Invitation to Club "O"

"We'll talk. Right now, I need to get out of this clown suit."

Floating through the air on my spider web or standing on a bar platform, I only saw two Jessica Rabbits but like 15 mimes. Now the mimes all had their hair tucked under their hats, leaving the back of their necks bare. Stacy has 2 tiny red birthmarks on the back of her neck. As I circulated, I wasn't finding any. Nope, too short, too tall, nope, nope, nope. And on and on. Too tall and then BAM, that's her. I turned away so I wasn't caught staring. Too late, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I think it was Stacy/Mime, and she was signing if I would like to dance.

I aimed my wrist web shooter at the ceiling and deepened my voice, "We'll have to do it the old fashion way, on our feet. My web shooter is out of web chemicals."

She nodded and we finished the song playing and then danced to "At the Hop." I knew it was the little redhead girl who used to take my blood pressure as well as other things. As the song ended, I bowed. "Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man thanks you for the dance. She curtsied and looked at me. She knew.

Time to end this and let Wolf Man find Jessica Rabbit.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Stacy? I caught Barb and Alice already."

"Kyle! I thought it was you. How did you get so tall and bulky?"

"Inflatable pads and lifts. Now I have to find Gwen."

"I saw her about an hour ago by the backdoor."

"Stacy, my love, will you be my date at Club "O" tomorrow night?"

"My love? Yes!"

"Great! Oh Crap, catch you later. Got to run, Alice is coming and she looks very angry." She was ten feet away and even with a Cat Woman mask on, I knew she was major league pissed. Big sister Alice did not like to lose.

I moved through a side door and sprinted around the corner. The three generations were waiting at the front door for me.

"We saw you coming from the back porch."

"No time, my plans are changing. I used this costume to get #3 before she caught me. I need to put Wolf Man on."

We tried to pull it on but it was too tight. "You'll have to take off Spider-Man to get Wolf Man on." Agnes was glowing as she made that statement.

All three let the air out so the costume was loose enough to pull off. And there I was in boxer shorts and socks in front of three smiling women.

"My dear ladies, I can come back Sunday and you can stuff bills in the elastic of my boxers. But it's Midnight and I only have an hour left." Seven minutes later I was locking three costumes in my trunk and shuffling down the sidewalk like Lon Chaney.

Jessica Rabbit, where are you? I figured Stacy would take me to the Gala even if I didn't find Gwen but I wanted to beat Alice.

I got up behind the DJ and I saw three Jessicas. One was straight ahead and one sat at the bar across the dance floor. The third was heading up the stairs, looking behind her. I looked at the clock next to the DJ, 12:15.

I pushed past Jessica #1, who was drunk and had real double E's. The redhead at the bar had big lipstick but tiny lips. Gwen, you'd better be in the bathroom.

At the top of the stairs, I bumped into Lady Gaga.

"Ooh, Wolfey. Whatcha packing down there?"

"A 12-inch pipe of grade "A" wolf, little miss Gaga."

"Want to come back to my place and give me CPR?"

"Sorry, I've got a hot date with Jessica Rabbit."

"Oh, she went to the bathroom down the hall on the right." She reached down and grabbed my junk and cooed, "Well it's not a foot long but it is definitely very nice and hard."

"Growl, Argh, thanks."

Bang! Bang! Bang on the door. "Open! Wolf Man needs to go pee."

"Wolf Man? Hold on, I'll let you in." That was Gwen.

The door opened, but instead of leaving, she backed up. I entered and closed the door after me. I dropped wolf trousers and drained the main vein. I saw her checking me out as I did my business. After I finished, I re-assembled Wolfey and asked, "Well, am I bigger than your boyfriend, Gwen?"

"What did you say? Who are you?"

I pulled off the Wolf Man hands, pulled Gwen close to me, and moved my left index finger, up her bareback.

"Remember me now, or should I get a room?"

Her mouth dropped open. "How? No way? No one knew who I was tonight," she pouted. Now those were Jessica Rabbit lips.

"You four should have listened to the rules. No tipping each other off. After I caught Barb hockey player by hearing her laugh, I watched her. You girls couldn't stay away from each other. She led me to Alice. I verified her by playing her song."

I'm such a liar.

"What about Stacy?"

"I was standing in the middle of the dance floor and a group of mimes surrounded me. I spotted her by the way she stood still, held her hands, and walked. She didn't have to talk."

I'm so bad.

"I saw you twice near Alice and Barb but I couldn't get there before you vanished. I was sure you were Jessica Rabbit when I saw you climb the stairs. I checked the pushing in the cushion and I knew I had seen those pillows before."

