It doesn't Matter

All persons having sex in this fictional story are over eighteen years old.

I was sitting at my parent's kitchen table with my mother lecturing me. "Tommy it doesn't matter. You love Holly, she's your soulmate and you are hers. People make mistakes, especially when they're young. She came to me for advice and I told her what I thought she should do. Blame me, not her."

"I blame both of you, but you weren't the perpetrator, Mom, she was."

"It doesn't matter, Tommy. Petunia and Jimmy need a father, you need a wife and Holly needs a husband. Nothing else matters. You're all so much in love with each other, so tight knit. Don't you understand how hard that is to come by? Are you going to blow up your family's lives because of one mistake a long time ago? Please don't do that Tom."

"It's not the love, Mom. How can I ever trust her again?"

"Because she's beat herself up every single day since it happened. She would never let it happen again, ever."

"How do you know that, Mom?"

My mom was crying now and looked to be in anguish. She wanted to say something but she either couldn't decide if she should or she was building up the courage to say it. I wasn't sure which.

***************************

I met my wife Holly in middle school. Her dad had gotten a job at the local widget plant in town, making a union wage, and had moved his family to our quiet suburb. They lived several blocks over from us, so I didn't actually meet her until school started that fall.

I was immediately smitten by Holly when we sat next to each other in history class. She was petite with big doe eyes and a smile that melted your heart. From the start we were on the same wavelength. We could talk for hours and soon found that we could make each other laugh with just a look. Following behind her in the hallway as she walked to her next class I realized that puberty was upon me. Holly sure made things stir down there.

Holly and I were like peas and carrots as 'Forrest Gump' would say. We spent as much time together as possible. Our bikes covered the few blocks between our houses hundreds of times. We climbed trees, shot baskets, played catch and played hours of video games together.

High school came around and Holly blossomed into the most beautiful creature god ever put on earth, not only to my eyes but several other boys as well. Holly only had eyes for me though and we dated all four years of high school, going to dances, proms, parties..everywhere together. Cupid's arrow struck us and we never wanted to be without each other.

After graduating highschool we had plans to go to college together, but Holly got pregnant with Petunia and that disrupted everything. I asked her to marry me and we got married in a quick ceremony at her church with quite a few people in attendance even with the short notice. The military was really the only solution for two eighteen year old newlyweds without jobs soon expecting a child, so I joined the Navy.

After boot camp my 'A' school assignment was at the naval hospital in San Diego. Holly came out to see me when she could but the closer she got to her delivery date the less she was able to travel. I flew home after graduating 'A' school as a Corpsman and used what little leave I had spending time with my wife and newborn baby.

I was sent back out to San Diego to Camp Pendleton for Fleet Marine Force training after my leave. Holly stayed home until I had my permanent assignment which ended up being Camp Pendleton. Holly and Petunia drove out to San Diego with all of our possessions and we moved into the Navy military housing there.

The two years at Camp Pendleton were wonderful. The base is right on the beach and we spent many evenings and weekends there. I was home most nights unlike some of my Navy buddies who would be at sea for months at a time. I did have some off base trainings and the occasional week away but mostly we grew together as a little family while hanging out with other similar military families.

I got assigned to Okinawa for my last two years. Holly wasn't pleased about having to leave the U.S., but we were a team so she and Petunia moved to Okinawa to be with me. We had a great time there with all the other military member's families. It was an adventure and little Petunia stole everyone's heart that she encountered.

I was due to muster out in February so Holly and Petunia moved back home with her mom and dad just before Christmas to try and find us an apartment and herself a job.

That was the most depressing Christmas I ever spent. I spoke with Holly and Petunia on Christmas Day in Okinawa, Christmas Eve back home, and I cried like a baby after hanging up with them. My little girl's third Christmas and I was missing it. You never get those back and it tore at me.

