Isolated Ch. 03

*

It was Friday. I had a good week at work. I had visited Phyllis for dinner before taking a cab home at her insistence. I spoke with William on a video call: I would see him tomorrow. I retired and was quickly asleep.

They say that dreams are the way that the brain orders memories, performs its storage, of providing closure. I think I was dreaming. I was dressed all in white. Not like wedding white, but white lingerie, pale sheer stockings, a white knee length satin dress with white Mary Jane heels. My hair was loose over my shoulders. I walked streets that appeared familiar. It was night time. I probably shouldn't be wandering around. I had no handbag, no coat, no purse, no phone even, yet I felt completely at peace. I had no fear. I reached a junction. I smiled. I knew where I was: I was in Sheffield. I arrived outside the house I had lived in with Mike. What was I doing here?

I felt guided somehow. I walked the pavement, approaching the familiar front door. What now? I wondered if it looked the same as the night I left. The door clicked. It opened. Did I do that? Could I open doors by will alone? I thought I saw silver wings behind me reflected in the window, but when I turned I saw nothing.

I entered the house. I looked in each room: Everything looked the same. I descended the stairs to the basement. I heard the distinct rattle of chains. This place was once a place of terror, but now I felt none. I am Adrianna! I followed the sound. I discovered a frightened, naked individual lying on the rough ground in leather cuffs, collared, in chains with padlocks. I had retraced my steps in my dreams and had found Anna. Was this my way of addressing my past?

"Who's there," called a fearful voice.

"I'm a friend," I replied.

I moved closer. I remembered this. Was this a flashback? When I had been left in the dark: I had thought I was going crazy. Dreaming of a glowing sphere of light, a rescuer or hallucinating that an angel would save me. I remembered the fear, the awe and the hope.

"Help me," called the voice.

I knelt beside my past self.

"Anna, it is time for you to leave this place. It is time to be free, time to be what you choose. It's time to be Adrianna. To be strong," I said holding her hand.

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"I am a friend. I am a light in the dark," I said remembering what the angel had said to me. Did that mean I was the angel? The gentle warm light did seem to follow me. I was carrying no lamp. I couldn't explain it.

"Are you an angel? Are you something in my imagination? Are you another demon come to torture me?"

I remembered this conversation so clearly.

"I am no demon, dark spirit or wraith. You need not fear me. You are brave."

I recalled the bright light that radiated from the spirit that had visited me. I recollected I never saw the angel's face. I always thought I had invented it in my head.

"I am from the future. I'm here to tell you that you will be okay."

"How can that be? I am a slave. He will break me or kill me."

"No Adrianna. It is time to fight back. You were never broken and never will be!" I assured my past self.

There were sounds from above. I watched as Mike descended the stairs. He didn't appear to see me. He was focused on Anna.

"Anna, on your knees now!" he called.

Oh how I loathed that tone of voice. The man I had once loved was a dark presence. A shadow consumed with anger. I stood beside Anna's prostrate form. I would be forced to watch the event play out. How many times had I replayed this night? I had never been able to fully recall the event.

"You will obey me," he demanded.

I remember the glint of the long knife as he approached my kneeling form. I knew what he intended. I knew what I had to do. How I wished I had that weapon. I remembered something my Karate Sensei had said. 'You are never truly unarmed as long as you have the dagger of the mind and the sword of the heart'.

I remember the light blazing to my left: the angel with the silver wings and a blazing sword. I have never felt such rage before or since. I screamed. I unleashed my fury. I had no real memory of the fight or how I made it outside. I have assumed I had suppressed it. A coping mechanism!

The next memory I have was sat in the ambulance, wrapped in a blanket: I was still naked, but the cuffs and collar were gone. There were bandages on my ankles and wrists. There was blood splattered over my naked form, but it wasn't mine. The paramedics were gentle. This memory was so clear. Patrick and Gemma: the paramedics that looked after me.

"Can you tell me your name?" asked Gemma.

"I am Adrianna," I said resolutely.

Patrick and Gemma gently cleaned me. I don't remember the ride to the hospital. I was exhausted.

I would never be Anna ever again! Had I created the angel in a tiny corner of my mind, allowing her to take over and do the things I couldn't, or had I somehow time travelled to save myself? That was impossible, right? It was just a dream?