"How would you know what I look like when I walk?"

"Because I'm Alice's creepy brother and I've spied on the four of you the last seven years. Come on, let's gather the troops so I can gloat."

We went downstairs and spotted them at the bar. They saw us and waved.

The DJ announced, "Attention. Bar closes at 1:00 a.m. in five minutes."

I raised my arms in victory!

They all started talking at once.

"Hold up girls. Come over to my house at 9 a.m. and Mom will make breakfast. We can talk then." I kissed the three girls on the cheek and said, "Goodnight." I kissed Stacy on the lips and when I stopped the others were gone. "See you tomorrow, Stacy."

"K"

I went back to Agnes' house for the car and a hug. "I won. Where are the girls?"

"They went home."

"I'll call you next week about the party for BB."

"All right Rocky," Agnes said and laid a big kiss on my cheek.

Saturday

Alice jumped on my bed, waking me up from a major wet dream. I sat up.

"Better change the boxers bro. Looks like someone had an accident. Get up, everyone is here. Edna's here too."

Oh fuck. I pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt and went to meet my doom.

"Kyle, sit between Stacy and Edna. Here's your plate. Eat up, big party tonight." Mom was happy, so I ate.

Well, I was a growing boy.

"Alice?" My good friend, bitch Gwen was back. "Did you tell your little brother the theme of tonight's party?"

"Yes dear sister, please enlighten me."

"Its 21st century sex, sex, and more sex. Costumes must be hot. If your costume is not hot enough you don't get in, even with an invite."

Barb put her $3.50 in, "All those costumes you wore last night won't get you out of the car."

God must have hated me, severely. I guess I had no choice since there wasn't a decent costume within 500 miles.

I looked at Edna, and smiled an "I know something they don't know" smile. Edna broke into a huge grin and mouthed, "Yes, do it."

Mom was looking back and forth between Edna and me. "What! What are you two up to?"

"You'll find out everything tomorrow, Mom."

"What is the Clique wearing? Gwen?"

"I'm going as Jessica again, but with costume modifications."

"I can't wait to see it. Barb?"

"I'm going as Marilyn Monroe wearing 50 veils."

"Can blondes count to 50?" A balled up napkin hit me in the head. "Very funny." She pouted.

"Alice, are you going as a witch?"

"How did you know? Snooping in my room again?"

"Just in your thong drawer. Stacy, what are you going as? I'll bet you rock." I was holding her hand under the table.

"I'm going as Elvira."

"Well you will beat The Elvira I danced with last night, she was flat."

"So little brother, Stacy has the invitee plus guest invitation card. Entry to the party is 6-9. Judging is from 9-11 with results announced at midnight. When you go in you will be asked if you will perform. If you say yes, you will get a number and will go to one of the ballrooms. Performance categories are Best Male; Best Female; Best Mixed Couple; Best Gay Couple; and Best Lesbian Couple. Costumes count towards the final score. Prizes are to die for. We usually arrive at about 8. Pick up Stacy at 6:45. Got it? Don't embarrass me. Ta Ta."

Alice, Gwen, and Barb got up and started for the front door. "Coming, Stacy?"

"In a minute." She looked deep into my soul through my eyes.

I stammered, "I'll be at your house by 6:30, Stacy." I was thinking, forget the party, let's elope.

"OK. See you then."

We kissed, soft, sweet, and lingering. I woke up when Edna shook me. Stacy was gone.

"Edna, will you go with me to pick up my costume?"

We were heading across town when I spoke. "I didn't need any help. I thought you might want to see where I work." A half-hour later, I pulled into the parking lot.

As I held the door open for Edna, a voice came from the speakers in the room. "We don't open until one and no singles on Saturday."

"Hey, Alex. It's me, Rocky. This is my Aunt Edna. Can we come back?"

"Sure, kid."

When we got to his door, he buzzed us in. Alex was putting a huge pile of money in the safe. "Edna? You Sherman's wife?"

"Why, yes I am."

"Thought so. We go way back. He doesn't come by that much anymore but we talk on the phone at least once a week."

"So, kid, what can I do for you?"

Does Sherman know everyone in this town?

I explained about the party at Club "O" and asked, "I need a favor. I need to borrow, rent, or buy one of the new outfits, minus the shoes."

He nodded his head. "I like you, kid. You can buy it and pay me back next week. I have you scheduled for a birthday party on Thursday. The gear runs $1600 but I'll let you have it for $1200. My cost is $900."

"Deal, Alex. I've got everything else I need in my locker."

Alex pulled a box out from the middle of a stack against the wall, that had my name on it. "Here kid, this is the suit I ordered for you."

