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Click hereIsabelle came forward and wrapped her around me to calm me down, "But they didn't, Si, thanks to you, they didn't."
I held my big sister in my arms and we comforted one another, standing in the kitchen, breakfast forgotten.
- COMMENTS
ScottishTexanabout 1 year agoOkay, so here's an issue. 🙄 I have seen several instances where you didn't denote items that are certainly dialog with quotation marks. But I've also found this particular problem a couple of times also:
She grinned. "But still modest, I see. That's good!"
[This paragraph break is superfluous]
"I'm glad you came, Simon! I was thinking about you!"
[This paragraph break is correct because we're switching to a new speaker]
"You were?"
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Generally, I'm enjoying the story. But the scene where Simon is romantic with Rachel is very disorganized. It feels like you started to write a scene about a single evening together but it changed some where along the way into a description of several different dates with Rachel all blended together. That was totally chaotic. 🤣 😳
In the preface, when you said that this installment was longer, I was hoping for something twice the size of what you have submitted in the past. Sadly, it turned out to be maybe 1000 to 1500 words more. 😕 I took a point off for the formatting errors and the chaos with Rachel. Having a second page containing a mere 35 or 40 words is not enough of an increase to gain back the point lost for brevity. 3/5 this time around.
PrinceLukealmost 3 years agoAuthor@Onekinkyguy69
Glad to hear it! Hope you enjoy the upcoming chapter 7!
PrinceLukealmost 3 years agoAuthorTo @Anon3
Thanks man, i appreciate it. So glad you enjoyed this chapter as much as you did!