Holly's friend Beth was getting married on Valentines Day and Holly wanted to know if she should RSVP for us not knowing if I'd want to go to the wedding since I would only get home a day or so before. I told her I definitely wanted to go and that I couldn't wait to dance with her. A few weeks later as I was making arrangements to fly back home Holly called as she was leaving for Beth's bachelorette party to remind me that she'd be spending the night with the girls and wouldn't be home when I normally called her. We joked about her being the mature married mom compared to her friends and that we couldn't wait to be in each others arms in just a few short days.

I didn't hear from Holly the day after the bachelorette party. I figured she was too hung over and thought nothing of it. When she called the next day and immediately put Petunia on first I joked and played silly with my baby girl for close to ten minutes before Holly quickly said that they were late for something, had to cut the call short and hung up. Holly called back the next day and was her usual self, telling me how much she missed me and where she'd found work and maybe had found an apartment for us. I would remember those phone calls years later but at the time they seemed normal.

*********************"

My flight came in on time on the twelfth and my girls were crying before I even saw them. I got tackled and smothered in kisses once I got through the security area which caused some of the exiting passengers to applaud. It had only been two months but Petunia looked even bigger than I remembered her. She was growing up.

Holly and I took Petunia to the wedding with us and my little girl entertained everyone singing along to some of the songs while dancing with us. It was great holding Holly in my arms again after being apart for two and a half months.

After a few months, I found a job at a local brickyard and even though we still lived with Holly's parents I was able to at least buy us a new used car. I was feeling pretty good about our life when Holly came to me crying. "Tommy, I'm pregnant." she croaked out.

I gave her a big smile and an even bigger hug. "That's awesome, Honey! Why are you upset?"

"Are you really okay with another baby? We don't have much money, Honey."

"Since when have we ever had money? We've got love, Baby!" I yelled trying to sound like a sixties hippy.

Holly laughed through her tears and then shocked me. "I thought...well... if we couldn't afford it...I could get...something done."

"What are you saying Holly? You don't want it? We'll manage, Honey. We'll be alright. I don't think I could do anything like that knowing an innocent life was lost just because we were going to have to scrimp a little." I was studying her because her words didn't sound like my Holly. Not the one I'd known all these years.

She was sobbing now. "I don't want to hurt this baby either but...I want to be sure you're okay with another mouth to feed."

Another mouth to feed? Where was this coming from? Hell, I joined the military to take care of my family when we had Petunia. Why would we want to give up on this one? "Holly, are you okay? None of this sounds like you. You know we're going to love this kid once it's born."

"I don't know what's wrong with me, Tommy. Maybe it's the hormones." Holly squeaked out, tears streaming down her face.

***********************************

Holly gave birth to a beautiful boy, Jimmy and the four of us lived as a happy family for the next thirteen years. That's when Jimmy started puberty and began looking like no one on either side of our families. He was already an inch taller than me and was the only one in the family who didn't need glasses. I didn't go trying to find out, but I did see my son in the changing room at the local pool and he was already much better endowed than I was even tough he was only thirteen years old.

I confronted Holly with all of these facts and she broke down crying at my feet. "I'm so sorry, Tommy. I didn't know what to do. I knew he might not have been yours, but he could've been and I wanted to have your baby so much."

"WHAT!? Who, the hell's the father, Holly?! Who did you fuck!?"

"It was at Beth's bachelorette party. Beth's friends rented a house and we all got pretty drunk since we weren't driving anywhere. Beth's sister rented some porno movies and we were all watching them and laughing at the dialogue. I didn't know it, but she'd also hired male strippers to come over and we were all pretty toasty by the time they arrived.

There were three strippers and they each did their routine and then stayed and did private dances upstairs for extra money. I didn't go up to any of the private dances, but somehow I ended up alone in the living room with one of the strippers. I was almost asleep sitting on the couch when he started kissing me. In my drunken, groggy state I imagined it was you. I missed you so much while we were apart, Tommy."

"Wait, are you trying to blame me for this!?" I asked her angrily.