"Turn around, Edna." I stripped and pulled on the thong, adjusted the package, and bounced a little. I pulled on the satin finish pants, snapped the legs up, and bounced again. The black choker, with a black bowtie, went on next and then the shirt cuffs. Finally, I threw the cape around my shoulders and tied it around my neck.

"OK, Edna, turn around."

She turned around and gasped. "You're not my little nephew anymore."

"I removed the cape and folded it up before putting it back in the box. I then went into spin, flexing my hips, and popped the pants off.

"Oh, my." Edna covered up her eyes but was peeking through her fingers. I took off the choker and put it and the pants in the box, sliding the cuffs off and closing the box. I pulled my shorts and t-shirt on.

"I need some stuff in the dressing room, Edna. I'll be right back." I ran to the dressing room and put what I needed in a bag. When I got back to the office, they were both laughing.

"Alex, do you still have any of those fake $100 bills with the club info on them?"

"Wait a minute." He opened a file cabinet drawer and pulled out a pack of 100 bills.

"Great. That should seal the deal. Thanks, see you Monday."

"Let's go Edna. We've got no time, no time and things to do."

I felt pretty good as we rolled along the road to her house.

It was 1:30 when we walked through the front door. "Edna, I hope I won't embarrass you, but I'm going to need you to put oil on a few spots I can't reach."

"I can't wait, Baby."

I went to the bathroom carrying my bag and shut the door. I peeled off my shirt and pulled my gel and Fake Hair spray out of the bag. The spray would build the body of my hair out. Using my hairdryer, I dried the spray on my hair. It wasn't coming off until I shampooed again. Next, I gelled my hair and combed it giving me a chic "bad boy" look. Sweet.

There was a knock on the door. "Kyle, I fixed you some sandwiches in case you're hungry."

I opened the door. "You had to see my bare chest again, didn't you?"

Her eyes got big and she turned and went to the kitchen. I followed and sat at the table and started to eat. "Thank you, my beautiful Edna."

A squeaky voice piped up, "I heard that."

"Did he bug your house?"

I finished eating and saw it was 2:15. Back in the bathroom I stripped and shaved my legs, groin, and chest. I brushed my teeth, flossed, and gargled. I took out a small bottle of Clive Christian for Men and put small dots on each side of my neck and both wrists. I then put some on both sides of my junk and the top of my feet.

Next, I pulled black liner socks on my feet and slipped my black, patent leather loafers on. So comfortable. Choker and cuffs went on next. Last, I slid the all-important thong on. It was small enough to excite passions and show everything off. And big enough to hide stuff and keep the club from being raided.

I had been using the tanning booth at the mall so I didn't need the tanning spray. Now I needed to oil up with Johnson and Johnson Baby Oil with a secret ingredient added. I don't know what it is, it's a secret. I put on some surgical gloves to keep oil off my fingers. The oil was in an unmarked bottle Alex gave me, and it works. I mean you get shiny and smooth but not wet to the touch.

I started with my legs, did my arms, shoulders, belly, chest, and cheeks, face not butt. I had to give Edna something that would help Sherman get lucky tonight. I opened the door, and stuck my head out, almost knocking our heads together. I whispered, "Edna, get in here."

She slid by me and as I closed and locked the door, I heard "Oh, my. When did you get to be a hunnn...?"

She couldn't finish the word, it was hunk, I believe. "Put these gloves on and..."

"Uh, uh. No gloves! Nope. Not happening."

"Edna, I need you. I can't get Sherman to do it."

"Oh, I'll do it, but no gloves. Skin on skin. I may be the oldest woman to see you like this, but I'm not dead."

"Trust me, you're not even close to the oldest woman. Rub oil over the rest of my face, chest, my back, and I left you a treat. Try to look where your fingers are going."

She applied oil to my face and touched up a few spots on my chest and belly. "Turn around."

I turned around and the amount of oxygen she sucked in could have made a bonfire in the sink go out. "Focus Edna. Back first."

She did my back and the lower she got the slower she got. When she reached the thong I said, "Sit on the toilet seat so you won't fall over."

Some noises came from her, I didn't recognize any words. I won't describe what took place or how long it took to finish, but I had to push her out so I could finish getting ready. I took the hairdryer and blew air on my body, speeding up the drying process. On with the pants, snapped it up, and I put my supplies and my clothes in the bag.

I grabbed the bag and my cape and went to the kitchen. Edna wasn't there but Sherman was. How did he do it? He had to have been a Ninja.

"No wonder Edna went running into our bedroom when she saw me." He took a fake bite out of his hand. "I'm not gay but you look hot." So what's this shiksa you're going with wearing?"

