All Comments on 'Iron Rain Pt. 01'

i stopped after the cerimony part to comment on the begining. i really hate when a writer FAILS to give proper back ground info. in this case we should have been told more about why he was there and why his father never contacted him. going by the lack of back ground i find it hard to see why he would be happy to see someone that shipped him off and ignored him for four years. iseems that after the cerimony he would avoid his father or hit him not welcome him. and why wasn't he pissed that his father got married and didn't tell him. a lot of holes in just the first half page do a rewrite and fill in the holes properly. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A WHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL.

Waaayyy too much detail in the descriptive for the first 1.5 pages.

I like the title and I believe there will be more. Rather than be anon and demand things I'll tell you what I think. It would be nice to know what happened to mom in a general way before the military school. It would be nice to know some of dad's reasoning for shipping son off to military school. I got a hint that father and son did not get along because son is faulted for mother's death. Why did the son think that and why would son think dad blamed him? You wrote from the son's point of view, so everything would be assumption by the son. Mixing in martial arts and military school is nice here. The mix provided an interesting vehicle for later in the story.

I think maybe setting the stage a bit more between step sister and step brother would be good. She charged right in to fuck him because the parents were fucking. You had all kinds of detail until you switched to a sexual situation. There was no real blending, not much teasing, or the like. I may be full of shit take it how you like. You have a decent story line going.

RS

i try not to critique too often but i have to agree with others. some background would be good maybe him and kat can cover that. plus being on the same side as him parent remarrying without telling the kids is unforgiveable and being left alone for 4yrs would not be forgiven just that easy.

why people often feel the need to be critics is beyond me.

Readers have imaginations; they don't need to be spoon-fed.

Excellent writing, thank you.

but with the iTrash Crapple fanboyism I wanted to puke... add to that the fact that whoever did the editing /auto spellcheck FAILED miserably and its I Trash instead of iTrash like it should be...

talk about a total downer in a NON incest (no blood relation) porn story... Crapple products... bleh

Haven't seen you for years, but as a consolation I will immediately get out of your hair and leave you alone with my women, (your women now), and I'll even stock the fridge.

OF COURSE, the writer will find a way, (airplane crash, car crash, foreign bug etc.), to make our narrator the man of the house permanently. An awful lot of cliches happening in this story; let's hope the story itself is better than it's frame.

Are there unexplained events in this first part of Lost Boy's story? Sure. But it is part one of what appears to be a multi-part story.

Did the story suddenly jump into sex with the step-sister? You are reading this on Literotica.com. We readers expect some outlandish sexual encounter unless the story is classified as non-erotic. Honestly, I don't recall reading anything on this site that has an ounce of credibility, but then that's not why I read it either. Too absurd, though, and I move on to the next story.

Good first effort. Filter through the comments and pick out the constructive criticism and forget the rest. Looking forward to the next part.

I absolutely loved this story. It's the best story I've read this year, and one of the best i've ever found on here. I can't wait for more.

Did grammar die?

This story caught my attention and kept me interested in Nick and his family. I do hope that there is more coming soon.

all photons are locked and ready. TK U MLJ LV NV

A great start for a multi-chapter series.

With dad being gone, he may be a busy boy.

Thanks for the read.

your bio says you have been a self proclaimed storyteller for twenty years and yet you totally failed here. you have plot holes up the ass, unrealistic charicters and a step sister that must be on ecstacy. do all readers a favor and do a rewrite like you should have before posting chapter two.

Really, really bad. I can't fap to this shit. How the fuck did you come up with a 4.5??? Who the fuck thinks this is any good??? In fact, your rating makes me feel guilty about my own ratings, and at least my submissions are coherent.

This is a good story and look forward to more chapters.

Was he in military school 365 days a year? Private High School students get summers and vacations just like anyone else. If his father was not avoiding him as he said, then he would have seen him and the house and his stepfamily before; he would have been to the wedding. He immediately accepts and is accepted by the family; does that make any sense? His father is going away for months on business without saying goodbye? without seeing his family? what sense does that make? silly. There is no character development here.

Helps to read the prologue after all =/

Keep up the good work, loving it so far!

I think this is one of the best stories one here. I'm going through the stories on literotica alphabetically and bookmarking the ones I do. I've only bookmarked five. And this series is one of them. Keep the writing up. ;)

Have you ever thought about using commas? I quit reading after 2 paragraphs, it is too hard to mull my way through this.

Sorry, either from the lack of punctuation, and/or from tedium, I was forced to give up. I gave in as his step-sister, Kat, woke him in the middle of the night and jacked him off. It was not my cup of tea.

The protagonist Nicholas is barely two dimensional. He's quite the "Gary Stu" being rich, talented and handed a "magic" weapon. That he magically forgives the father that exiled him, instantly takes to the surprise step-mother without resentment and has a step-sister in heat for him practically before they've met is pathetic.

Mildly flawed characters with believable emotions are far more interesting than cartoon caricatures of thirteen year old's fantasy. Nicholas appears to be "perfect" already so there's little chance for character growth. His lack of resentment towards his father and instant acceptance of the woman who replaced his mother make him ring false. He would have been far more interesting if he'd been stiff, formal and distant toward his father and politely cold towards his step family. If you feel sex with the step sister is absolutely required in the first chapter, when she comes on like a cheap slut have him fuck her like a blow up doll and toss her out of his room once he's gotten off, leaving her frustrated an degraded...

Gave up when he went from "my father blames me for my mothers death and has killed all joy in my life" to " oh hey Dad not seen or heard from you in 4 years but its great to see you and love your new wife". Really? No one goes from hating a father that abandoned them to all acceptance in the space of a paragraph and thus your story looses any form of plausibility and any interest I had.

Unlike them I'm willing to give your story a chance and read on, who knows some of their questions they have raised may be answered further on in your story !!!! I hope so. Still not a bad story.

lost boy has woven a very amazing universe through out all his stories and id say about 90% connect is some strange way that being said this and almost all his work is scify / incest..... being main plot syfy and sex is most incest thems but all his storys are amazing if u like this kind of theme

as always love ur work and cant wait for ur return hope u feel better ps just a good my 3rd time through

Hey Guys!

Nominations for Clitorides Awards are open Now.

I voted for Lost Boy and his works because He's my favourite Author here in Literotica.

Plz, Vote for Lost Boy , I want to see him winning for his Hardworks despite being ill for sometimes. Always delivered best erotica for us.

Thank You Lost Boy!

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You have a captain and a sergeant that just graduated together from military school...please do better research next time...

Class rank with in the military school is often denoted by means of rank.

You can also refer to leadership standings and be awarded by the school based on a students leader ship a potential among his fellow students .

Would have been clearer, if the author had used cadet sergeant and cadet captain, but…

Some issues but not as serious as I've seen elsewhere.