Holly looked up at me, tears streaming down and shook her head. "No, Tommy. It was only me. I put myself in that position. I've beaten myself up over it for the last thirteen years. I didn't stop him. I don't remember very much of it because I was drunk, sleepy and horny. That's a bad combination of things sitting on a couch alone with someone who's not your husband. I put myself there and then was shocked later when I found that I'd betrayed the love of my life. No, Tommy, I'm the stupid bitch that condemned myself to living day after day hoping that the man she loves will never have to feel the pain she's going through."

"When I came home the next day your mom saw me and she knew something had happened. She advised me never to tell you. She said that pain was all that would ever come from you knowing and I can see she was right. Then a few months after you came back I found out I was pregnant with Jimmy. I didn't know what to do. I wanted your baby. I asked you and you wanted a baby so much. It was another lie. Another hurt to try and keep from a man who would never hurt me.

I'll accept whatever you decide to do, Tommy. I'm an evil, lying bitch and you deserve better than me, but please don't abandon poor Jimmy. You're his hero. He worships you and if you leave him he'll be crushed. You're his father, Tommy. I don't know the name of his sperm donor and I never want to find out, but you're his father." she broke down in sobs at that point and fell back on our bed.

"I have to leave, Holly. I'm so angry that I can't think."

Holly looked up scared with tears pouring down her face and asked "Are you coming back?"

"I just need to be able to think for awhile."

*******************

I drove around for an hour before ending up at my parents house. My mom wasn't surprised to see me, so I guess Holly had called her while I was on my drive. Mom lead me to the kitchen with her hand on my shoulder and we sat down at the table for our talk.

"What do you want to do, Tom? Holly loves you. She made a terrible mistake which resulted in her having your son. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you have told her about one mistake that in the end meant nothing to either of you? I doesn't matter now, Tom. It's in the past."

"Mom, I don't even know what you're saying. Of course it matters."

"For better or worse." my mother said defiantly. "This is it, Tom. What kind of man are you. This is where those vows you took mean something."

"Bullshit, Mom! Holly already broke our vows!"

"She didn't break them on purpose, but you will be. That's the difference. She made a mistake but this would be a conscious effort on your part to break them. It doesn't matter, Tommy."

"You keep saying that, Mom but it matters to me. I don't know why you say it doesn't."

"Do you think I love you, Tom?"

I laughed. "I do, but I'm not sure why you're defending the woman who cheated on me and had her lover's baby."

"She never had a lover, Tom and that's your baby, that's your son. Do you think your father loves you, Tom?"

"Yes. Why are you asking me if my mother and father love me?"

At this point my mother started to cry. "Your Dad loves you like his own son, Tommy. It doesn't matter whether you're his blood or not. It doesn't matter." She then broke down sobbing with her head down on the table.

What she'd just said rattled around in my brain few a few seconds. My father wasn't my blood? My mother sat at the table and was mumbling how sorry she was into her hands. "Tom, I made one mistake, just like Holly. My mistake gave me you and her's gave you Jimmy. Go back to your family, Tommy. I can guarantee Holly will never cheat on you again. Your family needs you and you need them."

"Who's my father, Mom?" I asked, my voice nothing more than a squeak.

"It doesn't matter who the sperm came from, your father is sitting in the living room on his favorite chair. Bad things happen in life, Tommy. There's no way to go back in time and change them. You could go yell and scream at Holly if it makes you feel better, but you'll never beat her up as badly as she already has herself over the last thirteen years. Jimmy is the innocent one in all of this. You've had a pretty good life not knowing about your dad, so maybe think about that before you decide to tell Jimmy. I think you and your father need to talk before you make any decisions. He's the best man I know and he can speak from experience."

*******************

"Dad."

"Come on in, son. Your mom said you might want to speak to me after she was done. What's on your mind?" he said with a small smirk

"Well, Holly cheated on me and Jimmy's not my son." I choked out through tears.

"Yeh, that was heartbreaking to hear thirteen years ago. Things turned out okay though didn't they? You and Holly love each other and Jimmy's a great kid." Dad said looking me in the eye with that 'teaching an important lesson to my son' look that I'd seen so many times in my life.

