Island Love Ch. 01

She grinned. "You noticed. I have. This place encourages new thinking and it's great. But I'm so relieved to see that my husband is unchanged. And we've so much to talk about."

A waiter stood beside them and she ordered a martini. Philip insisted on staying with the wine. It was time to get back the initiative.

"Tell me Tibby. What do we have to say to one another after four months of silence? Is it over?"

She couldn't meet his eye and he was expecting her to say "Yes." Instead she looked down at the table and away towards the dancers.

"You have every right to be angry with me." She leaned across and kissed his cheek. "I want you to enjoy the holiday and we can get to know one another again. You must feel I treated you badly. I understand. At the time I had no choice, but things are different now. As you've noticed, I've changed, and mostly for the better. I see things differently and I know now that I was wrong to say I didn't love you. I'm excited just to be with you. Can't you feel it? I want to show you I'm a good woman who cherishes her man. Give us a chance. Love can overcome anything and perhaps you'll find you can forgive me and that we both want a future together. What do you say?"

If anything, this was more shocking than Philip's imagined scene. He had no idea what to say. Tibby's kisses burned on his lips. She'd said almost everything he could have hoped she would say. And yet... And yet...

"You know, it's not been that bad on my own," he discovered himself saying. "I eat well instead of your faddish diets and I don't have to tidy up after you."

"Philip, how ungenerous. How could you?" She tried to laugh and sound playful, but he could see she was put out.

"Once you were gone, I realised how little you contributed to the marriage and to the home. You have a strong sense of entitlement so that whatever people give, you believe you need only return a fraction. No doubt you were spoiled as a little girl. You think your presence is enough reward for the people you take from."

"No!" She was shocked by his criticism. "I know I have faults, but I'm not as bad as that. I know I have to apologise and I'll keep doing so. I ran off with barely a word. That was unforgiveable. I have to make it up to you. I'm only asking to be allowed a chance."

He did his best to focus on the main point. "And you're doing a good job Tibby. But this warmth from you is very sudden after months of winter. You've had all this time in the sun to thaw. I've been trapped in my ice cave. Tell me, what have you been doing while you've been away? Who's your new boyfriend?"

"My boyfriend? Don't talk like that Philip. I don't need a boyfriend. I'm a married woman. I work sixteen hours a day now we're in the season and the rest of the time I sleep. Believe me, it's hard work in paradise."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"It's the truth." She kissed him once more. "This is difficult for both of us and I'm going to help you thaw. Just give me a chance. Let this place work its magic. You'll be a new man in no time."

She reached over to kiss him and her arm went round his neck. The tension slipped from his shoulder muscles. He glanced up from her cleavage to let her press her lips to his. The moment was lost because he caught sight of Tim and Nicole at the bar. It was impossible to ignore them and he stood up.

"Tibby, these are friends of mine, Tim and Nicole. We met coming over from the airport."

Now it was Tibby who had to collect her thoughts quickly and she put on a smile, although it was clear she was impatient at the interruption.

"How nice to meet you. All Philip's friends are my friends."

No one knew what to say. Then Tim said, "We wanted to eat, but didn't realise you had to book a table. We're going to wait and see whether they can fit us in. I don't fancy the burger bar by the beach."

"Allow me," said Tibby, suddenly eager. "After all, I am the hospitality manager for the resort." She sprang to her feet, went to the bar and spoke for a few moments before coming back.

"All sorted. They'll have your table in a few minutes."

"That's very kind," said Tim.

Shortly after, four glasses of champagne arrived.

"Compliments of the management," said the waiter.

"Now we're quits," said Philip. "I've made up for your treat."

He explained to Tibby about the free bottle of champagne and saw her eyebrow lift when he mentioned Ben.

"And still nothing to celebrate," said Nicole, sipping the wine quickly and doing her best to catch Philip's eye. He wondered if she was flirting.

Making the best of things, Tibby turned her formidable social skills on Tim and Philip marvelled at her ability to put people at their ease. He had less success with Nicole. He tried to make up a humorous account of his exploratory walk round the resort. She cut in, impatient.

"It's obvious, isn't it, that Tim and I are miserable. Our marriage is a farce. We should never have come here. People want to have a good time and we make everyone around us wretched."

