All Comments on 'It Needed Doin' - Lamarr WIlson'

The very fact that the feds have screwed the pooch this bad several times in the past is what gives this story plausibility. I'm along for the ride.

Stupid story.

Aaaaaaaak! About the time I started page 5, I realized that you couldn’t finish it that quickly.

Currently the reader scoring sits at 3.75, which I feel is far too low for the quality of this story. My theory for that score goes back to the great Loving Wives divide. There are those here for the eroticism of extramarital relations (cuckolds, voyeurs, etc.) and those here for the emotional fallout of extramarital relations (BTB vs RAAC). If those audiences can't find what they want, they will be hard to get on your side with scoring.

The pull to place a story in LW to get the highest visibility and feedback is strong, even if a story is better classified as Non Erotic or Novels and Novellas. I understand that strategy and hopefully as you release additional chapters of the story, their acceptance will grow.

Wondering how a USMC CWO5 wound up as a police chief in a smallish city. It’s an easy rank insignia to remember, even for an old Army Airborne type like me.

Nice! Excellent plotting, a nice mix of characters, and a good set-up. I'm very much looking forward to how this all unfolds, but I already know I'm in the hands of a writer who knows what he's doing, so I'm very much along for the duration!

Agreed with the commenters below. Yeah, you're going to get a hit for putting this in Loving Wives. I appreciate that you're taking one for the team on that!

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REALLY enjoying the development here--multiple viewpoints, multiple storylines happening simultaneously. It's a tough trick to pull off, and you're doing it well. It feels a bit disjointed at times, but when you use establishing sentences to position the various sections, that really helps. As for the holes in the story, that is a bit...um...challenging. On the other hand, it's really true to the multiple viewpoint method you're using. Based on your other work, which I've loved, I have complete faith that you're going to pull it all together.

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Overall, an outstanding addition to a REALLY well done series. Five well-deserved stars and eager anticipation for the next installment!

This is extremely good. More, please.

Well I think that it's in the wrong category. I understand you would like more "views" by putting it in LW rather than other categories where it would get far fewer reads. I object to the fact that you didn't label this Chapter One and then proceeded to drag us thru 5 pages of a lot of chatter with no conclusion. There were parts of it that just weren't very clear (like Shawna's transportation job and why a US Senator would get involved with a small drug case) and there were other parts that felt unnecessary. Not sure a part 2 will clear or clean things up.

another boring story

Spelling to start with. The fact that this story belongs with detective novels is another. A waste of time in this category.

I enjoyed the story and look forward to the next chapter.

Very good so far. Please keep the name the same so the story can be followed.

Like so many of the LW writers, i'd buy a regular book by you and them. To me, good plot and character development.

Read first page had nothing to do with LW erotica waste of time

Just loaded with erotica, wait this isn't an erotica site? Wait what who the hell is the writer that thinks this is an erotica site???? Hell, wait a moment they are all dicks right..... Oh my this writer has a very large erotica IQ but don't know it yet........ Oh the writer doesn't know about fucking yet, just plays with guns and drugs. Well crap... what a waste of time trying to read for erotica in this story.

Pleeeaase continue!

Excellent read.

TK

Outstanding. Could be the next Netflix movie

It seems that most of the comments agree with your idea to place this in LW since the readership is much higher and your epilog acknowwledges that fact. Now for the coments on your writing style, you are doing well with grammar and the use of gang slang and also some knowledge of actual police work leaving your readers with a sense that the developing story has more to come. Looking forward to the "rest of the story". Try placing it where it can be found without extensive searching.

There is nothing in the title or preface to this submission that revels it is not a complete story but instead is the first installment of a larger piece of work. In addition, once this truth is revealed, no information is provided regarding the timing of future installments. This author has now been around long enough to know both of these deficiencies are justifiable sources of frustration to LW readers. it is especially poor form to stretch the category's boundaries while simultaneously breaking the informal standards of posting here. Wondering_Mongrel, contrary to what you seem to believe, the rules DO apply to you.

Good character development and story set up, I like a good story and the spank bank is irrelevant (plenty of those stories here) so please keep the story going.

Very promising setup with several interesting characters

Good story but hate that there was no notification about the story would be part one of more.

"If those audiences can't find what they want, they will be hard to get on your side with scoring." - Tangledweed

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Imagine that. People expect stories in a category to match that category. Who would have thunk it?

