All Comments on 'Irene and Alan - Husband & Wife'

I’m sorry to say this, but I found this story difficult to read. You kept jumping from a third person narrative to the first person with both of your main characters! If you’re going to use the third person, then stay with the third person. If you want to use the first person for both characters then break it up into blocks where it’s Irene’s story and then a block of Alan’s story. This technique often requires some redundancy in the story, but does make it more readable. Perhaps you should use an editor in the future. And please, don’t let my criticism put you off writing! Practice makes perfect!

This could have been a good story showing the exploits of a couple exploring exhibitionism. It was spoilt by changing perspective, first, second and third person are all used in this story unannounced, which detracts from the enjoyment of the reader.

The pace was too fast and too rapidly from a quick fumble in the cinema to a full blown rape scene. From exhibitionism to taboo in a few paragraphs. This reader was disappointed as the story was read with much anticipation. The scenario has much more mileage in it but this story has veered too far to the ultimate conclusion. You should continue writing as we all make mistakes and unless they are pointed out (an editor would do this), we may not realise.

Just my thoughts. First and foremost - There was no rape. If you read the story Irene did not drink her doctored drink. She did what she did willingly knowing what her husband openly wanted and what she secretly wanted also.

As far as editors are concerned. I contacted three different ones. The first responded almost immediately to advise that they were currently too busy to help. The second replied 2-3 days later and declined. The third never bothered to respond.

I can't speak for anyone else but for myself I want to get a story published as quickly as possible. After I have reread it several times, correcting spelling, punctuation, grammar and even wording it is torture to sit on it for days. It is even more frustrating when the response was negative. I get that the editors are volunteers but so are the writers. I don't ask several editors at once. I ask one at a time and await a response. So I waited about a week to no avail.

To the two commenters here I say thank you. Despite your criticism it was basically constructive and ended with an encouraging note. I am not going to write another story until I have a commitment from an editor. I have tried to limit my story writing to first or second person only but I really do not care for the result. Not sure where I will go after this. Thanks. Take care and stay safe.

Until you understand the differences between first,second and third person perspectives and just use one per story perhaps it’s best not to write without an editor… on another note who the fuck is Adam ?

Thanks for your story. It has some good elements, though personally the idea of using a date rape drug on anyone, let alone your wife, is abhorrent even if she doesn’t take it. If you must change person and narrator, just announce it with a heading. Sorry you can’t find an editor - they help you develop your writing, but as an editor myself, I know how time consuming it is. Keep looking, and writing.

Things were developing along well . . . UNTIL

The date rape drug.

That ended it, and made me go for the 1 level rating.

Good tale, but another loser husband, another wife discovering she's a slut, another wife taking it in the arse for the first time but not from her husband of X years, and he has a huge cock etc etc etc.

1 star for trying to have his wife gang raped.