I was standing in another street. This time it was daylight. Again I was strangely dressed in white. I looked at the buildings around me. It took a few moments, but I recognised the red post box. I was in Cambridge. I saw myself approach the junction on my way home from visiting Phyllis. I knew the future. It was also my past. I propelled myself through time and space to intersect with my other self. I heard the car as it accelerated, but didn't see it. I wrapped my arms around the other Adrianna, strangely silver wings also seemed to envelope us both as the car made impact. I knelt beside Adrianna as pedestrians and other drivers rallied to help.

"Adrianna, stay strong. It will be okay."

The vision faded and I awoke to early morning sunshine and birdsong. I could hear a soft lullaby in my head, but no voices. Had the angel saved me twice? I dressed in my ballet things: smooth silky white tights, tight fitting pink leotard with the little skirt. I put the ballet shoes on my feet and tied the satin ribbons. I performed my ballet, my yoga, my stretching. It was: graceful, fluid, gentle. I then performed a series of martial art moves I had learned. They were in contrast: sharp, sudden, resolute. I returned to the bedroom, I scrutinised my reflection in the mirror. I was at peace. I had found my balance.

I showered. I dressed in pale blue lingerie with nude stockings. I wore a pale blue dress I had bought. I checked my reflection in the mirror. Adrianna in Wonderland I said to myself. I laughed at myself. William would arrive soon having been away for the week. I missed him, but I wasn't dependent upon him. I inspected the photographs on my fridge door. I smiled. I would need to purchase some nice frames and move my much valued memories to the lounge. I made coffee. I tidied the apartment, not that it was messy, but little jobs didn't become big tasks. I performed the housework because I wanted to, not because someone told me to. I would never yield again!

I heard the key in the door.

"Adrianna, my beautiful flower, I missed you," he called.

I rushed to greet him. I hugged him tightly.

"I might have missed you a little bit," I teased kissing his bearded face.

"I can live with that," he said smiling and then kissing my hair.

"Coffee?" I asked.

"That would be good. I have warm fresh croissants. I'm loving the dress, is it new?"

"Yes, my dress is new. Thank you for noticing. Please come and have breakfast with me," I invited spinning around in my dress.

We sat in the kitchen drank coffee and ate the croissants.

"May I take you out for dinner this evening?" he asked.

"Sorry I can't this evening. I have plans," I said shaking my head.

I could see he was disappointed.

"I'm having dinner with my boyfriend. I already made a reservation and I can't cancel it," I added.

"I see, and do I know this boyfriend?" he asked without a hint of jealousy or distrust.

"Well I hope so: it's you."

"Oh, you made dinner reservations for us."

"How many boyfriends do you think I have?" I asked with a laugh.

"You are my naughty little pudding."

He held me close. We kissed. We went grocery shopping. We walked in the park. It was a good day.

We had a lovely evening at the restaurant. Good food, fine wine and the best company. We returned to the apartment. William left his shoes by the door. I had a flashback to that first encounter in the cottage.

"William, please love me."

"I will always love you," he promised.

Once inside my bedroom we kissed. It seemed like so much time had passed since we had held each other. I felt that a piece of my soul that had been attached to William had returned. I felt complete. We slowly undressed. William is always gentle. I revelled as his warm strong hands caressed my legs. He stood in just shorts, while I still wore my lingerie and stockings. I pushed him to the bed straddling him. I teased his chest with my fingers. I pulled the crotch of my panties to one side. I guided him to my hole. I tensed as I touched the cool wet tip of his cock. I laughed at my reaction. William smiled, stroking my tummy and legs. I lowered myself feeling his hot hard cock slide deep into me. We interlocked fingers as I gyrated on his cock. It felt so good to love him. I orgasmed quickly feeling a dampness in my panties. I continued to ride him: I was rewarded with a second orgasm. I saw William close his eyes expecting him to climax too, but somehow he held back. My third orgasm was immense I felt William tense as he finally released deep into me. I lay on top enjoying the feeling of his body heat, the rise and fall of his chest, his breath in my hair. We showered and then slept soundly.