"What about you and Mom, Dad? She did the same thing and had me." I asked him making no attempt to hide my tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Yeh, that's where those damn vows make it hard. 'For better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others'...I'm pretty sure lawyers wrote those vows because some of them are contradictory.

People get hung up on the 'Forsaking all others' but 'For better or worse' is the big one. It doesn't get much worse than NOT forsaking all others but you both promised 'For better or worse' so what happens after one of the vows are broken?

"In my case, I chose to go with my gut. I had to ask myself some tough questions: Did your Mom love me? Yes. Did I still love your Mom? Yes. Did I love the baby she made? Yes, I love you, son." At that he looked in my eyes with tears forming in his.

"So the big question was did I believe your mother would break her vows again? No, I didn't. She was so distraught after what she'd done that I knew she'd never make that mistake again. She's beaten herself up every day since over it. Just like Holly has, son."

"Dad, I'm just so angry. How could she do that to me?" I sobbed out.

"She got herself in a vulnerable position and got taken advantage of. She didn't go looking for it. She didn't plan on having sex with anyone but you. She doesn't WANT to have sex with anyone but you.

Some men get haunted by the thought that the sex was better with that other person. That somehow the guy's dick is so influential he could just show up and take their wives from them any minute. That's simply not true.

Tom, think back to some of the best sexual moments of your life. They make you smile don't they? It's different for your Mom or Holly, every time they think back to those other men they only feel the pain it's caused. So don't worry about the sex being better because for them, it wasn't."

"In the end, Tom you're the only one who can decide what you want. I thought it was my duty as a husband to take care of my family and I forgave your mother. If you're not able to forgive Holly then maybe getting divorced would be best for your family. There is no right or wrong." Dad said with a sad smile.

"I will tell you this. Finding out the truth about you made your mom and I a lot closer. Being in the trenches together, fighting your way through the tough times, can either break you or bind you together. I've never regretted the decision I made." Dad was giving me that knowledgeable look again.

"Dad. I love you."

"I love you too, son. I know you'll make the right decision for you and your family."

*****************

Holly was home sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee when I got there. She looked absolutely terrible. I've seen her sick with flu, heartbroken after her father passed and in childbirth and she had never looked this bad. Maybe the culmination of thirteen years of day to day fear of losing her husband finally happening was crushing her.

She looked up at me and broke down sobbing. I had come home with some indecision about what I wanted, but seeing her like this cemented for me that the decision I was about to make was the right one.

"Holly. Please, honey. I'd like to talk about us. Can you get control of yourself enough to talk?"

"Yes. I'll hold it together. I love you, Tommy." She sobbed out. She sniffed and tried to compose herself.

"I love you too, Holly. I spoke to my Mom and Dad today. I'm not happy that they knew about Jimmy and never told me, but I understand their reasoning and yours. I'd have liked to have been trusted to make a decision when things first happened, but that's water under the bridge now."

Holly began sobbing again. "Holly, I planned on explaining things further to you but I can't bear to see you in such anguish any longer." I had begun crying myself. "I love you, Holly and I don't want to break up our family. I want us to try and get past this...together...as a family."

That did it. I was being mauled by a snotty, crying, kissing woman who couldn't get herself close enough to me.

"Oh, Tommy Williams! Thank you, thank you! I promise I'll be the best wife EVER! You'll be smothered with love. Anything you want to do in the bedroom, you just ask. I promise, ANYTHING. I love you so much, Honey." She was balling again. Tears of joy this time.

The kids heard her and came running in to check on her. "Are you okay, Mom?"

"Yes babies! Your daddy is coming back home!" she yelled, still kissing me all over my face.

Epilogue:

Trust is a funny thing. There is no shortcut to earn it. It took me a while and even though Holly did her best to help me, my trust in her was slow in coming. I knew deep in my heart that she would never put herself in a position to break her vows again, but the mind will play tricks. It took over two years before the voice in my head finally quit torturing me.

Holly offered me a revenge fuck with someone right after I'd moved back home but I couldn't do that to her. What kind of a man would I be if I'd done that? Holly was the only woman I ever wanted to be with.