I mean, how can you expect a story to meet or exceed expectations when you start out by establishing false expectations?

as usual... outstanding .

But not really a LOW story

Keep it up!

Darn good so far. Excellent even. The only thing so far I don't understand of what I've read and think is supposed to help to better understand the kind of man the Chief is was your description of his rank pin insignia in the photo with the Marine Lt. General. A red stripe on a white background which in real life would be silver. Obviously he was supposed to be an officer. I don't have a Marine background so I looked up Marine rank insignias, and the closest thing I could find was Warrant officer bars. They however were not a solid read stripe, though they had red on them broken by other color patches on the bar. So what rank was he? The one thing conveying information about him as described in the picture was the familiar camarderie he had with the General. The description of the rank pin is lost on me. A small thing maybe, but it nags at me. An excellent start all in all and I'm looking forward to the next installment.

Not Loving Wives, ended in mid stream, didn’t hold my attention, chaotic jumping around. More character development for putative BA Shawna, than supposed main characters. Other than that, it was sort of not particularly well written, but I could see that the author was trying. I probably will not read any follow-ups..

Nothing pisses me off than writers misusing this genre. As the pompous, self-appointed, unofficial moderator of LW, I call foul! (LOL!) You only have one play here to even fit it on the site, and that's for the DEA agent and Damar to fall in love and live happily ever after. Quaint, I know, but true. If you do that, the whole story should be in Romance, an equally educated audience that will give you effective commentary on everything you did wrong, yet forgiving if everyone lives happily ever after. What can I say - try not to fuck the next installment up! 4.6* so far.

An enjoyable police procedural. 5*

I vote for staying in LW. The top rated stories in the category are no more LW than yours.. Stay with your audience! As for the story, I’m hooked, and can’t wait for the next installment. Lots of loose threads. This might take you a while. The more, the better. Thanks very much!

I didn't realize that I clicked on Netflix crime & justice category.

"Agent Narvaez, I intend to make some inquiries also," said Congressman Nielsen. "I don't appreciate these shenanigans in my state. Especially sober, which isn't my favorite state."

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This line is probably worth three stars all by itself. Very good!

This one is really good so far. You made Navarro worse than a bitch, she’s a caricature of multiple stereotypes, bringing out the worst in all of them. Damar seems a good, dedicated, hard working man, and highly skilled. He deserves some good in his life. His ex OTOH doesn’t. She’s culpable for her son’s kidnapping, guilty of endangering him, then there’s her felonious work for a cartel. It’d be good to see her behind bars, or maybe a pawn for DEA - just to put her in harm’s way. Maybe she deserves her own “needed doin”.

Interesting start if a bit choppy.

Fun so far. Looking forward to the rest of it. Well written and suspenseful.

good story, but unless somehow in the sequel there is some connection to the LW parameters this should be in non erotic

Zzzzzzzz.....

I've given you a 5 on every story you've written so far because you write very well. But presenting women as if they belong in law enforcement is as much a stupid fantasy as "Xena the Warrior Princess" or "Mommy Rangers". Every woman affirmative actioned/DEI-Ed into law enforcement is keeping a better qualified man out. Serious standards had to be eliminated to let them in. It just shows how woketardery lives rent free in authors' heads around here. Be sure to fly United when you fly. The CEO announced that he wants 50% of pilots to be women an minorities. You can luxuriate in feelings of "social justice " as you move through the sky at 500 mph in an aluminum can piloted by people who weren't chosen because they were the best and who never pull off what Sullenberger did.

Excellent. Well assembled and set up for further episodes. Five stars all the way.

nah!

What was that?

That’s it? 5 pages and then left hanging? 3 stars DMW aka Sumnut96

I am thankful you put it into LW or I may not have seen it. I vote you keep it here. Looking forward to seeing future chapters/installments

Definitely NOT Loving Wives. This story meets the definition of Non-Erotic. So use it. Just because you like the discerning readers in LW does not mean you should LIE about what category it belongs in.,

What a wonderful tribute to Americana. Appearance over substance. The mindless hero worship of defence personal (oops - defense because American). Politicians only interested in re-election, not representing. The mighty dollar ahead of family. The most morally upright character in your tale so far is made out to be the baddie scapegoat. Loving wives is the perfect category. 4

"Yes, there's holes in this one." Looks like a joke plaque they might post over the door to a Swiss Cheese gift shop.