"Why do you say that?" Philip tried to clear his mind of what had passed with Tibby and concentrate on Nicole's drama.

"It's tattooed on my forehead. Jezebel. Whore. Adulteress. Tim deserves a good woman, not me."

Alarmed, he looked at Nicole more closely. She had fine cheekbones and a delicate beauty. But she hid behind a stare that was fierce and bitter. "You don't mean what you say."

"No? Then tell me whether a woman who sleeps with her lover the day after her marriage doesn't deserve them?"

Philip glanced up, but Tim and Tibby were deep in conversation and had apparently not heard.

"You don't believe I could do such a thing? Marcel is my piano teacher, a brilliant musician who's played all over the world. We met when I was eighteen and he made me a performer people pay to listen to. We're passionate about our music and hardworking.

"I can't even remember how it began. Our work was so intense. But somehow our musical bond turned into a secret sex life. It's not love, but we can't keep our hands off one another. It's how we deal with the stress. It went on through university and then I thought it would end. I assumed I'd grow out of it. I met Tim and fell in love with him. He's so stable, so normal. I was sure we'd be happy together. But I couldn't break the habit of sex with Marcel. He'd prepare me for a concert and at the end of practice we'd make love. I tried to stop and we'd end up making love in the green room in the interval of a concert. I must be sex-obsessed. It was wrong but I couldn't stop. I decided that if I married Tim it would have to end. I believed that was so until the first time I met Marcel after the wedding. We spent the day in bed instead of practising. I'm a whore. That's the most accurate word for me."

Philip struggled to reply to this outburst. Nicole was a seriously fucked-up girl.

"Does Tim know?"

"Of course. We both thought that getting married would be the answer. That I needed to be shaken out of my past. That I needed a new start to help me grow up. I'd be heartbroken for a while and I'd never see Marcel again. But that's not how it worked out. He's too important to my concert preparation, too much of a habit. I'm too weak or immature to cut him out. We calm one another and make life possible. He's necessary if I'm to be a good musician. I want to do the right thing for Tim, but I can't."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm worthless as a wife and as a human being and people should know."

"But you love Tim?"

"He's sweet and beautiful, an ideal father for a house full of children. He deserves a simple, straightforward life without a cloud in the sky. I adore his innocent enthusiasm and his solid, handsome honesty. But he can't control my demon. No one can."

"You're young. Don't be too hard on yourself. Things may improve."

It was the best Philip could come up with. Both recognised a tired platitude. He was relieved when a waitress took Tim and Nicole to their table, only to be confronted once more with the real business.

"Pretty girl, but not much dress sense. I gave them my table," explained Tibby. "We'll have to wait a little longer. But then we've so much to say to one another. Tell me how your work's going. I know how important it is to you."

"Worried about losing your share of my pension? I resigned from the bank. Couldn't see the point. I waited to get my bonus then said what I thought of them. I should have mentioned it, but you weren't in contact much. I shall sell the flat because I shan't want it - can't afford it. After I've got away from here, I'm walking in the Dolomites and the Himalayas. Isn't that exciting? I shan't think of you once."

Philip couldn't help himself. This was all true, except perhaps for the last bit, but both knew it had been said to cause harm. They sipped their drinks.

"That is a surprise," said Tibby finally. "Don't get me wrong, it's lovely for you. You always liked the outdoors. But are you sure you've done the right thing?"

"No doubt. Like you I realised that life is very short. There's no point sitting around wondering what might happen. You have to get up and do it."

"I thought of coming back to the flat when the season here is over," she said. When he said nothing, she added. "If you'd have me."

"As I said, I'm selling. You weren't around to discuss it."

"But after what I said? Come on Philip, we have to talk about the future."

"What's changed? You didn't love me. You didn't want to talk about your future with me. Now you've changed your mind?"

"I mean that I couldn't see what was in front of my eyes. After ten years when you were always there I forgot that I loved you. I can't forgive myself."

"If you can change your mind once, you can change again. She loves me. She loves me not. Either love is for life, or it's nothing. I thought it was for life."

"But what I said was a mistake. I should never have said it. I was confused."

