Invisible

He fell in behind her, following her to the bathroom. There he could confront her one on one. She'd had her fun. She even got the last word in their fight. She had made her point. Now she could apologize, and maybe over time they could rebuild their lives. But apparently Karen wasn't done humiliating him. Without uttering a single word, she simply shut bathroom door in Baxter's face.

That was it. Baxter finally had enough. "I hope you fucking die." He yelled through the bathroom door to his wife. Then he flipped off Joe and stormed out of the out of the house... again. This time grumbling about how he was right to have started that fight with Karen. That grumbling gave him little consolation. It was as if he had won the battle, but somehow lost the war.

Still having to walk, Baxter plodded along making his way down to Larry's. Now there was a place where he would feel welcome. They wouldn't ignore him there, and there was little doubt that Larry's was the perfect kind of place to drown his sorrows in a glass or two of his favorite vice.

That vice came in the form of alcohol. Whiskey, some might call it. Rot-gut if they were being honest. A strong hard liquor that is as cheap as cheap can get. Straight up this time. No water, no mixers, and no ice. The strong bite of the cheapest stuff in the place was just what Baxter needed to wash the dreadful taste of humiliation from his mouth.

Baxter swung open the door at Larry's. This little neighborhood bar was like a place out of time. An old fashioned bar with an old fashioned entryway, complete with pealing wooden doors and squeaking hinges.

Going through that entryway was like going back in time. The dim corridor's only light came from an aging neon sign for Falstaf Beer that quietly buzzed and flickered as it precariously clung to the wall. A chocolate mint patty dispenser that still cost a dime sat in the corner, and an old pull knob cigarette machine stretched out below the Falstaf sign, still holding a pack or two of long forgotten brands.

As Baxter passed through the second set of doors he stopped and looked around. The bar wasn't lit much better than the entryway, and as his eyes adjusted to the light he collected his thoughts. "It's nice to see they restored the old joint back to the way it was before the fire," He raised his brow and nodded with a bit of surprise. "I figured they would have made it into some sort of new age shithead karaoke bar, and that would have been a damn shame."

The place was all but empty, with only the odd patron sitting here and there. All seemed to be biding their time. Slowly nursing their drinks, waiting for something that would likely never come. Baxter was among them, wishing his life were different, hoping things could change, loathing what he had become as he saddled up to the bar.

"Evening Hank," he greeted the bartender as he sat on his usual stool.

Hank didn't have to ask. He simply slid a glass in front of Baxter and started to pour. The label on bottle said Old Dog, but it might as well have been Dead Dog. It was indeed the cheapest stuff in the place.

"You look like hell Mac!" Hank always called everyone Mac, even if he knew their name. "What brings you in?"

Baxter looked up from the swirling golden liquid filling the glass, ready to spill his guts to Hank.

"Wait, Don't tell me." Hank said as he pulled the bottle back from the glass as it filled. "Trouble with the old lady, right?"

"Yeah, we had a fight and she stopped speaking to me. Then I caught her in bed with my best friend and they didn't even care. When they were all done fucking, my wife made fun of me and slammed the door in my face."

"That's not right Mac."

"You're tellin' me Hank! It's just wrong. But you know what? For some damn reason I still love her."

"I see. So you still want to be with her, even after all that's happened?"

"Yeah, I guess that's what I want."

"I figured you would probably want her dead. Most guys in your shoes seem to want that."

"You know Hank? I'm not even all that mad about what she did. The sheets aren't even cold yet and I already miss her. I always thought we were going to be together forever, and now we aren't. I guess that's what really gets me down."

"So ask yourself what you want?" Hank starts dishing out the old school bartender's counseling. "I mean what do you really want. If you had just one wish to make, what would it be?"

Baxter thinks for a moment. The last thing he wants to do is waste some of Hank's sage wisdom. "I guess what I just said about being together. I still want the dream. I still want forever. If I really had that wish to make, it would have to be this. I want to be reunited with my wife forever. Considering everything she did, that's kind of strange, right?"

"That's not strange at all Mac. Guys like you come through here all the time. Each one missing a wife or girlfriend after they've moved on. You can't do this alone, you know. You are going to need some help. See the man in the suit sitting down by the end of the bar. That's Morty. Go talk to him. If there's anyone that can help you with this, it's good ol' Morty."