*

I visited Isabelle and my parents monthly. We video called each other weekly. My best friend, Eleanor, had a new partner, a beautiful gentle lady named Holly. I met William's parents, his siblings: I was super anxious before, but they were so kind to me. They accepted me as William's girlfriend. I met with William's two best friends: James and Charles. The three have been friends since school. I called them the three musketeers. They are gentlemen and treated me gently as a lady.

I had a new job. I still worked at the same organisation, but was successful when I applied for a senior position. I was helping people directly that experienced domestic abuse. I was giving a little back. I have a new boss. He knows what I am. He treats me respectfully as a woman. Several of the people I have helped were like me- on the non-binary scale. Many are frightened, disowned by their families, are homeless, traumatised: there is still a lot of misunderstanding and intolerance in the world. It makes me sad and sometimes a little angry. I consider myself very lucky. I do all I can, it never seems enough, but I take solace that what I do makes a small difference.

William stays with me regularly between assignments. We are looking for a new house: a place to share. William was selling much of his old furniture rather than relocate it. I didn't have much in the way of possessions, but he preferred my choice of furniture. William said he liked my style and said he was happy with whatever I chose- colour scheme, carpets, and furnishings. He only wanted a garden, a shed and a barbecue.

*

Six months later. My mobile rang on a Monday morning. The caller ID was Mum. It wasn't a scheduled call.

"Hello Mum."

"Morning Auntie Adrianna," she greeted happily.

"Isabelle had her baby?" I asked excitedly.

"Yes, just after three this morning, a little girl, she weighs eight pounds and four ounces. Mum and baby are well."

"Send Isabelle my love. I will call her later. We will visit at the weekend."

"I will. We are visiting this afternoon, so I will send some pictures soon."

"Thanks Mum, or should I say Grannie."

She laughed.

"I love you Adrianna. See you soon."

"Love you more Mum. Bye."

*

That weekend William and I travelled to see them. I wore a navy dress, nude sheer stockings and navy patent heels. Isabelle was already home, Robert, her partner was pleased to see us. William and Robert could be mistaken for brothers with their similar hair and beards. I had brought flowers for Isabelle. I carried a basket- little pink parcels of goodies for my baby niece. On top was a small stuffed rabbit. Mum and Dad were there too.

"Hey Grannie and Grandpa," I greeted them hugging them both.

It felt good to celebrate a happy occasion. William handed Robert a bottle of Cognac.

"Robert, it's just a little something to wet the baby's head," explained William.

"I'll find some glasses."

Isabelle was sat with her baby in her arms. She looked so happy and proud. I sat beside her and gave her a hug.

"Isabelle, she's so tiny and beautiful," I said.

"Auntie Adrianna, would you like a cuddle?" asked Isabelle.

"Oh, wow, may I?"

Isabelle handed her to me and I cradled a new life in my arms.

"Auntie Adrianna please meet Angelina Adrianna."

"You named her after Grannie?" I asked with surprise.

"Yes, but also after you."

I was speechless. I kissed my niece on her head, feeling fine soft dark hairs against my lips. She opened her eyes blinking with big brown eyes. She yawned, closed her eyes and returned to sleep. It was another happy memory. I was an auntie, a sister, a daughter, and a girlfriend.

*

Over the next months, William and I visited my family regularly. We often took Angelina Adrianna with us for little walks in her pushchair. On several occasions we were mistaken for being her parents. William is much loved by my family. I was watching William feeding Angelina, she liked to touch his beard, perhaps it was because Robert, her daddy also has a beard so may be its just what she knows. I noticed that Isabelle touches Robert's beard, much like I do with William, so maybe it's a family trait.

"Adrianna, you would make a good mum," Robert told me on that visit.

"Which is why we need to ask you something very important?" continued Isabelle.

"Is something wrong with Angelina?" I asked thinking they needed family matched blood or something.

"No, she's absolutely fine. Just in case anything happens to Robert and I, would you be willing to care for Angelina? Become her legal guardian? I know this is a big ask..."

"Isabelle, I would do anything for any of you. I feel honoured with the responsibility."

"You might change your mind when we reach the terrible two's," joked Robert.

"There is a second ask- will you and William be Angelina's godparents? Will you be her godmother?"

I nodded unable to speak.

"Come on Auntie Adrianna, let me take a picture of you with William and Angelina for your collection," suggested Robert.

