so far, Hope everything is ok. Can't wait for more.

By far one of my favorite stories on this site, both for the hot parts and for the main story!

I know, with all of that juicy puss hanging around it might be difficult keeping your eyes on the prize; finding out what that 'Bad Thing' is.

I think he'll be happy he did.

Thanks again for sharing.

Just stop him being a sex slave to his women and pushy Gabby and her mother.

It is his harem, NOT Gabrielles sex harem.

5/5

@Wargamer

As I noted in my previous comment to you (I think on Ch 27), I'm big on character growth, and by Ch 42, Kai has become much more dominate, and has a better handle on this situation.

FYI: There is a problem with this beta interface. About 30-40% of the time, it crashes when I click on 5 stars, preventing me from rating or leaving a comment. This is the first chapter in 5-6 that I've been able to rate. Nothing has changed on my end, no reboot of my iPad, etc. So, it's definitely the page.

I've reported it numerous times in the last 6 months, with no resolution/fix. It's only the lower portion of the page, preventing me from rating commenting, or using the hyperlinks to further chapters.

I am forced to use the beta site if I am logged in. If I don't log in, it only takes a few chapters before a chapter or story refuses to open in the old interface, so I'm stuck with this malfunctioning PoS.

I've taken to notifying Lit submitters when I get close to 'real time' on their submissions. I will re-post this any chance I get, from here until I catch up with you. I'm hoping enough submitters will complain to Lit, the problem will get fixed. You are the ones being harmed by it, I'm just annoyed.

Thanks for sharing your imagination and creativity; it's a good tale, though it moves a bit slow, at times, plot-wise, and some of the dialogue/character reactions-actions don't ring real, and some real life circumstances/ situations are inaccurate. Nothing a professional editor, not merely a proof reader/grammar corrector; a writing 'partner' couldn't fix, to make this a publishable manuscript.

I've read pre-edited, very successful once edited & published manuscripts much 'rougher' than this.

I'm trying to think of an example of a situational inaccuracy, but I'm drawing a blank... oh, here's one: nurses, especially ICU nurses, (where Michelle was), are MUCH more aware of supplies.

If there is a reason for several syringes to be close at hand, they would likely notice missing ones, because if they are close at hand, they are needed, and it's the nurse's responsibility to keep them on hand. To compound this one detail, syringes are typically not kept out, in a pile, they are in a cabinet or drawer, if they are in the room, at all.

Further, there might be non-needled syringes in rooms in certain wards, for feeding tubes, and such, but fullly needled syringes would be atypical. Inventory control on certain items is very tight in hospitals, needled syringes are not readily available in the real world, (more so with the Internet, & Amazon; I've bought certain Rx only substances on Amazon!).

I have a Rx for a medicine I must inject weekly, and can't use insulin needles. I order them from a vet supply house, because of price and ease of purchase. Local pharmacies, even where I get the Rx med will question me, playing gatekeeper on items which could potentially be used with illegal drugs.

I've required needled syringes for certain automotive/repair purchases for 50+ years, and have had difficulties with syringe purchases continually through the years. Plus, I have hospital/medical profession experience; I've seen this one from multiple perspectives, so I beat it to death.

A lot of people, even new/amateur writers, never make the connection between publishing advances and research, until they get their first advance, or get to know a published author.

Authenticity in real life scenarios, diaglogue and social/psychological character behavior goes a long way towards helping a story. Even Sci Fi/Fantasy, where ridicuously non-real thjngs are written about.

If the real life stuff is 100%, at the times when the story ventures into areas where SoD, (suspension of disbelief), is necessary for the reader to accept such details/characters/scenarios, the same SoD is easier for the reader to attain/maintain.

Hope this helps. If you ever are wondering about a real life detail's authenticity, don't hesitate to short me a question; if I don't know it off the top of my head, I'll know someone to reach out to, with insiders' knowledge.

I have a very diverse and expereince/knowledge of a number of fields, plus years of human interaction/people observing in professional/non-professional roles. I've done more than most people do in 3-4 lifetimes in my 68 years, beginning as a pre-teen, when I started apprenticing as an auto mechanic.

By 16, I was running my own auto repair side biz from my home, and living on my own, WHILE still going to school, AND working part-time. Haven't slowed down, since; still learning new skills/technologies, to this day.

Thanks, again,, for your sharing, and the work it takes to put together a quality submission.

Regards,

GeoD

@Wildwood55

Literotica has a forum, where you can report errors and such: https://forum.literotica.com/index.php

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The very first category is 'Tech Support'

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Also, I worked at a major downtown hospital for almost 4 years (on the floor, with patients), and I'm pulling from my own personal experience. Maybe in a small-town hospital, they might keep better track of supplies, but so many people are in-and-out of the rooms, including nurses, nurse's assistants, doctors, doctor assistants, nurse practitioners, physical therapists, that certain inexpensive things (like syringes) do get left out and overlooked.

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Not sure where you live, but I can go to any Walmart Pharmacy, and ask to buy needles, and they'll usually sell them. One of the nurses I used to work with did this for her (then) boyfriend, who had diabetes and needed them for his insulin shots, and she didn't need a prescription, didn't need to tell them what they were for, or to even show ID. She just asked for needles, and they sold them to her (for pretty cheap too).

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I suspect that location probably matters a lot here, as far as accuracy goes, but I can assure you that very little of what I've written is inaccurate where I live, because I'm either pulling from personal experience, or have heavily researched the subject (often both).

KaiserWolf, you have stated a couple of times about chapter 42. When will we get more chapters here on literotica? We are only up to chapter 35 right now and it has been awhile since new chapters have been posted. Just curious.