"She's going as Elvira with more skin and less dress. Can I borrow the Benz? I have to pick her up at 6:30."

"Hold on." He pulled his cellphone out and hit 1 digit. "Tom, this is Sherm. I need a limo. Who is free?"

"Frankie and George? Send George. I don't want my nephew punching Frankie out for hitting on his girl."

"Where? My place. Thanks."

Edna came into the kitchen, a little more composed, and sat down. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'm good." I sat down and we chatted about this and that. Finally, there was a knock on the front door.

"Come on in, George." Footsteps came across the living room and Sherman looked pale.

That's because it wasn't George, it was mom. HAH! You didn't see that one, did you uncle? Mom, oh fuck I'm dead.

"Hi, Mom. How are you? Nice day isn't it?"

"And why are you dressed like this?"

"It's a costume, Mom, you know, Halloween."

She stepped towards me and lifted the cape. "Very nice material. Expensive." She looked in my bag and pulled out a fake $100 bill and started reading. "Black Tie Lounge. Open 2-Midnight Monday thru Friday. Noon-2am. Saturday.

2pm-11pm Sunday. Are you going to stick to that story?"

Saved by the knock on the door. It was George.

Edna got up, "Can I get you something to drink, George?"

"No thanks, Edna." George came into the kitchen and stood behind mom.

He looked at me and I reached out. "Kyle."

He shook my hand and replied, "You're going to Club "O" tonight?"

"Yep, with the girl, I've loved since 3rd grade."

"Where does she live?"

I gave him her address.

"Well, we better get going because the line for limos usually takes about 45 minutes to reach the front door."

"Bye, Mom." I kissed her on her cheek. "Bye Sherman, Edna. Can you explain all this to mom?"

I started to leave and had a brainstorm. I ran into my cousin's room and grabbed his Phantom of the Opera mask. I came out, put on my cape, grabbed my bag, and followed George down to a brilliant white Limo.

The trip seemed like it took forever, but It was only 6:15 when we got to Stacy's. Before I got out, I put the fake $100's in a pocket inside the cape and then added a small box. Holding the front of my cape closed, I grabbed the mask and went to the door. I knocked. Roger answered, and I held a finger up to my lips. I whispered, "Kitchen."

We went there and Consuela was gluing a red stone on Jessica Rabbit's shoe.

"You see this mask? Phantom of the Opera, right?"

Roger shrugged. "Very, uh nice."

"Smokescreen!" I laid the mask down and threw my cape back.

Consuela gasped, and Roger started giggling and was getting louder.

"Shush." I waved down with my palms. "This trick is for three of them and the treat is I have a ring for Stacy."

Roger's face looked like he was ill.

"Hold on, Roger. It's not what you think." I explained my plan and he relaxed.

"Scared me. This is a wonderful idea. She talks about you a lot."

Consuela nodded. "I need to get this to Jessica Bitch, oops. Can I tell them you are here?"

Letting the cape fall back, I nodded with a smile. I looked into the small mirror on the wall and checked my hair.

I strolled out to the foyer as I heard voices upstairs. "Hey, dumb ass. Don't let your eyes bulge out. What's your costume? Dracula?" Alice was a black witch, with a million shiny sequins. Big slits in the bottom and major boob exposure up top. She opened the door. "Limo's here."

I held the mask up.

"A dead guy." Barb was Marilyn Monroe, also a blonde, wearing 50 veils.

"No dummy, Phantom of the Opera." Jessica Rabbit, looking like a cartoon slut, followed the other two and shut the door.

A few seconds later I heard through the door, "There's two limo's, one white and one black one. Oh,

Dickhead got a Limo?"

I heard a throat clear, "Ahem."

Oh, my God, I'm not going to stay tucked into this thong for long. Stacy's dress front was cut down to her navel, with nipples that were barely covered up. A long slit in the dress up the right leg, smooth black hose, and tall stiletto heels. Oh, and a big hair, black wig. Stacy flowed down the stairs, with an exaggerated pop of her hips.

I took her left arm in my right and we went out the door. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"Kyle, I think we should get in the limo."

George was holding the left passenger door open, so I helped her in and followed behind. The door shut and we followed the black limo down the road.

"There's bottles of water in the fridge as well as a bottle of champagne, but I would recommend saving that for later." He closed the window leaving us alone.

"Interesting costume, Kyle, Phantom of the Opera."

"No, that's boring. But your girls think that's my costume."

She smiled a knowing smile. She knew I liked to fuck with Alice and Gwen. I got a bottle of water and we shared. "I'd kiss you but I don't want to mess up my makeup."