My 'collection' as it has been branded, is a series of large picture frames jammed packed with photographs. Many are of William and I with various famous landmarks in the background, others with Mum and Dad, but there are new ones with Angelina. I also have special pictures in individual frames- my group family photo, my first two pictures with William, and there is a special one of Grannie Adrianna which my Mum found for me. There is also a frame that my Dad gave me with four pictures together: one of Grannie Adrianna in her twenties, my Mum, my sister Isabelle and me as I am now. The likeness between us is astounding, but to be expected as we are related.

*

A year passed. William and I went for walks in the woods, went for dinner in restaurants and did the hundred things that couples do. We celebrated birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. We began to visit more interesting places across Europe. We had a map with pins for the places we had been on the wall. We had more photographs from our adventures. Even though my passport said, with my legal name of Adrianna Diamandis and a totally unflattering androgynous photograph I never had any problems with passport control. They are the many chapters in my new life.

*

It was bonfire night. It was the first weekend after we moved to our new house. There was much to do, but for now we were happy to be together. We sat in the dark with the patio door curtains open in the lounge enjoying the free firework display. I wore a midnight blue velvet dress with nude sheer stockings. We drank a lovely red wine. We held hands. Atmospheric music from one of my lists was softly playing in the background. William set down his glass. He left me for a moment. I reflected on all that had happened: new me, new city, new job, new friends, new boyfriend, new niece, and now new house. I sighed, happy with how my life had changed.

William returned. He knelt in front of me holding a tiny box. It wasn't my birthday, but he did occasionally still surprise me with little gifts. He had recently brought me a tea spoon from Land's End when he had been there on assignment. They were little things, but they meant so much to me.

"I know I should have flown you to a beach on Fiji, or stood on the Sydney Harbour Bridge, knelt beneath the Eiffel Tower or sat with you on a rock at Machu Picchu, but I can't wait. Adrianna, will you marry me?"

He opened the little box. I saw a diamond. I was stunned to silence. My mind couldn't comprehend what was happening. I had no idea. I was completely surprised.

"Too soon?" he asked perhaps fearing my silence for rejection.

My lips moved, but I had lost the ability to speak.

"Yes," I said finally with a grin.

"Yes, it's too soon?" he qualified as he frowned.

"Ask me again."

"Too soon?"

"No, the other question," I said softly with a laugh.

"Adriana, will you marry me?"

"Yes, William, yes. Yes!

His hands were shaking as he lifted the band of white gold with the diamond from its box. He threaded it onto my finger. I kissed him. He carried me to bed. We made love to the sound of music and fireworks.

*

Next morning I took a picture of my hand with the ring using my phone.

"Is that in case you forget?" he teased.

"No. I want to add this picture to the collection. May I share this news with my family? Send them this picture?"

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"William, I am so happy. You make me so happy. I may have told you already. I was so surprised. I love you. Have you told your family?"

"Not yet, but I will. Please send me that picture. You don't need to ask permission."

"Why don't you take a picture of your hand holding my hand with the ring?" I suggested.

He agreed with my suggestion. I attached the picture I had taken to our family media group: Mum, Dad, Isabelle, Phyllis. My text read 'I said yes'.

Within minutes the phone went mad with messages. I handed my phone to William laughing.

"I think they love you. I know I do," I said.

"I love you. I love all of your family. I feel loved by them all. I love you so much. A spring wedding next year?" he asked.

"Yes, just something very small, the family and our closest friends. Who will be your best man?"

"Could I have two? James and Charles?"

"Yes, why not, we are not bound by conventions. What colour dress do you think I should have?"

"Whatever you want, but I think you would look great in white."

William sent his picture to his family group. His phone also quickly went into melt down. I hugged my fiancé.

"You know they thought you were my fiancé at the hospital after the accident. That seems so long ago. I guess they knew before we did," I observed.

"Oh, that was Mum Phyllis. She told them I was your fiancé so we could find out what had happened to you."

"So Mum Phyllis, knew before everyone else. I think she is my guardian angel?"

"Well, you're my angel. I said that to you when we first met on the island."

I nodded. I took his hand. I led him to our bedroom. The two phones continued to bleep and ping as messages arrived. We were a little too busy with each other.