"You believed it when you said you didn't love me. You can't deny it."

"But I was in the wrong state of mind. I can't be held responsible."

"So you think that a person in the wrong state of mind is free of responsibility for what they do? Of course you don't. We're always responsible."

"You'll never forgive me?"

"I think people change. They commit in good faith and when they know better they break their word shamelessly, remaining true to themselves rather than to the expectations of others. That's what happened when you left me. Your marriage meant nothing to you because it no longer gave you what you wanted."

"It was nothing so calculated. What matters is what I think now."

"You imagine that having walked out on me without any discussion, you can walk back at a moment that suits you?"

"That's what I want to know. I'm so anxious to know what you're thinking. Please tell me."

Philip had meant what he said, but he wished he knew what he was thinking. Of course he loved her - but that was a habit and he was loyal by nature and upbringing. He knew that if Tibby came back he'd forever be thinking that she might leave again. Could he live like that? In her absence he'd learned that he was stronger and more independent than he'd imagined. A more realistic question was whether he could walk away still loving her and knowing she wanted to come home. Of course he was familiar with her ways, but was unsettled to find himself as helpless before her charm and beauty as the novice Tim. For weeks he'd dreaded being with her, only to find that she still gave him pleasure. It made him angry. He was reminded of the beauty on the beach. Tibby was why he could not respond to another woman: he believed in fidelity - in mind and body - but was shocked by the way his body remained in thrall to Tibby.

"I'd be a fool to give the blind loyalty that you have failed to show me or our marriage," he replied after thought. "I don't know what comes next and I don't have an answer to your betrayal. It's you who must find the answer, if there is one."

"I didn't betray you. If only I knew what you mean."

"You abandoned me despite our vows of fidelity and mutual support. And you ambushed me with your change of heart. That was betrayal."

"I know I hit you hard when I left. It was the only way I could make the break. Are you telling me you'll never forgive me?"

"I've forgiven you. You've shown yourself to be weak and selfish, like so many people. I don't admire you in the way I did, but I forgive you because that's who you are. If we got back together I'd imagine that one wrong word from me, one moment of stress in your life, and you'd be gone again, looking for something better."

"But you'd give me a chance. We're still married. You're still my husband."

"I'm weaker too than I thought. I couldn't take the pain a second time. And we're married only on paper, but not in truth. There's no intimacy between us, no trust. How can that be called a marriage?"

"You challenged me to put it right. I'll show you that I'm loyal and courageous. I can put it right. Just let me try."

Eventually they ate, but Philip was too tense and unhappy to enjoy the meal. He sipped a clear white wine with the fried anchovies. Then grilled lamb on a skewer with onion, peppers, lemon, rice and a creamy tzatziki. It went with a divine glass of Gigondas. He barely noticed. Tibby made light conversation about the resort, how she swam every day and how good a Mediterranean diet was for health. Both were unwilling to be the one to call an end to the evening. Philip wondered whether Tibby was hoping for an invitation to spend the night in the chalet. He was thinking about this when he fell asleep with his head propped on his hand. It was for just a moment and when he jerked awake, they both agreed it was time to go to bed. Philip left alone.

A note lay on Philip's doormat the next morning. "I hope your dreams were sweet. I really wish I could be part of them. We need to talk again. Last night you were tired from the journey. Today I want you to enjoy this beautiful place and try new things. Enjoy. See you for lunch 1.30 at the Harvest of the Sea cocktail bar. Love T." Inside the envelope were tickets for himself and Tim to use the golf range and receive instruction from the coaches. There was a ticket to the spa for Nicole. Philip cursed Tibby and decided he'd have to do as he was told.

His neighbours were delighted with their invitations. Tim's relief was clear as he realised he wouldn't have to spend the morning with Nicole. Nicole had never been to a spa and was eager to see what it offered.

"Mud baths and beatings with twigs," suggested Philip. "Tim and I meanwhile will have the pleasure of being patronised by some know-all youth barely old enough to hold a driving licence."

They laughed and stopped for coffee on the way. Everybody's spirits were improved by a night's sleep. Then Tim said goodbye to Nicole and Philip observed the warmth they both put into their kiss. Why was life so complicated?