Baxter gulps the last of his drink, wincing at the burn as it goes down hard. "What do I owe you Hank?"

"Don't worry about it Baxter, that one is on the house."

Baxter thanks Hank for the drink, then he wanders down to see the man in the suit.

"Yes, I'm Morty," the man in the suit oddly introduces himself, ignoring Baxter's offer to shake hands. "What can I do for you?"

Baxter tells his story. Recounting to a complete stranger how much it hurt to see his wife with another man, and telling all of the things she did to humiliate him.

"So, you want someone to kill the bitch, right?" Morty says, grinning as if he would thoroughly enjoy doing the job.

Baxter thinks for a moment... "No, no. I really don't want that kind of revenge. Like I told Hank, for some stupid reason I still love her. I don't want to hurt her. I just wish we could be back together again."

"Of course that's what you want my friend. Half the guys in here want that very same thing. You want to be reunited with your wife, and that's exactly the kind of thing I do. Around here, I'm what you might call a specialist."

"So you can actually do that? You can get us back together?" Baxter feels a tiny glimmer of hope. "I know things will never be the same, but I'd sure like for us to be a couple again."

"I can do that and so much more. It's quite simple really. You and I just have to come to an agreement. Make a deal of sorts. Then I reunite you with your wife."

"A deal huh? What kind of deal? What is this going to cost me? This isn't one of those loan shark sort of things that can never be paid off is it?"

"No, your money is no good to me. This deal won't cost you a dime."

"Then what? Wait just a minute... This isn't one of those things where you and a bunch your buddies all take a crack at fucking my wife before I get her back is it? Did Karen put you up to this? Are you part of this miserable fucking cuckold thing she's doing?"

"No Baxter, it's nothing like that. This is an honest offer. It's the best deal a guy in your shoes will ever get. Matter of fact it's the only deal you'll get."

"Make this deal and I'll use the very skill the good lord has bestowed upon me to bring the two of you together forever. And the best part is you get to choose how it happens. You are in control here. This a good offer, and I absolutely guarantee results. It's all on the up and up. Fair and square... How about it Baxter?"

"Fair and square you say. No cheating?

"That's right, fair and square." Morty sympathetically raises his brow and flashes a smile of comfort.

"Well, Hank has always been a straight shooter with me. I'm sure he wouldn't have sent me to some sort of lowlife. I guess I'm desperate enough to try something this crazy. If it's going to get me back with Karen, then I'd say we have a deal."

"Okay then," Morty grins a toothy grin. "How do you want her to die?"

"Now wait a minute. I told you I didn't want that kind of revenge. That's not the deal. That's not what I asked for."

"But that is what you asked for. That's how the whole thing works. It's what needs to happen. It's the only way to set this right."

"Now hold on. How does that make things right? As humiliating as her making me into a cuckold was, I still don't think she deserves to die."

Morty gets a serious, somber look on his face, and stares directly into Baxter's eyes. "You don't get it, do you? You really have no idea. You're a dead man now. Just choose a way."

"What what do you mean I'm a dead man? What the hell... First you want to kill my wife, and now you are threatening me?"

"No sir, not at all. Sorry you took what I said that way. Let me explain. Wow, this is never easy. Okay, listen up my friend. This place isn't the Larry's you think you remember. Larry's burned down years ago, and Hank died in that fire. You knew that."

"I don't understand. We are sitting in Larry's right now and Hank is right there." Baxter points to the other end of the bar, but Hank is gone.

"Oooh boy!" Morty laments. "You really don't know, do you?"

"What? What don't I know?"

"Well, I hate to be the one that has to tell you this Baxter, but you are dead. You died the night you fought with Karen. You wobbled out of that bar drunk as a skunk. Then ran your car head on into a tree. And the crash was quite spectacular if I do say so myself."

"What the fuck?"

"Sure enough. You've been dead for years."

"No way. You're fucking with me. I had that fight with Karen just a couple of days ago, and now I'm sitting right here talking to you. I'm not dead."

"Yup, you bit the dust three years and twenty-one days ago. I have it right here in my appointment book. I know it seems like only a couple of days have passed since you, um passed; but there's no concept of time here in the afterlife."

"No fucking way. Who let you out of the loony bin?"