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In order for there to be a "hole" in something, there has to be some material or substance surrounding the hole. This story has no holes, this story is the hole. A plot so tiring and ridiculous I'm waiting for Benny Hill to pop out of the trunk of a police car and start passing out doughnuts. And you need to throw a midget in here somewhere, just to symbolize the intellectual content.

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The Federal versus State jurisdiction and enforcement issues are baffling, and the supposed political power of a congressman reflects Way too much Hollywood and almost no history or D.C. savvy. You really think any congressman with any influence is going to barter that influence because some drug dealers are being harassed? For the fuck what? And they don't do Anything for nothing. And three (3) federal judges, Oh My! Ruling or issuing orders on exactly what violation of federal law, that the federal bitch is being a meany? The whole plot is too stupid to breathe. Congratulations.

Seeing as LW has degenerated into BTB only stories, this should fit right in. An ex marine police chief, too cowardly and morally bankrupt to take on a drug gang. A mayor only interested in the cost and the public perception, rather than what is right. A congressman of similar ilk. A DEA boss with no balls who throws their underlings under a bus. A mother who chooses money over being a good parent. A DEA agent actually doing the right thing - lets burn that bitch.

Good story so far, it reads Iike a 1970’s cop show. Looking forward to next chapter.

I liked this story and the building up of character development for future stories. There is a certain familiarity of this style of writing. Your handle bring to mind a group name of a motorcycle gang in a Todd172 store about the Iceman. However, your style doesn’t have a certain flair for mechanical descriptions. That leaves me with the other style this is similar and that would be Saddletramp1956. What do you say to that?

A most excellent read. Thank you!

Every character has the same development and story status. No clue as to who may be the main character. This makes the plot seem haphazard and denies the reader the chance to build any connection, any emotional investment. I think I built the most connection to officer Hall. That scene was the best constructed of the lot, but also of little consequence to the story. Good spelling and grammar.

My biggest complaint is this was presented as a stand alone story, when its obviously a first chapter. Splitting it up is fine, but please do the readers the courtesy of telling them that up front. Theres nothing worse than to be reading, and expecting an ending, just to have it abruptly end with an invitation to wait for more later. Given how this turned out, not sure I'll bother to read the next part.

Interesting characters. Anxious to read more.

Sorry, total crap.

What? Only the 1st chapter? wtf, why no notice?

So, for us not versed in the Army ways, what does a "pin with a single long red stripe, on a white background. In real life, the background would be silver" mean?

Aaarrrgggghhhh, I hate it when a really good, well written story *5* crashes into a brick wall ending leaving me crying for more, more, more!!! I will anxiously await the next chapter.

Damn good start. Probably a little complicated for some of the readers.

A very good story so far. I agree with the previous commenter - what rank did the chief hold, and what is the significance. The closest I could find was a warrant office.

I'm provisionally giving this 3 stars. Good writing but the real criminal (ex wife) as usual on LW got off with zero downside. I will revise to either 1 or 5 stars depending on what the author does with the skank in the neat part

... what's really inteesting, as a crime story, this is top notch and 5 stars. But you spent so much time on the bitch ex that Lamar himself seems like a distraction to me as a reader. Yes he'll get his presumably, but it's not as big of a deal because of how you chose to showcase the LW angle

So,where is the rest.?left like this it is anything story.

Good story! Kiki know how to rattle cages.

5

Not even how police or feds work even in bad movies, and I’ve known a shit ton of them

Weaving soms great stuff !

where is the rest? is it coming soon? only just left hanging was enjoying this and am now left confused

I am SOOO hooked!

Well thought-out story arc, well paced action and drama, smooth writing. I'll be looking through all of the Mongol's submissions!

Great story all the way through. I really, really need Damarnto get his shot at Lamaar. Bring on the next chapter.

Tis a 5 up to this point. Old Mongol is one heck of a good writer but it seems he's wandered off and left us fans salivating for "the rest of the story"!

@Anonymous:

"So, for us not versed in the Army ways, what does a "pin with a single long red stripe, on a white background. In real life, the background would be silver" mean?"

Ummmn, the Chief referred to Kiki as _Marine_.

That's the rank of a Chief Warrant Officer 5.

Apparently in these stories, the DEA is just a scrap barrel for stupid government agents.