They followed the signs to the practice range, which occupied a strip of sand dune to one side of the resort. Their coach was waiting for them and both men laughed. He looked barely out of college and responded to their gentle ribbing by showing them over the changing rooms, enthusiastic about the generous provision of hair gels and other grooming products. When Philip said he wouldn't know how to use them, he was given a lecture on the importance of appearance. Did Tibby think he should improve how he looked?

On the tee they were greeted by a couple of very elderly Bostonians.

"Come here every year," said one in a friendly manner, and introducing himself as Blister. "Bill Lister. Get it? I'm always Blister, and this is Zoltan Peyton the Sixth, president of the largest widget maker still manufacturing on the East Coast of the U.S.A. You can call him Chairman."

"Hi boys," said Zoltan with a firm handshake. "Take no notice of my old friend Blister. I'm just one of the happy punters. Come here every year to relax. Blister's here for the wine. I'm here for some special time with my girl."

"Your girl lives here?"

Blister laughed. "Zoltan has a new sweetheart every year. He's a man who appreciates perfection and this place is the tops. There's no end to the special services we have laid on. He's like a boy on his first date when he arrives."

"You mean..."

He nodded. "I do. Of course it's only for the VIPs and very discreet, but there's an inexhaustible supply of young women eager for a good time and a better income. Don't ask me where the management finds them."

Perplexed, Philip decided there was something disconcerting and unpleasant under the resort's sparkling facade. When they were out on the driving range, he established from Zoltan that the special services were available only to the residents of the Rodwell Elite International, the boutique hotel that occupied the faux medieval castle he'd seen from his balcony.

"And what's your girl's name?"

"She's Trixie. For the fortnight."

"Then I'm surprised you have time for golf."

Zoltan laughed. "Don't mock me young man. I have to let Trixie sleep occasionally."

"And Blister? Does he have a girl?"

"Ask him. He has a wife at home. But that doesn't stop him snacking on the a la carte if he's in the mood. We work hard, we play hard. Now let's attack these balls. I have to lose weight. Trixie's very insistent."

They spent an hour with the coach driving golf balls until a buggy arrived and two young men wearing aprons unloaded a picnic of wines, coffee and canapés. This was elevenses for the two Americans, who invited everyone to join them. The wine was hard to resist and Philip had a couple of glasses of Puligny-Montrachet, but he restricted himself as best he could with the salmon and caviar-topped canapés, embarrassed by the generosity of his companions and wary of eating too much before lunch with Tibby.

"Eat your fill," Blister admonished him. "Life's too good to go without."

"I'm doing my best," said Philip. "But I wasn't expecting to eat till lunch."

"You'll know better next time. I never miss a chance to enjoy myself."

Before they could finish, the resort manager arrived in his buggy. He ignored Philip and made a big show of concern that Blister and Zoltan had everything they needed. They invited him to take a glass of wine.

"Working hard?" asked Tim who, like Philip, had been ignored.

Ben, who was in shirt sleeves but still wearing a tie, shook his head, dismissing the remark as beneath him. "The team here work hard all the time to make sure our guests enjoy themselves." Turning to Philip for the first time, he twisted his sensitive lips into an approximation of a smile. "I hope the enchanting Tibby finds enough time for her husband. We do work her very hard."

Philip didn't reply and returned the stare with good measure. What was wrong with these people?

"Ben's the go-to man who can fix you whatever you want," said Zoltan, ignoring the tension.

"At what price?" asked Philip. "I must get back to the practice."

Tim followed him back to the putting range.

"Doesn't that manager make your flesh crawl?" asked Tim.

"Certainly a little bumptious. Acts as if he owns the place."

"Perhaps he does. I think he needs pulling down a peg."

Tim went over to the buggy, glanced round casually and let off the handbrake. Although parked on a slope, the buggy didn't move. Tim gave it a shove and it began to roll forward. They moved away quickly and took up their clubs, vigorously driving balls down the practice fairway.

They kept at it for another hour. After the food had been cleared away, Blister and Zoltan mostly sat and watched. Then Philip made his excuses so that he would be on time for his meeting with Tibby. Tim decided to stay with the golf and agreed to meet up with Philip later so that they could climb the mountain behind the resort.