Baxter gets up to go back to his bar stool. Maybe a tall glass of something a little better than Old Dog will make this hallucination go away.

"Wait a minute Baxter. Give me a moment to explain."

"Alright, you've got one minute." Baxter plants his ass back down on the chair.

"Okay, let me lay this out for you. You had that fight with your wife and now she won't speak to you."

"That's right. So what?"

"Well, did she actually tell you she wasn't going to speak to you?"

"Um, not exactly." Baxter shrugs.

"Has she ever done anything like that before?" Morty leads Baxter along.

"Well no. Usually I can't get her to shut up."

"Well, there you have it. Your wife isn't speaking to you because she can't see or hear you. You are in the afterlife my friend. You are gone from her world."

Baxter just shrugs, watching intently for Morty's minute to be up.

"I see you're not convinced. Want more?" Morty taps the table with his fingers as he looks up and away to access a memory.

"Okay here we go. Try this. Why do you suppose that family just butted in front of you at the Cost Club like you weren't even there? Or how is it that your hands won't trigger a simple faucet? And why don't any of your phone calls ever get answered, or for that matter ever go to voicemail? Weren't you curious as to why you feel dead inside? Didn't you wonder how Karen seemed to run right through you when she rushed off to the bathroom?"

"Wait, how do you know about all of that? Hold on just a minute here... Fucking hell! I'm dead? I'm actually fucking dead?"

"Yup, dead as a door nail. And it's such a shame too. That box of lingerie you fought over had been delivered to the wrong address. Your wife thought it was a gift from you. She was going to screw your brains out that night. Instead, you screwed the pooch and started that fight. So now that you know, lets get back to our little agreement... How do you want Karen to die."

"No, wait! You can't. How could you?" Baxter is still a bit confused.

"It's easy my friend. Don't you recognize me?" Morty waves his hand and his appearance momentarily changes to that of a skeleton wearing a hooded robe. Then just as quickly, he changes back to the man in the suit. Then he grins, "I'm what those saps in the living world call the angel of death."

Baxter pulls back, well out of Morty's reach, not wanting to be touched.

"Relax, Baxter. You're already dead. It's not like I can kill you again. Besides, being touched by me isn't how the whole thing works. Writing a name in the book is pretty much all it takes. That, and how it happens of course."

"Oh, and just for the record, I'm not that wormy headed skeleton I just showed you. That old skull and scythe thing was conjured up by the living. Scares the shit out of people. I'd have to say, the medieval artists that came up with that crap sure were an odd lot. And not a single one of them ever saw me coming. What the heck am I saying, no one ever sees me coming."

"Now let's get back to the little matter of your wife. After you ran into that tree your best friend chipped in and helped Karen with the arrangements to settle your affairs. There was no way she could have handled any of that on her own. She was devastated. Blamed herself for the fight that made you go out and drink. She cried for weeks."

"She always did love me more than I deserved. I guess I should have listened to her that night."

"Another thing about that fight Baxter. You should also know that she never cheated on you. You two really do deserve to be together, and there is only one way to make that happen.

"Wait a minute. Now I know you are a liar. I saw her cheating with my own two eyes. She was in my bed fucking my best friend."

"Relax Baxter. That little thing you saw between Karen and Joe wasn't what you think it was. That actually happened just a couple of days ago in living time. Of course they became close after you died. They spent an awful lot of time together putting you to rest. That sort of thing was bound to happen."

"But know this young Baxter... Their friendship didn't blossom into romance until after you'd been dead for nearly two tears. You were gone, and they fell in love. In fact, they got hitched just last weekend, and are trying to start a family. Now that's not cheating. Not in anyone's book."

Baxter sits and contemplates what Morty has reveled to him. It's a lot to take in. After a long bit of deep thought he concedes, "I guess if she was going to re-marry, it might as well have been to a guy like Joe."

"Just between you and me Baxter, I don't know what the big deal is about the whole falling in love thing. It's so messy. Seems like a complete waste of time to me. But everyone seems to do it. Now how should I do your wife in?"

Morty reaches up and pulls an old fashioned feather quill out of thin air. Then he licks the tip, and gets ready to write in his appointment book. "Hey, here's an idea. I could do a two for one and take good old Joe while I'm at it."

"No! I don't want you to kill either one of them. I love them both and they deserve to live. Karen deserves to have that family she always wanted. She deserves to live the kind of a full and happy life I wasn't able to provide. I owe her that at least. Their names aren't in that book of yours yet. Just leave them alone."

"No can do Piasano. It's not up to me. Now I can leave old Joe alone, but your wife's fate was sealed when you told Hank you wanted to be with her again."

"I didn't make any deals with Hank. What does he have to do with this?"

"Well, Hank is kind of like the granter of last wishes here in the afterlife, and you wished for something. Now let me see... Ah yes, here it is. You said, and I quote, 'I want to be reunited with my wife forever.' Now you have to understand there is no such thing as forever in their world. The only way you two can be together forever is to have her join you here."

"But you can't do that."

"Oh but I can, and we have a deal Baxter... Fair and square, remember?"

"What do you mean fair and square. This isn't fair. You tricked me."

"So sue me for being playful. No, wait. You can't actually do that here. Lawyers go to that other place... Just kidding. They're here too. But this is no trick Baxter. It's just the way things are done here. I'll bet you never saw that coming. No one ever does."

Baxter stops and thinks a moment. He needs to stall for time. Real world life seems to go at a much faster pace than it does in the afterlife. Every one dies eventually, but maybe he can buy Karen a few years if he can keep negotiating and slow the progress of this deal. Who knows, maybe he can even get Morty to change his mind.

"Interesting choice of words," Baxter surmises, talking as slowly as he can. "You said, and I quote... I'll bet you never saw that coming. Huh? That one word sticks with me. You know... the word "bet". Does that mean what I think? Are you a betting man Morty? I'm guessing you like making a little wager now and then. Do I have that right?"

"I've been known to dabble a bit." Morty acts like he is somewhat of an amateur.

"Okay, how about you and I play a bit of poker?" Baxter decides. "That's an easy enough game for one who just dabbles, right?"

"So you fancy yourself as a bit of a player, eh? I think I see where you are going with this. What's your pleasure... Seven Card Stud, perhaps a hand of Omaha? I've played them all, and I always win."

"Seven Card stud lacks interest, and Omaha is just too weird." Baxter rests his chin in his hand, acting as if he is thinking. Taking as much time as he thinks he can. Then he looks at Morty and nods like he has come up with the ultimate solution.

"How about Texas Hold'em. Say a single deal, straight up. None of that betting or bluffing bullshit. One hand, winner takes all. I win and you leave Karen and Joe alone. You win and our deal to bring Karen here stands."

"So you are sacrificing yourself to save your friends. That's quite noble and all, but you haven't made much of a bet. You are already here, and we already have a deal for Karen to come join you. You have offered me nothing. How about you throw good old Joe into the mix? I could do another fiery car crash."

"No. I'm not risking any more lives here."

"Well you have to put some chips on the table so to speak, or it isn't really a bet. How about this? You win and your friends are free to live long and happy lives. You lose, and I get to take Karen. Then you get to suck old Morty's dick, no spit no quit."

"No way. I'm not gay, or even bi. I don't even glance at the guy in the urinal next to me, and I don't suck dick."

"Seems like I'm holding all the cards, so to speak. That's the deal. One hand of Texas Hold'em to see when you are going to gulp down a big nasty load of cum."

"Wait a minute. How are you so sure you are going to win anyway? You aren't going to cheat are you?"

"No cheating. You have my word Baxter. Just like our deal, this is all on the up and up. Fair and square. That's how I roll."

"I don't believe that for a New York minute. You kill people for a living. How can I trust anything you say?"

"I'd hardly call what I do a living. I just do what I do. It's a calling, not a job. You think I choose to do this? No sir. I was appointed to this vocation by the big guy himself. Sure I'm the angel of death, but I'm still an angel, and we angels never lie. It's part of the angel code."

"So you don't work for the devil?"

"Nope, don't believe everything the living tell you kid. They've got most of this whole afterlife thing all wrong."

"Now take a look here, Baxter my man." A deck of cards appears out of thin air, and Morty fans them perfectly across the table.

"See? One standard deck, complete with naked fatties riding bikes on the back. These cards are the real deal... no gimmicks. And just to show you I'm not trying to pull a fast one, I'm going to let you deal."